I'm nine years old, and today is the last day I would be allowed to do pageants. My mommy and daddy made me do these since I was three and did everything to make me look very pretty. It hurts a lot to get ready but I make mommy and daddy happy when I perform.
          My mommy was putting makeup on my face and fake eyelashes on top of my real ones, which I don't get why anybody would do that, fitting me into dresses too small for my body, and making me look tall in high heels. I don't want to do these anymore, but they would not let me quit. They think it should be fun for me but it isn't. I want to eat chicken nuggets, play with Legos, and watch TV on Saturdays.
          When the time for judging comes, I stand on the stage, still in my outfit, between two other girls my age who I think did better than me. "And the winner goes to... Little Miss Ella Lemay!"
          When my family and I arrive home, I get punished for losing. I got hit and bullied really bad because I was not "pretty enough" to win.

Years Later, Summer Before College

Thanks to all the years of beauty pageants and policing on my body and eating habits, I have an eating disorder. Well, I don't know if I do, because mom and dad refuse to let me get tested for one. At my mom's house, she tells me to "just eat," while at my dad's house I can't eat anything at all outside of maybe one meal, not even one little piece of candy. When I'm forced to eat, I always feel so guilty and excessively exercise. But when I'm not allowed to eat, I'm so hungry and am always dreaming about eating something, anything.
          This week is one of those weeks at my dad's house where I'm not allowed to eat much of anything. I'll try to sneak one snack but he always notices the candy wrapper or trail mix bag in the trash can. He always knows exactly how much food is in the pantry or fridge or how much was taken out of it. I can easily say he caused my eating disorder and my mom pushes it further and doesn't help. I had just applied to and got accepted to a good college far away from both of my parents' houses. I've been excessively working overtime as a server at a local restaurant in which I never eat because... yeah. I don't care about how much in student loans I'll have to pay in the future; I am going as far away as I can from my mom and my dad, but still in state to have to spend less, and never talking to them again. "Scarlett, remember, when you move into college, not to gain any more weight or eat too much! Get the cheapest meal plan with the fewest amount of meals allowed. I will be checking," he told me after I told him I got accepted.
          I sighed, annoyed. "Fine, Dad. You're really helping me get healthier!"
          "Was that disrespect!?" he suddenly yelled.
          "I just wanted to let you know that forcing me to avoid eating anything is not really helping me at all. You're making this worse."
          "How the hell!?"
          "Putting me in those extreme pageants when I was a child? And beating me up for losing? And not letting me gain any weight at all or eat anything while I was a CHILD!?"
          "We were just trying to help you stay healthy, Scarlett. You're just being stubborn."
          "I'd rather be stubborn than be starving. You're the one who makes it hard for me to eat at my mom's house when she forces me to just eat."

That's when I ran out the door with my car keys, got into my car my mom got me, and drove away to my local behavioral health clinic to see a temporary therapist until I get to college and take advantage of the counseling service on campus. Only today did I realize I truly needed help; I was at a breaking point. If I have to leave campus over any breaks or for the summer while I'm in college and had to choose, I'd go to my mom's.