Trigger warning

Remington's announcement on feeling suicidal puts everyone on edge, specially Emerson, Sebastian and Andy, who are scared to let him out of their sight. It wouldn't be the first time he's unsafe to be left on his own.

After the long night of performing and posing with everyone outside, they all crawl into their seperate bunks and are soon on their way to the next city. Andy plays with his husband's hair and carefully pulls his hands away when Remington starts feeling his ribs again. The boy exhales and tries to sleep. He thinks about what it felt like when he tried to overdose, how he didn't really feel anything much at all. It wasn't that he was numb as such, just that his mind went almost completely blank because he didn't see the point in thinking anymore. After all, he thought he was going to die. Even now, he isn't sure if he actually wanted to die, or if he just didn't know how else to deal with what was going on at the time.

But now he is sure.

Now he does want to die.

He yawns. Andy kisses his hand. "You alright?" The man asks in almost a whisper.

Remington shakes his head.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Remington shakes his head again. He doesn't know where to start with talking about it. He doesn't know what he's supposed to say. I want to set fire to a building and stay inside as it goes up in flames. No. He can't say that. He isn't sure if that is even how he's feeling, anyway. He desn't know how he's feeling. "Why did anorexia choose me? What did I do wrong?"

"Oh princess, you did nothng wrong. You don't deserve such a horrible thing. The world is unfair to give such a beautiful, kind person such an awful disorder."

"Everything sucks."

"I know."

The boy yawns again. "I hate everything. Everythng can fucking suck my dick."

"Go to sleep, sweetheart."

"I hate sleeping because I keep getting nightmares about Holly and I hate Holly and I hate nightmares and I hate being tired but I can't sleep because I hate sleeping and I hate being awake because I hate myself and I hate being asleep because of the nightmares and if I die then I wouldn't have to live with myself anymore and-"

"Take a breath, honey."

Remington whines. "I hate breathing," he mumbles, falling asleep.

"Is there anything you don't hate?"

"Dying."

Remington calls Abigail again in the morning, since he only feels more suicidal as hours go by. She lets him get everything out and is relieved that he told everyone yesterday that he's feeling suicidal. Remington can't say he doesn't feel a bit better after talking to her.

He keeps thinking about how it was definitely Holly's brother who was assaulted him, and he can't know it's him and not do something about it. It's eating away at him. Maybe that's why he's feeling so depressed. The fact that he knows who it is and no one will take him seriously. Not even Andy believes him. That's what hurts. He realises that now. Andy doesn't believe him.

Remington jumps off the stage after soundcheck and pulls down his bracelets when he realises they've ridden up his arm and are exposing some scars. He walks around the echoey hall until Andy returns from a shop where he was buying some more books for them to read while they're stuck in the bus. "What did you get?" Remington asks, peering into the bag in Andy's hand. "Lies Lies Lies? Is it a book about Holly?"

Andy chuckles. "I hope not. Here, I got you something else, too." He pulls something from his back pocket, and Remington laughs.

"A temporary tattoo?"

"Yep. Of a flower, because you're my pretty flower."

"You keep making me blush," Remington complains, taking the tattoo and looking at it. "It's cute."

Andy hums. "I dare you to put it on your cheek for the show tonight."

The boy shrugs and smiles. "Okay, sure."

"And I also got you a book about faires."

"What? Why?"

"Because it looked pretty and it reminded me of you."

Remington whines and looks away. "Stop making me blush!"

"Oh, but you're cute!"

"Oh, but you're annoying." He pokes Andy's cheek and grins. "I don't feel suicidal now," he says.

Andy smiles and ruffles his hair, just smiling more when Remington grabs his hand and complains that now he'll have to fix the spikes. "I'm gonna take these back to the bus. Do you want anything from in there?" He asks.

"Oh yeah, I was gonna go and get my red jump suit and steal Em's eyeshadow because I broke mine."

"I will get your jump suit. See you in a minute."

Remington kisses Andy before the man goes, and spins around to Emerson, who has an amused expression. "There's a spare Palate Royale in the merch box I think," he says, straightening his hat on his head.

"Oh, that's a good idea. Thanks, Em." He turns to walk away, but then decides to ask his brother a question. "Do you think I'm crazy for saying the guy is Holly's brother?"

Emerson raises an eyebrow. "Who said you were crazy?"

The singer shakes his head. "No one, but when I said it everyone kinda looked at me like I was."

"It's just a weird thing for you to randomly say right before a show," Emerson explains, "and for the record, I don't think you're crazy."

"I think Andy does."

"That's ridiculous. No he doesn't. He fucking adores you."

"Doesn't mean he doesn't still think I'm crazy," Remington says, and walks away. Andy comes back with the jumpsuit and Remington pulls it on over his clothes, knowing he'l get hot on stage but not wanting to risk exposing any of his body to anyone.

The two lovers sit in the toilets with the temporary tattoo, and Remington holds it to his cheek while Andy dabs it with a wet paper towel.

"Hey Andy, do you think I'm crazy?"

Andy wets the tissue again. "Why would I think that, angel?"

Remington tilts his head to the side. "I don't know. You just aren't taking me seriously about Holly's brother." There's a pang of hurt in his voice and Andy frowns.

"Why would you think that, sweetie? Of course I'm taking you seriously." He presses the wet paper to the card on the tattoo.

"Just because you didn't believe me."

"Look, hon, I believe you. If you really think it's him, then I believe you." The paper slides off the tattoo and Andy throws the tissue and the paper away. "There we go. Cute."

Remington looks in the mirror. "Promise?"

Andy stands behind him and rubs his arms. "I promise. What do you think?"

"It's pretty," Remington answers, touching it gently.

"I'm glad you agree. You look good in that suit, you know?" He looks at his lover in the mirror, who lets a small, soft smile grace his feminine feature. Andy's chin is on Remington's shoulder and he kisses his neck.

The singer hums quietly. "You're always so warm," he murmers, "you can't blame me for liking your cuddles so much when you're literally perfect for cuddling."

"I could say the same thing about you, kitten."

After a warm, calm cuddle session in the bathroom, the two go back into the green room, and Remington puts on some makeup and fixes his hair, giggling when Andy draws a heart on his cheekbone with eyeliner, where he noramlly draws the x.

On stage he sweats off the makeup, and washes the temporary tattoo off in the shower quickly before going out to meet fans. Andy comes with him this time, since Remington asked him to, and fans are even more excited because two of their favourite singers are standing side by side.

The bus breaks down again at three in the morning, and Remington's suicidal thoughts all come rushing back in one huge, distructive wave.