That night, I had a lot of trouble falling asleep. I kept tossing and turning in my bed. Sometimes I was too hot and threw off my blanket, other times I was too cold and wrapped myself in it. I had a thousand and one thoughts racing through my mind, especially about the surprising yet very pleasant evening I had spent.
I had discovered a new side of Levi: he knew how to be an exceptional lover but remained extremely reserved after that intimate moment.

I went home shortly after during the night while he went to lock himself in his office. At the same time, I didn't expect to be cuddled by him afterwards. But he was almost bordering on disrespect.
And the problem is that now, I have absolutely no idea how to behave around him. It took me a while to figure out how to get along, and now I'm completely shaken.

Levi has completely changed me, and it's stressing me out. I'm doing things I wouldn't have been able to do before. I'm the type to need at least some feelings to make love with someone. And I totally respect people who do whatever they want. But certainly not to... jump on someone because of his icy and... seductive gaze.

Am I in love with Levi? Definitely not! How could I get attached to someone like him?! He is just... well... he's Levi, you know! You'd have to be crazy to...

Um...

Why do I feel like I don't even believe myself? I know myself: I know when I'm in love. And what I feel for him has absolutely nothing to do with love.

I just find him attractive, that's all. And maybe a bit endearing... but just a tiny bit. No, but wait! Have you seen his personality? It must be exhausting to love him. That must be why he cloisters himself at home, no one loves him.
Even Hange, who knows him, never seems to see him. And Hange is a bundle of good cheer. That girl is adorably clingy. Why do I feel like he has no social interactions with the outside world? And how long has he been in this situation?

I have a feeling the coming weeks are not going to be easy for me. When will I finally be able to breathe?

I sneak into the fateful house. I was just extremely uneasy about returning after... that incident with the owner of these premises. As I entered the living room, I heard water running in the bathroom. He must be taking a bath. He doesn't like showers, who knows why.
I catch my breath and place my things on the coffee table. I glance towards his office. He must be unconscious but never locks that room, except when he's inside. Curiosity is a very bad trait, but what I saw last time was very concerning.

But I already have enough problems without giving myself more. I found myself putting my hand on the doorknob. I was about to open it when the doorbell rang.

I almost jumped, as if I had been caught doing something wrong. Especially since no one comes to this house except me. The gardener goes directly to the garage and there are almost never any deliveries.
Maybe it's a delivery, actually. I get to the entrance and look into the small camera of the intercom. I saw a young woman, maybe even a teenager. But the image wasn't clear enough to see her well.

"Who is it?

- It's me, Mikasa."

Mikasa? Who is that? This girl and this name mean absolutely nothing to me. Well, I don't think she's threatening, so I open the door for her. I find myself face to face with a young woman with black hair and slightly Asian features. She was holding a grocery bag in one hand and a school bag in the other. She frowned when she saw me.

"Who are you?" she asked.

- I'm Eren Jaeger, L.A.'s editor. And you?

Her face lit up, she seemed to understand.

- Oh, I'm his little sister. I'm here to see him.

- Uh, I... I don't know if I can..." I hesitated.

- You're new. I must be the first person you've seen come here," she laughed nervously. "I visit Levi every month. He's used to it.

- Alright," I said, stepping aside to let her in."

Why do I feel like presence runs in the family? This girl is simply stunning and exudes the same aura as her brother.

The young woman calmly walked into the living room after taking off her shoes. She seemed used to being there. It was the first time I had seen anyone else in this house, and it was quite unsettling.

Mikasa placed the bag on the kitchen counter and opened the fridge to store a dish covered in aluminum foil. Should I go to work and leave her here? I think she knows what she's doing. I was about to turn around when the bathroom door slammed. I straightened up and froze in place.

Levi walked past me, drying his hair with a towel. He was wearing a black robe.

"Hi. How are you?" Mikasa asked as he approached her.

- Good, and you?

I cleared my throat slightly and went to sit on the couch to try to work. I was, after all, an intruder in this "family" reunion.

- Yes, I saw Mom yesterday," explained the young woman.

- How is she?

- She's fine. She's asking when you're going to visit her. She's a bit bored.

- I don't have time right now. I have a lot of work.

- Eren, would you like some tea?" Mikasa shouted to me.

- Yes, thank you.

- Okay, fine. If you want, we can go together next weekend," Mikasa continued.

- I don't know. Maybe.

- We could take the opportunity to...

- No," growled her brother, taking the steaming cup from Mikasa's hands.

- But, Levi...

- Stop! Okay. I'll go with you next weekend, but that's all."

Levi walked past me, taking a sip of his tea. He gave me an indescribable look before disappearing into his room.
Mikasa sighed and nervously rubbed her neck. She turned to me and approached with my cup.

"How long have you been working for Levi?

- About a month.

- Oh, yes. And... how's it going?" she asked hesitantly.

She probably expected me to complain about her older brother. She herself seemed to endure his moods.

- Um, it would be complicated to explain. Levi is..."

- Unbearable," she finished. "Yes, I figured.

- I wasn't really going to say that. But now that you mention it, ma'am" I chuckled.

- To be honest, the formal address bothers me. We must be about the same age.

- What year were you born?" I asked.

- 75," she replied.

- Oh! I was born in '72. You're much younger than your brother!

- Yes, I know. Let's just say I wasn't exactly... um, never mind...

She tapped her fingers against her cup, staring into space.

- What do you do for a living?" I continued.

- I'm in college! And I work at a café to pay for my studies. My scholarship doesn't help much. Fortunately, Levi is there for me too.

- Oh, I understand. I was also in a bit of a bind since I wanted to be independent from my parents.

- Hmm... Our mother didn't...

She turned her head away for a moment.

- I'm being silly. Why am I confiding in someone I barely know?" she chuckled. "You probably want to hear something else.

- You can tell me whatever you want. I... I won't judge you.

- Well, let's just say... with Levi, we were kind of born into hardship.

- Well, that doesn't surprise me.

- Yeah... Our mother wasn't very stable. She had mental health issues and couldn't get treatment. We were painfully short on money. Unfortunately, I couldn't stay with her for very long. I grew up in foster care.

- And Livai?

Oh? Now I'm curious.

- No, he was already independent. We don't have the same father, and we weren't together much since I was born.

- Were you with your father?

- No, he lives in Japan. And honestly, I never want to see him again.

- You're Japanese?

- I was born in Japan, but I have dual nationality. Anyway... It hasn't always been easy for both of us. Our mother's partners were violent, and because of that, I have health problems too. Now, she's being treated, and we visit her in the hospital. Levi has... a bit more trouble than I do going to see her."

Levi immediately walked out of the room. He was dressed and carrying his empty glass. He gave us a brief look before heading into the kitchen, where I heard him open the liquor cabinet.
Mikasa sighed before getting up to join him.

"Levi, put that down," she exclaimed in the kitchen. "It's barely 10 a.m. You don't need that crap.

- Mikasa. Stay out of it, please.

- No! I can't stand knowing you spend your days taking those things. It's exhausting! You're exhausting, Levi! And on top of that, you never go see Mom! And she's worried, and you know how fragile her health is!

- I do see her, stop making things up.

I got up from the couch to leave the room. There was clearly nothing for me to listen to in this argument. Even after everything Mikasa had said to me.

- There's a life outside this house! People care about you! But you don't care. You stay locked up in..."

I closed the front door on Mikasa's voice. I couldn't hear anything anymore. I sat on the steps and took out my phone to send a text to my father. I don't know how long I'll sit here like an idiot.

Mikasa seems completely at her wits' end with the situation. Hange was right, I'm too late to the fight. Livai is thirty-four years old. So many things have happened in his life that I can't even imagine. He has turned his back on everyone, even his family.

Hange seems to know him deeply but has no contact with him. Mikasa rarely comes over, since I had never met her before. His mother is hospitalized, and he never goes to see her.
And then, there's so much to say: his scar, his depression, his addictions, and his agoraphobia. At first, I thought I was going to meet a bad person. But Levi is just a being destroyed by time and people.
And I shared a moment that made him forget all that, even if just for an instant.

After a few minutes, Mikasa came out of the house. She looked pale and had lost the joy she had when she arrived.

"I have to go to class. Eren, I beg you. Stop him from drinking and doing drugs, please.

- I... I... I don't know if I can. I don't have that power.

- I don't know what to do anymore, I...

She rummaged through her bag and took out a piece of paper to write down a number.

- Let's keep in touch. Anyway, I need to come back here soon," she explained nervously. "Goodbye, Eren.

- Bye!"

When I returned to the house after Mikasa left, Levi was pacing around his living room. A well-filled glass of whiskey was wedged between his fingers. Since I've known him, I've never strongly reproached him for drinking alcohol. As soon as I started to bring it up, he would get defensive. And I'm not even mentioning the cocaine.

How am I supposed to approach this?

"What?" Snapped Levi, who had noticed me watching him.

His tone was aggressive. Don't shrink back, Eren. Assert yourself!

- Your sister is right. It's really early to be drinking this much.

- That's none of your fucking business.

- I... I have better things to do... than pick you up every night to take you to your bed.

- The last time I brought you to my bed, you were pretty willing.

A lump formed in my throat. I turned bright red on the spot.

- That's not the point!

- And who are you to tell me what to do? Just because I fucked you once doesn't mean you get special privileges.

My embarrassment turned into anger. I clenched my fists.

- Just because I mean nothing to you doesn't give you the right to disrespect me! I care about you! I work for you! I see you every day destroying your health! And I'm supposed to say nothing? Am I supposed to let you walk all over me? Why do you reject our help like it's the plague? Do you really want to end up alone for the rest of your days? Knowing that everyone hates you? You can be a brother, a son, a friend, a lover, whatever you want! But you spit on us!

I hadn't even realized that my tone had risen. I spoke so fast that I was surprised I didn't trip over my words. Even Levi was speechless after what I had just said.

- I... I..." I stuttered, unable to find my words.

I lowered my head and quickly grabbed my things to leave the house as fast as possible. The owner didn't even try to stop me.

This time, for sure. I've messed up everything from A to Z.

I spent the rest of my disastrous day at Rosemaria. I just felt bad about... everything. My father responded to my text and told me he had made an appointment with his doctor because they suspected he had coronary disease.
Levi is probably on the phone with Mr. Smith complaining about me. On top of that, my landlady called because she suspects a water leak in my apartment. My afternoon was spent alternating between my desk and the coffee machine.

I was just mentally exhausted. When night fell, I sat on a bench on the terrace of my floor. It was almost cold, but the air slightly woke up my nerves.

The door opened, and Hange walked in, holding two bags.

"I saw you weren't doing well today," she said. "So, I brought you this.

She handed me the bag, and I noticed the big yellow M of McDonald's.

- Oh, thanks. I really needed this," I sighed, taking the bag and pulling out the drink to take a sip.

- So, what's wrong?

- Oh. Well, I just yelled at Levi this morning, gave false hope to his sister, my father is sick, my apartment is probably flooded with wastewater, and...

- Whoa, stop. You're going to break down.

- I'm already breaking down. I... nothing is going right!" I sobbed slightly.

- Okay, let's go through this step by step. You argued with Levi. Why?

- I don't know.

- You gave false hope to his sister?

- Yes," I simply replied.

- Your father is sick?

- He's seeing his doctor in two days.

- And your apartment is flooding?

- My landlady called. My neighbor is complaining about water dripping from his ceiling.

Hange slumped in her seat with a sigh.

- What can I do to help you?

- I don't know.

I shivered slightly from a gust of wind.

- Can I tell you a secret? But you have to keep it to yourself.

- Yes.

- You intrigue me because Levi tolerates you.

- "Tolerates me,"" I chuckled slightly. "That's a pretty accurate term, knowing him.

- He made you sign a contract and has you spend a lot of time at his place. What do you think sets you apart?

I quickly think back to the evening we spent together. I sigh and take a bite of my burger.

- I admit I've kind of given up trying to understand Levi.

- I think you shouldn't.

- I don't have the strength or the courage to help someone in this kind of situation. You've all tried. What could I possibly change?

- I... I don't know. Listen, you don't know this, but... Levi used to be someone else. He was a friend and a protective big brother. I considered him my best friend, until...

She looked up, seemingly recalling something bitter.

- So why have I never seen you visit him?" I asked.

- It was a few years ago. We had a fight when I found cocaine in his things. He had told me he quit, but... no. I was angry and he was in withdrawal. People in that state can't control themselves and will do anything for their fix. He had never been violent with me. He really scared me, and he apologized, of course. But that event... distanced us. We've tried so hard to get him into rehab.

- How long has he been addicted?

- Honestly, I couldn't even tell you. It's been years.

- Years... But why? And don't give me that private life story!

- There was a series of tragic events that plunged him into a deep depression. Over the years, only drugs made him feel good for even a few minutes. He was taking so much, daily, that he couldn't hide it from us anymore. Being a hard drug user leaves heavy marks. And his health worries me more every day.

- Yes. I have to regularly take care of him. He's barely avoiding alcohol poisoning.

- Over time, you build a resistance. That's why you start taking stronger and stronger drugs.

- Yes, I've met people in college who fell into that.

- You shouldn't think... it's easy to fall into this world. But for Levi, he took the darkest path. He can't live without it anymore."