It's okay to be transgender! It's also okay to question your gender. If after questioning you find you are cisgender, that's okay and the time was not wasted because you've learned about yourself! If you find that you are transgender too, that's cool and you've learned about yourself!

I'm going to talk about my experiences in being transgender in hopes that it can help someone. Someone suggested the topic so I hope it can help them. Please feel free to share your own stories or thoughts on the comments!

Growing up, I always knew somehow I was different. When I was in kindergarten my friends were split evenly between girls and boys. In first grade I became friends with a bunch of boys, and I knew that I didn't quite fit in as a boy, but I also wasn't really meant to be a girl. I remember thinking that the boy I liked was too straight to ever like me because he was into girls. I didn't know being transgender was possible, but I did know I wasn't really supposed to be a girl. It always felt good when I was included as a boy because it meant I wasn't a girl. I remember in 5th grade my friend asked if I wanted to be a boy and I was dumfounded. I wondered if that was possible, but then I didn't totally want to be a boy either. I couldn't answer him. In middle school I figured out that I was panromantic and acknowledged that there were more than 2 genders, but never considered my own gender more than that. The summer after 8th grade, I joined wattpad. I started learning about trans people, and something clicked. I first thought I was gender fluid. It allowed me to explore different genders and how I really want to express myself. I settled on the idea that I was FTM. It didn't quite fit right, but it was the best label I knew. I experience dysphoria and want to present as masculine the most, so it just made sense. It took about a year for me to learn about being a demiboy, and that fit better, but still didn't sit right. Then I looked into being boyflux within a couple months of exploring the demiboy gender. It felt better because it could fit my expression and my feeling of being not a boy and not being a girl. Finally, I settled on nonbinary. It finally feels perfect. I separated my gender identity(something different and not a boy or girl) from my gender expression(masculineish). I am nonbinary.

In terms of coming out, I came out first to wattpad, then friends, in June and July. In September I talked to school counselors about it. Then in November of my freshman year in high school I told my teachers with the help of my counselors and officially came out at school at ftm. Then in December I came out to my mom. She said she accepted me, then she told my dad. They didn't want to talk about it and they didn't want to tell my brother yet. It has not come up again since. I'm a junior in high school now. I came out as nonbinary last week. I'm writing an English project now that begins with me introducing myself as a nonbinary person. It took me a long time to gain this confidence. I'm living a double life of a girl at home and a queer person everywhere else.

I went through a lot of phases to come to where I am today, and I learned a lot from exploring myself. I'm still learning.

If you have any questions about my transition, feel free to ask them!

Also if you want to share your story in the comments, go for it!

Carter <3 ;