Short Six - Mission: Blitzo Clause

A/N: This is a fanmade short based on the famous christmas movie Santa Clause except Helluva Boss! [This takes place before Sinmas.]


Sorry if this sucked...I tried to do a Christmas Helluva Boss thing-


Also...I had to rhyme a lot...and I suck at it soooo...Here we go! ^^


WARNING: Mentions [it's not explicitly said] of A Pedo.


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In an old, but vintage, cabin that was filled with all kinds of Christmas decorations, sat an elderly man who held a book in his arms as he smoked a pipe. He was sleeping heavily until he started coughing violently. He then suddenly worked up with wide eyes.


"Holy Shit!" The elderly man coughed as he then noticed the camera, blinking slowly before the camera fizzed and now showed him sitting normally with a big smile on his face, "Hello Boys, Girls, and all you non-binaries in the world. I am Chris Hingal...we had no budget to say chin-" The camera fizzes again, "Are we on?" He whispers to one of the camera members who nods, "Ahem. Today we have a story that not many can say...tis what truly happened on Christmas day." He shifts in his seat, "A Prince who was stripped of all the power he has known and a family scared of everything but the unknown." Chris holds the book, "Our story today is unlike any other...for this story is about an imp...like no other?" He paused and scoffed, "I'm sorry...I can't fucking do this rhyming shit, I–" He looked at the children being let in, as he coughed, "O...Oh, Children." He gulped, "Not allowed to be near any of you." Chirs rubbed the back of his neck as the camera fizzed, Christ was now seen with the book open, "We shall now begin our tale of a team who worked together to make christmas a dream...after an idiot who had killed big red, it was up to them to lead and not fled." Chirs grumbled, "Twas the night before Hellmas..."


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In Hell, a fancy title appears in the sky saying 'Twas The Night Before Hellman'. As we center in towards IMP, it seemed kinda deserved and that's because it was. Due to what happened during the trial, the group hadn't been back to IMP. They all decided it would be best to continue their work somewhere else. (Y/N) still had her crystal to travel to the human world and they still needed money. Yet this mission would be one of their oddest yet.


Moxxie and Millie, a lovely couple of two, entered the house with a box full of loot. Stolas laid on the couch, looking depressed which was not a hoot. Loona was drinking eggnog with no care as Blitzo was trying to cheer up the group he cared...for. It was all so quiet, as quiet as a mouse, until a certain sinner barged in and gave an idea that rocked.


(Y/N) burst into the living room, "Merry Christmas Eve!!" (Y/N) smiled, wearing a dark red tank-top with dark green shorts.


The others looked at her and were sort of confused. What was Christmas they all thought, they didn't have a clue. In Hell, no cheer was shared, no presents to be given. None of them knew the Christmas that she was sharing.


"What the hell is Christmas, Lovely?" Blitzo asked, leaning against the wall.


"It's a festive holiday we celebrated on the surface. There were presents and sweets, that all could enjoy...you'd spend it with family–"


And that's when she paused. She knew that she never spent Christmas with a family, a family that cared for her and no other. Yet this year was different, she could not lie, for she finally found a family, her ride or die. But in the back of her mind, she was sad to say that her birdy lover could not see his family for the holiday. She knew that what she needed to do might be tough, but to share with them the true meaning of Christmas, would that be enough?


"Presents?" Moxxie asked, "Do we even have the budget for that?" He looked at the papers he got from the office.


"Presents sometimes don't need to be bought, it's what's within that really counts!" (Y/N) swang her arm in front of her, "We can go to the surface with no delay and prepare for Christmas Day!"


"Lovely, I understand what you're trying to do...but we live in Hell...that cheery stuff isn't something we'd enjoy." Blitzo crossed his arms.


"What about Hellmas?" The wolf daughter suggested, "It's Christmas but takes place in Hell."


Ollie nodded in agreement as he jumped up and down. It was a brilliant idea, no one could lie. Then the bird sat up but didn't bat an eye.


"...I guess I could cook something." Stolas states as he got up, not glancing at anyone as he walked to the kitchen.


Blitzo and (Y/N) shared a look and as if they shared a brain cell, they decided this would be the perfect distraction. A gift from Hell.


Blitzo snaps, "Let's do it." He said with a smirk, "We'll go up to earth and steal all the shit we can..."


Moxxie groaned as Millie cheered, "I can't wait for Hellmas, can't you Mox?"


Moxxie froze. This meant he must get a present for his wife, his wife whom he loved with all his might. Yet what would she want? He wasn't great at decisions, yet to see her smile was all that he needed. He'd find a gift, a gift on the surface, for his perfect wife who he wishes to see smile. Loona handled all the paper decorations, she would also watch over Stolas because being on the surface right now was a bad decision. Also, Stolas was poking at the fridge and knew he could cook alone, so for her parents and little brother too, Loona would put up with all the Hellmas hullabaloo.


(Y/N) opened a portal, as she said with no delay, as Hellmas day was coming post haste. The three imps and sinner jumped through the portal, landing on something unstable. Blitzo took out his knife and started to cut away. He cut every string until what they landed on fell. Unfortunately it fell upon a big fat red man. The four got off as they saw the blood splatter, as they noticed the red and white coming from underneath the small tower. Why was there a tower in his room? I have no idea. Do not ask me, I am just the storyteller.


They all stood in shock until (Y/N) lifted up the tower and who do they see but Santa Claus, dead as a player.


"We killed Santa!" (Y/N) exclaimed, "How the hell did we kill him? I thought I sent us to the mall..."


Moxxie walked to the window of the small wooden cabin as he opened the candy cane curtains to see where they had really landed, "I don't think we're in the mall, I think we're in the North Pole..."


"Holy Shit." Blitzo cursed, "What do you know?" Blitzo crossed his arms and shrugged, "Welp, the old man is dead...we can get the decorations from here..."


"But what about these lists and all the names on here?" Millie questioned, finding a list of names on the desk, "A list of bad and a list of good..."


"That's the naughty and nice list...The Nice get presents and the naughty get coal." (Y/N) explained, "But we can't leave now, tomorrow is Christmas...the Children will all be glum."


Blitzo rolled his eyes, yet he could not deny, he hated seeing his Lovely sad, he hated it a whole bunch. So his eyes scanned the room for anything of use, as his eyes spotted a closet with a shiny red hat and coat. An idea came to his mind, one he could not pass by. What if Santa was an imp, he did not mind. Blitzo snapped his finger as all eyes met his.


"I will be Santa and all of you my Elves, Lovely will be my Misses and we'll save Christmas!" Blitzo blinks, "Or whatever."


"That's a great idea, Blitzo!" (Y/N) smiled, "I believe we should get to work...and–"


Just then, an Elf bared in, yet was killed on the spot by a frazzled Moxxie and Blitzo. (Y/N) and Millie face palmed in annoyance by their idiots two, yet knew that they needed to get to work since Christmas was coming soon. Moxxie gave Millie a present of listening to her songs, as he watched with love. Yet something felt wrong, to all in attendance, like they weren't meant to be in this story of old. Like they were trapped by a man who didn't wish to let go, who didn't wish to die yet and an old friend who wish for the end.


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Twas the night before Hellmas

when all through the Santa's Workshop

The Four were working

As fast as a mouse;

They prepared all the gifts

In the sled with care,

In hopes that this job would be over with haste....


The four are seen in the workshop, with the elves watching with confusion. As they were seen rushing around, slowly the elves all nodded and began to help as well. For they all knew Christmas wasn't far behind.


They had no idea what they were doing

I'm sad to say

But they need to work, not need to play.


Moxxie was seen playing with some toys as Blitzo smacked him on the back of the head. Moxxie quickly got back to work.


And (Y/N) in the kitchen making cookies galore

And Millie already packed with presents and no more,

With a firm grip of the sleigh

It was finally time for a long snowy trip-


Blitzo, Millie, Moxxie and (Y/N) were all in the sleigh as Blitzo gripped onto the reins and whipped on them tight as they began to take flight. It was rocky at first and Moxxie almost died, it was humorous to Blitzo since Moxxie screamed like a bitch. As they flew through the sky and began to drop off presents, it was a funny sight. Here's a few of my favorite moments. Blitzo got stuck in a chimney it seems and had to get out with a block of butter you see. As Moxxie was almost caught by human children, three. He pretended to be a nutcracker, and you can guess what happened, he was back in the sleigh with an epi pen ejected. Millie almost fought with a ravenous dog, but turned out the dog was friendly and Millie gave the dog hugs. (Y/N) almost lost her new ipad for the fifthteth millionth time, yet Blitzo saved it, hoping for some brownie points at the end of this tale. They reached the final house, a small cabin it seems. Yet the cabin seemed familiar, yet not to those three.


When out on the lawn

There rose such a clatter,

The old man turned his head to see what was the matter.


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Chirs paused as he stared at the book, "...The old man...turned his head..." A sudden clatter caught his attention as he turned his head to see what's the matter but saw nothing, "Uh...As I was saying."


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I remember the screams and laughs of glee,

The four were ready for this journey to be done,

They were all tired and ready for their own fun,

Yet the lead finally recognized this was a target,

One Chris...Hingle...

He had killed his best friend,

And had stolen his job.

Yet this man was bad.

As bad as bad can be...


Blitzo opened a file he had saved in his sack as the picture in the file looked just like old saint Christ Hingle. The man who is telling you this tale, to children who he should not be around.


When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer...

...Yet the four demons staring as if into my soul,

Seemed more excited than I ever know.


The four shared an excited look. It's been a while since they killed such an old geezer who was scripting out their Christmas plans against their wills. They all suddenly remembered they were meant to be on a mission, Christmas didn't mean shit to them, yet killing was much better.


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Chirs gulped and slowly looked outside, to see the four demons smiling and staring at him. As he blinked, he noticed the four were gone as he grew fearful. He decided to continue or the story cannot be done. Yet he feared what was to come if the story would be done.


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Chirs denied his death, he begged and begged,

Even trapped the four demons into this Christmas hell,

Unfortunately they all remembered and he was in for a treat

Blitzo Claus had come and he was a money hungry pig.

I heard a noise and turned my head,

An imp had jumped down the Chimney

With a gun in his hand too,

Another had burst through the door,

And allowed all the children to escape through the hole that had been made in the wall.


"Now, Lovely! Now, Mox! Now, Mills and Myself! We'll kill his guy and we'll make it so quick. Then go back home for some Hellmas ham! Now, kill, kill away! For the money, we had demand!" Blitzo smiled.


The glow of candles on the table

That had went out quick

And the lights of the Christmas tree reflected in our eyes, sugarplums dancing in our heads,

Were all suddenly killed off by the sinner, who was mad in the head

All Chirs could do was stare in horror

At the blood on the ground and the shatter of glasses.

Blitzo Claus entered last with a boastful smile on his face,

He knew that Chirs was not gonna be much of a case.

As I drew in my head and was turning around,

Blitzo Clause was here and with his gun in hand

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.


The hidden presents,

Yet I knew what they were

A coffin for one and a ticket to hell.

I would go reluctantly –

Yet was I truly their target?,

They all seemed mad and I knew why,

All four guns pointed at me as I shrieked with fright,

Oh Please, god, don't kill me, I do not wish to take flight


I knew I would die so please make it quick,

I would not fight these demons and their dicks.

The first shot came for my legs, by the couple who seemed less impressed.

Next was the sinner who shot me in the chest.


It was then when remember was I was three years old

It was Christmas time you see

Waking up and looking out at the living room

Seeing my father as Santa fucking a woman older than he;

She fucked me too

I am sad to say,

It led to who I would probably be today.

I had not only harmed children but one of my best friends

If Hell is where I go,

Then it's where I must be.


Just make it quick was all I begged

As Blitzo Claus walked up to me and pointed his gun to my head

But stopped and with a charming smile he said,


"You know what, I believe that you deserve mercy, so bleeding out will be the death I have gifted you tonight." Blitzo smiled and put his gun away.


I was in shock, appalled,

I'd rather have died right there---

Yet all he did was walk back to his friends,

I begged for death as loud as I could, yet he looked back at me with a wiggle and chort.


As I bled out on the floor as they portaled home,

All those memories I had,

They began to glow.

All I pain I endored and endored onto others,

I finally got what was coming,

So all I could say as I was dying fast,

To my mother, brothers and sister, my beautiful family,

And Saint Blitzo Claus,

There Were a few words that left my lips.


Blitzo Claus looked back to me and heard me grunt,

As I looked back at him and saw him flip a finger up.

I couldn't contain my anger anymore as I denied it all,


"Fuck You Blitzo Claus, Fuck You All A Horrible Lot." Chirs yelled.


All Blitzo could do was shrug, unimpressed. 

As he exited into the portal as it closed behind him.


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As the four return to the apartment they all knew, Stolas has finished cooking dinner with Ollie & Loona's help of course. That night they enjoyed a five course meal, smiling and laughing, but that won't always be the case. They all learned that Christmas isn't about the presents or even being as a family, it's about killing an old man.


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The book closes as the friend of Chirs smiled evilly, "Who deserve all the shit that came to him." He turns to the camera, "Now our story is done, I have no more to say...the curse has been lifted." The friend turns into his true form, Krampus, "Now Merry Christmas to all you readers, and a Happy New Year to all...and just like our crew...don't be a Christmas Hog!"


Krampus reveals a silver platter with a covering on top as he took off the cover to reveal a Pig Imp that was roasted, the name of the Imp, I bet you can guess. Why it's Chirst Hingle, the rotten bastard had finally been put to rest. The episode fades to black.


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As Krampus had said, our story is done, but not this fanfic, my Wonders of fun! As Sinmas is coming, may I not remind you, and that episode may be filled with Angst, yet the love will always follow.


From Helluva Boss and from me to you, Merry [Early] Christmas and a Hellish New Year!! 

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