So sorry for the wait but here's seven x

Shawn's POV

I feel a hand shake my shoulder which wakes me up.

"Shawn, honey wake up." It's my mum. I didn't realise she was here, I must've been sleeping when she arrived.

"Morning." I say sleepily, sitting up.

"Are you okay? How are you feeling?" She asks, brushing my hair out of my eyes.

"A lot better today." I actually felt better physically, but my mental state was a mess - I had this aching, crushing feeling in my chest, almost like I was going to explode.

"That's good to hear. I've made you breakfast, eat up and then we will take you to your appointment." I forgot I had a post op appointment today.

"Mum..." I start and she turns around. "Can I see the children today?"

"Okay. But someone has to come with you."

"I'll come." Malea offers, bringing my breakfast to me.

"Thank you. I got them these lion stuffed animals." I show them a picture of the mini Leo The Lions I ordered for the injured children. I'd signed the little jumpers they were wearing, hoping that this small gesture would take some of their pain away.

"That's a kind gesture." My mum smiles, kissing the top of my head. "Right eat up then you can go."

I eat as quick as possible and then change into a grey top and skinny jeans, with black chelsea boots.

"Shawn you ready?" Malea asks.

"I'm ready." I stand up, my side still sore. Malea puts her hand on my back and we walk into the car.

The drive to the hospital is quiet. We hurry inside as there were some paparazzi trying to take pictures of us. I found that incredibly disrespectful as we were outside a hospital.

"Please, I understand it's your job but I'm at hospital." I ask respectfully but its no use - they still harass me.

We manage to get in to the hospital and we are shown into an examination room.

"Right Shawn." The doctor says, coming in. "How have you been?"

"I'm okay."

"How's the pain?"

"It's been bad at times but its eased off a bit." I explain truthfully.

"Okay... I need to see your wound." The doctor asks as she lays a sheet of tissue onto the bed.

I lay myself down on the bed and the doctor lifts my shirt up, revealing the surgical and bullet wounds.

"It doesn't look infected or anything, a good sign. I'm done so you can sit up."

I move so I'm sat where I was before.

"I'm going to lower you painkillers dosage. One thing I'm also going to do is refer you to a therapist. After what happened I think it'll benefit you, even if you feel okay talking about your problems may help."

I really hate talking about my problems. There's nothing I hate more. I guess I'm going to have to go along with it.

"Okay." I say blankly.

"Good... so that's all for today. I need to see you a few more times before I can discharge you."

"That's fine. Is it okay if I book it online as I have to check my diary."

"That's okay, that's absolutely fine."

Malea and I then leave and walk towards the children's ward.

My breathing began to get faster. I guess I didn't notice as being in an almost constant state of panic was becoming normal to me.

"Shawn are you okay?" Malea asks, stopping.

"Yeah. I'll be okay, please don't worry." I try to reassure her. She worries for me like a mother worries for her child.

"I can't not worry for you Shawn. I can see the pain in your eyes." She runs her thumb over my cheek; I'm trying my hardest not to burst into tears.

"Lets go." I begin walking at a faster pace than before and the adrenaline was pumping through me.

Eleven children are being treated at this particular hospital, three of the children are too hurt to be seen by anyone but family. There are a few in a bigger ward with eight beds, all occupied by the children that got hurt at my concert. The ones I almost killed.

"Mummy that's Shawn!" I see a young girl, probably nine or ten, shout and point towards me.

"Hey sweetie." She has a bandage around her left leg. I sit at her bedside and give her a hug, not caring that the girl's arms were hurting my surgical wound. I deserved to be in pain. I inflicted pain. I deserve pain. "I bought you something."

I show her the lion stuffed toy I got her and all of the other children.

"Thank you Shawn I love it!" She hugs it tight, her mother smiling and patting my shoulder.

"Thank you sweetheart." Her mother says in my ear.

"W... what's your name?" I'm almost crying by this point.

"Selena." She replies cheerfully. "Why are you said?" Selena asks innocently, so innocently that it forces a sob out of me.

"I'm just... I'm happy to see you." I lie, trying to smile.

"Shawn, you need a breather." Malea asserts. I give Selena another hug before going into the corridor, pouring my soul out onto Malea's shoulder. "Look, are you ready for this?"

"I can do it." I wipe my tears, putting on a brave face.

The attack broke me.

Seeing those kids shattered me.

Guys I am so sorry for the wait! My exams are over so over the next 2 weeks I'll try to update as much as I can as I go on holiday soon xx