A file lands on the desk.

IMP File:

Target: Frank McTickly Wrigglers AKA "Mr. Wrigglers"

Location: Hugging Dove Charity

Description: Freakishly kind and disturbingly charitable.

Info:

Runs a public broadcast children's television show.

Showed me up in highschool.

____________________________________________________________

The scene changes to a blue sky with birds chirping. A portal opens next to a car, with Blitzo and Loona walking out. Ducking and hiding from humans. As they creep up to a building.

Blitzo rolls next to Loona, holding his gun, "Alright Loony, today we're dealing with a children's 'entertainer'...." Blitzo states, wiggling his tail through his fingers, "Goes by... Mr. Wrigglers. Thought this would be a good one for you and me, and I think you know why." Blitzo smiled.

"Uh, yeah. I hate that sunshine and rainbows shit." Loona raises her eyebrow as she holds her gun in her hands, "These guys always turn out to be sickos. Where are we? His third world sex resort? His slave-cult compound?" Loona asked, looking around.

A sign, behind Blitzo, is shown with an inscription 'Hugging Dove Charity for Dying Orphans and Injured Puppies'.

"I just thought he would be really easy to kill, y'know?" Blitzo scratches the back of his head with the gun, "And then we could have the whole rest of the day for daddy daughter time!" Blitzo smiles with stars in his eyes, "While Lovely is taking care of Stolas at home."

***

At Blitzo's apartment, (Y/N) had Stolas' head on her lap as she ran her finger through his feathers with a warm smile on her face. She turned the TV on as some horse corn came onto the TV as (Y/N)'s eyes widened as she struggled to turn off the TV. As Stolas looked slightly traumatized.

***

Loona rolled her eyes, "Ugh. Fine." Loona activates her human disguise.

Blitzo smiled proudly, "Okay, you go on and I'll just sneak in."

Somewhat fittingly, Blitzo climbs a wall like a lizard, entering the window. Loona enters the building through its front door, shooting a middle finger at the front desk lady, then walks into a hallway labelled 'Administration', She opens Mr. Wrigglers' door.

Loona seemed surprised, "Holy shit, that was just unlocked."

Mr. Wrigglers was sitting at the vanity, putting powder on his cheeks, "Well, of course! My door's always open to a new friend. Would you happen to be an orphan?"

[Ned? Ned Flanders?]

"Wh-" Loona paused, "Am I a what?" She watched Mr. Wrigglers get up and walk towards her, in a non-threatening or creepy way.

"An orphan?"

"Y...Yeah, actually I am." Loona seemed confused, "How did you-"

Mr. Wrigglers gesture to the Charity event poster, "From the charity event!"

Loona decided to play along at this point, "Oh! Uh. Yes."

"Well isn't that just a wonderful thing that makes you special?" Mr. Wrigglers then ask a question, "What can I do to brighten up your day?"

"Yeah, you can cut the Santa Claus shit, I actually came to kill you." Loona points the gun directly at Mr. Wrigglers.

Mr. Wrigglers doesn't even seem surprised, "Oh, heavens... These Wish-a-Wish things sure have gotten mighty extreme." He doesn't even pause, "Well, if that would make you happy, you're more'n welcome. Anything for an orphan." He bows down to be more in the aim of the gun's fire towards his head.

Suddenly, Blitzo falls into the room between the two from a vent, screaming. Blitzo was wearing some children's outfit, licking a lollipop.

Loona paused, "Oh, he's an orphan too, he has... fucking... red-itis." Loona comes up on the fly.

Mr. Wrigglers smiled, greeting Blitzo, "Oh hello there, special friend!"

"Hiiiii..." Blitzo quickly turned to Loona, "Loona, what's the-" He paused, "What's the deal here?" He then smiled with pride and honor, "Were you waiting on me?"

"Yeah, I was just about to shoot him." Loona gestured to her gun, "You want to get comfortable, or any last requests?" She looked towards Mr. Wrigglers.

"Oh, I...I wouldn't want to be a bother! Given your limited time left on this earth I'd like you to enjoy it." Mr. Wrigglers smiled warmly, although it seemed like he had more he wanted to do.

Loona sighs, "We might have a sec. What is it?"

"I just wanna say goodbye to my children." Mr. Wrigglers states.

Loona smiles awkwardly, "I think we can swing that."

"The red-itis will probably kill me by the–" Blitzo stopped, shocked by Loona accepting Mr. Wrigglers' request, "Wait, what?!"

Mr. Wrigglers seemed happy they accepted his last request, "That's very kind! Thank you."

Blitzo turned to Loona, "Loona, what in Satan's sphincter has gotten into you?" He asked.

Loona seemed confused herself, "I don't know! Would it really be the worst thing to let a dad spend some time with his kids?"

"That's what I'm saying, he's being a total dick!" Blitzo stood on his tippy-toes to look Loona in the eye as Blitzo points his finger at Mr. Wrigglers, but then looks at Loona and realises this means a lot to her as reluctantly, he relented, "Fine. Just make it quick, you shrivelled nutsack."

***

A montage starts with Mr. Wrigglers visit each of his 'children', who were all adult children, all of them distraught, while Blitzo and Loona are in the background, disinterested.

"You've always been great." Mr. Wrigglers told an adult man holding a boogie board.

***

"We'd go catching frogs in the summer." Mr. Wrigglers told a crying man.

***

Mr. Wrigglers pat the hand of a woman as the older brother cried behind her, "Take care of your mother for me, I'll be in your dreams."

***

Mr. Wrigglers chuckled as two children and one teen boy cried, "Now don't miss me too much!"

***

Mr. Wrigglers comforts a crying woman who sat on the stairs, "And when you walk down that aisle, whoever it's with-"

Blitzo falls off a ledge and lands on a car, while Loona gets up to take a picture. Sending it to most likely the IMP group chat.

***

Mr. Wrigglers smiled, "Where are my manners, have you met my new friends?" He gestures to Blitzo and Loona, "They're about to kill me."

***

Mr. Wrigglers handed a lilac sweater to a woman, "I want you to have it."

***

Mr. Wrigglers comfort a crying man, "The only letter missing from special... is 'U'..."

***

Mr. Wrigglers closed a door as he waved bye to whoever he just said goodbye to.

"Alright, I'm not buying it!" Blitzo finally spoke up, "There's no way this many women dropped their panties for the guy who teaches the ABC's to puppets." His eyes narrowed.

"Oh!" Mr. Wrigglers laughed, "No! No, no- I- I've been happily married for seventy-four years to my very first sweetheart." Blitzo seemed to not give a fuck, "And I exclusively and regularly perform oral sex on her. She gets more pleasure that way, so I much prefer it to intercourse."

"Then where the fuck did all these kids come from?!" Blitzo yelled.

Mr. Wrigglers seemed to understand where the misinformation came from, "A lot of orphans have trouble getting adopted, so I just adopt those ones myself!" He explained.

Blitzo rolled his eyes, "Well isn't that just fuuucking great?! We wasted the whole damn day on this!"

Mr. Wrigglers noticed the sunset behind him, "Oh, what a beautiful sunset. I'd quite like to watch that as I go." He looked to Loona, "Will you join me?"

Loona thinks about it for a minute, glancing around, then decides to oblige him, with a smile on her face.

***

The scene fades to a sunset with Loona and Mr. Wrigglers sitting on a bench, while Blitzo is leaning on a tree, visibly annoyed, licking a lollipop, then biting into it.

"I'm glad I could make a new friend today. I hope I see you again in the great beyond." Mr. Wrigglers looked up at the sky, obviously meaning heaven.

"Well, I'll be in Hell so..." Loona kept her hands on the gun, "...probably not. Unless there's something I don't know about you, heh."

"Ah, you know who I am, and I know someday, you'll show the world who you really are." Mr. Wrigglers explained.

Loona looked down, seeming distraught, "I don't think they'd like the real me."

"I know I would."

Mr. Wrigglers smiles and closes his eyes. Loona looks at him, also smiles, then drops her disguise and shows her true form. Mr. Wrigglers turns towards her, and she in turn looks him in the eyes.

Loona smiles nervously, "Ta-da!"

After a couple of seconds, Mr. Wrigglers start screaming in horror.

"Oh, fuck!" Startled, Loona accidentally shoots Mr. Wrigglers in his left knee, "FUCK!"

Mr. Wrigglers falls down to the ground, grunting in pain. Loona gets up and walks towards him, then he throws sand at her. She accidentally shoots him again, this time in his right ankle. He screams in pain.

"Did you just pocket sand me?" Loona exclaims.

"OH, OH, OHHHHH! OH I GOT SHOT! OH IT HURTS! OH MY GOD!!" Mr. Wrigglers yelled.

Loona tried to fire the gun once more to put Mr. Wrigglers out of his misery, but the gun was empty. Blitzo sprints into the scene.

"OH MY GOD!!" Mr. Wrigglers screeches.

Blitzo smiled at Loona as he held a brick up in the air, "Don't worry! Daddy will fix this!"

Blitzo starts incessantly pounding Mr. Wrigglers' head with a brick, who is screaming in pain. Blitzo continues pounding until Mr. Wigglers' head is reduced to a mush. The short ends with Blitzo and Loona staring at each other, covered in blood.

***

Back at the apartment, Blitzo and Loona walked in from the portal as Loona kept her head down, seeming semi-traumatized by whatever occurred as Blitzo smiled and walked up to the couch where Stolas and (Y/N) were.

"Soo...How was your day?" Blitzo smiled as he spotted the remote, "Shall we watch some TV?" (Y/N) and Stolas shared a look of pure horror as the episode ended.