This book is probably the hardest thing I've written in ages. For writing in general, words pour out of my mind faster than I could possibly write or type. Not this one. Here, my thoughts are almost blocked by a wall. A glass wall, where I can see them, but can never truly grasp them. Only piece by piece can I take a thought at a time, so that my soul is eventually lying in front of you like bits of unassembled Lego's.
Umm... That went way too deep.

Sometimes I'm ashamed. Why don't I cry harder for him? Why can't I feel his absence so harshly? Maybe I'm not compatible with grief, there's something wrong with me. Alone in the dark, with only a single star from my window leering at me to the background of a single car making its way down the road... Sometimes I'm truly afraid. Alone in the dark is always where the darkest thoughts come... All your fears spring to life. Something about the natural human instinct of being afraid of the unknown.
But death is horrible. Truly.
It rips you away from people, this phenomena that haunts us throughout our life, burdens us with the mere prospect, rips days away from you as you ponder this inevitable fate.
(Gives you existential crisis's that leave you pondering why you are even trying :/)   
It truly could be considered the greatest human fear, this desperation to escape your crushing destiny, that we all have.
Of course the thing we fear most is also just... logical.

If there was no death, of course, we would not have enough resources to keep going... but would be stuck in our misery state, not able to leave, trapped... because there was not way to exit. We couldn't truly live. Pain would have no value to us. Our world would be filled with confusion.

So... why do we fear something that makes sense? That almost seems to go against the human urge of fearing the unknown... but then again, Death is unknown itself, or perhaps the events after death we don't have the knowledge of, in which case obviously we do fear it. 

I don't know where my Grandpa is right now.

But someday, maybe... I will.