Hiiii so heres 11

Shawn's POV

"I'm not okay..." I sob into Malea's lap, feeling her taking her fingers through my hair, calming me.

"I got you Shawn" she whispers into my ear, bending down to kiss my forehead. "Please tell me exactly what's going on, otherwise I can't help you."

I was about to do it. Sometimes, a wave of confidence hits you and you're able to say or do something that you wouldn't normally be able to do.

That moment is far gone when Ross barges in.

"What the hell was that?" He booms, slamming the door behind him.

"I... I got overwhelmed... I'm sorry." He wasn't even bothered about what had just happened.

"How many people were here tonight?" He shouts, looking angry.

"15,000." I respond quietly.

"That's 15,000 people you've let down Shawn. Learn to control your emotions better."

Those last 6 words travel through me.

Learn to control your emotions better.

Maybe that was all I needed to do. Maybe I was okay, and I just needed to hide pain.

Maybe I was fine.

I am fine. There is nothing wrong with me. This was all my fault as I let something small get to me.

Just then, Andrew walked in.

"Shawn are you okay?" He aska, genuinly worried.

"Yeah I'm fine. Let's go back to the hotel."

That night, I couldn't sleep at all. Everytime I almost fell asleep, it felt like all the breath in my lungs was being sucked out of me.

Suddenly, it felt like I couldn't breathe. I had no idea what was going on, I was sweaty, breathing slow and light.

That's what confused me - panic attacks generally consist of rapid, heavy breathing.

It then hit me - maybe I was dying.

"Malea" I cry quietly, shaking in fear. She wakes up instantly, almost as if she never slept.

"Shawn what's the matter?" She asks, getting out of her bed and standing at my bedside.

"I can't breathe." I croak, tears in my eyes.

"Shawn... budge up a bit." She says softly, climbing into bed with me. I rest my head on her chest, trying to find a way to breathe.

"What's wrong with me?" I whisper, just loud enough for Malea to hear.

"You're having anxiety Shawn. You've a lot going on right now, I think you're really stressed darling." She says softly, taking her fingers through my hair.

"I can't sleep. I'm gonna die Malea aren't I?" As silly as that may sound, I actually felt like that.

"No Shawn. You're gonna be fine. I'm right here, give me your hand." I move so my back is pressed against her chest. One of her hands finds mine and rests on my chest, the other in my hair, gently untangling my hair. My eyes were stinging.

"Keep me safe. Please." I whimper, shaking.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you Shawn, don't worry."

After many tries, I finally fell asleep in Malea's arms, getting the rest that my body so desperately needed.

The next morning, I woke up late. I had a day off, and luckily nobody had woken me up.

I check the time. 10 56am. Malea was going shopping today, so I was alone.

I also had 181 new messages, and 25 missed calls.

Again, one stood out - 4 messages from Hailey Baldwin

Shawn

I saw what happened

Are you okay?

Text me if you need me xxx

Quickly, I type up a response.

Hey, just got a little overwhelmed with everything x

I reply and then get out of bed and take a quick shower. I put on a blue long sleeve and black sweats, wanting to stay in bed all day.

Just then, my phone buzzes.

Hailey Baldwin - yeah I know how it feels 😘 I can come see you, I'm in London for a few days and I have the day off x

Me - that'd be lovely. Just come to my hotel, I'm staying at the Hilton in Wembley x

Hailey - be there in 20 xx

Smiling, I decide to check Twitter.

I was #1 trending on Twitter. People had shared the video of the concert. There were so many lovely comments, saying 'feel better Shawn' and 'hope you're okay Shawn'. It brought a smile to my face.

There was one article that stood out. It was by The Daily Mail. The headline -

WILL SHAWN MENDES BE THE NEXT CHILD STAR TO FALL?

I was just going through some things. There was nothing wrong with me. Why do some journalists feel the need to add negativity into everything? Oh yeah, its because it brings their article success and attention. Idiots.

Just then, there's a knock on the door.

"Shawn hi!" Hailey smiles, hugging me tightly. "How are you feeling hun?"

"A little better, come in." I respond, letting her in. "Sorry its a little messy."

"No its fine. I just want you to know that you're not alone." She says, rubbing my back.

"Its just like... everything is fucked up. I can't do anything right. I ruined a show for the 20,000 or so fans who came to my show because I couldn't control myself! I just can't anymore, I just can't!" I cry, my voice turning into sobs.

"Hey its okay. Come here." Hailey takes her hand and places it on my face, guiding me so that my head is on her chest. "Breathe deeply." She whispers in my ear. "Just calm yourself down."

It then hits me that she was feeling down too. I had made this all about myself.

"Hailey how are you? I never askes about your anxiety."

For a second her face is blank. It was almost as if realisation hit her when I said the wors 'anxiety'.

"Its just... yeah. Some days are better than others but yeah. That's all." She replies, shrugging. "You look tired, lay down." She suggests, putting her hands on my shoulders, wanting to guide me into a laying position.

Instead, I move my head closer and so does she. Our lips connect and the moment was magical, passionate and nothing else mattered at that point. All that mattered was that we were together.

I mean you might have to read again to find the cliffhanger 😂😂

Also good luck for A Level Results Day tomorrow. And I'm sorry if I just reminded you ❤😘