August 25, 2015

Mitch:

"This is the last time we'll be able to do this for a while," I whisper as I pin his shoulders down on the bed and start leaving the usual trail of marks from his neck down to his hip bones. Even thinking about going nine days without this is painful. For the price of the hotel rooms, you would think the walls would be thicker. "We had better make it worth it." I straddle his thighs and lean down to run my tongue over his nipple, my blood boiling when he gives a gasp and shudders under me. There are so many different things for us to try in so many different combinations, and every time we screw around, it's like we're doing it for the first time. I bite down gently and he reaches up to run his fingers through my hair. I always have horrible sex hair after I go down on him, and I'm sure he does it because he is hoping he can jump in the shower with me. Maybe we can try that tomorrow morning, too.

"You're always worth it. Fuuuck." I twist the hard, dimpled flesh with my teeth and suck on it a little longer before I move over to the other side and repeat the process. He is already a moaning, hissing mess beneath me and we still have most of our clothes on.

"Do you remember when we said we wanted to try everything at least once?"

"Yeah. You got something in mind?" I bite down on his nipple again and he muffles a yelp and pulls back against the mattress, like he has somewhere he can go. "That's a 'yes'."

"I don't know if either of us is going to like it, or if we'll ever do it again... but you only live once."

"Sounds like something you'd say about veggies, Mitch. I dunno if I like this." I reach down and tug his shorts off of his hips before slipping my shirt off and tossing them both toward the bathroom. He reaches up to meet me as I lean back down between his legs, our lips locking firmly together like we are desperate for air. The battle for control starts all over again, but he loses pretty quickly when he becomes distracted by my hands. I press forward and take over his mouth, feeling his muscles twitch as the strings from my shorts whip gently against his legs. I fumble with the double knot until it finally comes undone, and he pulls away and looks up at me uncertainly when I slide my shorts off and throw them on top of the heap of clothes. "What're you doing?"

"In case you haven't noticed, it's kind of awkward to fuck with clothes on. So I took them off." I push him back into the mattress and he doesn't protest, bringing his hands up to cautiously rest on my waist. I have trusted this man with my past, my secrets, my career, and my life itself. I trust him with this, too. I bite gently on his bottom lip to snap him out of his thoughts. I wish he would relax a little more and stop trying to overthink everything. "You want it, don't you?"

"What?"

"You know what. You don't want to say it?" He brings his hands down to rest on my ass, not that I'm complaining. If he wants to continue to play that game, I won't stop him.

" 'It'. Do I win?" I feel him grin into the kiss and I reach down to grab his hand off of my left cheek. Judging by some of his comments since we started dating, he doesn't know what he is getting into tonight. "Mitch, I-"

"I'm not going to bite you, unless you want me to." I move his fingers over to my inner thigh and I continue our kiss, waiting for him to make the next move. Slowly, slowly, he strokes along the side of my leg, feeling around for what he expected to be there. He brushes up against the side of my cock and I draw in a sharp breath at the heightened sensitivity. He is going to have fun tormenting me with that, knowing that it is almost painful to the touch. He strokes me again and I buck away from him as a stab of sensation courses through my body.

"I don't wanna piss you off or anything... but fifteen minutes ago I was sitting on the couch downstairs and squeezing your balls. How'd that happen?" A breathy laugh escapes from my lips as he runs his hands down my thighs, not sure what to do next. I roll off to the side next to him, hoping he might take the hint and switch with me. He hesitates before he leans over me and grabs onto my hips to hold me in place.

"It was silicone, like a prosthetic. I've been using those since middle school, just in case someone got close enough to see I didn't have a bulge. I'm surprised you never noticed."

"So you haven't... ya know? I thought you said you did."

"No. The surgeries they do for that still suck ass, and I'm not paying upwards of forty grand for something that looks like shit and has all kinds of complications."

"Then what's this?" He runs his thumb over my tip and a spike of overwhelming feeling fills up my skull and makes my skin flush fire. I can't even think. All I can do is feel the beating of my heart while I wait for it to pass. It feels so different when someone else is doing it and I'm not in control.

"T makes your clit grow, and I just had them move things around."

"So everything else's the same?" He carefully runs his thumb from my tip down between my legs, sending sparks of shuddering need through every inch of me. I wasn't sure if this would work out, but now I want to try it. For as many problems as it has caused me, maybe I can finally get something good out of it.

"Yeah..." I can feel his full-sized dick brush against my knee and, as much as I wish that mine looked, worked, and felt the same as his, we might as well explore and see what we can do with what we have. Hopefully the surgery will work out someday, but I don't want to have regrets afterward about not trying this with him at least once. "You know more about it than I do. I'm trusting you here."

"Are you absolutely sure you wanna do this? I really don't wanna hurt you, bae." I laugh at his pet name and lean up to pull him into another kiss. Wet fingers trail along my hips as he crawls between my legs and gently pushes them open. I never in my life thought I would want to do this, but he has the power to somehow convince me to do anything, not that that's a bad thing. He goes back to exploring while I conquer his distracted mouth again and run my teeth over the top of his tongue. For once, I'm not annoyed at the extreme wetness as he slowly slips a finger inside and carefully pushes deeper. "I'm gonna guess you've never done this before."

"Who would I do it with? Mat?" There is a sharp pain and he quickly withdraws before he gets up to go over to his magical lube drawer. I look up just as he starts to come back, already popping the top of the huge squeeze bottle off. I can hear and smell the thick liquid before he adds it to the swamp between my legs. "Why do you need that? We're both going to drown." He snickers quietly as he rubs it around my entrance, slowly warming it up.

"You're good on the outside but there's nothing on the inside. It'd hurt like hell and you'd be walkin' like Yosemite Sam for a month. Didn't think you'd want that." He gently pushes some of the lube inside, pulling out to add more when I cringe. "We need to use anything else, or...?"

"No. None of that has worked since I was in middle school. There's just one little catch to this deal." I see the outline of his head snap up toward me and his fingers freeze awkwardly. "You have to blow me first. Sex is a two-way street."

"You shoulda told me before. This lube's nasty."

"Now you know how I feel." He wipes a generous amount of the sticky gel on the inside of my leg before he grabs my dick and moves his head down toward it. Surprisingly, he didn't try to argue his way out of it, even though he bitched about doing this with his girlfriends in the past. He must think he's getting a good deal. The feeling of his rough tongue and his sharp teeth is so powerful that I can barely feel him exploring inside of me anymore, and the pain just barely registers as he probes deeper. It will probably hurt in the morning, but I will worry about it then. He goes to town on me and it feels like no time at all before I'm trying to pry him away. "Ease up, dood. I don't want to fall asleep halfway through."

"I thought you were gonna marathon through it." I feel suddenly full as my attention snaps back to his hand and he moves more than one finger around inside of me, and he pulls out when my muscles somehow clamp down.

"I can't do that. I don't know how girls can do it over and over again."

"Thank god. I dunno what I'd do if you had to get off three times in a row." He moves up and bites down on my collar bone, trying to leave another mark so that he can tease me about it for the next two weeks. He can do whatever he wants as long as I can cover it up with a hoodie or Mel's old tube of concealer. "Last chance. You sure you wanna do this?"

"Just fuck me, Jerome. We can talk later." He laughs and reaches down to pull my legs even farther apart before he settles in between my thighs, brushing the head against me to find the spot. I hear him squirt even more lube out on his hand and he rubs it up and down his dick before he slowly pushes in. He is slick, cold, and much, much bigger than I thought he would be. I feel vulnerable and out of control as my body reacts, trying weakly to push him back out. There is a shooting pain and I draw in a sharp breath.

"I know. I know it hurts. It's okay. Just relax and it won't hurt." I try to move the muscles, but none of them listen to me. He pulls back a little bit so I can adjust, and a powerful burning sets in. "Just relax, Mitch. I'm not gonna hurt you."

"I know that. I just don't know how to make it stop." He leans forward and brings our lips back together, teasing my tongue lightly to try to distract me. I feel him get a good grip on my hips before he presses in harder than before, stifling the cry of pain with his tongue as he forces his way inside. The burning gets stronger and deeper the farther he moves, and the only thing I can do is lay here and hope it gets better. He moves my legs up by his hips to try a different angle, but it still feels like he is trying to turn me inside out.

"Damn... You're so fucking tight. You'd think I was tryin' to shove a light pole in there."

"T overpowers estrogen. Things... break down if you... don't use them."

"Well, you're definitely using 'em now." There is a throbbing pain that grows the more he pushes and I can't stop the whimper of pain from coming out. He stops and leans down to nip at my neck again while he rubs me off, trying to get me close to losing it again. The pain fades a little as he pinches and pulls at the stiff organ. He slowly pushes in again and the shooting pain turns into a dull ache. Finally, there is the familiar tickle of his balls rubbing against me, and I know the worst part is over. "Ooh, Mitch..."

Muscles I didn't know I had grip him and pulsate in an unfamiliar rhythm as he pulls out and pushes back in. It feels like he is doing this to someone else's body, like I am having an out-of-body experience or playing a virtual reality game. He is doing it, but it doesn't feel like he is doing it to me. He couldn't be doing it to me; I'm not supposed to have that there. He picks up speed and he crashes into me in time with the alien muscle movements. How does any of this work? He is too far in the zone to slow down, let alone stop. This isn't doing anything for me except rearranging my insides, but he seems to be enjoying himself. I reach down and start jerking myself so I can get something out of it. Now I know I won't be missing anything when I finally go in to have a phallo done. The pressure on the hyperaware flesh sends a powerful wave of contractions through me and he moans loudly as they squeeze him. I feel completely out of the loop with whatever is going on below. His thrusts get harder, faster, shallower and his panting gets louder as he gets close, and the combination of the sounds of his pleasure and the stinging of my dick send me spiralling. It feels amazing, but very strange. Parts of my body that shouldn't be there in the first place are moving, clenching, fluttering by themselves as he digs his fingers into my hips and pushes himself flush up against me. I never realized how far he went in until he stopped moving; it feels like he is somewhere up by my stomach, and for some reason, my brain doesn't understand how he got there, or why he would want to be there. This morbid curiosity comes to an end as he gently pulls himself back out, leaving a hot trail of thick wetness along my thigh and across the sheets as he collapses on top of me.

"That just happened." He snorts and rubs his scratchy cheek against my chest as he wraps his arms around me again. He obviously got more out of this than I did. It's almost like I just fast-forwarded through the last twenty minutes, like I wasn't really here. It feels like whatever he just finished doing to me never really happened and that the hole he used has faded back into quiet nonexistence with just a light throb to remind me it was ever there. I know it is still there, but I have detached myself from it so fully that it seems like he can make it reappear at will. What most people would call a vagina has just become a spare tire to me – forgotten, dried out, crumbling, atrophied, unnecessary, unwanted. There is almost a shock value to it, like I had just been reminded what being transgender really means. I need that part of me like someone else might need a second nose on their tailbone, and I would happily go the rest of my life without thinking about it again.

"That was fucking amazing." When I don't say anything he moves to look up at me in the dark, his fingers tracing random patterns along my lower back. "What? You didn't like it?"

"Not really, dood. I mean, you were good, but it just isn't my kind of thing."

"Oh." There is a long, awkward silence before I bring his head back down and try to rub the usual tension out of his neck. "So what do we do now?"

"Now we get some sleep before we get up at the ass crack of dawn to pack. One of these days, I'm going to stop taking leaves out of your book and actually get shit done on time."

"But we both just got done on time." He snickers and grabs my ass before he settles back in and finally starts to relax. I have no regrets about what we just did, but I have no plans to do it again any time soon. Knowing Jerome, though, that doesn't mean much, especially with his bets. I start to drift off just as the fire alarm starts chirping downstairs, and I hear Alex scrambling and crashing around in the kitchen to stop whatever it is from turning into a five-alarm blaze. As usual, I fall asleep to the sound of absolute chaos.