[The episode opens up with a shot of Heaven's golden gates. The gates open and Cherub Towne is shown. Claretta flies in front of the camera.]

Claretta: Well, howdy! I'm Claretta! Welcome to Heaven! Guess you did somethin' good to get here, and good people deserve to give loved ones special blessings!

[The Cherubs begin singing the C.H.E.R.U.B. Jingle.]

[Cuts to a man jumping out of an airplane. He pulls the ripcord to release his parachute, only for it to snap off instead. He splats onto a rock while a censoring cloud bubble reads OWIE!]

Collina: ♫ Does it make you want to cry? ♫

[Cuts to another person getting run over by a speeding train from a tunnel as Oh No! appears in a censor cloud.]

Keenie: ♫ When your loved one has to die? ♫

[Scene goes to another man who accidentally shoots himself in the face with a shotgun. Oopsie! is seen in another censor cloud.]

Claretta: ♫ Does it hurt you through and through? ♫

[Clip shows a struggling man's face turning blue in a hangman's noose. A stylized version of Claretta's head fades into view with a sad face and a tear running down his cheek.]

All: ♫ When your face is turnin' bluuuuue? ♫

Collina: ♫ Well, luckily for you... ♫

Keenie: ♫ There's somethin' we can do! ♫

Claretta: ♫ We can help keep them alive, ♫

All: ♫ So you can watch them thrive! ♫

[All three pose together.]

[The orange C.H.E.R.U.B. logo appears with a registered trademark symbol. The letters appear as they are sung.]

All: ♫ Cause here at C.H.E... R.U.B.! ♫

[Claretta rescues a woman from a pack of wild animals. Keenie pushes a scared Collina in front of them, as she holds a plank of wood with a nail in it.]

Collina: ♫ Well save your honeybun from dying violently! ♫

[The C.H.E.R.U.B. logo appears again.]

All: ♫ Cause here at C.H.E....R.U.B.! ♫

[Claretta is shown waving a dismissive hand at a person handing her a handful of dollar bills.]

Keenie: ♫ No, we never even ask for a fee! ♫

[Collina and Keenie give each other a hug in a yellow heart background.]

Collina: ♫ Because good people spread love! ♫

[Small hearts of light spread out around a spinning Earth in space.]

Keenie: ♫ And we're here for all the above! ♫

[A stressed Collina rapidly writes on piles of paperwork in an office.]

Claretta: ♫ We do the paperwork for you! ♫

[Keenie lifts a boulder from a woman trapped under and flattened by a boulder, who gives her a thumbs up.]

Collina: ♫ And the heavy liftin', too! ♫

[The three Cherubs comfort a wounded man after a car crash. he is bleeding profusely from a neck wound.]

Claretta: ♫ So sit right back ♫

[The three Cherubs appear back on the screen and sing in harmony. They pose some more.]

All: ♫ And let us bless a soul for you! ♫

♫ Oh, we... are the C.H.E.R.U.B.! ♫

[The Cherubs appear on a small, old-fashioned TV which zooms out onto the I.M.P Headquarters. Blitza blasts the TV with her flintlock pistol, and it explodes.]

Millie: Nice one, B!

Blitza: Gimme another, Mox.

[Moxxie nervously sweeps away the flaming debris and puts another old-fashioned TV onto the stand. She turns it on with a scared look on his face. The 666 News logo appears. Blitza pours gunpowder into her flintlock.]

Blitza: Eh, Nah. Not feelin' it. Next!

[Moxxie switches the channel. A demonically dressed Betty Boop appears in black and white, dancing erotically with prominent, bouncing breasts, holding a pitchfork. Moxxie flinches in anticipation. Blitza and Millie look bored.]

Blitza: Uh-huh. Keep going, keep goin', keep goin'...

[Moxxie switches the channel again. Wally Wackford appears on the screen dressed in white with a black top hat, holding a cane.]

Wally Wackford: I say, I say, are you lookin' to get work making crazy contraptions and goofy gadgets?

[Wally whacks his cane on the wall at either side of him, producing the graphics for "CRAZY CONTRAPTIONS" and "GOOFY GADGETS" as he speaks.]

Wally Wackford: WELL, call me at Wacky Wally Wackfords Wacky Idea Factory!

[The Wacky Wally Wackford's Wacky Idea "Factory" title appears against a similar circular background of classic old cartoons. The panel with the title then falls over forwards, landing with a ]

Wally: where you make the things and I make the money!

[Wally moves close to the screen with a pleading look.]

Wally: Please! I'm very desperate!

Blitza: Bingo!

[Blitza shoots and explodes the TV again, scattering debris.]

Millie: WOO! You're on a roll, sir!

(Y/N): Um, Blitz. Is shooting T.V.s necessary?

Blitza: Yes!

(Y/N): 💭 If Vox was here, she would rip Blitz's ass asunder.

[Loona snores and drools while sleeping in a chair. She has one foot up on the table that twitches in her sleep. A plastic cup with her name written on it and filled with water sits on the table next to her foot. She is awoken by a rumbling which also knocks her cup over, spilling its contents.]

Loona: Guys... do you feel that?

Blitza: Oh, shit! Is that a hellshake?

(Y/N): A what-shake?

Moxxie: That's possible?

Millie: Alright! Don't panic, Moxxie!

[Moxxie's tail stiffens from being startled by Millie's sudden outburst. She then grabs her arms in an attempt to "calm" her.]

Moxxie: I'm not *holds up finger quotes* panicking because hellquakes don't happen.

[Loona roughly grabs hold of Moxxie and shakes him.]

Loona: STOP GETTING HYSTERICAL, FATTY!

[Loona slaps Moxxie in the face, sending him flying against the wall and slightly dazing him. He is then knocked down further by what appears to be a wrecking ball made of black tubes Part of the wall crumbles on top of Moxxie, crushing him. As the dust clears, the wrecking ball untangles into multiple robotic tentacles and a supervillain-Esque demon uses two of them to hoist himself into the room through the hole, covering himself with his cape.]

[Loona growls while on all fours.]

Loopty Goopty: Do not be afraid!

[The man grins and extends his robotic tentacles.]

Blitza: Please tell me you got that insurance thing.

[Millie takes out her black axe.]

Millie: Who are you, and what do you want?!

[Loopty Goopty extends a tentacle into a loop-de-loop and slides along it to the other side of the room.]

Loopty: I am Loopty Goopty! (singsong voice) Dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopiiiiiish!

Loona: Coulda just used the door, dude. Doesnt need to be this whole thing.

Loopty: I am eccentric and must therefore do eccentric SHIT!

(Y/N): 🤨 Really?

Loopty: Yes!

(Y/N): Oh, Okay.

[Loopty Goopty does a wavy dance. Blitza sniffs him and flinches.]

Blitza: Ugh! This old fuck reeks of the living world. Did you just die?

Loopty: YEEEEES! Moments ago, in fact! Which is what brought me HEEEERE!

[Loona taps on her phone.]

Loona: Just sayin'... the front door wouldve gotten you here fine.

Loopty: Shut up, dear furry!

[Loona growls in anger.]

(Y/N): Hey, don't call her a furry!

Loopty: Oh! What are you going to do about it?

(Y/N): Roast you ass, so shut your Waluigi looking ass, Spiderman's Doctor Octopus looking ass, dick nose having, string bean looking, four-eyed freak!

Everyone in the room was surprised by (Y/N)'s words.

[Loopty Goopty appears in front of Loona and turns to Blitza.]

Loopy: (singsong voice) This is the man Im gonna need you to kiiiill!

[He holds up an old photo of an old bald man in a bed. Blitza takes the photo from him.]

Blitza: Not even a shits length of time in Hell and already plotting revenge. I can respect a man with that sort of passion! Im Blitza, the A is silent.

[Loona walks away as Blitza walks over to Loopty and shakes his hand.]

Loopty: 🤨 What A?

Blitzo: Aww, thank you. *shakes hips* Now, whats the tea, sis?

Loopty: (even more confused) The TEAAAA?!

[Moxxies arm appears as she struggles under the weight of the debris.]

Moxxie: (pained) Guys, help!

Blitza: Yeah, why are we killin' this guy? [elbows Loopty] I mean, what did he do to you?

[Moxxies arm inches back and she squeals in pain.]

Moxxie: (under her breath) LOSING... OX--!

Loopty: He was my business partner! You see, I was not always an old man!

[An old film montage in brown shades depict Looptys early life.]

Loopty: My partner Lyle and I ran Lyle-Loopty Robotics, a technological empire!

[Lyle and Loopty pose with capes and spiral glasses on top of a tall building labeled Lyle-Loopty Robotics. The building is surrounded by factories and columns spewing smoke. A line of text fades into view at the bottom of the screen reads very dramatic re-enactment from earlier that day, with a question mark at the end joining it seconds after.]

Loopty Goopty: Earlier today, we were testing a new machine intended to stop, or reverse, the aging process!

[The clips show Loopty putting wires together and Lyle tightening a bolt with a wrench. The two stand by a large white machine labeled De-age-ifier. Loopty is briefly seen slapping Lyle on the ass.]

Loopty: It couldve saved all three trillionaires!

[Cuts to the interior of the De-age-ifier machine. The handle twists and the door swings open. Cuts back to Lyle and Loopty. Lyle puts on his goggles and the two step into the machine.]

Loopty: Unfortunately, we neglected to test the machine on the poor, like we usually do. We were too sure of our own genius! But the machine was accidentally set FORWARD!

[The two men stroll into the chamber and close the metal door. A lever next to the door labeled YOUNG and OLD is set to OLD at the bottom.]

Loopty: By the time we managed to get out... it was too late! At least... for me!

[The two men struggle to open the door, pounding on it. Both of them rapidly shrivel up and age. Loopty stares in horror at his shriveling hands. Lyle grows old and fat and slides to the floor. Loopty clutches at his chest as he suffers a heart attack, then falls dead to the ground, his leg twitching. A man opens the door, sees the two men, and motions for doctors to come in. They put a stethoscope over Looptys heart, and they shake their heads somberly. A woman puts an oxygen mask over Lyles nose and mouth. Looptys body is zipped shut in a body bag.]

Loopty: Now, that evil son of a bitch is going to take over the empire WE BUILT TOGETHER! Without me to share it with, hell make all the goddamn money in the world and become the fourth trillionaire... and get ALL the credit!

[Scene cuts to Lyle laughing evilly as piles of money rain down on him.]

[Back to I.M.P. office.]

Blitza: Ehhh, thats not really evil.

(Y/N): Yeah, it sounds like you two screwed yourselves over.

Loopty: Its evil towards meeee!

[Cuts to Moxxie, still stuck under the rubble. She weakly reaches her hand out for help.]

Moxxie: (strained) Everything is going dark--

Loopty: Now, get your crimson asses up above and send that heartless, no-good son of a bitch to Hell, where he belongs!

Blitza: Eh, y- y- y- You do know, Poopty--

Loopty: *seethes* Looooptyyyy!

Blitza: [holds hands up defensively] Of course! Of course... If we do kill him, though, and he ends up down here... y'know, you will be stuck with him. Forever.

(Y/N): Fax.

Loopty: Oh, trust me...

[Loopty summons an array of weapons from his back on a series of mechanical armatures: a pistol, a rifle, a missile launcher, and a circular saw blade.]

Loopty: I'm counting on it.

Moxxie: *strained, gives a thumbs up* Thats kinda hot!

[Everyone glances at Moxxie.]

(Y/N): Hang on, Mox.

[(Y/N) activates the Omnitrix and transforms into Four Arms and removes the debris off of Moxxie.]

Moxxie: Thanks, (Y/N).

Four Arms: You're welcome, Moxxie.

(Timeskip)

[Scene cuts to the I.M.P. crew and (Y/N) wearing wigs and disguises on a tour bus. Moxxie looks through binoculars at Lyles mansion.]

Moxxie: (sarcastic) Gee! I wonder whose house this is.

Tour Guide: And to your right is the home of famous inventor, Lyle Lipton!

[The crowd oohs and takes pictures with their cell phones. Blitzo removes his sunglasses, wearing a clown wig.]

Blitza: Lets do it, gang!

(Y/N): On it, boss!

[All three Imps and (Y/N) pull out their weapons: Blitza a flintlock pistol, Moxxie an assault rifle and Millie two sharp swords, and (Y/N) pulls out three Kunai. The Imps and human jump over a fence and land in poses.]

Millie: Lets kill this rich guy!

[The Imps and (Y/N) race over toward the windows.]

Tour Guide: And here youll find three tacky stalkers and a sexy teen about to attempt a murder! Things like this could happen to famous people all the time!

[People snap pictures.]

[Blitza and Millie dash over to the window, while Moxxie slides on her back. Moxxie peers through the window, joined by the sock puppet cat on Blitza's tail.]

Moxxie: Wow...

[Millie, Blitza, and (Y/N) then join her in looking through the window.]

[Cuts to the interior of the room. Lyle Lipton is lying on his bed, an IV bag attached to him. A heart rate monitor sits on a shelf next to the IV bag. A TV screen and video player sit at the other side of his bed, connected to the bed itself. Lyle is holding a framed picture in his hands, looking at it sadly.]

Moxxie: That machine really did a number on her.

(Y/N): You think?

[Zooming in, Lyle kisses the picture, his hands trembling.]

Lyle: Goodbye... my one true love.

[Lyle runs a finger down the picture lovingly. The picture in the frame is shown to consist of a stock image of dollar bills with a Free Stock Photos watermark over it. Lyle then puts the frame down and grabs the tube from his IV bag and begins tying it.]

Lyle: All the riches of the world cant fill the emptiness Im feeling now that my shitty old body cant do anything of value.

Blitza: Oh, fantastic! Hes gonna do our job for us!

(Y/N): For once, an easy mission.

[Lyle finishes making a noose out of the tube, pulling the knot taught.]

Moxxie: Should we go in there and tie it for him?

(Y/N): I think he's got it covered.

[Lyle is about to put the makeshift noose over his head as the Imps and (Y/N) watch with drinks and popcorn.]

[The noose glows white and a concussive force knocks the Imps back. Blitzos cat sock is blown away by the blast, making him sad. Lyle adjusts to the light and sees the three Cherubs floating down gracefully in three rays of light.]

Lyle: Oh lord, Im being haunted by ugly orphan children now!

[Cuts to Blitza and Moxxie recovering from the sudden blast of light. Moxxie rubs his head.]

Blitza: Who the fuck are they?

Moxxie: Oh, no! Sir, those are-

Claretta: Cherubs, Mr. Lyle!

Lyle: I hate filthy, stinking orphan children!

Collina: Were here to convince you not to kill yourself, sir. To grant you a blessing, on behalf of those in Heaven... benefited by your amazing... technological advances.

Blitza: (angry) Oh, HEEEELL no!

[An angry Blitza rolls up her sleeve, hoisting her flintlock pistol at the same time. She then marches in through the window, smashing the glass instantly.]

Blitza: Dont listen--

[Misjudging where the floor is in relation to the window, Blitza face-plants onto the floor, multiple glass shards sticking out of her. Moxxie and (Y/N) enters through a door to the side, Millie peeking in.]

Moxxie: Lyle Lipton, it is our--

[Moxxie glances at Blitza before looking back at Lyle.]

Moxxie: humble opinion that you should continue the process to commit die.

Millie: I mean, what do you expect to do with all this money now youre old... and gross?

(Y/N): And ugly, unattractive, decreped, and look like you're about to kick the bucket any minute now.

Keenie: Is that a serious question?

[Keenie adjusts Lyle's bedsheets, revealing his wallet full of dollar bills. Claretta grabs the wallet.]

Keenie: He can help spread his wealth around with the people of the world! And do so much good with it! And be so fulfilled!

[Keenie flies around, grabbing Lyle's wallet from Cletus and happily throws Lyles dollar bills in the air.]

Lyle: Nnnno!

Collina: He could pay for new hospitals and schools!

Lyle: *grips his blanket* Why won't you let me die?

[Blitza appears beside him.]

Blitza: Oh, sounds like ya need help offin' yourself there, buddy. Moxxie, what do we got for this fella?

[Moxxie reaches into her coat and tosses a variety of weapons to Blitza and Lyle. They each catch an assault rifle, Blitza also catching a crossbow with her tail.]

Moxxie: I have some assault weapons, crossbow, hunting bow, Tommy gun, old-fashioned shotgun, revolvers in three colors, chainsaws, katanas--

Collina: Hes classier than that!

[Lyle points the assault rifle into his mouth, before Collina takes it from him.]

Collina: There are still plenty of reasons to live, Mr. Lyle!

Millie: Yeah, right. Smells like he aint been out of bed in months!

[Millie sniffs Lyle. She becomes visibly ill, covering her mouth, and holds Moxxie by the shoulder as she vomits on the floor. Moxxie pats her on the back.]

Claretta: Life can be beautiful at any age!

Keenie: And well show him!

Claretta, Collina, and Keenie: *cheers* Yeah!

Blitza, Moxxie, Millie, (Y/N): *yells* NOOOOO--!

[The three cherubs roll Lyle in his bed outside to a hill overlooking a forest and a lake.]

Claretta: Look around, Lyle. Gods gift of nature is a wonder to behold, regardless of age! *winks* Or wealth!

Collina: If you were to end your life, youd be missing aaaaaall of this!

[Blitza appears in a tiger costume.]

Blitza: Mm-hm. You're gonna buy that load of shit from a baby and the sheep it fucks?

[Blitza does a suggestive gesture with her fingers, indicating sex.]

[Keenie covers her mouth and gasps. Collina blankly stares in disbelief, and Claretta gives a disappointed look.]

Keenie: *gasps* That is so inappropriate!

[Millie and Moxxie appear in cat costumes. (Y/N) appears as Wildmutt alongside M&M.]

Millie: Oh, kiss our ass, prude! *flips a double bird*

[Blitza shoves Lyle aside in the face and sits next to him.]

Blitza: Aaaanyway, take it from me, a fellow genius. Nature is no picnic up close.

[Blitza grabs a pair of binoculars out of nowhere. Lyle looks through the binoculars and sees an adorable group of bunnies and squirrels together. The critters are suddenly torn apart and eaten by a pack of hungry wolves.]

Lyle: Ohhhh, noooo!

Collina: *tries to tug his binoculars away* S-Stop looking!

Lyle: *holds onto the binoculars* I CAN'T stop! I've never wanted to die more than I do now!

[A bear swipes a wolf to the ground. It raises a paw to attack but is then crushed by a falling tree, cut down by a beefy logger with a chainsaw. A beehive lands on the mans head and he screams, flailing his head to get the hive off while also throwing his chainsaw into the air. The chainsaw comes back down, cutting both of the man's arms off and causing him to scream harder, before his body is skewered from behind by the antlers of a charging stag as lighting flashes dramatically.]

[Everyone freezes in horror, Blitza faking it before grinning smugly.]

Claretta: (nervously) Uhhh, lets go check out someplace else!

[Millie and Moxxie bump fists, the paws of their cat costumes squeaking. Wildmutt has a smug grin on his face.]

[Cuts to a shopping mall. Lyle in his bed is pushed through the door hard enough to destroy both it and part of the wall surrounding it.]

Lyle: Oh, Lord! Where are we now?! Let me perish!

Keenie: Were here to show you another thing life is worth living for: childhood wonderment!

[Keenie motions to a crowd of kids cheering by a sitting Santa Claus. One kid wears a Craft Mine shirt, while another eats his booger.]

Lyle: Why... look at those sweet, disease-ridden vermin. Th- Their joy comes from innocence, unspoiled by the burdens of adulthood... and their middle-class existence! Such simple joy they have. It is inspiring. Thank you for showing me this.

Blitza: (off-screen) Hey, dipshit!

[Pans over to Blitza and Millie dressed as elves, while a grumpy Moxxie wears a Rudolph costume, and (Y/N) as Paindeer. They stand by Santa with a kid in his lap.]

Blitzo: Wanna see whose lap youre sittin' on?

[Blitza grabs Santa's beard and rips off the costume. Santa is revealed to be an ugly, sweaty gnome wearing a #Cuties shirt and underwear, making a gnome noise.]

[The kids scream and run in terror. Lyle sobs like a baby as Collina and Keenie cover his eyes. A concerned Claretta pushes the bed away.]

Boy: (off-screen) Santa's EVIL!!

Paindeer: Not in my gingerbread house!

Paindeer proceeds to beat the fake santa, much to the kids delight.

Paindeer: Don't worry kids. This santa fraud won't ho-ho-hurt you again.

Kid #1: Thank you, stranger.

Paindeer: What can I say except, you're welcome.

Kid #2: Who are you mister?

Paindeer: I'm santa's secret weapon. Call me, Paindeer.

Paindeer levitates into the air and flies off, with the kids cheering his name.

Kids: Paindeer! Paindeer! Paindeer!

[Scene cuts to Lyle in bed in the woods next to a crude wooden sign reading LOVERS' LOOKOUT", a cartoon heart replacing the O in "LOVERS'". A small note underneath it, possibly written after the fact, reads "I guess]

Lyle: Egh! This place reeks of TEENAGERS!

(Y/N): Hey, I take offense to that!

Lyle: How old are you?

(Y/N): 18.

Lyle: Oh, my apologies.

Claretta: Lovers' Lookout, sir! Were here to remind you about possibly lifes greatest joy of all!

Lyle: *holds up creepy, trembling grabby hands* Money!

Collina: No! Love.

Lyle: Ive never been in love before. I imagine its quite anice!

(Y/N): It is.

Collina: Its not too late, sir! You can still find--

[The Imps arrive wearing wigs and dresses.]

Blitza: HA! Nice try, ugly.

[She pulls out a megaphone.]

Blitza: Hey, horny lovers! Which one of you would FUCK this old man?!

[All the cars speed away in an instant. Lyle deflates, dejected.]

Blitza: *points to (Y/N)* How about this sexy hunk of a guy?

[The cars return and female hands grab (Y/N). He returns with multiple kiss marks all over his face.]

Collina: *gets into Blitza's face* You know, you three are so utterly c-c-cruel! Were just trying to give hope to someone in need! At the human is nicer than you.

(Y/N): That's because I'm (Y/N), everyone's friend.

Moxxie: Oh... and you three are so superior to us just because WE want some selfish, greedy, authoritarian capitalist to keel over DEAD!

(Y/N): Preach, Moxxie, Preach

[Moxxie through his hands out for emphasis.]

Blitza: Youre makin' things too real now, Moxxie.

[Blitza walks up to Moxxie with a spray bottle labeled "PISS", adjusts the nozzle, then sprays it into Moxxies face, causing her to flinch and hiss.]

(Y/N): Ha, Moxxie got sprayed.

[Blitza aims the bottle at (Y/N).]

(Y/N): Aw, piss.

[Cuts to the inside of an auditorium. A woman dressed as a Viking sings opera on stage while wearing a fake unicorn on her lower torso. A well-dressed man plays a grand piano behind her. The cherubs and the audience are also well-dressed, though Lyle only wears a bowtie over his simple, sweat-stained hospital gown.]

Claretta: Behold! The wonder of art and music! Somethin' always there to comfort entertain and live for!

[Up above the stage, the three Imps and (Y/N) look down from a catwalk near the ceiling. Blitza wags her butt and tail like a cat.]

Millie: So how do we make this bad?

Moxxie: We can't. There's literally nothing bad about opera. That's fact.

Blitza: *shaking her butt in Moxxie's face* Unless we ruin it somehow!

[With a mischievous grin, Blitza grabs the spotlight and moves it away from the singer. The singer pauses and follows the light, resuming her song. Blitza moves the spotlight again, and the singer again pauses to follow it.]

Lyle: She's not very good.

[Blitza chuckles softly and moves the light faster and faster around the stage as Lyle and the cherubs narrow their eyes in suspicion. Blitza wiggles the spotlight around aggressively, then gasps as she accidentally breaks it off entirely. The woman sings a final high note before the light crushes her on stage, smashing her to pieces and splattering blood all over the stage. The audience, Lyle, and the cherubs scream, while the pianist nervously tries to keep playing, his face drenched in sweat.]

Blitza: Well, at least we made it bad.

(Y/N): Yep.

[The three cherubs fly angrily up toward the Imps.]

(Y/N): Uh oh

Clarette: THAT'S IT!! I HAVE HAD IT!! You three monsters have messed with us enough!

Collina: D'ooh, we're just trying to do our j-j-job!

Moxxie: Well, so are we!

Claretta: EEEENOUGH!!

[The Cherubs summon golden crossbows and aim them at the Imps and human.]

Claretta: We are savin' that shitty old mans life, whether he wants it or not!

(Y/N): And there it is.

Blitza: Well, someone wants that fucker dead, m'kay? And he paid in advance, and I spent it all on this.

(Y/N): You what?!

[Blitza reaches into her coat and pulls out a jewel-encrusted green horse figure wearing sunglasses and a MARE-AJUANA cap.]

Blitza: So hes gotta go!

[Keenie flies into Blitza's face.]

Keenie: You all are such disgusting, loathsome beasts! Your kind is nothing but dirt that shitty dead people tread on! And now, youre trying to meddle with the lives of HUMANS?!

(Y/N): Tsk, hypocrits.

Keenie: What?

(Y/N): You heard me. You blame us interfering with the lives of humans when your doing the exact same thing!

Collina: That's easy for you to say. What would your parents and your grandfather think when their son and grandson is working with demons and killing innocents!

(Y/N): Wait, you know my parents and Grandpa Max?!

Claretta: Of course we do. Imagine their shame if they see you like this.

Millie: *pushes Blitza aside* Enough! Why don't you shut your trap, you judgmental, *pulls Keenie by her necklace and snaps it back* cotton candy, tit-havin BITCH?!

Keenie: FILTHY DEMON CRAP!!! *tackles Millie*

[Intense opera music plays as the fight scene begins. Keenie and Millie roll over in a cat fight. Cletus and Collin shoot golden arrows at Blitzo and Moxxie who run away, drawing their guns in the process. Millie and Keenie roll off the catwalk. Moxxie sees them and jumps off of the catwalk, grabbing and swinging on a rope. He aims his pistol at Keenie, who is still fighting with Millie as they fall. Millie and Keenie exchange punches to the face. Moxxie aims up and fires at a rope which releases a sandbag. The sandbag slams into Keenie, separating her and Millie, and Moxxie swings over and catches Millie as Claretta and Collina chase them down, firing their crossbows. Millie grabs Moxxie's face and they stare into each other's eyes with lustful grins. They make out as they swing above the stage, Millie pulling two machine guns out of Moxxie's coat and firing as they spin rapidly. Blitza climbs onto a catwalk and spots Millie's bra and Moxxies bow tie fly past her. The bullets hit and kill various audience members in the first two rows, but they all miss Lyle.]

(Y/N): Hang on, guys!

[(Y/N) activates the Omnitrix and transforms into Demonsion. He grabs one of his kunai knives and ties it to a string. He throws it in attempt to get Collina and/or Keenie.]

Demonsion: Get over here!

Lyle: It's all starting to make sense now! Life is worth living because we only get one! We must cherish it! If creatures far beyond this living world are going through these lengths over my life, then certainly it's worth living! Killing myself is not the answer! Plus I'm still rich! I can just buy all the things! [pulls out two wads of cash in triumph] I NO LONGER CRAVE DEATH!

[The audience claps happily for Lyle. Millie and Moxxie, spinning while firing their guns and being chased by Collina and Keenie, accidentally shoot a woman in the audience in the eye, killing her instantly.]

[Blitza runs along the metal scaffolding with her flintlock pistol. She jumps onto a bit of scaffolding holing some spotlights attached to the ceiling with a rope. She and Claretta point their weapons at each other. Blitza attempts to fire but finds her gun empty, looking at it in shock. With a wide-eyed glance at Claretta, Blitza throws the flintlock into Clarette's face.]

Claretta's: Oof! You fucker!

Blitza: That's (Y/N)'s job~.

[Momentarily blinded, Claretta recklessly fires an arrow, severing the rope holding up the scaffolding Blitza is standing on and that Moxxie and Millie are swinging from. The three Imps all fall with the metal scaffolding as is smashes onto the floor of the stage, narrowly missing the pianist and cartoonishly bending a board so it holds up the piano at an angle.]

[The pianist is startled and stops playing, then straightens his bow tie, drops his stool down onto the stage, and uses it to drop down from the bent floorboard. The board then sends the piano flying through the air, breaking in the process. Blitza, Moxxie, Millie, Claretta, Collina, and Keenie follow the piano with their eyes as it falls. Lyle turns to see the piano flying straight towards him, screaming like a girl and scrambling out of his bed into a seat. Unfortunately for him, the piano suddenly shifts to his new location and crushes both him and a few corpses haphazardly shot and killed by Moxxie and Millie.]

[Moxxie grins as he sits tied up to Millie. Blitzo and the couple grin smugly.]

Moxxie: Well, well. Would'ya looook at that? You... did our job... for us. Heh!

[Millie smirks and gives the cherubs two middle fingers.]

[Cuts to the cherubs staring at Lyle's unfortunate death in utter shock. Collin gasps in horror.]

Collina: Ohhhh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my Gooood!

[Keenie grabs Collina by the shirt and slaps him across the face a few times.]

Keenie: Get a hold of yourself, Collina! And do NOT use the Lords name in VAIN!

Claretta: (angrily) THIS ISN'T OVER!

[Blitza, Moxxie, and Millie smirk as Keenie creates a portal to Heaven and the cherubs fly through, only to be mysteriously repelled back.]

Claretta: WHAT THE--?!!

[A group of cherubs descends, composed of two bees, two sheep and Deerie, the leader. The deer conjures up reading glasses and a clipboard.]

Deerie: Mmm, yeah, no, sorry, Claretta, but I'm afraid your actions resulted in the death of a human. Im afraid you cant re-enter Heaven. Yeaaaah, noooo...

Claretta, Collina, & Keenie: WHAT?!?!

Deerie: (condescendingly) Yeaaaah, mmmmm, sorry! Yeaaaah, no

Collina: Is there a ny thing we can do?!

[Deerie files her hoof.]

Deerie: Yeaaaah, nooo! (chuckles) Noooo, no, no.

[Deerie says no while pointing her hooves at Collina, Claretta and Keenie.]

Keenie: Bu- But, we didnt mean to! We'd never! It was all--

[Keenie points to the spot where I.M.P. was, only to find them gone. All three cherubs stare wide-eyed, Keenie's pointing hand trembling, whist the sound of a horrified woman screaming plays in the background.]

Deerie: Anyway, sorry, guys. But those are the rules! Yeaaaaah. Byyyye!

[Deerie does a happy wave before she and the group vanish through the portal.]

Claretta: Wait! But--

[Claretta flies toward the portal but it closes. Claretta breaks down into tears and cries.]

[Blitza claps her hands together, transitioning back to the I.M.P. office.]

Blitza: Welp, the old man wanted to live again and we didnt kill him, so we failed. Thanks to those fuckin' cherubs, hes probably up in Heaven now, so... Its a shame. All our client wanted was eternal revenge on his business partner. And now the two are forever separated, and now we gotta face the fire of fuckin' up. Anyway, thanks for getting us out of there, Demonsion.

Demonsion: No problem.

Moxxie: Sir... when are you going to tell the client?

Blitza: [holds up and points at phone] Oh, I already sent him a text, and... were in good hands, 'cause texts don't make people angry.

Demonsion: I beg to differ.

[On Blitza's phone it shows that Loopty Goopty is called "Lupis" in his contacts. The text from Loopty reads "U fail, U die.", followed with Blitza replying "sorry surrounded by emojis, with "saxophone emoji" typed a line below. Moxxie looks worriedly to the wall behind her. She quickly scurries out of the way as a metal escalator proceeds to crash into the office.]

Loopty: *descending the escalator* BLIIIIIITZA!

Blitza: (worried) Loofaaaaa! We can explain everything. I was--

[Another metal escalator crashes through the wall and squashes Moxxie as Lyle, now a mechanical demon with piano keys for teeth and a rolling ball in place of legs, arrives with a grin. Moxxie twitches stiffly in pain.]

Blitza & Millie: (confused) Lyle Lipton?!

Millie: I don't understand. We thought you went to Heaven.

Lyle: Heaven?! You don't make millions in technological advances in robotics by NOT experimenting on the poor! [laughs]

Loopty: Oh, you no-good, HEARTLESS son of a BITCH! *turns to Blitza* Thank you for reuniting me with my best friend!

Demonsion: Heh, with friends like you, who needs enemies?

Lyle: The only question now is what do two old genius robotic inventors do now thawe'rere in Hell?

[Wally Wackford crashes through the ceiling.]

Wally: Did someone say, I say, inventors?! Names Wally Wackford, and I am lookin' for creative new people to exploit! [realizes what he said and twirls his mustache] I mean, employyyyy~

Blitza: Everyone, STOP FUCKIN' UP MY WALLS! Moxxie's gonna have to fix all this shit!

[Moxxie is shown trapped, frothing at the mouth and groaning in agony.]

Blitza: Oh, chill out, Moxxie. If you kiss my ass any harder, you'll go right inside me. Satan's balls! First, we deal with Heaventable scrapsps, now this?

Wally: I guess you can say, you say, you have a... holey operation here, Blitza! [pronounced as spelled]

Demonsion: Heh, I get it.

[Wally slaps his knee and laughs. Loopty scratches his neck awkwardly.]

Blitza: (unamused) Get out.

[Wally continues laughing, doubling over onto the floor. Lyle and Loopty glance at each other awkwardly.]

Wally: Oh! I say, oh!

Blitza: No, I'm serious. Get the FUCK OUT!!

[Loopty, Lyle, Millie, and Wally all look at Blitza, shocked and surprised by his sudden rage.]

(Timeskip)

At the Hazbin Hotel, (Y/N) can be seen lying in bed, thinking about Collina's words.

(Y/N): 💭 Could it be true? I know my parents are dead, but Grandpa Max? I know I was sucked into the portal, but it is possible that he survived? So many questions, and so little time.

*Outro*

Bonus

Mall Santa: Alternate scene

After beating up Santa Fraud, one of the kids approached Paindeer.

Kid #1: Excuse me, mister deer man. Can you give Santa my Christmas list?

Paindeer: Santa? Kid here's something you should know, Santa isn't real!

Kids: What?!

Paindeer: You heard me, Santa isn't real! He died like a million years ago, he's just a made-up fairy tale from your parents just so you aborted crotch-spawns can behave and get what you want like the greedy little bastards that you are!

After gearing this news, the kids start crying.

(A/N: Don't worry, this is non-canon.)