Cause all the stars are fading away

Just try not to worry,

You'll see them someday

-Oasis, Stop Crying Your Heart Out

May 18, 2016: 3:13 p.m.

"There it is, amazing. Perfect," the dude behind the camera expressed.

I tried not to blink as the flashes continued. I hated photoshoots. They were basically hours filled with dumb shit just so a photographer could take a thousand pictures of me, only to use one at the end.

I didn't see the logic.

The main photographer put his camera down and grinned, "And that's a wrap."

"I'm done?" I raised an eyebrow.

He nodded studying his camera. I sighed moving away from the green screen. I took off the leather jacket I was told to wear and gave it back to one of the stylists before making my way to where my phone was.

"Shit," I muttered looking at the time. I needed to make an appearance at a fashion show in like two hours.

Normally Cooper didn't put me up for these types of events, but McKenna was invited to the same one so they took it as an opportunity for more publicity.

I would've tried to argue to do something a little more fun, but Cooper seemed to be avoiding me. Other than the occasional meeting, I haven't seen much of him. I knew it was because of this big hole I dug myself into, but I tried not to let it get to me.

Taking my phone, I made my way out the building as I called an Uber.

This day was already taking it's toll on me. I couldn't cancel, though. There was Cooper to think about for one. I didn't want to disappoint him even more and then there was McKenna.

I knew it was wrong, but the fact that she was going to be there made this whole thing a little better.

4:27 p.m.

"You ready yet?" McKenna asked.

"Patience," I yelled looking around my room for my wallet. Spotting it on my bed, I picked it up and shoved it in my jeans before making my way out.

It's become a thing now for her to show up at my place whenever we had to go someplace. She was right about the fact that I was usually late so it made it a lot more convenient.

It kind of surprised me how fast we were able to go back to being normal. It was as if nothing had happened. Which was great.

It was exactly what I wanted. Exactly.

"I'm not late this time," I said entering the living room which McKenna was occupying, "You just showed up early."

She was wearing a white shirt with a leather jacket over along with jeans and boots. It was beyond me how she could look so beautiful without even trying.

"Do you have your phone?"

I stopped, checking my pockets.

Damn.

McKenna looked at her watch, and smirked, "Now you're officially late."

I gave her a dull stare. "If I'm late, you're late so theres no point in being happy about this," I informed her before back tracking.

"And yet, it's still funny," McKenna called after me.

I scoffed as I checked my room quickly before moving to the restroom. Where the hell was that thing?

I made my way back to the living area and looked around.

"You have a license right?"

"Yeah," I answered moving toward the kitchen.

"And a car?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said. I had a few cars, actually. How do you just lose a phone like that? Where else had I been today?

"Why don't we just drive there. I'm getting tired of people driving me around. I mean I guess you'd still be driving me around, but you're not a stranger so it's different," she went on.

"Sure." Did I leave it back at the shoot?

No, it was with me when I was in the Uber. And I definitely had it when I left the Uber.

"Nice! You got the keys?"

"In my room," I muttered. I came up, had a granola bar, and went to get changed. Wait no, I checked on some of my music-on my laptop!

I walked over to the studio and grinned. The sly bastard was just sitting there. Picking it up I turned to show McKenna when I realized she wasn't there.

I frowned looking around when I realized what I just did.

"Wait!" I shouted, "I'll get the keys!" I rushed into my room, but stopped when I saw I was too late.

McKenna had her back turned to me as she studied the lyrics on the wall. There were a lot more up there than usual. They were also a little too personal.

"I didn't know you drew," McKenna said getting closer to the wall, "Wow this reads a lot like poetry."

"I don't," I answered my heart slamming into my chest. I moved past her and started tearing the tape off the wall, "Their sketches and some lyrics." I knew I shouldn't have kept them up. It was bound to happen. They just helped me write when I saw the words in front of me so I let them be.

Fuck, I'm so stupid.

"Reece, you don't have to do that," I could heard McKenna urging me to stop. She wasn't supposed to see.

No one was. How much more could I do to show her what a total mess I was?

Taking the last paper off the wall, I shoved them into my desk drawer.

"You don't have to be ashamed of anything. The lines. They were good," McKenna said her voice soft.

They weren't good. They were dark and broken and everything I didn't want her to see.

I turned to see her staring with an expression that looked an awful lot like pity.

"The uh-keys," I broke off, snatching them from my desk, "are right here. We should get going." I waited for her to leave hoping she didn't see anything else she wasn't supposed to.

Giving me one last look, she made her way out.

5:24 p.m.

"I thought this was supposed to start by five," McKenna whispered as she looked around.

People were hanging around, no one quite in their seats yet. I stood next to McKenna by one of the high tables.

I grabbed a drink off the plate the server walking past was holding. "Thanks," I nodded as she walked away. I took a sip wishing the champagne was vodka.

"We're supposed to be here early and be recognized by the photographers," I told her looking at the crowd. I couldn't look at her. I couldn't stand to witness the same gaze as before. "The show should start soon. It doesn't last long and we don't have to stay afterwards."

"Then what's the point of coming?"

I shrugged, "It's publicity for the designer and we get paid."

"Lovely," McKenna drawled.

She didn't try to bring up anything after we left my apartment which was a relief. It helped that she was crazy distracted by the car.

I think she was just trying to change the subject for my sake.

It didn't work.

She saw it all. My sketches weren't crazy dark drawings filled with every raw emotion I ever felt.

They were just things that popped into my head at the moment. But in the past few weeks, the lines I wrote along with them were a lot more vulnerable. They reflected a lot of the things I felt when no one else was around.

When there were no songs to distract me. No meetings, no concerts, no events, no photoshoots.

When it was just sober me and my silence.

I looked up as the music hit a dramatic end. "It's starting," I said thankfully. I didn't want to be here. Twenty minutes in, I could leave. My end of this deal done.

"Finally," McKenna said relieved as she began making her way to our seats in the second row. She seemed to dislike these events just as much as me.

I followed, spotting another server. Taking a quick look around, I swapped my drink and downed the liquid.

Yup, definitely wasn't vodka.

I took my seat next to her in our row next to the runway.

"Isn't that like your fourth drink?"

So much for being sneaky.

"They were free," I shrugged.

"It won't help," she said slowly as if choosing her words carefully, "With whatever you're trying to do."

I was starting to get the sense that she may be on to something, but it didn't hurt to try. It never worked before, but I had welcomed the temporary solution with open arms. "Shhh," I motioned getting comfortable in my seat, "It's starting."

5:50 p.m.

"Can we go now?"

I chuckled unable to help myself. "You really don't like this do you?" I asked applauding along with the rest of the crowd as the designer made his way off the runway.

She shrugged, "I mean it was cool, but not really something I'm into."

I shook my head. Most of the people around seemed to be enjoying themselves but it was known that celebrities usually came to these events due to obligation rather than want. I wasn't an exception to that.

"You're in luck then, we can leave," I stated getting out of my seat. There were still more shows going on, but we were here for just one designer. He was done, so we were too.

I made my way toward the exit knowing McKenna was right behind me. With everyone occupied in their own conversations, it was easy to slip out with others that chose to leave as well.

Making our way back to the street, I looked both ways trying to remember where the parking was. I was pretty sure we came from the left.

"That was honestly kind of boring. I need to do something to wake myself up," McKenna exclaimed stretching.

"Run a mile-or thirty," I offered starting down the road.

"I already ran today," she admitted much to my surprised, "And it was only four."

Scrunching my eyebrows, I glanced in her direction. Only four? I was never going to understand her.

"Let's go for a walk. I bet there's something to do around here," McKenna spoke up.

"My car is right over there," I pointed as we approached the gate.

"The street is right over here," McKenna countered.

I stopped in front, taking a deep breath. I looked at her for the first time tonight hoping she'd see how exhausted I was, "I don't feel like walking around."

I felt like letting myself go. Forgetting all the work I put in trying to be happy and just let myself give in to whatever it was that didn't want me to live.

"And I don't feel like going back home yet," she told me not backing down. She stared back at me with her usual determination, but I wasn't ready to give in to it today.

I was fooling myself with all this. I tried to do what Donnie said. And it worked for a while. I felt a lot like myself these past few days and I tried my best to ignore the deafening silence at night.

But the truth was, the harder I tried to resist, the worse it was when I came crashing down. And I could feel myself falling.

"Fine, you do what you want. You can take a cab home," I smiled wryly before turning back to the gate.

"That would work...if you had the keys."

I stopped again. Shit, she had my keys too.

I looked back at her, down at the bag that was slung across her body. I didn't want to lose the keys so I had her hold on to them.

"Give me the keys."

"No."

"McKenna, I'm not messing around."

"You know what. I'm in the mood for ice cream," she stated intentionally ignoring me. "What the hell, it's on me." I watched as she began walking down the street.

I closed my eyes trying to get a grasp on all this. Why was she doing this?

It already sucked that I had to be around her as just friends. But now I had to be with her knowing she knew I was a lot more fucked up then I let on.

Why couldn't she just let me be?

Having no real choice, I grudgingly followed after her. "Do you even know any ice cream parlors around here?" I grumbled not trying to hide my resentment.

"I have Yelp," she answered looking through the app.

Putting my hands in my pocket, I sighed. It was starting to get dark and the streets were busy with people probably trying to get home from work. The air was filled with different smells carrying over from the food stands along the curb.

"Ha! There's one just around the corner," she grinned triumphantly, "C'mon." She picked up her pace.

I sped up a bit but she-being quicker-was still a few feet in front of me. Following her into the shop, I looked around.

"Er-you sure this place is any good?" I asked doubtfully.

It was a small place, with no one in line for ice cream. There wasn't even a worker in sight which didn't fill me with much confidence about the quality.

"It had four stars," McKenna defended moving up to get a closer look.

"With what. Two reviews?" I muttered as a guy made his was out of the back.

As if on instinct, I put my hood up only to realize that I didn't have a jacket on. McKenna seemed to have the same idea putting on her own jacket hood. 

"Hey, what can I get for you guys?" The dude asked with a grin. He was wearing a solid blue shirt with a name tag along with a white paper hat on his head.

"I'll have two scoops of cookie dough. Waffle cone," Mckenna ordered. He listened intently seeming to have no clue who we were. I relaxed a bit hoping it would stay that way.

"I'll have the waffle cone too. Three scoops. Have the first be cookies n cream. Then chocolate brownie. Top it off with strawberry," I chose looking through their crazy big selection. Feeling her gaze on me, I looked over at McKenna. "You said it was on you," I shrugged. If I was going to be forced to stay, I was going to make it worth my while.

She chuckled, "I did say that."

"Here you guys go. That'll be $11.27," the guy said handing us our ice cream.

Holy crap, those were huge scoops. "Thanks," I said eyeing the mountain he gave me. "McKenna hurry up and pay the man."

"I am I am," she said shaking her head at the worker, "Can't take kids anywhere."

I rolled my eyes as the dude chuckled. Making my way out, I waited for McKenna. "I'm surprised the guy didn't know who we were," I told her as she came out.

She shrugged, "Probably isn't a fan. Even if he was, I doubt he'd recognize you."

I looked over at her questioningly.

She gave me a look like I should know the answer. She rolled her eyes when I didn't get it. "Dude you look nothing like 'Reece Zynner' anymore. Anybody that hasn't seen a recent picture of you wouldn't be able to tell who you are unless they're really really looking."

I didn't even think of that. It was probably my hair, it was long enough to put up in a hairband now. I even had a slight beard that I probably should get rid of. Scottie tried to get me to shave it saying it was what the people wanted.

I told him to stuff it. 

"Well what about you?"

"I had the amazing disguise of my hood!" she answered dramatically.

"Damn that's right," I said in disbelief.

"I'm telling you. If I let others in on this secret, I'll make millions," McKenna told me a smile playing on her lips.

"But then everyone will know so it won't work," I pointed out licking the side of my ice cream. It was running a lot faster than I expected.

"True. We'd have to have a secret group going on. Select members only," she advised as if she was thinking carefully about this.

McKenna continued walking straight. There was a bunch of people circling something ahead of us. I let her lead the way believing that's where she was headed.

"And how would you choose these people?" I went along with it.

"Easy," she answered, "Whoever buys me the best present will get access."

"That's very analytical. Brilliant really," I mocked.

"I don't know why you're so confident. You're not chosen yet either," McKenna said.

"Please, I'm like co-founder."

She shook her head, "Nope. No special treatment."

"Fine," I waved her off, "I'll just buy you pizza."

"Now you're definitely off the list. There's more to me then just food you know," she accused.

I looked at her skeptically, "Uhh, I don't know. I've seen you eat-could have fooled me."

"Shut up," she shoved me laughing.

"I'm just saying. I don't think anybody would top my gift," I chuckled.

"You're an ass you know that," she said but the smile was still there.

"I was kidding," I laughed.

"No. You suck," she declined my apology, "And look because of that your ice cream's melting."

I looked down at it and realized she was right. The whole thing was dripping on all sides. "Oh shit," I tried to stop the drops from hitting the floor with my hand. Some of it even managed to get on my shirt probably from when she pushed me.

"That's what you get," McKenna laughed mocking me.

"You distracted me," I accused licking the ice cream while simultaneously trying desperately to stop it from dripping with my other hand. Maybe three scoops was a bad idea.

"You're a mess," she chuckled, "Here." Taking a step closer, she used her napkin to clean away the lost cause that was forming in my hands.

"I have no regrets," I said as she helped.

"You sure?" she said amused, "You're all sticky."

I closed and reopened my hand feeling the ice cream sticking to it. "It's not that bad," I defended moving my hand toward her.

"Nuh-uh. Get that away from me," she warned trying to push my arm away.

"C'mon. I just want to give you a hug for buying me ice cream," I said holding out my arms.

"Oh that't not needed-Reece!" she shrieked as I hugged her.

"Thank you so much for the ice cream," I grinned cheekily moving side to side as I held on to her.

"You're so sticky," she groaned giving up on trying to break free.

"We're so sticky," I corrected letting her go.

"You make it sound like an honor," she furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to clean herself off with her dirty napkin.

I suppressed a smile as I watched her fail at it.

"Excuse me, sorry!" A voice exclaimed as they slammed my shoulder.

Surprised, I lost my grip on the rest of my ice cream and watched in horror as it fell on the floor.

"Hey!" I exclaimed turning toward the guy. "You dropped my-" I broke off as I looked at the guy.

Holy shit.

"I'm so sorry!" he exclaimed frantically gripping onto his backpack. "I'm just so late," he exclaimed pointing across the street, but he couldn't go anywhere seeing that the cars had the green light.

It couldn't be him. 

"I'm sorry dude," he repeated, his blue-green eyes pleading as he glanced back at the street.

His eyes. They were the same.

He looked just like him.

"Germain?" I asked hoping to God I was hallucinating. My voice echoed as my heartbeat grew louder.

He scrunched his eyebrows, "No, I don't know who that is." He looked back at the street. "Look I got to go," he said before sprinting across the street as the cars came to a stop.

I watched him run off unable to make sense of it. He looked just like him.

At that moment, it was like someone had dunked ice cold water over my head. My body was numb all over and the only sound I could hear was my own heartbeat.

Realizing what was happening, I backed away from the street trying to stay calm but knew I was trying to fight a losing battle.

"Reece what's wrong? Reece?" McKenna's voice rang in my ears but seemed a thousand miles away at the same time.

I needed to leave. I couldn't be here. I scrambled forward and around the corner until I found an alley.

Fuck, not now. Not here.

Leaning on the wall, I shut my eyes trying to breathe. I closed my eyes tighter, feeling a wave of pain shoot through me. Dragging myself to the ground, I clenched my knees trying not to throw up.

I struggled to breath feeling like my throat was being closed off. Every part of me was screaming at me to run but there was no where to go. There was no escaping me. I was trapped. I was fucking trapped.

No.

I'm okay. I'm okay. For fuck sake, I'm okay!

I tried to latch onto the words and make them stick but screaming the words for an eternity wouldn't be able to convince me.

I could feel myself shaking as I listened to my shallow breathing. My heart continued to race as I felt another body slide down next to me.

"You're okay, Reece. J-just tell me what you need," I shivered at the sound of McKenna's voice so close to me.

It was a strange comfort, but I couldn't speak. I let go of my knees, leaning back on the wall as I took comfort in the fact that I wasn't alone.

I wasn't alone and I was okay.

The words echoed through my brain like an empty promise.

I kept my eyes shut as the pain slowly left my body numb.

A/N: wow, it felt intense just writing this scene. Thoughts?? Comments?? Love them all. Makes my day reading them :)

Just a random cover video on top that I've been listening to. Give it a shot if you want!

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