Hey x sorry for the long wait guys x ❤

Shawn's POV

Broken

Empty

Worthless

That's how I currently feel. Its like the weight of the entire galaxy is on my shoulders. I can barely move, or get out of bed. I have no motivation to do absolutely anything. I'm alone at my apartment because nobody cares about me.

Don't involve yourself with trashy people. Lesson learnt. The hard way.

I knew I should've never gotten close to her. My own mother told me that there was something off about the way she looked at me. That there was something off about her in general.

"Its the eyes." She'd say. She told me the lights were on but nobody was home. I guess I was too dumb and self invested to care.

That's not how it felt though. When we were together it felt like nothing else mattered. All the worries were lifted off of my shoulders. I was so fucking happy. I was happy. She made me feel invincible.

However thats not how I feel now. Its an uneasy feeling of self doubt. How was I so stupid not to realise that she wasn't the one for me?

We are from completely different social circles. She's a popular, cool, almost an 'it girl' and well, I'm me.

I'm me.

And I don't just hate that. I despise it.

__________

Its now 2am and I can't sleep. Tears are falling from my eyes. Its like the bloody heavens have opened. I feel so weak, I can't do anything. I can barely breathe.

Who do I call? Where can I go?

Who even cares about me?

What now?

I write into my notes.

There's no one to call cause I'm just playing games with them all
The more I swear I'm happy, the more that I'm feeling alone
'Cause I spent every hour just going through the motions
I cant even get the emotions to come out
Dry as a bone, but I just wanna shout

What now? I just can't figure it out
What now? I guess I'll just wait it out
What now? Somebody tell me
What now?

I don't know where to go
I don't know what to feel
I don't know how to cry
I don't know ow ow why
I don't know where to go
I don't know what to feel
I don't know how to cry
I don't know ow ow why

(CREDIT - RIHANNA - WHAT NOW)

Tears are still falling by the time I've written that out.

The only person I want to see but also don't want to see right now is my mum. I know she can help me but I don't want her to see me like this.

I decide to go see her, even though its now nearly 3am.

Its freezing outside, yet I still go out in just a vest and sweatpants, with sliders on my feet. I really don't care anymore.

Quickly, I get into my jeep and begin driving to my mum's house, hoping that she would help me. I can still barely breathe and my hands are numb.

I don't even see that the light is red. I slam my foot on the brakes. Hard.

I get a shooting pain down my left leg from braking so hard, and my back began hurting. Luckily, I didn't hit anything, or anyone for that matter.

Painfully, I make it to my mum's house. I park up and limp to the door, shivering from the sheer cold.

The light turns on and I hear shuffling. My mum opens the door and sees me. I must be in a state as the first thing she does is put her arms around me.

"Come in darling. Lets get you into bed." She says, putting her fluffy robe over my shoulders.

My mum and Aaliyah stayed in the same house they did when my dad was still around. My room was untouched.

My mum eases me into bed and turns the lamp on.

"You're limping. What happened?" She asks, stroking my cheek.

"I braked hard." I have no emotion in my voice whatsoever.

"Why are you dressed in just a vest? Its freezing." She asks, putting socks on my feet. She then gets a jumper from my drawer and helps me put it on. "Darling I need you to sleep for now and I'm gonna ask you what happened in the morning. You look like you're shattered." She passes me a glass of milk, something that helped me slept well when I was young.

I was shattered. I just didn't feel it anymore. Shattered was the new norm.

For some absurd reason, I fall asleep instantly in my old room. I even slept well, not waking up once.

I found out why in the morning, well afternoon. I didn't get up until 1pm.

Slowly, I make my way downstairs. My leg still hurt, and my back was killing me too.

"I slept so well last night." I exclaim as I go into the kitchen.

"Shawn lay down. You should've called me and I would have brought you breakfast in bed." My mum puts her arm around my shoulder and guides me towards the sofa and help me sit.

"That's the best sleep I got in a while."

"I put sleeping pills in your milk. I know what you're like when you're stressed or sad, you never sleep. I knew you needed the sleep." She explains, stroking my hair.

"I wish you could do that more often."

"No, this is a one time thing. Never again."

There's a silence in the room for a while.

"Shawn tell me what's going on in that head of yours." My mum asks, sitting beside me.

"Its the whole Hailey thing." I start and my mum nods, letting me continue. "I opened up to her in a way that I have never opened up to anybody before and for her to throw it in my face just hurts mum. And I can't even take my mind off it. I can't sleep, I either have a healthy appetite or none at all, I'm tired all the time and I can't even breathe." I say in one breath, getting teary. "I should've listened to you, mum."

"I think the best thing for you to do is ignore her and forget about her completely."

"But how?"

"Let me finish darling." She smiles, stroking my cheek. "To be able to do that you are gonna have to delete her number."

That shocked me. How am I supposed to erase somebody I loved from my life?

"Just do it Shawn. Sweetheart you deserve better. You really do." She kisses my cheek, keeping her hand in my hair.

"I do?" I ask weakly, not wanting to believe her.

"You do." With that, Hailey Baldwin's number was erased from my phone forever.

However the heartache still remaines...

I legit have so many essays to doooo ughhh