SPRING BREAK BITCHES!!!!! TIME FOR ME TO GET FUCKING WILD!!!!!!!

Is what I would say if I didn't have to work, but here I am, in a van with my coworkers. What makes it worse is Blitzø singing along to a song on the radio. Very badly might I add.

Blitzø: I love this song! You were a spicy little- uh- Demon with the- uh- bleach blonde haaaair!

(This is the song if anyone wants to listen to it)

https://youtu.be/xzScc1Tj8Ys

Poor Mustang Dong. Loona is annoyed, Moxxie is covering his ears, but sweet Millie just sticks her head out the window like a cute pupper.

Y/N: Blitz your singing is going to take years off my afterlife, stop.

Blitzø: Well EXCUSE me! If you think my beautiful singing is SO horrible, then why don't you bless us with your heavenly voice? Loonie, take the wheel.

This bitch lets go of the wheel and crosses his arms, prompting a surprised Loona to take the wheel. Heh, Jesus take the wheel. Shaking my head, I flip through radio stations until I find something from my time as a human. 

Y/N: Ah shit, here we go. 

https://youtu.be/HWSqv-xsc5o

Y/N: Broadway is black like a sinkhole
Everyone raced to the suburbs
And I'm on the rooftop with curious strangers
This is the oddest of summers
Maybe I'll medicate, maybe inebriate
Strange situations, I get anxious
Maybe I'll smile a bit, maybe the opposite
But pray that they don't call me thankless

My tell-tale heart's a hammer in my chest
Cut me a silk-tied tourniquet

This is my roaring, roaring 20's
I don't even know me
Roll me like a blunt, 'cause I wanna go home
Roll me like a blunt, 'cause I wanna go home
My roaring, roaring 20s
I don't even know me
Roll me like a blunt, 'cause I wanna go home
Roll me like a blunt, 'cause I want, I wanna go home

Oscars and Emmy's and Grammy's
Everyone here is a trophy
And I'm sipping bourbon
The future's uncertain
The past on the pavement below me
Maybe I'll elevate, maybe I'm second rate
So unaware of my status
Maybe I'm overjoyed, maybe I'm paranoid
Designer me up in straight jackets

My tell-tale heart's a hammer in my chest
Cut me a silk-tied tourniquet

This is my roaring, roaring 20's
I don't even know me
Roll me like a blunt, 'cause I wanna go home
Roll me like a blunt, 'cause I wanna go home
My roaring, roaring 20s
I don't even know me
Roll me like a blunt, 'cause I wanna go home
Roll me like a blunt, 'cause I want, I wanna go home

Y/N and Moxxie: Hallucinations only mean that your brain is on fire
If it's Lord of the Flies in my mind tonight
I don't know if I will survive
Lighters up if you're feelin' me
Fade to black if you're not mine
'Cause I just need a sign, or a signal inside

Y/N, Moxxie, Millie: This is my roaring, roaring 20s
I don't even know me
Roll me a blunt 'cause I wanna go home
Roll me a, roll me a blunt

Y/N: This is my roaring, roaring 20s
I don't even know me
Roll me like a blunt 'cause I wanna go home
Roll me like a blunt 'cause I want, I wanna go home

I wanna go home

Y/N, Moxxie, Millie: Oh oh oh woah
Oh oh oh woah

Y/N: I wanna go home

As the song ends, I give the two Imps headpats. 

Y/N: Damn you two are great at singing.

Millie: Mox-Mox is an amazing singer, I just went along with how you did it earlier.

Moxie: W-well, I've heard the song once or twice and wanted to help you with it...

I peck the blushing Moxxie on the forehead, making his blush even deeper. Blitzø groans a bit, though still making Loona lean over to steer.

Blitzø: Ok ok, you're a good-OH SHIT!

Blitzø slams on the van's brakes, coming to a skidding halt. He glared at the hot pink car, which has "SUCKS-4-LIFE" as the license plate.

Blitzø: Oh, you "suck for life", do ya?!

Blitzø pulls out his trusty megaphone and yells into it.

Blitzø: Listen up, you unoriginal pink cum dump! You have three goddamn seconds to get your tits out of my parking spot or I'm sending my dog on and he doesn't discriminate! That includes what holes he fucks!

Y/N: Bitch!

The driver of the car finally makes themself, or herself rather, known. And Satan DAMN SHE FINE! 

Blitzø: Oh, shit! Verosika!

The now-named Verosika blows a bubble with her gum before it pops.

Verosika: Blitz-o.

Blitzø: I should have known you'd be here. I could smell fish for miles, which is odd. Because I believe the nearest ocean is...

The little bastard fell getting out of the window. He faceplanted before getting up like nothing happened.

Blitzø: ...three Rings DOWN!

Y/N: OOOOOHHH!!!

Just like Regular Show. Verosika, however, is just unfazed as she holds her flask.

Verosika: And I should have known you'd be here when I heard the Amber Alerts.

Blitzø puts his hands on his hips like a sassy bitch, which he is. 

Blitzø: Oh, yeah? I'm surprised they let your fat ass-

Y/N: DON'T YOU BRING THAT SCRUMDIDDLYUMPTIOUS, PIXAR MOM WORTHY ASS INTO THIS!

Blitzø: -outta rehab. I can see you're still a drunken WHORE, clutching onto that Beelzejuice bottle like it's the last cock in Hell!

Y/N: IT-

Blitzø: SHUT UP BEFORE I GET YOU NEUTERED YOU HORNDOG!

Y/N: I WILL FUCK YOU LIKE YOU'RE THE LAST POCKET PUSSY IN HELL BITCH!

Confused, Verosika ignores our argument and dramatically flips her hair.

Verosika: They let me out because I'm still famous. And rehab is for sad, loser wash-ups....

She pops the top on her flask and takes a swig before wiping her mouth with her thumb, smirking at the fuming Imp.

Verosika: ...So, your sister says "Hi".

Angry, Blitzø marches up to her and points with his red Imp fingers.

Blitzø: Why are you parkin' here?! This is the ONLY parking spot my company has! So take your tampon race car somewhere else!

Verosika smirks at Blitzø. 

Verosika: Actually, prick. It has my name on it.

She points down to her name, which is "I.M.P" crossed out and her name spray painted under it in purple.

Verosika: I'm doing a bit of freelance for one of the infinitely more successful companies in the building...

As she drones on, I notice Loona's exasperated look. Before I can ask what's wrong, Blitzø's voice catches my attention.

Blitzø: A WEEK?! No, no, you are NOT parking here for a fuckin' week!

Oh hell no! I climb out of the van and back up my boss.

Y/N: I am not missing out on getting paid so a bunch of horny dumbasses on earth can suck and fuck their lives away!

Blitzø: You tell her best employee!

Verosika smirks and takes off her sunglasses.

Verosika: Awww~ you mad, Blitz-o? You gonna run off, leaving someone else to pay for the hotel room, steal their car and run...

Blitzø and Verosika: ...run three rings to Wrath and max MY credit cards on shitty horse riding lessons?!

Blitzø: Goddamn it whore, you will NOT let that go!

Verosika: Choke on a sandpaper cock.

Verosika walked off while flipping Blitzø off, but she rubbed my chin with a flirty smile. I follow an angry Blitzø, who was following Verosika while ranting.

Blitzø: HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I'm gonna...

He's stopped my another Hellhound growling at him. He's pretty hot, not gonna lie. 

Hellhound: You'll what?

Damn even his voice is sexy. I hope he's a bottom, or at least a switch.

Blitzø: Or I'll... uh...

He glanced around at all of us while stuttering.

Blitzø: -uh, I- I'll call HR!

We all laugh like a sitcom before immediately going back to normal. I'm not joking, that's exactly what happened.

Verosika: Anyway, meet my new Hellhound, Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well. Then again, it's a miracle you found someone who actually WANTS to work with a limpdick liar like you.

She gives me her card, which is covered in glitter with a purple kiss mark on it.

Verosika: If you want a real boss, give me a call sometime cutie~.

Verosika leaves with her bodyguard in tow. She looked over her shoulder and flipped Blitzø off once again.

Verosika: Ta-ta, fuck stain.

Blitzø: Ugh, I wasted so much time with a bag of holes like that.

Loona kicked the door open and jumped out, which scared the living shit out of Blitzø but confused me. How did a guy like Blitzø know a celebrity, but this is the same guy who SOMEHOW got Stolas to let him hit.

Loona: You know Verosika Mayday?!

Blitzø: Huh...? Oh, yeah. Her, yeah. We dated.

The top side of Millie's head popped up from behind the door.

Millie: Was it before or after she became a pop star?

Moxie just aggressively opened the door and stepped out the van.

Moxxie: You dated a pop star?!

Y/N: Millie asked my exact question, but I still wanna know how y'all got together in the first place.

Blitzø: Okay, why are you all acting like that's such a shock?

Loona: Hellooo, it's Verosika Mayday?

Millie: It's you?

Y/N: Someone considered a loser?

Moxxie: I just...Is she blind?? Suffering some form of brain damage?

Y/N: Can't be. She called me a cutie.

Blitzø: Okay, look, you are all making this into a way bigger deal than it needs to be. I don't pry into your stupid personal lives.

We all call his bullshit. Just yesterday I was laying on Cherri's lap while she fed me cherries and Blitzø was dangling from the ceiling like some kind of Mission Impossible movie bullshit. Cherri screamed and slapped him out of our apartment.

Millie: What was sex with her like?

Moxxie: Millie!

Millie: Whaaaat?! It's a pop star! You'd wanna know what sex with Michael Crawford was like.

Moxxie: ...Touché.

Blitzø: Okay, look, let's just drop it! Millie, find a temporary spot for that truck.

Blitzø tosses the keys to Millie, who gleefully catches them and runs to the driver's side. Never let that crack baby drive, she led me through a GTA V 5 star police chase with helicopters and everything.

Blitzø: Okay, Loonie, Moxxie, Y/N let's go handle this shit.

We follow Blitzø and Moxxie has his chest pumped and arms out for some reason. Maybe to make himself look bigger like most animals do. A few minutes later, we stepped out of an elevator on our floor. Loona, however, was having an existential crisis.

Loona: Do you think they saw me? Fuck! I did my makeup shitty today!

Blitzø: Oh, you look perfect, Loonie! Like always~

Loona: Shut UP, da—

Blitzø:

Loona caught herself before scowling and pushing Blitzø away.

Loona: Urgh! Blitzø!

Loona was checking her makeup in a handheld mirror before accidentally bumping into Vortex.

Loona: Oof! Oh. Woah...

Blitzø's smile immediately turns into a look of shock as he saw Loona blushing and her tail wagging. He then moves between Loona and Vortex with his arms out.

Blitzø: Hiiii, big man. Where's your bitch bag of an employer?

Vortex: She's in her office.

He motioned to a neon door with V and M spray painted in neon purple. It's right across from the IMP room.

Vortex: There wasn't room on the second floor, so they rented one here on this one. It's cheaper.

Blitzø: Oh, COME ON!

Vortex scoffs.

Vortex: Sorry man.

Vortex walks away, leaving me and the gang. Oh, and an angry Blitzø. Loona also backed her ass onto my crotch, so that's something.

Blitzø: Oh, no you don't, bitch.

Moxxie: Sir... how about you let me go in and try to reason with her? I don't really listen to what's classified as "pop genre" music, so her status to me is name recognition alone...

Blitzø just tuned Moxxie's pompous boujie ass out. To be honest, I did too but the way he's talking is pretty funny.

Blitzø: Moxxie, shut the fuck up.

Moxxie: Alrighty then.

He simply headed over to her office door. I can see the silhouettes of Verosika and her crew and hear the muffled music thanks to my Hellhound ears.

Moxxie: Hello, Miss Verosika, was it? I work for I.M.P., and it is actually rather important for us to retain the singular parking space we were assigned, because-

Afro succubus: Aww look at the little one~. He's got a wittle bow tie!

Moxxie: Please don't condescend me, ma'am. I—

Incubus 1: Want a kissy little guy?

Moxxie: A kind offer, but... I'm married.

Verosika: Hey... why don't you send a little message from me back to your limp, dick, boss, and that hot incubus?

Before Moxxie could react, they all morphed into their demon forms and...attacked him?

Moxxie: Don't touch that!

Blitzø rushes to the window with a frightened look.

Blitzø: Don't let her access to any of your holes!

Y/N: Yeah, they're mine and sometimes Millie's!

Moxxie comes out hyperventilating. He walked passed me and Blitzø covered in lipstick marks.

Moxie: I...I gotta go lie down...

Blitzø: That's it, I'm sending in the K-9 unit!

Blitzø elbows me slightly.

Blitzø: That's you. Sick em' boy!

Rolling my eyes, I walk into the bright neon office with my arms crossed. Before I can give them a piece of my mind, me and two others gasp.

Y/N: Ace? Josh?

Ace and Josh: Y/N?!

We all do a bro hug and laugh a little.

Y/N: How the hell are you sluts?

Josh: Good, still thinking of that dick tho~.

Ace: Calm down dumbass. I'm sure the stallion here will fuck ya after this thing blows over.

Verisoka: You two know him?

Josh: Remember when I had to put my ass on ice? That was the guy.

Ponytail: That's the guy? He's a fucking studmuffin!

Y/N: She's pretty hyper.

Ace: No kidding dude. Wanna meet the crew?

Y/N: Sure. It's been a minute since we talked.

They all come over so they can introduce themselves. 

Ace: You already know me and Josh. The one who looks like she bites is Apple.

Apple: Hi!

Ace: Next to her is her fuck-buddy-

Ace gets next to my ear and whispers.

Ace: -but between you and me, I think they're dating-

Ace goes back to his original spot.

Ace: -Coco.

Coco: What did you tell him-

Ace: The shorty with the fattest ass of the bunch is Milky.

Milky: Hey stud~.

Ace: That's Vortex, our resident furry.

Me and Vortex growl at each other, Hellhound thing. 

Ace: The blue haired chick with perpetually hard nipples is Kiki.

Kiki: Fuck you...

Ace: The only other Incubus of the group is Kat.

Kat: Sup bro.

Ace: And last but not least, the star of the whole show, the one and only Verosika Mayday.

Verosika smiled at me and bit her lip a little.

Verosika: What's that limp dick paying you cutie? I can double it if you work for me.

Y/N: Sometimes he doubles my pay, other times he gives me one of my coworker's paychecks if they fuck up.

Verosika gently pushes me onto one of the tables and straddles my lap with one of her legs still on the floor.

Verosika: Why work for someone like Blitzo? I can give you quadruple what he earns and as many people you want to have sex with, you are an Incubus after all~.

She confused Vortex. See, there's something unique about demons; how we perceive each other. Regular Sinners and Imps have this sort of "feeling" they get that tells them what kind of demon someone is. Special demons like Hellhounds and Succubi or Incubi can literally smell what kind of demon you are. Hellhounds smell like dogs, Succubi and Incubi smell fruity, Imps smell like wood, and Sinners smell like air with a faint but familiar scent. It isn't good or bad. Anyways my scent is why Vortex growled at me as a fellow male Hellhound and it's why Loona has the hots for me.

Verorika: What do you say cutie? Do you want a lame boss like Blitzo? Or a sexy super cool boss like me~?

Blitzø: FUCK NO YOU BAG OF HOLES!

Blitzø kicks the door down and pulls me away from Verosika. No joke, this bitch is holding me over his head like a vase or some shit. 

Blitzø: If you're gonna be shitty to my employees and try to take my favorite one, then I challenge you to a fuckin'... challenge! Fuck, I said that twice.

Y/N: Why didn't you say "challenge you to a contest" or some shit?

Blitzø: Yeah, what he said!

Kiki: Mmmm... Is this Imp boy starting a demon duel?

Verosika: Hehe, I think he is. What's the game....

As I get down from Blitzø's Lion King ass carry, I see Verosika leaning down to tease him. DAMN THOSE MILKIES MILKING!

Verosika: Blitz-O?

Blitzø: Every year, you STD spreaders go up topside for easy pickin's while spring break is a prime time for crime of all kinds! So I bet... you succu-bitches can't fuck as many people as we can off by the end of the day.

I look at Blitzø like he's grown a second head as the Succu-bitches, which I decided to call them, laugh. After a few seconds, they stop and see his glare.

Verosika: Oh, you're serious? Game on...

She got closer to his ear as he frowned angrily.

Verosika: ...bitch.

Later on, we all made it to I.M.P. HQ. Blitzø was in front of a whiteboard with crude drawings explaining his plan for our Spring break killing spree.

Blitzø: Alright, shut your assholes! Here's how we're gonna do this shit! First, we find a fuck ton of clients.

The drawing magically animates itself so the pictures of us are dog-piled by clients with bags of money.

Blitzø: We portal up with our trusty book.

The drawing Blitzø snaps his fingers and our drawings fall through a portal.

Blitzø: We have our happy killin' fun time as usual.

All of our drawings start shooting people with guns and shit.

Blitzø: We pile all the bodies into a big fuckin' canoe.

The human bodies are tossed into a canoe named "S.S. Cum Gutter".

Blitzø: We push said canoe into some water.

Drawing Blitzø kicks the canoe full of bodies away from the dock.

Blitzø: We light it on fire to attract the sharks and eagles 'n shit. Maybe a goose, too! Fuck it!

Drawings of sharks, snakes, eagles and creatures eat the bodies set on fire in the canoe. After he says fuck it, a large octopus chomps the entire ship and the animals.

Blitzø: They come and eat the bodies, we win the bet...

The I.M.P drawings cheer and the Loona and me figures wear party hats.

Blitzø: We rub it in that sloppy bitch's drunken whore-ass face...

The drawing I.M.P. crew gives drawing Verisoka the bird, making her cry.

Blitzø: Do you have... any questions?

Moxxie: Uh, yeah. Why was that nonsense?

Blitzø: That wasn't a question.

Moxxie: That wasn't a plan.

Blitzø walked over to Moxxie and put his arm around him.

Blitzø: I'm sorry, but that was a flawless presentation of what we should do, Mox. It's not my fault you got a smooth little brain upstairs.

Moxxie: A what now?

Y/N: He's calling you dumb Moxxie, like a Koala.

Blitzø: See, even the horndog knows more than you do. God, why don't you learn to take criticism, you talentless baby dicked troll?!

Moxxie gets bold and stands on the table.

Moxie: Well why don't YOU take an art class?

Blitzø grabs Moxxie and throws him into his chair.

Blitzø: Why don't YOU see how EXPENSIVE they are!

Loona: Hey, is there a way I can come with you guys this time?

Blitzø: Absolutely not, I forbid it. Not gonna happen. Sorry, sweetie. Spring break is no place for young, vulnerable goth girls. You know the kind of FREAKS up there who'd drool all over you!

Everyone breaks the fourth wall with disapproving glances.

Author: Don't patronize me. Who doesn't want a big booty goth girl?

Y/N: Valid. But Loona, don't you have like a human disguise or some shit?

Loona: Yeah, I can use that.

Blitzø: Wait, say that again.

Loona: I can... blend in...?

Millie: Do you have a human disguise?

Loona: Yeah. Don't you?

Y/N: They don't.

Blitzø: Snitch!

Y/N: Don't patronize me. I use my human disguise when we do our jobs, I just didn't when we killed Martha because I was still new to Hell.

Loona: You three have been screwing around on Earth this whole fucking time... without human disguises?!

Blitzø: Okay, new plan!

Blitzø, trying to change the subject, makes a drawing of me and Loona surrounded by hearts.

Blitzo: Loonie and Y/N can lure the humans to us, and we'll take care of the rest. Okay, how about that?

Millie: Flawless logic.

Moxxie: I think you're missing the biggest issue, sir. Isn't it crucial to have a client who demands enough kills to win this bet? We aren't just going up to massacre!

Blitzø: Y/N.

We all go outside and I put up a poster that reads "Spring Break Victim, 50% Off!".

Y/N: Now, we just sit back and watch the clients roll in.

Moxxie: Y/N, I don't think we're going to get enough clients with one poster-

Before he could even get his last breath of air out, a long line of demons came due to the poster. I smirk at an agape Moxxie and use my tail to close his mouth.

Y/N: Careful Mox, my dick goes in there.

Blitzø: Good job Y/N. You get a treat and a pay raise!

He throws the treat in the air and I catch it.

Timeskip
We're scoping humans out behind rocks under the pier.

Blitzø: Now remember, we can't be seen, alright? And loose shots will likely cause a panic, so Loona and Y/N can help with leading targets to a better spot to off 'em. You got the list, Loonie?

Loona holds up a long list of names and we take a sniff. She taught me that Hellhounds have a unique magic when it comes to our senses of smell and hearing, which allows us to literally see the things we're smelling or hearing. We both go to a somewhat spacious area and slip into our human forms. I look the same as when I was human, which is shorter hair that reaches between my shoulders and no demon features. That and I'm about 6'4-5. The fire in my hair also turned into orange highlights and my eyes stayed orange. Loona on the other hand....

Y/N: Great balls of fire you fine!

Loona blushes, making Blitzø glare at me.

Blitzø: Yeah you can flirt with my Loonie later, now lead those dollar signs to us K-9 unit!

I hold out my fist to Loona.

Y/N: K-9 unit?

Loona giggled and punched my fist.

Loona: K-9 unit.

We left the dock and scoped out our first targets. We smirked and acted a little flirty and led them to an alley and under the dock for fun time, only for the Imps to kill them.

Loona led a guy to an alley and Blitzø hung him with a noose.

I led a girl behind some rocks in the water and drowned her with Millie.

Loona sat on a roof with a guy and Millie flying kicked him off.

I was in a tent doing coke with a girl and made her OD herself.

Loona was walking with a fat guy past an ice cream shop and he's killed by a flower pot to the head.

I was making out with a guy and slipped him a pill.

We killed a ton of people in our own unique ways, and it was pretty fun. We took a little break from killing so we could deal with the bodies.

Blitzø: That's nine kills in the bag! I like to see that waily snatch orgasm that many–

Verosika: Alright, spring breakers!

Y/N: She's on the stage boss.

We all look to see the silhouette of Verosika on stage. She walks out of the smoke to reveal her human form. 

Verosika: Y'all ready to get fucked up and make some BITCHIN' BAD CHOICES?!

The audience goes wild. Hell, a guy even wrote her name on his chest.

Verosika: This is your final boarding call. All aboard~.
(Loona didn't go to Vortex, so stop at like 1:18)

https://youtu.be/-IEDtXN1BVY

3rd pov
As Verosika finished her song, more smoke erupted from the stage, confusing her. This smoke was different than her pink smoke, it was gray like ash with orange embers in it. Two girls emerge from the smoke, catching everyone's attention.

The girl on the is taller than her friend, standing at 5'9. She's an ebony beauty with amber eyes, and silver hair that has a large green streak. Her form of body art is a broken heart tattoo on her right shoulder and black streaks of makeup on her cheeks as well as purple lipstick. Her current attire is a pair of purple tiger stripe pants and a black crop top with black boots.

The girl on the right is shorter than her friend as she's 5'2. She has fair skin with blue eyes and pale blonde hair with pink streaks. She doesn't have any body art like her friend but several accessories consisting of neon green gloves, a necklace with green beads, green triangle earrings, and a pink headband. She does have pink streaks of makeup on her cheeks, but they're thinner than her friend's. Her attire consists of a white muscle shirt and pink sneakers with bi-pattern booty shorts: pink with tiger stripes on the left side and green leopard print on the left. She has on pink lipstick.

Y/N then comes in the center with a smirk and a headset like the other two, only his attire is no shirt and green camo pants with black boots. As the music plays, he gets into a pose with his hands on his hips.

Y/N: I don't know about you all, but I'm feeling slutty.

He and the two girls with him dance to a song he sings with music playing in the background.
(So he sings the actual song and not the instructions the guy is saying. The girls with him sing the female part together whenever it comes up.)

https://youtu.be/fajSXytYi48

Once they finish, the crowd goes wild, giving Blitzø and the gang enough time to off more people. Y/N notices Blitzø do a finger-rolling motion, making him nod.

Y/N: Think you girls got enough in ya for one more song?

They nod enthusiastically. Guess it's their first time crashing a singer's performance, something I've done before with a couple of guy friends.

Y/N: You bitches wanna take this back to the Roaring 20s?!

Everyone cheers, though I think it's because they're either high, drunk, or both.

(Y/N is dancing like the leader while the other two girls are dancing like the woman on the right/her left)

https://youtu.be/njIMomitAT0

???: Hey loser!

Once we finish the dance, we turn to see some chick with a group of 5 other girls with her. Their outfits are color-coded with the leader being cyan blue and her posse being green, purple, pink, and yellow.

Y/N: Uhhh...who are you?

They pull a pose like some fucking Super Sentai gang.

Cyan: We are...the K-Pops!

Y/N:....huh?

The black girl I was dancing with whispered into my ear.

Black: They're a band known in this city for their K-pop songs and the fact they can speak Korean.

Y/N: Oh....well what do you want?

Cyan: We want you to leave. We booked this spot after Verosika Mayday and don't want some no-named randos on the stage.

Blonde: So y'know...get to stepping.

Green: Especially with those tacky outfits.

Y/N: Well at least our outfits are sexy and don't make us look like some kid's Power Rangers drawing.

The black girl gives me a fist bump.

Cyan: At least our dances look better than yours, especially because we're WAY thiccer than those tramps you call dancers.

This bitch makes me double take so many times I may have gotten whiplash. I got a measuring tape and a random piece of paper before getting their three sizes, mainly from the black girl and the K-pops.

Y/N: My tall girl here is 45B-62W-100H because of this massive GYAAATTT. Her friend is like 7-10 lower than her.

The black girl makes it a point to slap her ass, something her friend does as well to make the crowd go wild. Miss Cyan fumes before smirking at me.

Cyan: There's only one way to settle this.

Y/N: I've been waiting to-

Cyan: Dance battle!

Crowd: OOOOOHHHHH!

Y/N: Uhhhh...team huddle!

Me and the girls do a huddle for a minute before breaking it. We tell the DJ our song and stand across from them. 

Cyan: We'll be nice and go first, save you the embarrassment.

Y/N: Be my guest. Lets us keep our cards closer to our chests that way.

She glares at me as her and her posse dance while sing surprisingly.

(Skip to 0:40. Cyan and her posse are the K-pop trolls and Y/N and his posse are the Reggaeton Trolls. Also ignore Branch)

https://youtu.be/dk8vzET9w0k

Suddenly, everyone screams and yells monster. We all turn to see a giant fish monster coming out of the water. 

Everyone runs away to safety, but not me. I saw Moxxie get eaten by the fish and Millie charge at it. Making sure the coast is clear, I turn into a flock of flaming Crows and flew towards Millie. Summoning CROW-9, I give it a brutal haymaker the same time Millie hits it with a Molotov. She jumped at the fish, prompting me to summon a larger Crow to carry her and drop her onto the fish, where she lands on its teeth and pried its mouth open. I land on its head and, with BALROG 9, grab its whiskers and pull them back, making it roar in pain and open its mouth even more. Moxxie was "helping" by punching its uvula.

Y/N: Millie get him out of there before I lose my grip!

Nodding, Millie reaches for Moxxie, only for him to give her a high five. Rolling her eyes, she pulls him out and cuts the monster's tongue. It roars in pain and tries to eat them, but I sledgehammer its head, hard. Hard enough for it to hit the water. Me and Millie fight the monster off while Moxxie flies towards the beach and is caught by Blitzø. 

The damn fish ate us, but I clawed my way out of its stomach while Millie cut her way out. I turn into a wolf and doggy paddle my way back to the beach with Millie on my back. Millie was giving me ear scratches while carrying the sack I found in its stomach. I put some items I got the catfish in there for souvenirs.

Millie: You're such a good boy~! Momma's gonna reward her cute puppy with an ass pillow, yes she is~!

Fuck I love this woman! We make it back to the beach where Blitzø was holding a drunk Moxxie. Wait, how did he get drunk?! And why haven't I gotten drunk?!

Blitzø: Ohhhh, yeah! That's my top killers, way to show off you two!

Y/N: Thanks boss.

Millie: Is Mox ok?!

Blitzø: Oh, yeah. He's fine.

Blitzø unceremoniously drops a doped up Moxxie. Millie jumps off my back to hug him while I nuzzled the couple.

Moxxie: Thiiiis is funny. I'm sooooo... drinky.

Blitzø: Ooookay, this is too wholesome for my liking.

Y/N: Not for me, but I haven't tasted so much as a DROP of liquor and I'm mad as fuck.

Verosika: Blitzo.

We turn around to see the Succu-bitches minus Vortex.

Blitzø: Oh, perfect. That must be the whores!

Verosika: That was handled rather... obvious... Don't you think?

Y/N: Yeah I don't think this flask belongs to us. Mine is black and I left it at home.

Millie throws the Beelzejuice flask to Verosika, who drop-passed it to Milky.

Millie: Would be a shame if anyone found out you guys were behind a giant monster fish in the human world.

Moxxie drunkenly laughs.

Moxxie: Oh, Satan! You're gonna be so... FUUUUCKED!

Y/N: Seriously, where did he get liquor!?

Verosika: Yeah, well... you three nasty-ass gremlins and your dog will be in shit for not being in disguises!

Moxxie face plants into the sand before picking his head up...

Moxxie: A human called me a possum. I am not a...

...and face plants again.

Moxxie:...possum!

Blitzø: Y'know, we could keep this little B-movie scene on the down low...

Blitzø walked towards Verosika and pushed a drunk Moxxie across the sand with his foot.

Blitzø:...if you agree to let us use that parking space.

Verosika: ...Fine.

Blitzø: AND keep your end of our little bet.

Verosika: FUCKING FINE you nasty twerp.

Blitzø gives a shit eating grin.

Blitzø: Pleasure doing business cum-skank. Pack it up everyone we got a parking space to claim because....

Blitzø throws confetti into the air

Blitzø: WE FUCKIN' WOOOOOOON!!!

Millie: Fuck YEAH!

Blitzø: IN YOUR FACE, BIIIITCH!

Y/N: AWOOOOOOO!

Verosika scoffs and snaps her fingers.

Verosika: Come on, let's get out of here. Tex!

Vortex: Well... guess it's time to bounce. But, hey, if you're ever down to party, I'll give you a ring sometime.

Loona: Really? I mean, heh...yeah. Yeah.

Vortex: Yeah! My girlfriend's gal pal throws a ton of crazy hound parties. Your friend might be down to party too, he seems cool.

Upon hearing about a girlfriend, Loona away down dejectedly

Loona: Nice. Can't wait for my first one.

Vortex: Let's get you some friends, girl.

Vortex gives Loona a playful punch before leaving. I nuzzle against Loona's leg, making her giggle and par my head.

Loona: You really are a stupid dog, you know that?

Y/N: Arf bitch.

Blitzø: Come on K-9 unit! Let's go back and park our fat fuckin' car in our fat fuckin' space!

I turn back into my demon form and pat Loona's head.

Y/N: Go on ahead, I'm gonna get some free drugs and booze anyone left behind.

Loona leaves, but not before giving me a shy peck on the cheek. I chuckle and go on collecting some stuff for later. I only managed to fill my sack halfway before hearing the police with their guns trained on the Succu-bitches and Vortex. There's also a clown, a mounted officer, and a fucking mine robot with them as well. 

Verosika: Alright, sluts. Get ready to suck a lot of pig dick.

The Succu-bitches and Vortex groan in disgust and dismay. I throw my sack of goodies into the portal and walk up the stairs without a care in the world.

Police: Put your hands in the air!

Y/N: And wave them like I just don't care?

Police: Don't get fresh with me boy!

Y/N: You know what? I'm finna spaz out!

I summon BALROG 11 and point it at the cop's leader.

Y/N: Well, it's a Benelli M4 but my joke still stands!

I blow his head off and dip, giving the Succu-bitches and co time to escape. 

So you're probably wondering what our bet was right? Well, the bet was the parking space and if we win, the Succu-bitches and co will be our maids and butlers for the entirety of Spring Break. If they win, I.M.P. would be their maids and butlers for the entirety of Spring Break. Well here they are, in maid outfits, cleaning the building and our equipment after killing so many people. Millie was helping Moxxie recover from his hangover, Loona was on her phone as usual, and I was going over my loot. I got the eye from the catfish I put in a jar, one of its big ass fangs, and an egg-shaped crystal. Can you believe it, a whole ass crystal the size of a basketball?! I cut it from the egg sac when Millie and I got swallowed by it. I doubt it's that it can hatch but the little fish thing in it is cool. I know it's a crystal because it's hard as fuck, so it's kinda like Amber when you think about it.

Blitzø was just being an asshole and making the job pretty annoying to the Succu-bitches not cleaning our bloody equipment. He threw some blood on a wall with a grin.

Blitzø: Oh cum-guzzler~!

Verosika: Yes, Blitzø.

Blitzø: You missed a spot~!

Verosika grips her duster so hard it breaks. She grabbed a bucket and rag before going to the wall.

Y/N: Come on Blitzø, don't be a dick.

Blitzø: I prefer the term, selective asshole.

Y/N: Just because they're our cleaners for a week doesn't mean we should make their jobs harder.

Blitzø: Fine.

Blitzø rolls his eyes and knocks another bucket of blood onto the wall while looking away.

Blitzø: Oops.

Verosika: You should take lessons from your worker Blitzo. I'd be more than happy to give him some....

Verosika: ....ASSistance~

Y/N: GYYAAAATTT-

A/N: Author here, and I'm gonna say something pretty important about this story. So usually I'd pace the major events to not make it seem boring or bland, but the next few chapters all take place after one another like Spring break. Yes, some major events I planned for later will come earlier, but I'll make sure they all have the same impact they would if I didn't do this.