Don't show the world

How alone you've become

-The Weeknd, Tears In The Rain

April 30, 2016: 3:03 p.m.

I had finally decided to go back to Hurricane.

Well decided was kind of stretching it.

I was actually requested to come in by Cooper. And his request sounded a lot more like a demand.

I had walked into his office to find a pissed Scottie and a disapproving Cooper. They went on about how it was rumored that I was in a fight over a girl.

That rumor sounded vaguely right.

Scottie couldn't stop mentioning how it was disastrous for my image. Then he looked at my face again and went off again as if the bruise on my face was a reminder of my 'stupidity.'

I didn't really care. At some point during his lecture, I had shut off. I had stared at the wall blankly, his words going right through me. Scottie could lecture me for hours and call me whatever he wanted, but it wouldn't really change a thing.

What I couldn't shake off was the look on Cooper's face when I entered. He barely said a word in there but the look he gave me was so-hopeless.

Like I was broken and he had finally given up.

It was a slap in the face.

That was all I needed.  I was ready to go back to my place and sleep. It was barely four or five, I couldn't remember.

I wonder if McKenna heard about all this. I wouldn't doubt it especially if she's been in contact with big mouth Scottie. No doubt she was disappointed too.

Getting out of the elevator, I made my way toward the exit when I slammed into someone. Jolted out of my thoughts, I took a step back.

"Shit, I thought you would stop," the girl in front of me mumbled as she looked down at what looked like a pie in her hand.

"Uh, excuse me?" I squinted my eyes, confused.

She widened her green eyes, moving her brown hair away from her face. Her face reddened as she stared up at me.

"I'm sorry! I don't know if you remember me-from last night," she carried off searching my face.

I frowned. She did look familiar, but I couldn't place her. At the mention of last night, I shuffled my feet realizing I must have done another stupid thing and she was here to remind me of it.

"I don't, sorry," I said looking around to make sure no one was paying us attention. As usual, people were moving around carrying on with their business.

"Well," she started looking uncomfortable as hell, "I'm kind of responsible for that," she motioned toward my face.

As if on instinct, my hand went to the bruise. My eyes widened.

No fucking way!

Beck told me I was fighting a guy. Holy shit, he was bullshitting me. I got my ass beat by a girl.

Holy shit on crackers.

"Wait no!" she exclaimed as if realizing what was going through my mind, "Wow you really don't remember. My boyfriend did that."

I sighed in relief, not realizing I was holding my breath. So the rumors really were true.

Wow, I was an asshole.

Typically, I wasn't completely out of it the day after, but apparently I drunk a lot more when I had gotten home. All this was according to Beck who was apparently the responsible one between the two us yesterday. 

"Well, I'm sorry for whatever I did, I guess," I said realizing she must be here for some kind of apology. Which was kind of crazy to come all the way here for.

She let out a chuckle looking back down at her pie. "Yeah, you're not the one who should be apologizing."

I raised an eyebrow waiting for her to continue.

"I was buzzed and came on to you," she explained, "And you kind of rejected me so when my boyfriend came after you-I didn't stop him. I was kind of pissed and yeah-sorry." She put out the pie as a peace offering. I looked down at it and then back at her in disbelief. "It's strawberry," she offered.

She looked at me full of actual guilt. Wow, it wasn't my fault.

I took the pie, a smile appearing on my face. "Oh, uh yeah it's fine," I told her forgetting she was waiting for a response. She sighed in relief, wiping her hands on her jeans.

"He's still your boyfriend?" I questioned realizing she didn't refer to him as her ex. With all that, I was sure one of them would have broken up with the other.

She shrugged, "I'm no saint. Jake's not the best either, but we work."

I nodded, not agreeing with her logic but knowing better than to express my opinion. If two people were going to be with each other, they should have something more than 'we work.'

"Hey, Reece." I turned away from the girl to see McKenna walking up to us.

"Hey," I greeted. She had a warm smile on her face which I couldn't help but return. Her smile was contagious.

She looked at the pie in my hand before looking at the girl, quizzically, "What's going on here?"

"Uhh," I looked down at the pie and then at the girl. It was hard to explain.

"You're McKenna right?" the girl asked which McKenna nodded to. The girl looked back at me with a smirk and a knowing look which I had no idea what to do with. "Well, you really do have a McKenna. I can see why you want to keep her," she said.

"Thanks?" McKenna said it more like a question.

I looked at the girl, confused. What the hell did I tell her?

"Anyways," she said with a smile, the tension in her expression gone, "I'm sorry-again. I hope you enjoy the pie." I stood frozen in surprise as she stepped forward and kissed me on the cheek.

She nodded at McKenna before leaving.

"What was that all about?" McKenna asked with some amusement.

"I got a pie," I answered with a grin.

McKenna chuckled before straining her head to get a better look at the side of my face. She whistled, "you got hit good."

"So I've heard," I said beginning to walk with McKenna toward the elevator, "I think it gives me a slight edge. Makes me look dangerous," I mused making a menacing face.

She laughed, "Definitely. Your bad boy image is through the roof. I don't think I'll be able to handle anymore."

"I'll try to tone it down for you. No promises, though," I warned as she got on the elevator, relieved nothing had changed between us.

She raised her hands, "All I ask. You're not going up?"

I shook my head, realizing I had walked in the wrong direction. "No, I'm done for the day." I left out the part where I was only here to get yelled at.

My chest tightened as I was reminded again of Cooper.

She nodded giving me another small smile. As the doors closed, I made my way out the building.

8:56 p.m.
"This is horrible," I advised but continued, compelled to see the end of this.

"Only if we get caught." McKenna corrected me as she shoved open the door. I followed as we made our way onto the roof.

Getting to the edge, I put down the bucket and looked over the side. "How are we not going to get caught?" I asked looking down at the busy streets fifty feet below us. The river was a small distance away from the streets.

"You'd be surprised how many people are too lazy to act on their anger," McKenna said joining me.

I shook my head. This was wrong on so many levels.

"I'll go first!" I exclaimed as I took the tennis ball from the bucket and joined McKenna again who gave me one the racquets. It was wrong, but I couldn't help but feed the excitement coursing through my veins.

The point was to hit the ball as far as you can. From the height we were at, it would take a lousy hit for the ball to land in the street. It was more likely it would land in the park-which I was afraid of-or the river.

It was getting dark which helped calm my nerves about getting caught.

She waited patiently as I examined the racquet in my hand. I never played before, but apparently McKenna used to do this to relieve stress. We were on top of an apartment building that McKenna had scoped out.

This was her idea.

She had come over a while ago. I think this was just her way to get me out of the apartment.

Skeptic this actually worked, I decided to go for it. I threw the ball up and swung with all my strength.

"Woah," I said following the path of the ball. It flew in an arc before landing in a bunch of trees in the park. I was hoping no one was close enough to get hit.

I took another ball surprised that I actually felt better from hitting the ball. This time, I shook off my hesitancy and slammed the ball.

The impact of the racquet with the ball echoed as it soared through the air. I picked up another ball and hit it harder.

Pretty soon, McKenna had joined me.

We remained quiet, hitting the tennis balls into the sky. The sound of impact kept us company as I tried to hit the ball further and further.

With every ball, anger rose within me until I was suffocating. It was like the harder and faster I hit it, the easier it was to breathe.

A while later, I stopped out of breath. My arm was stinging from exhaustion. I put my racquet down and watched as McKenna hit the last ball we had.

She looked tired as well as she swung with force.

"Well that was fun," McKenna sighed staring ahead at the city lights below and across the river.

"It was something," I muttered surprised at the anger I felt welt through me with every tennis ball I hit. I had no idea where it came from or where it was directed. It was just there.

"I used to do it back home when I needed to blow off some steam," McKenna told me. "I mean it wasn't over something this incredible," she motioned toward the view, "But it still did the job." She flashed me one of her smiles.

"What steam did you need to blow off?" I asked.

She shrugged, "Oh you know, a lost soccer match. My idiotic brothers playing pranks trying to act funny. Failed tests."

I laughed, "You failed tests?" For some reason she came off as someone who flew through school.

She nodded.

"Was it math? God I hated math," I told her. I failed quite a few tests in that subject. It didn't help that my teacher was a complete idiot.

"Nope," she shook her head, "I was actually a math wiz. Biology was the devil that ruined my GPA."

"Wow," I chuckled, "I would take bio over math any day."

"That's what people who suck at math say."

Before I had a chance to reply, she swung over the ledge.

My eyes widened as I reached out for her arm. "What're you doing!" I exclaimed trying to steady her.

She laughed, "I'm sitting." She motioned for me to sit next to her.

I slowly let go of her, embarrassed at my reaction. I looked down at the street which was crazy far below us. I looked back at McKenna who was idly looking at the scenery lost in thought.

God, she was crazy.

Taking a deep breath, I threw my legs over and joined her in sitting on the ledge.

"It's beautiful," McKenna breathed in awe.

I nodded, feeling the cool breeze on my skin. "It is," I agreed. New York City was bright from the lights shining through the buildings and it never looked better. I've live here for over a year, but I was never really able to appreciate it until now. 

"I'm glad I got Kiara to let me skip out on my recording session."

I raised an eyebrow. That was news to me; I didn't know she was skipping anything. "How is Kiara anyways? She seems strict as hell-not to mention scary."

McKenna chuckled, "It's not too bad. She's only like that when she needs to get things done. She usually goes with what I want, though. Lets me have more of say than a lot of the other singers she's managing."

I nodded, surprised. "She seemed more like a dictator than anything, honestly."

"That's probably 'cause she doesn't like you."

"Understandable," I scoffed at her response.

McKenna shivered, bringing her hands to her arms as she tried to warm herself up.

I narrowed my eyes. She wasn't even wearing a jacket today, just a long sleeve. "Did you forget where you lived or something?" I asked.

McKenna looked at me, her hair whipping around her in the slight breeze. She rolled her eyes, "It wasn't too cold earlier."

"It wasn't dark earlier," I said sitting straight as I took my hoodie off. "Here," I offered her it. I rolled my eyes when she looked at me in my t-shirt skeptically, "I've lived here for a while. I'm practically immune to the cold."

That was kind of a lie. It was chilly on the roof.

McKenna shook her head looking amused. "Thanks," she said as she put the hoodie on.

We remained in a comfortable silence as we looked back out at the city.

My mind couldn't help but go back to Beck. He came back to see me before his show. He said he felt guilty, hiding something from me. I honestly wished he would've just kept it a secret. I rather not have known.

"So, do you want to talk about what's got you all down today?" McKenna asked.

I tensed. It was like she could read my fucking mind.

"It was nothing," I waved it off.

I heard McKenna scoff next to me. "I don't think so. You were fine at Hurricane but when I got here you were completely off. You don't have to tell me, but don't play it down."

I refrained myself from looking over at her in surprise. It wasn't the fact that she brought it up. I've gotten used to McKenna's need to question everything and pry.

It was the fact that she noticed that shocked me.

"My friend," I cleared my throat, "Beck. He told me something that I rather not have heard. Actually, I wish it wasn't true."

My chest tightened at the thought of it. When Beck was taking care of me, making sure I was alright throughout the night, he heard me talking in my sleep-something I had no idea I did.

He heard things I couldn't bring myself to tell McKenna.

I couldn't tell McKenna about her. I liked the way McKenna looked at me; like I wasn't some loser that screwed everything up. She looked at me like she was actually seeing me. The me before everything.

If I told her, I knew it would all be gone and she'd realize the fucking asshole I've become. 

"And then there's Cooper," I continued. "You should have seen the way he looked at me today. It was like he finally realized the disappointment I really am."

Like I wasn't worth saving.

I never wanted his help. I didn't want anybodies and Cooper understood that. He was always there though: pushing, nagging and ready to take care of the aftermath. He cared even when I was an ass.

The way he looked at me made me feel like he had finally given up. From anyone else, it wouldn't have bothered me, but Cooper has been there for me and knowing even he might have had enough stung.

"I'm sorry about Cooper," McKenna said softly. "Maybe you saw it wrong, you never know. But about your friend-wishing doesn't solve anything Reece. Dealing with it does."

She made it sound so easy, but I've been running for so long-I didn't know anything else.

"You make it sound easy," I chuckled but wasn't feeling amused.

"It's definitely not, but that doesn't mean you don't try." she said. "Can I ask you something?" she continued after a slight hesitation.

I shrugged aware that it must be really personal if she needed permission.

"Did you ever-after the accident, did you ever turn to drugs?" she asked the hesitancy clear in her voice. But there was something else there that I couldn't place. It was as if she was afraid of the answer I might give.

"I was a mess," I told her the truth finding no reason to lie, "And it was bad."

I had been so fucked up, to myself and anyone that tried to care.

I could hear Isabelle's words echo in my mind.

I'm not going anywhere, Reece. I'm not leaving.

She was wrong and it had been all my fault.

"And now?"

"Well, Cooper had me date you, the 'angelic one,' so I can't be that much better than I was can I," I said without any resentment directed towards her.

McKenna shook her head as she turned to look at me, "You're not giving yourself enough credit. The person I've been hearing about is definitely not the guy I'm looking at. He just needs to realize it for himself."

A/N: Long chapter with a lot of information! Hope you enjoyed.

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