In the next few days, my supposed short and one time visit to the snack bar at Mama's house was a faux, because helping at the bar became a new habit of mine. Well, it's not that I'm complaining either because my usual monotonous and tedious vacations changed and became something...lively.

It was seven in the morning and we just finished preparing the bar for the day. While waiting for the time to strike eight, I sat on one of the benches before the bar, wiping my sweat off, when Clover sat beside me with Yakults on her hand.

She gave me one and said, "Hindi ko akalaing magtatagal ka dito sa amin, Ate Ella."

I cannot help but smile at her remarks because believe me, I didn't expect it either. I never thought that I would spend my Christmas break this way, compared to my usual reading sessions and midnight Netflix marathons. Somehow, this was a ruined plan that did not scare me.

"I'm glad that you're here with us," she added which widened my grin. "Ano po palang course mo?"

"Business Management. How about you?" I asked her back.

"Hmm, late po kasi ako nag-aral kaya Senior High pa lang ako. Pero gusto ko po talaga pumasok sa Ravillton Academe since I want to pursue being an artist, pero baka hindi ko rin po kayanin, hehe."

Ravillton Academe is an art and music school that offers different programs for people who want to pursue careers within showbiz entertainment, musicians, dancers and singers, writers, artists, and I heard that they even have those in relation with films, theater, photography, and cooking.

It's one of the prominent schools that most of the well-known and successful people from those fields came from Ravillton because it's like a one-way ticket to being scouted by famous companies.

"What scares you?" I asked her all of a sudden.

Hindi siya naka-sagot agad at nanatili ang tingin sa baba habang nilalaro niya ang empty Yakult bottle. She must have been clouded with her thoughts whether taking a risk or not. I know, because I've been there.

"Because I don't know if painting is really for me. You know that fear Ate, when you like something, you will never know if para sa'yo talaga ang bagay na iyon hangga't hindi ka nagtetake ng risk, hangga't hindi ka nakakarating sa dulo. Nakakatakot kasi what if magtake risk ako, pero hindi naman pala para sa'kin? And what if hindi ako nag-take ng risk, edi I will be living with regrets..." then she sighed. "Sorry Ate, napa-rant tuloy ako."

I shook my head. "It's alright, don't worry."

We were silent after that, just letting her be with her thoughts for a while. Somehow, I can see myself in her, hear the same fears and words that have been living in my head for quite long. Yet, the only difference between us is that she was able to speak it all out, while I don't have the freedom and courage to do it.

From my peripheral vision, I saw Mama tending her garden, but her gaze was on us, as if listening to our conversation. When I met her eyes, she just smiled at me gently and then nodded, as if she knows what's exactly running through my head.

Before we went back to work, I heaved a sigh first before mustering the courage to talk with Clover with what she just said.

"But what if you let go of your 'what ifs' and just do what you've always wanted?" With that, she stopped fidgeting with the Yakult bottle, poor bottle. "You will never know what's on the other side of the door if you won't open it and get inside, you know."

Napalingon sa akin si Clover at unti-unting napangiti. "Ang lalim no'n Ate ha."

I chuckled. "You know what I mean. Besides, life is full of 'what ifs' and fear, and we never noticed that it was the thieves that pulled us away from the life that we could have had, the dreams that slipped from our grip."

We both stood up when it's already eight. But before we went behind the bar, I said something one last time.

"You may or may not beat fear, so just do it scared. Fear eventually leaves, regret doesn't."

"Thank you, Ate Ella!" Clover exclaimed.

Somehow, I felt like I was talking to another person other than Clover, felt like I was talking to myself too.

After working at the bar in the morning, it was also a new routine for me to have lunch at Mama's house. I was always getting ready to leave once I'm done helping them, but Clover and Mama won't let me leave without eating here. Mukhang nagtataka na nga rin ang mga maids sa bahay dahil imbis na nakakulong ako magdamag sa kwarto ko like what I usually do, I would go home every sunset from the past few days.

Katatapos lang namin kumain at habang nagbabasa ako ng libro sa sala, biglang dumating si Blaze na tumutulo ang pawis. He was wearing an black polo shirt and white pants with his camera bag on his shoulder.

"Why are you bathing in your sweat?" I asked and went to him, handing my handkerchief in my pocket.

He took it and chuckled, wiping his face. "We covered a marathon held in the stadium under the scorching sun, imagine that..."

"No thanks, I won't."

"Where's Mama?" He asked as he threw himself on the sofa.

"In her room. Hey! Change your clothes first!" I nudged him.

But he just shook his head while burying his face. "Too tired, later."

"Matutuyuan ka ng pawis! You might get sick there!" I added but he remained in his position. "Hey Blaze...!"

Hindi na siya sumagot ulit kaya naman napahinga na lang ako nang malalim at umupo sa tapat niya. I kept on tapping his shoulder but I just winced because he never moved an inch again. He's so stubborn.

"Just eat na lang here, come on, baka hindi ka pa kumakain–"

I was taken aback when he suddenly got up but his face was too close to mine. He was blinking a couple of times like he was scrutinizing every inch of my whole being.

"Y-You–You're too close!" I pushed him on his shoulder and Blaze just chuckled like he was having fun teasing me. Jerk.

"Who would have thought that you know how to talk like that," he sounded as if he just discovered something amusing.

Bago pa ako makapagsalita, tumayo na siya at dumiretso sa kusina, leaving me with a frown in my face. Then I just realized that it's been a long time since I acted like this where I consume too much energy on things, Blaze was right.

He returned from the kitchen with a big bowl of fries with him and two chocolate drinks where he gave the other one to me. He settled himself on the biggest sofa and opened the TV.

"Hindi ka kakain?"

Blaze stared at me while picking fries one by one. My forehead creased because of what he's doing, at the same time, getting anxious. What is he thinking? And why is he looking at me like that?

"For someone who doesn't eat properly, you're quite concerned," he mentioned.

Napaiwas naman ako ng tingin dahil sa sinabi niya. I wasn't able to say anything because he was right. Recalling back, I just realized that it's my unhealthy eating routine that made me meet Blaze. And until now, I still don't understand why he is so bothered with it.

"Pumunta ka ng Christmas Ball," he suddenly uttered. "Masaya iyon."

"I know," I retorted back. I know it's fun and exciting and a great way to end the semester, which are the reasons that stop me from going.

Kumunot ang noo niya. "Wala ka bang kasiyahan sa buhay?"

Napatitig ako sa kanya at imbis na ma-offend, natawa ako. Mukhang mas lalo siyang nagtaka sa naging reaksyon ko.

"Ililibre kita ng ice cream, basta punta ka," he added more.

I scoffed. "Are you bribing me?"

"Yes," he responded with a serious face that I wanted to laugh, but I was preventing myself.

I cleared my throat and asked, "Why are you forcing me ba? Why do you want me to go so bad?"

"Kasi masyado kang seryoso sa buhay," he said, his expression still stern. "You have the look of that student who sleeps with her books open on her desk until the sun rises, that you forgot sleeping is a part of human life rather than killing yourself in order to perfect those computations."

Nakatitig lang ako sa kanya matapos niyang sabihin iyon. I eventually put my chin on my hand and grabbed the remote from him. Hindi naman siya nagreklamo. Hinanap ko ang isang anime film which is one of my comfort movie, a story between a girl and a guy who became a chair while closing portals with a key.

"Have you ever felt trapped inside that no matter what you do, even if you get out of the cage, there is nowhere for you to go anyway, because you realized that you're already trapped inside your life, in the world that you live in, and not just in a cage. The only thing left that you can do is to bear with it because there is no way out."

I felt a pang in my chest after I abruptly told what's inside my head. I never had someone to talk to with things like these, and I never felt so relieved after releasing what is suppressed within me for years. Being sad takes so much of my time that I never intended to put in on my routine. Because if I could own the world, it would take me forever to be sad.

The song from the movie started playing which is sung by one of my favorite Japanese bands. I have always loved band songs because of their loudness that somehow resembles the chaos inside my head. It's like there was someone or something that knows something about me but the music will never judge me, rather it felt like it understands me.

"Hala, favorite scene ko 'to," I didn't realize I was already reacting to the movie.

I also love rewatching the same series or movies that I have already watched a million times. There is an unexplainable comfort that comes even if you already know what is going to happen.

"You are probably trapped inside of that world because it was never yours to begin with."

Naramdaman ko ang pagkawala ng ngiti sa labi ko dahil sa sinabi ni Blaze. His words hit me like the truck from the anime that I have watched that causes the character to be transported to another world. I felt my chest tightening more because of our conversation.

"Baka kaya ka nakukulong sa buhay na meron ka dahil baka hindi iyan ang buhay na binuo mo para sa'yo. It's either it was someone else's life, or you built it out of the lives of different people, their words, their thoughts, their opinions of you."

I could feel my hand gripping the remote harder and something in my eyes that hadn't appeared for a while. The last time that I cried was when I got into a car accident during my Senior High.

"And that's why I have nowhere else to go," I said in a low voice.

Napatingin ako sa bowl ng fries na nilagay niya sa harapan ko. Nanahimik na kami habang nanonood ng movie. Kanina ko pa naubos ang chocolate drink ko at kinakagat-kagat ko na lang ang straw.

The movie ended and before I could go home, Blaze said one more thing.

"You can always create another one, another world, another life."

That night, halos hindi ako makatulog kakaisip dahil sa naging usapan namin ni Blaze. I looked at the time and saw that it was already two in the morning. Ngayon na lang ulit ako napuyat na hindi dahil sa pag-aaral. Kahit bakasyon, I would always sleep at least before twelve to compensate for my lack of sleep when there is class.

It was Friday when I went to the university because we had some subjects where we were still required to attend class for attendance because some professors don't consider these kinds of festivities as a valid excuse to cancel classes.

Most of my blockmates were in a frown, itching for the class to end already. I mean, who would want to listen to an overview of a lesson plan that will be tackled in the next semester when Christmas is already a few weeks away?

"Class dismissed."

Pagkalabas na pagkalabas ng prof namin, halos lahat sa room ay nakahinga nang maluwag at ang iba ay nagmamadali pang lumabas kasunod ng prof na para bang ilang taon kaming nakulong. I can't blame them either.

I was already making my way to the parking and was about to message my driver to get me when I suddenly heard someone shouting my name.

"Uy si Ella! Ella!"

Ramdam ko ang tingin ng mga tao sa paligid dahil sa paulit-ulit na tawag sa akin ni Nikko. Hindi ko alam kung lilingunin ko ba siya para hampasin o hindi pansinin para kunyari ay hindi kami magkakilala.

"Ella–aray ko Blaze! Bakit ka namamatok?!"

"Bunganga mo, para kang nasa bahay lang eh," I heard Blaze's voice.

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad nang lumitaw silang dalawa sa harapan ko. They were both wearing the same polo shirt that Blaze was wearing the other day, probably an org or department uniform, with Nikko in ripped jeans and Blaze with beige shorts. Both of them were wearing their cameras on their necks.

I heaved a sigh and continued walking with them following me. "Himala ata at pumasok ka ngayon. Hindi ka nakatiis sa bazaar 'no!" Nikko exclaimed.

I could only roll my eyes at him. "I have class."

He suddenly grimaced with what I said and I almost laughed. "Grabe talaga yung mga prof sa department niyo, ayaw paawat kahit pasko ah."

I just nodded in agreement. Finally, I could agree with Nikko.

"Uuwi ka na?" Blaze asked. "Huwag."

Napalingon ako sa kanya, confused was all over my face with what he said. Nababaliw ba 'to?

"Kain tayo."

"Ayoko."

"Hoy Nikko!"

Napatigil kami bigla sa paglalakad nang may babaeng sumigaw ng pangalan ni Nikko na unti-unting naglalakad palapit sa amin. She was wearing the same black polo shirt and trousers, her hair tied in a messy ponytail and thin-framed glasses. She looked so elegant yet powerful that I assumed she was someone who holds so much power and very influential.

"Patay..." I heard Nikko muttering in fear. "Hehe, mauna na pala ako–"

But before he could even run away, the woman already grabbed him by the collar and he could only raise both of his hands, as if surrendering himself to the cops.

"P-Pres, hehe..." Nikko's voice was trembling. I couldn't help but to prevent myself from laughing. He looked so helpless.

We were already making a scene here at mabuti na lang at tumigil kami sa hindi na masyadong mataong lugar kaya wala na masyadong napapatingin sa amin, pero may iilan pa ring sumisilip.

"Diba sabi ko samahan mo ako sa pag-cover ng event ng Pride org kanina, tapos maririnig kong nasa booth ka ng Culinary at namamakyaw ng free taste!" her voice was almost resonating through the empty corridor.

While watching the two of them bickering, I felt Blaze stood beside me and leaned closer to whisper.

"Lunch tayo after this."

Napahinga na lang ako nang malalim. "Ayaw mo bang kumain na lang kila Mama?"

Wala akong nakuhang sagot sa kanya kaya nilingon ko siya pero nakatingin lang siya sa dalawang nag-aaway sa harap namin. He suddenly turned to me and the two finally stopped.

Blaze pointed at the girl and introduced, "By the way Ella, this is Chiara Ramirez–"

"Kira for short!" The girl interrupted. Oh, she's that Kira.

"And Kira, this is–"

"Oh, of course I know her! You're Ella Arison from the College of Business, right?" Kira interrupted again. I caught Blaze deadpanned and just gave up.

"Y-Yeah, how did you know?"

She grinned maliciously like the pink-haired character from one of my favorite anime. "Secret, I have my ways. At para saan pa ang pagiging President ko ng TWC kung hindi ko kilala ang top student ng COB," she said with pride.

I was surprised when she hugged me and I stood there frozen in place. Although masikip ang pagkakayakap niya, it's not at all suffocating.

"I have always admired you ever since frosh days pero I never got the chance na makilala ka!" she was exclaiming like a kid who met her idol for the first time.

"Oh..." I was dumbfounded and didn't know what to say. I wanted to ask her why and what would be the reasons for her to adore someone like me but I just stayed silent and gave her a smile, an awkward one.

"OA ka na, tinatakot mo yung tao," sabi ni Blaze at hinila palayo si Kira sa'kin.

"Bwisit ka Blaze! Anyway, mauuna na kami ni Nikko at mag-uusap lang kami nang masinsinan," she emphasized the last word while widening her eyes on him.

"Sorry na nga Pres! Natapos ko naman na yung mga pinapagawa mo sa'kin na–"

"Okay, tara na," hinila na niya si Nikko sa braso at bago pa sila maglakad palayo, lumingon pa siya ulit sa amin. "It was finally nice meeting you, Ella! I will definitely see you around more!"

I just smiled and waved back at her. "Y-Yeah, sure."

"Tulong! Child abuse na 'tong ginagawa mo!" Nikko screamed as they vanished from our sight.

I blinked a couple of times before I shook my head and faced Blaze. "That's so chaotic."

"Pagpasensyahan mo na si Kira, sadyang inborn na ang ugali niyang iyon. Kaya nga palagi silang nag-aaway ni Nikko eh," napapailing na sabi ni Blaze.

I just smiled at the thought. "They're so lively."

"Okay, lunch."

Nawala naman ang ngiti bigla sa labi ko. He was really a stubborn human being. In the end, I couldn't ask him to have lunch at Mama's house and we ended up riding a bus papunta sa kabilang avenue. Kada naman tatanungin ko siya kung bakit, hindi naman niya ako sinasagot.

"Wala ka bang work sa convenience store?" I asked when we passed by the store.

Umiling lang siya. "Mama said I could get off for the whole week," before I could even ask, he added something more. "They own the store, with Papa."

I could almost feel my mouth gaping with what I just heard, but I didn't ask anymore. Nagpatuloy lang kami sa paglalakad hanggang sa tumigil kami sa tapat ng isang maliit na stall that sells breakfast-type of meals with rice.

"Do you know Bacsilog?" I heard him ask after he ordered. I shook my head. "Bacon, silog, and itlog, with a special cream sauce."

There were wooden seats and tables in front of the stall shaded by some large trees where we took a seat after getting our meals. It was yet another time for me to try something new because of Blaze's doing, again.

But when I took a bite after moments of bickering with Blaze, I could almost finish my meal because of how good it was. Bakit hindi ko alam na may ganitong pagkain na nag-eexist? I could eat this everyday! I should imitate and cook this later pag-uwi.

"Pakipot ka kakain din naman," Blaze whispered that I could hear kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

Matapos namin kumain, akala ko ay uuwi na kami, pero ang loko ay dinala pa ako sa ice cream parlor na kinainan namin noong nakaraan. This time, instead of strawberry, he bought me ube which I don't eat either.

"Vanilla sabi! Va-ni-lla!" I repeated to him. But he just shrugged.

Halos lukot na lukot ang mukha ko dahil sa lalaking 'to. As usual, I couldn't do anything and I don't want the ice cream to just melt and be wasted, sayang ang pera at sayang ang pagkain. Minutes later, I found myself almost finishing the cone of my ice cream.

I glared at Blaze who was chuckling like he just won a lottery. I rolled my eyes at him and said, "Masaya ka na?"

And he had the audacity to shake his head and told me, "Go to the Ball, I'll be anticipating you there."

"And if I don't?"

He stared at me before saying, "I'll fetch you at your home before 6."

***