Guess who spilled an entire cup of tea on her phone and had to buy a new one this morning?? Fun times :/ 

Sitting in a coffee shop with an iced cappuccino to write this, life is good. What are you doing today?

Keep the comments coming, you know I love when you spam me :) 

Trigger Warning: Mentions of physical/emotional abuse, PTSD, depression, anxiety, vomit

* * * 

Andy was reluctant to shower and Remington couldn't work out why, kept saying the same few things, that he was okay, that he didn't need to keep apologising, but he continued with his on-off crying, the lingering smell of vomit making Remington feel a little sick. 

"What is it?" He asked finally, after watching the man, who was sitting on the closed toilet seat, burst into tears for the sixth time in the space of ten minutes. "What's wrong? Do you still feel sick?" 

It seemed to pain Andy to look at him, the blue in his eyes pale, the white turning pink, eyelashes clumped together and heavy. He shook his head, said, "I'm-I'm sorry, I...I ruined your-I ruined it." 

"What, my sheets? Don't even worry about that. They were crusty as fuck anyway. Like I said, cum stains. Seriously, it's no bother, it happens to the best of us. You should have seen me the last time I got too drunk, I was spewing my guts up like someone had poisoned me. Really, it's okay. You're okay." He was in the process of filling a glass with cold water. "If you need some time on your own, I can go, leave you to shower. Use up the passionfruit shower gel if you want, I've got two more. It's actually my favourite thing in the whole world." 

Andy dropped his head down again, dragged his hand across his eyes. His hair was falling over his face and in dire need of a wash. "I...I can't-I can't stop loving him. Why can't I-why do I..." 

"You will, in time. You've done the hardest thing you'll probably ever have to, I sure as hell couldn't do it. You need to give yourself time to come to terms with it all. It's still so fresh." 

"I shouldn't-I-I keep ruining every-everything."

Turning off the tap, Remington sat on the edge of the bathtub with the glass. "No, baby. You're not ruining anything. I promise. You're okay. You want some water?" 

Andy looked at him again, eyed the drink. 

"Help yourself," Remington said; he had come to realise that Andy wouldn't take anything unless he was told to help himself, and though he hated it, he knew he couldn't challenge that part of him, at least not while the trauma was so raw. 

With a trembling hand, Andy took the glass, sipped the water. "Sorry," he said again. "Thank you. Sorry." 

"That's okay. You're welcome." 

"I don't want to keep-uh-keep bothering you." 

"You're no bother at all, I enjoy your company. It's not often I'm in the presence of such pretty men who aren't complete cunts." 

At that, Andy dropped his gaze to the glass, though Remington saw the glimmer of a smile that washed over his face, as fleeting as it was. He took another sip. 

"Is it just me or it is boiling in here?" Remington asked, fanning himself. "Swear to God, I'm sweating like a tiger in heat. Fuck me." Lifting his shirt, he decided on taking it off completely, tossing it carelessly on the ground. "How you feeling?" 

Andy wasn't used to being asked, was flustered with the prospect of having to provide an answer. "Uh...uh, fine. Thank you. Sorry." 

"Well, let me know if you need anything. And help yourself to more water, if want." 

"Thank you. I'm sorry." He dared to look at Remington again. "I'll go now," he said quietly, guilty for using up Remington's time. 

The younger shook his head, visibly sad at the words. "No need," he assured. "I mean, unless you want to. But I don't think you should be alone, and I'm happy to have you. Like I said, your company is welcome. Shower, okay? I don't want you to sleep having to smell vomit. You can have my bed, I'll find some fresh sheets for the couch and sleep there. So you don't have to wait. You must be exhausted." 

"No, I...I can't do that to you." 

"I want to. Let me help you, okay? You've been through so much shit on your own with no one to lean on, let me be someone to lean on. At least for a little bit." 

"I...I...really?" 

"Of course." 

Andy wiped his eyes again, sipped the water, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and sadness. "I can't-I don't-I...how are you-how are you not mad?" 

"Mad? The last thing anyone should be is mad." 

"I'm sorry." 

"You're okay. Will you let me help you?" 

Andy hesitated, then nodded, sniffled. "Okay," he mumbled. "Thank you. Sorry. Thank you." 

"I'll leave you to shower, uh, the temperature is a little unpredictable so if it randomly goes cold, just give it a second an it'll sort itself out. My room's the door opposite, so whenever you're ready, I'll leave some clothes you can sleep in on my bed. Anything else you need, you let me know, okay? I'll be in the living room." 

Andy nodded again. 

"Help yourself to towels and shampoo and everything, take your time." 

"Thank you." 

"That's okay. I hope you're not feeling sick anymore." 

"No. Sorry for your sofa." 

"It's no bother. Enjoy your shower." He gave a smile, added, "I've got a day off work tomorrow, so if there's anything you wanna do at all, we can do it. I've been meaning to try out the new ice  cream parlour, so if you're into that, we should do it. Anyway, I'm rambling. I'll leave you to shower now." 

Andy stood from the toilet seat, putting the empty glass beside the sink and hugging Remington for the third time that night. This time he said, "I didn't think I could feel safe until I met you. Thank you"

Remington could have sobbed, his arms loose but protective around him. "Oh baby, you're so welcome. I'm so sorry for everything you've gone through, I hope I can help you to feel better. I stink of alcohol and sweat, sorry about that."

Andy closed his eyes, and in that moment, leaning into Remington's naked torso, he nearly said 'I love you', stopping himself only because he wasn't sure if his voice would betray him and break before he could have the chance to say it.

Still, he didn't need to say it. Remington knew it already.