Don't count on me, cause I am drowning

Please don't drown with me.

Just hold me in your heart

And let the ocean take me.

-The Amity Affliction, Don't Lean On Me

May 8, 2016: 10:19 a.m.

Closing my left eye, I aimed at the board.

"Dammit," I grumbled as the dart flew to the right and into the wall.

I walked over, agitated as I pulled out the darts that were way off from the bullseye.

Today had to be one of the longest days ever. To be fair, it was only like 10 in the morning, but I've been awake since 4.

I aimed the darts again. I was bound to get better at some point. My mind was on overdrive, but the rest of my body felt like it was being dragged through the desert.

I needed something to do so I had walked down to the 24 hour mart and bought myself a dart board to pass the time.

I didn't count on myself sucking.

"This is so stupid," I groaned looking up at the ceiling. "I give up," I said my words echoing through the empty apartment.

There was something about hearing your own echo that leaves a sunken impact in your body.

Not feeling like recording, I walked past the studio space and into my room.

I needed something to do. Anything to get my mind off the catastrophic events that took place less than 12 hours ago. 

I wish I could take it back.

But the words were out and they weren't necessarily a lie. Despite the fact that I wasn't aware of any of that until it came bursting out of me.

It was that stupid swimmer that I let get under my skin! He pissed me off and I practically confessed some deep feelings I wasn't even ready to admit to myself to the one person they were directed towards.

Perfect.

I wouldn't be surprised if she never talked to me again.

I mean she had nothing to say when I blurted out all those things. She just stared. Like a deer in headlights.

With all that was said, I deserved some kind of response didn't I?

But then again I don't think I was ready to get utterly rejected considering I had no idea I was going to say any of that until I said it.

I need time to prepare for that.

I sat on the edge of my bed. So much for not thinking about it.

The skateboards across my wall caught my eye. I looked them over having the sudden urge to ride one.

Fuck it.

Making up my mind, I took out my phone, looking through my contacts. As it rang, I got up observing the deck of a board I got while performing in Australia.

It was a beauty and I've only ridden it like twice.

"Hello?" Maia answered her phone.

"Maia, hey," I greeted taking the board off the wall, "How you doing?"

"Great," she said sounding bitter, "Just trying to figure out a way to kill Kye without making it look intentional."

"What for?" I laughed in confusion. I never met Kye but I knew of her; she was part of Maia's band.

"She hasn't shown up to three of the last four rehearsals. I swear she's going to mess this up for us," Maia vented.

"Damn, that's a lot," I admitted. That was the worst part of being in a band. Sure, you always had people to hang out with, but when one member was lagging, it messed up the whole chemistry.

With me, if I was ever late or out of it there was no one I had to answer to except for me. There was also Cooper, but he stayed out of it unless I was getting really out of hand which hasn't happened in a while.

"Tell me about it," Maia sighed, "So why'd you call?"

"Since your morning just opened up. You want to go to Donnie's?" I asked.

There was silence on the other end of the line. I waited, hoping she'd agree, not wanting to go alone.

"Sure," she answered her voice lifting.

"Meet you by Zepeddo's?" 

"See you in fifteen," she agreed before hanging up.

10:46 a.m.

I tapped the nose of my skateboard as I waited for Maia. The street was pretty busy, but no one seemed to recognize me. I wore a black cap just as a precaution.

"Hey," Maia's voice rang behind me.

She came to a stop, a grin planted on her face.

"What's up," I cracked a smile grateful for some human conversation. She looked like she was ready for a dance rehearsal with her baggy sweats and sweatshirt.

She gave me a quick hug before putting her board back on the ground. "You ready to go?" she asked her eyebrow raised.

"Lead the way," I agreed following her.

I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to get the hang of riding so quickly, but it came naturally. It's been over a year since I've gone to this place or even ride.

I had gotten busy with the touring and recording and then pretty soon I didn't have the heart for it. I couldn't find it in me to want to get up and skate around despite knowing it had the possibility of making me feel better.

"So what made you finally want to go back to Donnie's?" Maia asked as we turned onto a more secluded street.

The place was in a less busy part of New York. It wasn't really called Donnie's. It doesn't actually have a name, but the guy that seems to be in charge most of the time is Donnie.

I shrugged as I ollied back onto the sidewalk. "Needed something to do. Felt trapped in my apartment."

I had gotten along well with Maia before mostly 'cause we both realized we had a common interest in skateboarding. She introduced me to Donnie's. When I stopped going, Maia kept pressing me wanting to know the reason why, but eventually she gave up.

"Ah, and McKenna's back home so you needed an out," Maia nodded throwing a knowing smirk in my direction.

"She went back to LA?" I asked her remark grasping my full attention.

"Yeah. Visiting her family or something. It was kind of last minute. She didn't tell you?"

"Oh," I said lost in thought. "Yeah. Just forgot for a sec," I played it off.

Last minute? Holy shit, my big mouth made her fly across the damn country.

Nice fucking move.

"Her album is almost out. I don't know how that girl isn't more known. She's got a wild voice," Maia said in disbelief.

"I don't get it either!" I agreed instantly. I heard McKenna in person once and even played with her and she was great.

And then I watched just about every cover she uploaded to her Youtube channel last night, which sold it for me. Her voice was freakin' amazing.

I was wide awake and as much as I tried, I couldn't get her out of my mind.

So I did the only logical thing I could think of and decided to watch one of her videos. And then one turned into two and it all went downhill from there.

I think it was about time I got checked into that psych ward. 

As I was going through them, though, I noticed there was a big gap that went on for months where she didn't upload anything. It lasted up until the point where she got discovered. Youtubers just don't stop like that especially when they were on the path of getting discovered, which she definitely was.

"We're here," Maia stopped in front of me. I joined her in front of a steel building that looked close to abandoned from the outside.

She looked back at me as if making sure I was still here. Then she pushed open the steel door and lead us in.

I was met instantly with the sound of people laughing and yelling as well as the sweet sound of wheels landing on the concrete.

I continued to follow Maia, board in hand as I looked around the place. It looked just like it had months before. Any space on the walls was covered in graffiti bringing the place alive with the crazy type of shit some of the artist around here painted.

The place was semi-crowded with skaters doing their own thing whether they were using the half pipes, bowl, the rails or my personal favorite: the Hubba ledge.

God, I missed this place.

"Yo, Maia. What's up," A voice ahead of us called out. As he got closer, I instantly recognized him as Donnie. He practically lived here.

"Nothin' much," Maia greeted as he hugged her.

He caught my eye over her shoulder and grinned. "Holy shit," he exclaimed as they pulled apart, "Is that Reece fuckin' Zynner?" He looked at Maia before turning back to me, his blue eyes alive as ever.

I chuckled, "Seems so."

"What the hell man! Where have you been," he greeted putting out his hand which I grasped with my own, giving him a one shouldered hug. He patted my back before moving back, studying me. "It's great to see you dude."

"Likewise Donnie," I said grinning, "You look older since the last time I saw you. Pretty soon we're gonna have to kick you out of this place."

We both knew I was joking seeing as he was only like 28 but I've always mocked him since he acted like the father of most of the teenagers around here.

He scoffed, "Man, please. You know I run this place. I'll still be skating circles around your ass when I'm eighty."

I laughed. He was probably right. He was a legend around here.

"You guys carry on," Maia interrupted amused, "I'll be over there." Without waiting for a reply, she picked up speed, skating toward a ramp and immediately grinding on the rail before nailing a kick flip.

She's definitely been here a lot. She wasn't rusty at all.

"So what's been going on. Haven't heard from you in a while," Donnie asked raising an eyebrow. He was wearing his signature snapback backwards along with a black tank that showed his tatted right sleeve.

"I've just been busy," I told him having no idea how to explain why I didn't come. 

How do you  tell someone about the feeling of emptiness inside you? About being tired as hell even on your good days without having them look at you like you're broken? 

He nodded, "Well you're here so go for it. Try not to hurt yourself."

I chuckled, "I'll try not to."

"By the way, there's some newbies here that haven't met you. If anyone gives you any trouble, let me know," he told me.

I nodded, understanding what he was getting at. Skaters around here had gotten used to me when I started coming regularly. No one posted pictures or told anyone where I was at.

It took a while for things to get like that, though. Donnie was warning me that I might have to go through that whole process over again.

"Thanks," I said, "Now watch how it's actually done."

2:01 p.m.

"Man, you haven't lost a beat," Donnie clapped my shoulder, sitting down next to me, "You still suck."

I threw my head back, letting out a sarcastic laugh. "Thanks," I drawled watching the skaters that were still going at it. Maia was one of them.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't having fun. This place was great even if I wasn't the greatest skater around.

"You going to stick around now or bail on us again?" Donnie asked taking a sip out of his energy drink.

I shrugged, a smile forming on my lips as I thought about it. I wanted to come back and for the first time I really believed I would.

"Yeah. I think I'm going to stick around," I said making a silent promise to myself to follow through on it.

"Good to hear," he nodded watching the others skate, "Now you know I wouldn't be a good friend if I didn't tell you; you look like shit."

"I think that just makes you observant and blunt," I remarked getting used to that comment.

"Call it whatever you want," he shrugged. "What happened to you man," he asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Nothin'."

"I mean you weren't the most put together person when you first came here, but you weren't this. This is different," he continued ignoring my answer.

I shifted in my seat not knowing how to take that. "I've just been going through some things."

I was tired. There were days where I felt everything and it was great, but there were a lot more days where I felt too distant and hollow. I didn't know how else to put it.

"I've seen a lot of kids come and go around here. They all have their story, just like you. And a lot of them have that same look in their eyes-it's like they let the fire inside them die out. Letting that happen ruins you, Reece, believe me. Don't lose sight of the things that are able to ignite that fire and keep it going."

I cleared my throat, his words coming down on me. "I want to be different-I just don't know how," I said unable to hide the hopelessness I felt.

Donnie finished his drink and crumbled it up. "You can start by not ignoring what makes you happy."

May 11, 2016: 4:57 p.m.

Something that I should know
All the things that you went through,
Girl I never meant to put you through it twice
Tell me how can I right my wrongs

Focusing on the music, I swerved around another pedestrian as I made my way to Hurricane. Cooper wanted to talk to me about some potential interviews and offers he had lined up for me.

I hadn't been in to record for a few days. I was trying to remind myself what was it that made me happy apart from singing. 

Lexi thought it was a good idea as well. If that counted for anything, I don't know.

I went back to Donnie's and took time to visit a bookshop I used to go to before. It was strange, but it wasn't a bad strange.

Cutting the curb, I skated across the street coming to a stop in front of Hurricane. I was about to go through the doors when I caught sight of McKenna making her way out.

I exhaled my heartbeat rising considerably. I knew my luck was bound to run out.

I took a step back as she opened the doors. She stopped, her eyes widening when she saw me.

"Hey," I said taking out my earphones.

"Hey," McKenna replied softly.

"On your way out?" I asked trying to figure out what to say. I had this all planned out, but standing here now, my mind was in a frenzy.

She nodded her eyes traveling to my skateboard, "You skate?"

"Yeah," I answered looking at my board, surprised by her question. "I did-now do, I guess," I chuckled knowing that probably didn't make any sense to her. "I thought I should get back to it."

She nodded again, looking around at the people walking past us.

"Look," I started my hand going to the back of my head, "I've been meaning to talk to you."

"Yeah?" she questioned, "Didn't seem like it."

I saw that coming. I know I was an ass for not talking to her earlier, but I needed to figure it all out. I didn't need an outburst like before.

For all I know, she would run off to freakin' India this time.

"You're probably mad, I get it," I told her tapping my skateboard, "And you have every right to be. But I just wanted to say that I take it back."

"You take it back?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Yup," I nodded having enough time to think this through, "I was out of line and wasn't really seeing things straight. You've got Noah and he's probably a great guy. And-I'm not good."

I knew I was doing the right thing for the both of us. She didn't need complicated when she had something she wanted and I couldn't ruin anybody else.

Still, knowing what was for the best didn't help me not want her any less.

She opened her mouth to speak, but I quickly put out my hand to stop her, afraid of what she might say. "I'm really sorry. Let's just go back to the way we were, please?"

I waited for a moment but she didn't try to speak. Her hazel eyes were calculating, trying to decipher my mess of a mind. Her eyebrows, scrunched as if she was trying to still make sense of it all.

Before McKenna had the chance to change her mind, I gave her one last smile before moving past her.

A/N: Ah I know. Please don't kill me! But honestly...you didn't think it would be that easy did you ;)

Also I wanted to thank all of you for supporting this story! I honestly love each and every one of you. Y'all make my day! Virtual Cake for everyone! Okay appreciation post over!

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