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"Taehyung," I carefully mutter his name after I knocked twice on the door. He didn't answer so I tried to tilt the knob of the wooden rectangle. Fortunately, it wasn't locked. I peeked behind the door, searching Taehyung. I saw him sitting on the mattress with head hang low. I noticed how his balled hands loosens when he felt my presence coming.

"He's just nothing. Pretend like he didn't came here," his voice can make you freeze by its coldness. I can't clearly see his face because his gaze is at the floor. I sat next to him.

"I have no idea why you two broke up but I also have no rights to ask that. All I can say is sorry for what happened," I uttered. He shifted his gaze at me and I saw how cold his stare is. His black ebony eyes have nothing to tell. It's blank but I can feel how hurt he is right now.

"He's the reason why you are with me, Jungkook," I lightly didn't get the point on that sentence. What does he mean?

"... You wouldn't be my roommate if he didn't left. Ah no. If I didn't kick his slutty ass out," he snickered but his laugh is a combination of melancholy and agony.

"We broke up months ago before Hyung recommended you to be my roommate. At the first place I don't want anyone to sleep under this chamber except myself. I want to be alone. Besides I can pay my rentals every month without any help," he glared, glueing his gaze directly at me.

"... in short, I didn't want you in the first place," he added. I parted my lips. That sentence offends me a little even I shouldn't feel that.

"Please, it's just okay when you don't narrate your story. You don't have to say this to me, Tae. I ain't your boyfriend... I-I'm just your roommate and y-your fuck buddy," he smiled and put his hand on mine. I gulped.

"You are my friend too," he laughs and avoids his gaze at me but still, the couple of tears that dropped from his eyes didn't escape from my sight,"... and my love too," he whispers. Voice is too soft and low but because there are only two of us, the silence let me hear those.. flattering words. I heard it too clear. Damn! He loves me.

"I told Suho, my ex, that I wouldn't let anyone else sleep with me unless that someone is my new girlfriend or boyfriend but who knows," he cackles and looks at me. So that's the reason why his ex thought that I'm Taehyung's boyfriend without any doubt. I remembered how that man bit his lip on that thought.

"Right. He thought of me as your boyfriend," I said, making a smile lit up on his face.

"It's better," he mumbles,"... at least he has his own reason to not come back. But to be honest, I'm still hurt to see him. I'm still mad at him. Tss. Damn his face. That man who cheated," I wet my lips and brushed my teeth on my bottom lip. I saw how he's hurt in front of that guy. And seeing him hurting and crying hurts me too. That man cheated? He's a jerk then. Fuck that Suho guy. Taehyung doesn't deserve that bastard.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled and tapped his back then drew imaginary circles on it. He chuckles.

"Why are you apologizing? You are sorry for what? You are out of our past, Jungkook..." he mumbled,"... or you are sorry because you can't love me back?" He laughs,".. it's fine. No. It really hurts but I can still manage," he sneered.

"You lied," I said. He looks at me and laugh as if it was a joke. He made me believe that it was only lust.

"Why? Is it a big mistake if I lie sometimes? To protect people, to keep the relationship, to not waste the times you have together, lying is still right somehow," he said. I bit my lip and put my hand down from his back to keep his hand.

"Lying can ruin everything you have. The happiness that you are feeling between the time you lie, the time that you abused is just for temporary. All secrets that hide behind your lies are meant to be revealed, Taehyung. Lying never became right," his gaze eluded mine. My thumb over his hand draws circles and my grip on his hand tightens.

"Why don't you trust the possibility? What if I also love you?" His eyes met mine, widening a little, not expecting that those words will come out from me at this time. I sighed.

"You l-love me too?" His eyes are wondering, the stars in his eyes were glittering in curiosity, finding an answer. The fact is, I still don't know the answer. I can't answer him now. I am afraid to say a word now.. then regret later.

My eyes landed on his wet lips. I claimed it like mine and tastes his sweet lips. I'm not used to his lips even we do it more often. It feels like every kiss is so different to a feeling. The different feeling of his touch and kisses makes me crave for more as if I am just a newbie. Addicting like nicotine. Driving me crazy like drugs. Makes me drunk like liquor. Ruin me like fucking insane.

He moans as I deepened the kiss. His hands start unzipping my pants, hitting my bulge. I groaned with the sensible touch once his fingers glides against my clothed cock. I lightly pushes him as I also supported his back. The kiss was passionate as if it's the answer he's waiting for. I felt his lips created a side smirk then breaking the tiring kiss.

"Thank you," he whispers, tracing his long fingers through my nose 'til my lips.

"But there are still what ifs bugging my brain," he added.

"I have too," I replied and pecked a kiss on his lips.

"What if you thought you love me but is only lust?" I ask, trapping my gaze in him.

"That's not a hard question. In that case, it would be easy for me to leave you because there is nothing special. But what if.. you only thought it was just lust but too late to realize it was love?" He smiled.

"That would be one of the most painful decision I've ever made. Thinking love is lust, the biggest lie I've ever think," I gulped with my own answer. Those possible 'what ifs' annoy me but scare me at the same time. I hate regrets. All regrets happens at the end after choosing wrong decision. All regrets are painful and all regrets won't let you live in peace.

"Fuck me to the hardest, senpai. Please? I need you tonight," he begs. That isn't a plea of a turned on baby. That is a plea to cover the pain inside his chest. A pain of mad sex for his pain in his heart. A cry of both pain and pleasure for the tears of pain inside him.

"I'm sorry, Taehyung," I muttered as I wiped out the tears from his eyes.

TO BE CONTINUED....

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- hyunggayshits (Gray)