DALE FYRON'S POV

It's been two days and Katria wasn't back yet. We were both shocked when Derrick told us about the death of her father. It was so sudden and we didn't thought that it would turn out like that. He said that Kat was blaming herself for what happened. If she knew it earlier, she would probably bring her father here for a treatment. But her father didn't let her mother to tell her because of her studies. Gusto daw nilang kahit ngayon lang daw ay maranasan naman ng anak nila na mag-aral sa isang sikat na paaralan. She was really mad of herself about it. And until now, she was still locking herself inside of her room. Not planning to eat even a single bite, not going out of her room, and not talking to others even if it was her mother, Derrick or Vera.

" Ano kaya kung pumunta rin tayo sa probinsya nila ate. I do really miss her so much and I'm also worried about her. I know she needs some comfort right now." Akken pouted and hugged his pillow. We're here in the living room, watching some movies to entertain ourselves.

" We have classes tomorrow and she might be mad if we follow her on the province. Ang bilin niya 'wag raw tayong magpasaway." Raizer placed the popcorn and drinks above the table.

" Besides, we didn't know where is the Santa Clara and we might get lost there. Kawawa rin tayo." Cohen added.

Shael let out a deep sigh." I wonder if she's doing fine right now. It's not that easy to handle that kind of problem, especially that she has 2 younger siblings."

" She can overcome her problem, I know it." Napatingin sila sa'kin."She's a strong and a brave girl, you know that. She won't give up that easily on every problem that she've faced. Just believe on her." I said.

I checked our attendance on our last subject before lunch. As the President in our class , it's my responsibility to take care of our attendance before and after the class. At first I disagree when my classmates voted me to be their President. I'm not used in interacting everyone that's why I don't want to. Besides, it irritates me when someone is asking me on something. I hate annoying. But what can I do? Stella was using her power to influence everyone so that I would win. Ugh. Cut that crap. I immediately went to my subject teacher's office to give the attendance sheet. When I arrived at the front of her door, I knocked three times before opening the door.

" Good afternoon, maam. I've finished checking the attendance." Lumapit ako sa table niya at nilapag iyon sa harapan niya.

" Thank you, Mr. Helveryst. You can take your lunch now." I nodded in response and went to the cafeteria that my brothers talked about last night.

We were always eating lunch together. Maybe because that's what we're used to. Sometimes they're going to eat with their friends, if they were called for a celebration or something they want to talk about. While me? I was just hanging out with my friends if I want to. It depends on my mood. Being a BSBA student was never easy. I have to spend a lot of time and effort to finish them before the due date to have a higher grades. I don't want to disappoint my parents since I'm the oldest.

" God! I'm so sorry. I was----." She paused for a minute and bend over to get her things that fell on the ground." I didn't mean to bump on you."

I never thought I would see her again..... In this situation...

" It's okay." I said in a monotone voice. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko kayang maging cold sa kanya. For just 1 year, still I couldn't forget her. Damn.

" I didn't expect to see you again, Fyron. It's been a year."

Fuck. She's calling me with that name.... again. I couldn't move and just standing, not facing her. I don't want to look at her if possible. Ayokong masaktan ulit.

" Yeah. I'll go now." Nilagpasan ko siya ng hindi siya nililingon. I saw pain in her eyes but she still smiled, bitterly. I don't know if she was hurt on what I did but.... she did hurt me too. Siya yung nauna, sumabay lang ako.

" Kuya! Dito!."

I turned my gaze on Akken who was waving at me. I just realized that I was the only one who haven't arrived . I sat on the chair between Shael and Cohen, they stopped arguing when they saw me. Maybe because they were afraid that I might get angry. Alam nila kung paano ako magalit.

" Don't get mad, kuya Daron ha?!." I looked at Akken when he called me." Remember ate Cheska? She's going to study here too." He said in a small voice, playing his food as if he said something that made me mad.

Is it the reason why I saw her? She's going to study in our university? How would I suppose to breathe in the same air with her?! For goodness sake, I... I haven't move on from her. I can't afford to see her everyday because it would just making the situation difficult for me. Mukha namang okay na siya ngayon pero ako...... nababaon parin sa nakaraan.

I let out a sigh and lean on my chair." I saw her earlier. She accidentally bumped on me but I act as if I didn't care." They were both shocked on what they've heard.

" So you really cared for her until now but you were just pretending as if you're not?! C'mon kuya, just tell us the truth that you're still inlove with her." Cohen took a sip on his juice ang raised his eyebrow on me.

" I-I don't know.... I was still affected by her presence. But I know it wasn't right, she might have a boyfriend right now. I don't want to interfere." I took a little bite on my food because I'm not hungry at all. Nawalan na ako ng gana.

" Maybe you two should talk..... in the right time, kuya. There are so many things that you have to talk about. Marami pa kayong dapat linawin sa isa't isa." Shael shook his head.

Am I ready to talk about the past? What happened a year ago left an unforgettable memory to me.... and a big wound that wasn't heal until now. She was my first love and maybe..... would be my last. Ayoko nang sumugal ulit dahil alam kong masasaktan lang din ulit ako.

" 'Wag mo munang pilitin ang sarili mo kung hindi mo pa kaya, kuya. There's a right time for it. Ate Cheska was a nice girl, she would probably understand if you won't talk to her." Raizer smiled on me that make me feel at ease.

The first thing that caught my attention was her attitude. She's really different from the other girls that made me fall inlove with her. It was high school back then, I was the captain of our basketball team while she was the cheerleader of their team. As what people said, a basketball player and a cheerleader was really destined for each other. Yeah, they're right. We became friends in just a week, it's because she not boring to be with. She always have topics and all of it was very interesting. Our friendship turned into a relationship after a few months. Our love story was almost perfect, we already have plans right after our graduation. But all of it faded when her dad separated us unexpectedly. I tried to be a man, I did everything for her, I showed her dad that I'm the right man for her daughter. But little did I know, I was wrong. A real man knows everything in life, and I wasn't a man that her father wanted to be. That was the most painful memory that I would never ever forget.

" Kuya, malapit na ang next subject. We'll just see each other after class. Una na kami." Tinapik ni Shael ang balikat ko kaya tinanguan ko lang sila. I didn't know that it's already time. I was busy thinking about the past.... na hindi na maibabalik pa.

When I entered on my next subject, everyone keep quiet. I'm not even their professor or a deadly monster for them to act like that. But anyways, it's better to be like this. I'm not in the mood right now and I might say anything if they would keep on talking nonsense. Ang lakas pa naman ng boses nila. Tsk.

The whole discussion was a very boring lesson for me to listen. My mind was preoccupied and I can't think properly. Nothing would came up on my mind even though I tried to listen on our subject. All I want right now is to go home and sleep. Wala rin namang bago. Everyday is just a normal day for me. It there would be no projects, there are assignments or reportings. And if there wasn't, I'll just sleep on my room and did nothing.

My life was really boring.....

Hindi natuloy ang last subject namin dahil hindi pumasok ang teacher namin. I decided to go on the rooftop because I want peace, also to clear up my mind. Here, I could see the whole university and the students that are wandering everywhere. This university will be on my hands if ever that I would success. Though, I can ask my brothers to handle it for me if I want to. I was about to close my eyes when my phone rang that's why I immediately opened my eyes and took my phone outside of my pants. I saw Katria's name on the screen so that I answered it.

" Hey, what's up. You okay now?." I asked. We haven't talked for two days and I understand why.

[ Oo naman, bakit hindi. Kayo, kamusta na kayo dyan? Hindi ba kayo nagc-cutting classes? ]

She's still asking about us even though she's not okay by herself. Mas inaalala niya pa kami kesa sa sarili niya. Why is she like that?!

" Nah. We're okay, doing good. How about you?." Tumikhim muna ako bago nagsalita ulit." Does it hurt until now?." Tumahimik saglit ang kabilang linya, maya maya ay narinig ko ang pagbuntong hininga niya.

[ It do really hurts, so much. Parang mamamatay ata ako sa sakit eh. Seems like I was divided into two and I don't know how to fix it ]

She laughed after saying those words. But there was a pain on it. I know that kind of pain wouldn't be healed that fast. It was her father who died, someone who was a part of her family. Her guardian. Maybe the two of us were in a different kinds of pain. Siguro mas masakit nga lang ang sa kanya dahil sariwa pa.

" Stop pretending that you're okay even it's obvious that you're not. Sometimes it's not bad to burst out your tears in just a while. It's the best way to let out the pain that you're feeling right now." I didn't know where did I get those words. But one thing I know is that I want to encourage her.... even though just this time.

[ Ayokong mag-alala sila sa'kin dahil nasasaktan ako. It was my fault ever since. Kahit na sinisisi pa ni Inay na siya ang may kasalanan dahil hindi niya sinabi sa'kin ang totoo. Maybe this was a challenge on me so I'd better accept it ]

She's really an extraordinary person. She never gets tired on everything. Kahit na sobrang hirap at sakit kinakaya niya, hindi lang para sa sarili niya kundi para rin sa lahat.

" That's good. When is the burrial? Maybe we could come."

[ Ha? Hindi pwede, Daron. Sa biyernes 'yun at sabi sa'kin ng mga kaibigan ko, acquaintance party daw dyan. Special event 'yan para sa lahat ]

I suddenly remembered what our adviser said and she was right. There would be an upcoming acquaintance party this coming friday. Hindi ko alam kung bakit meron parin nito ngayon eh college naman na kami. The principal said that it would be better if the freshmens, sophomores, juniors, and senior  wil interact with each other. Or should I say, getting to know each other.

" Yeah. I forgot. Are you coming?." I just hope that she would come but I know it's impossible. It's her fathers burrial and it's more important than this common event.

[ Sorry. I can't go. I have a lot of things to do right after the... b-burial ]

Humina ang boses niya sa huling salitang binitawan niya. She couldn't get over on it. It was hard, I know. I also understand her situation right now that's why I didn't force her. It's nothing important by the way.

" No it's okay, no need to apologize." Tumayo na ako ng malamang tapos na pala ang last period ng klase." Did you call my brothers?." I asked.

[ Ah oo kaso cannot be reached. Naka-off ata ang phone nila at nasa klase pa. Ikaw ba? Vacant ka? ]

I nodded even if she didn't saw me." Hmmm. It's already time, I need to go to the parking lot. I'll just tell them that you called."

[ Sige, may gagawin parin pala ako. Thank you sa time. Ingat kayo dyan ]

" So as you. Bye."

I felt comfortable after talking with her. Seems like my problems were suddenly gone. Is she a medicine or what?! Everytime it's all about her, I always listened and talked back. I'm not like this before not until she camed.

Godammit. I'm fvcking crazy....

KATE CHANDRIA'S POV

Inaasikaso ko ang mga bisita na dumalo sa lamay ng Itay ko. Halos lahat ng taga-barangay Santa Clara nandito sa bahay namin. Yung teacher ko nung elementary at high school na nakikiramay dahil sa pagkamatay ng ama ko, nagbigay nga sila ng konting donasyon para sa'min. Yung mga kababata ko nandito rin, pinapagaan ang pakiramdam ko pero karamihan sa kanilang babae, nilalandi lang si Ri-Ri kaya pinauwi ni Vera dahil taken na daw siya. Pati ang mga kapitbahay naming chismosa nandito rin. Ewan ko ba kung totoo ba talagang nakikiramay sila o pumunta lang sila dito para magkape at kumain ng pandesal. Jusko! Nakisama narin pati yung mga kaibigan at katrabaho ni Itay noon. Malungkot sila dahil isa si Itay sa pinakamalapit sa kanila noong wala pa siyang sakit at nakakapag-trabaho pa.

Binalot ko ng dahon ng saging ang puto na kakaluto ko lang. Ihahanda ko 'to mamayang alas tres para sa iba na namang pakain para sa mga sasali sa panalangin. Marami sila dahil nga libre ang pagkain pagkatapos. Ganito kaburaot ang mga tao dito. Kulang nalang dito rin sila tumira eh. Pero sige pagbibigyan ko sila dahil alam ko namang gusto ni Itay na makita silang lahat bago siya.... magkapagpahinga ng tuluyan.

" Anak, magpahinga ka muna. Wala ka pang tulog simula kahapon, konti lang rin ang kinakain mo. Baka ikaw na naman ang magkasakit niyan, anak. Magpahinga ka naman." Bumuntong hininga lang ako at tumango kay Inay bago umakyat sa kwarto ko.

" Kat? Bruha, tulog kana ba?." Katok ng katok si Vera sa pinto ng kwarto ko kaya pinagbuksan ko nalang." May pinadala si mama na ensaymada, gawa niya. Heto dinalhan kita rito, baka gusto mong kumain." Tinanggap ko ang dala niya at pinapasok siya.

" Salamat, dito." Tinikman ko ang luto ng mama niya at mukhang lasang tae ng baka. Joke lang."Akala ko ba mommy tawag mo dun, ba't naging mama na nung umuwi na tayo." Tumawa ako dahil ngumiwi siya.

" Ngayon ko lang kase narealize na mukha akong feelingera kapag ganun. Di naman maganda mama ko, ako lang 'no." Nagflip hair pa siya kagaya ng palagi niyang ginagawa kapag nagtataray siya.

" Feelingera ka naman talaga noon. Nagbago ka lang ngayon." tawang tawa kong sambit.

" Mabuti naman at okay na ngayon. 'Wag mong masyadong i-stress ang sarili mo sa nangyari sa papa mo. Lilipas din yang sakit, hindi nga lang ngayon." saad niya.

Ngumiti ako sa sinabi niya." Alam ko, salamat. Kahit echosera ka napapagaan mo rin ang loob ko."

Napairap naman siya." Bruha ka rin naman. Syempre frenemy tayo kaya natural lang 'yun. Oh sya, magpahinga kana dahil alam kong pagod ka. Tutulungan ko muna yung mama mo sa pag-aasikaso sa kapatid mo. Si Derrick ang nakikipag-usap sa mga bisita." Tumango lang ako sa sinabi niya.

" Salamat ulit."

Kahit anong gawin ko hindi parin ako makatulog. Eh pa'no ba naman kase yung mga tao sa baba, ang iingay. Naglalaro kase ng baraha at majong kase ganito ang tradisyon namin sa probinsya kapag may lamay. Kapag gabi naman ganun rin sila, mas lalo lang umiingay. Nagagalit nga ako minsan dahil hindi makatulog ang mga kapatid ko. Tumingala lang ako sa taas at pinikit ang mata ko. Iniisip ang mga masasayang alaala na kasama ko si Itay. Nung 7th birthday ko inimbitahan niya lahat ng kapitbahay namin para sa isang salo-salo. Hindi naman marami ang handa namin, may pancit, kaldereta, at baboy lang naman. Si Itay kase ang tipo na kahit anong meron siya, binabahagi niya sa iba. Hindi siya madamot kaya marami siyang naging kaibigan. Ewan ko nga kung bakit binigyan kami ng ganitong pagsubok sa buhay gayung hindi naman masamang tao ang ama ko para bigyan ng ganung klaseng sakit. Ang kapalit ba ng kasiyahan ko sa Manila ay ang buhay ng Itay ko?! Sanay naman na akong pahirapan ah, bakit hindi nalang sa akin ibinigay ang parusa?! Oo galit parin ako pero sa sarili ko lang. Ayokong sisihin ang Diyos dahil sa pagkamatay ng Itay ko dahil alam kong may rason kung bakit niya iyon ginawa. Alam ko rin namang nahihirapan narin siya kaya kahit masakit ay hahayaan ko nalang siyang magpahinga.

Hindi lang rin naman ako nag-iisip para sa sarili ko kundi pati narin sa mga kapatid ko. Ang babata pa nila para makaranas ng ganito. Kung may mas nasasaktan sa'min ngayon, siguro si Sasha 'yun. Sa aming magkakapatid, siya ang may pinakamalapit na puwang sa puso ni Itay. Hindi naman sa favoritism siya, malambing lang talaga ang kapatid kong 'yun kaya mas close sila. Si Cyd naman nahuhuli kong umiiyak ng palihim. Mukha kase siyang boy version ko eh, na kahit nasasaktan na pinipilit parin ang sariling maging okay para walang mag-alala. Over protective din 'yun kagaya ni Itay, ayaw niyang may kalarong lalaki si Sasha at ayaw niya ring may lumalapit sa'king lalaki. Todo dikit nga 'yun sa'kin nung 18th birthday ko sa mansion dahil nandun yung lima. Tapos si Inay alam kong hirap narin siya. Siya nalang kase ang naiwan naming magulang at kailangan niya ring doblehin ang oras niya para hindi namin maramdaman na may kulang sa'min. Kailangan niya raw magpaka-nanay at tatay sa'ming tatlo. Syempre bilang panganay, responsibilidad ko rin sila. Napagdesisyunan naming akong parin ang magt-trabaho habang siya naman ang mag-aalaga sa mga kapatid ko. Pagkatapos ang libing ni Itay.... lilipat na raw kami sa Manila para makapagpatuloy ako sa kolehiyo. Yung mga kapatid ko mag-aaral narin dun at sinabi kong ako ang gagastos para sa kanila. Masakit man dahil dito ang lugar na kinalakihan ko, marami akong mga napagdaanan dito, at higit sa lahat dito namatay ang pinakamamahal kong ama. Bibisitahin naman namin ito once a month dahil nandito ang puntod ni Itay.

Naisipan kong tawag si Aika dahil lunch break naman ngayon. Sigurado akong magkasama na silang lahat na kumakain. Haist. Nakakamiss rin pala ang bumalik dun.

[ Gosh! I'm glad that called. Are you okay now? ]

Ang ingay sa kabilang linya. Rinig na rinig ko ang boses nilang lahat pero hindi ko malinaw ang sinasabi nila dahil sabay sabay. Nakaloudspeak ata ang phone ni Aika.

" I'm okay now.... a little bit. How are you guys? Sorry kung ngayon lang ulit ako nakatawag." Iyak kase ako ng iyak ng ilang araw at wala akong gana sa lahat.

[ Ano ka ba?! We understand your situation right now. Kailan ba ang burol ng ano.... n-ng tatay mo ]

Boses ni Jaimie 'yun alam ko. Mukhang nahihiya pa siyang sabihin dahil baka malungkot na naman ako o ano.

" Sa friday nga, sinabi ko na nung isang araw diba?! Shocks! I can't attend the acquaintance party." Gusto ko sanang pumunta kaso libing 'yun ni Itay. At saka hindi ko alam kung anong susuotin.

[ But the party was around 8:30 pm. Gabi 'yun ic-celebrate, pwede ka namang magpaalam sa mama mo para makapunta ka. We missed you na ]

Kahit hindi ko sila nakikita ay alam kong nakapout na yung si Lucy. Kabisado kona ang mga galawan nila.

" Marami pa siguro akong gagawin niyan, guys. Tsaka ano bang susuotin?."

[ Any kinds of gown, sandals, accessories, and make up. That's all ]

Napangiwi naman ako sa sinabi ni Aira." 'Wag nalang uy! Ayokong magsuot niyan dahil walang akong taste sa mga ganyan."

[ Eh? You're pretty, Katria. Bagay kaya sayo ang mga ganyan. Wala ka talagang self-confidence ]

Boses niya palang akong ko nakairap na si Doreen ngayon. Psh. Bruha talaga, pagkatapos ko silang tulungan magkaayos ni Christophe ganyan ibabalik niya sa'kin.

" 'Wag niyo akong binobola ng ganyan. Kyut lang ako pero hindi ako maganda. Chos!." Rinig ko naman ang tawa nila sa kabilang linya.

[ My sugarpie was right, Kat. You're beautiful in your own way ]

Alam ko namang si Reen ang tinutukoy ni Chris na ano ba 'yun?! S-Sugarpie?! Yoc! Anong klaseng endearment 'yan?!

" Hoy! Palitan niyo nga cs niyo! Ang baduyy!." pang-aasar ko. Nagsitawanan naman sila sa kabilang linya.

[ Sabi ko na eh, panget callsign niyo, tol. Mabuti pa sa'min ni Aira, honeypie ]

Napalakas ang ubo ko ng sabihin 'yun ni Jeric. Ubong may halong pang-aasar kaya tinawanan lang silang dalawa ni Aira. Rinig ko pa ang pag-aaway nila sa kabilang linya.

" Ano ba naman 'yan?! Sugarpie at Honeypie! Apelyido nalang cs niyo o di kaya'y pangalan niyo nalang. Kaderder pakinggan." Binash naman na nila ako dahil nga bitter raw ako kase hindi pa ako nakaranas magkajowa. Kaya naman umabot ulit sa pang-aasar nila sa'min ni Shin.

[ I told you guys, we're just friends. Stop teasing us ]

Mabuti pa itong si Shin at mabait, mukha ngang hindi marunong magalit. Bigla ko nalang naalala ang dahilan kung bakit ako tumawag kay Aika.

" Hala! Kambal! For sale pa ba yung bahay na nireto niyo sa'kin matagal tagal na?." tanong ko sa kabilang linya.

[ Huh? Yung sa medyo malayo sa mansion nung boys? Oo bakit, may plano kang kunin? ]

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag sa sagot ni Aika. Mabuti naman at wala pang nakakuha. Mahirap bumili ng bahay sa panahon ngayon, malaki man o maliit. Depende lang sa may-ari nito.

" Oo, dyan na kami titira pagkatapos ng libing ni Itay. Pakisabi nalang sa may-ari na kukunin ko 'yun. Tsaka magkano ba?." Aatras talaga ako kapag umabot ng milyon. Jusme! Wala akong ganoon kalaking pera.

[ No worries for the payment. Kilala naman namin ang may-ari nun at mabait. We'll just tell her that our friend wants to buy the house. May discount kang makukuha, promise ]

Hindi ako magtataka kung bakit si Aira ang napili ni Ri-Ri dahil bukod sa mabait ay matulungin talaga siya. The two of them really suits for each other.

" Thanks talaga!l! Muaps! Sige, magpapahinga muna ako, wala pa akong tulog simula kahapon. Ingat kayo dyan. Byee."

[ Take care too. Miss you, balik ka kaagad dito ah. Byee ]

Nang ma-end na ang tawag ay saka lang ako dinalaw ng antok. Nakakamiss din pala talaga sila. Sayang at hindi ako makakapunta sa acquaintance party na magaganap. Baka kase malungkot ulit ako nun dahil 'yun ang huling beses na makikita ko ang Itay ko. Ang panget kapag pumunta ako dun ng wala sa mood. Isa pa, ilang oras din ang byahe papuntang Manila at kapag traffic hindi rin ako makakaabot. Kahit na ala una ng hapon ang pa-misa bago ang libing. Hindi narin ako makakaabot.

Gusto ko nang matulog.... dahil sa bawat pagpikit ng mata ko ay alaala ng ama ko ang bumubungad sa'kin. Kahit man lang isa lang itong memorya o imahinasyon ko, kahit papa'no at sumaya ako. Dahil hindi naging marahas ang pagpanaw ng aking ama. Nakapagpaalam kami sa isa't-isa ngunit hindi ko man lang nasabi na mahal na mahal ko siya. 'Yun ang araw na sobrang nanghihinayang ako. Sana kahit sa panaginip ma lang.... makasama ko siya.. Kahit dun lang...

-----------------------------------