I love Youth omggggg

Shawn's POV

Malea was sitting at my bedside all day, in complete silence. I was absolutely devastated, I couldn't even move.

I needed to do one thing - I had to see what I had done. What I had done to those poor, innocent children. My mum had told me not to go as it'd upset me too much. But Malea didn't know that.

"Shawn can I get you anything?" Malea asks, rubbing her hand up and down my arm.

"Can you do me a huge favour?" I couldn't speak louder than a whimper, because it would hurt my wound and abdomen.

"It depends what it is."

"Please can you take me to the children? I'm begging you, please." I beg, sounding incredibly desperate.

"Okay... I will. But you need to make sure you don't get too upset. This wasn't your fault. Promise me Shawn, promise me you won't blame yourself."

"I promise." I lie, just so Malea takes me. This is my fault. I should have done something to protect my fans. I should've hired more security, I should've known this after Ariana Grande in Manchester. I knew and did nothing.

"Right, let me help you up." She gently helps me sit up. "Let me change you into something... er... something else." I was still in my hospital gown. Malea helps me put on some black sweatpants and a zip up hoodie, leaving the zip open as there was a blood drainage bag attached to my surgical wound.

Slowly, I stand up, leaning on Malea for support.

"I can't stand straight." I gasp, surprised at my sudden weakness.

"Its okay, you've been shot twice and had surgery. Just take small steps." She smiles, her arms around me.

Just then, a nurse walks up to us.

"I can get him a wheelchair. He shouldn't be walking around." She suggests nicely and I nod, accepting that I needed a wheelchair.

"Here, sit here for now." Malea helps me sit on a chair, and I take a deep breath as my side was hurting despite only taking a few steps.

The nurse brings a wheelchair and I sit, letting Malea push me to the children's ward.

The sound of crying breaks me as soon as we enter the children's ward.

I had to stand and walk; I had to suffer like they were suffering.

"I'm walking from here." I assert, Malea nodding. I try to get myself to stand but fail.

"I'm helping you."

"Thank you." I smile, getting to my feet. One of the nurses sees me and directs us to one of the injured children's rooms.

It was a young girl. Probably eight or nine. Her left leg was bandaged up and she had a bruise on her head.

"Mummy it's Shawn!" She smiles, her mum and grandmother both getting up to greet me.

"Hi sweetie." I try to speak loudly but I can't. I think her grandmother saw I was hurt.

"Honey sit down, you're hurt." She gives me her seat. Oh I wish I could have done that for my grandmother. I was single handedly responsible for the deaths of these people.

"I'm okay..." I try to speak but it comes out as a whimper.

"No you're not Shawn, sit down." Malea orders, helping me sit onto the armchair near the injured girl's bedside.

"What's your name honey?" I ask the young girl, smiling even though I was incredibly close to having a breakdown, physically and mentally.

"Jessica." She replies, playing with her dark hair.

"That's a nice name." I say, almost crying out in pain. "How are you?"

"I'm happy because you're here. I love you Shawn." Jessica beams, and I reach my arm out so she could hold my hand.

"Shawn are you okay?" Malea asks. I was in so much pain right now, it must've been plastered on my guilty face.

"Yeah." I lie, holding back tears.

"What's the matter?" Jessica's mum puts her arm around me comfortingly.

"I've ruined her life... ow!" I shout in pain, as my side was really sore. Even breathing hurt.

"Shawn don't for one second think this was your fault. You've given her a good night, what happened after was out of your control. You're clearly hurt yourself too, take care of yourself." Jessica's mum exclaims, rubbing my shoulder. "Look, I know you want to visit your fans, you're an incredibly good, caring person for that. But first take care of yourself."

I was going to say something back but I couldn't speak. It hurt too much.

"Take care of yourself, rest up." She reiterates.

"Thank you Shawn." Jessica giggles, and I manage to kiss her forehead, causing me excruciating pain but I deserved it. She was in pain because of me.

"Shawn lets take you back." Malea suggests, but first she pulls on my open hoodie to look at my wound. "One second, its bleeding a little." She tells me. "I can't clean this with tissue or anything as it might get infected, so when you get back to your hospital room we can ask the nurse to clean it."

I nod and let her help me stand, Jessica's mum seeing me out.

"I meant what I said honey, don't blame yourself. This wasn't your fault sweetheart." Jessica's mum cups my cheeks, wiping the few tears that escaped my eyes.

"T... thank you." I whimper, sitting down on the wheelchair.

"No, thank you for visiting. You're a true star." She smiles before going back to her daughter.

"Lets get you back into bed. You need rest." Malea says, caressing my cheek.

When we get back, the nurse cleans my wound, takes the blood bag out and discharges me.

"Right, complete bed rest for three months for you Shawn. No gym or strenuous exercise. You can do small, short interviews but no singing for a month as your stomach muscles, ribs and the layers of skin need rest to heal." The nurse explains, handing me a bag of painkillers.

"Lets get you home." Malea smiles, helping me walk.

My mum had brought her car right to the front of the hospital so I wouldn't have to walk far. The media had other plans.

They had gathered outside. There was a huge crowd of paparazzi outside, waiting for me...

So I actually added the last few lines to leave it on a cliffhanger because I'm nice lol byeeeee