QuetzalQueen: I apologise to all you people who have been waiting for me to update Hedwig Funny Chat for a long time and perhaps even thought it was discontinued! It's just that I've been busy on holiday with little or no internet connection.Also, a crazy website called Eel Slap is mentioned in this chapter, and it's real! Hope you enjoy this chapter and don't find it too long! (set about eight hours after Hedwig's Hatchday, late at night) 

GingerCatGal32: HELP! Someone or something has been trying to get into my bedroom. ALL NIGHT!  He, I'm assuming, is squawking and screeching at my door, it's driving me MAD! Harry, Hedwig, Fawkes, Magnus, I'm so sorry I've been hiding all this time, I am too frightened to come out! 

Lightning44 has joined this chat.   

Lightning44: Finally, I've found out where you are! Fawkes was so worried about you and Hermione, he set up two teams to look for them- him and Norbert looking for Hermione, and me, Hedwig, and Magnus searching for you. Do you have any idea of where she is? (Thinking: I think I know who's trying to break into her room...

GingerCatGal32: No, sorry. She must have been even more embarassed than I was. The only things I can think of where Hermione might be hiding and what she may be doing is sulking in the girls' toilets, which is typical of her, or yelling at Buckbeak near the Forbidden Forest. My question is, are you able to get the screeching thing away from my room? 

Lightning44: No, I can't even go near the girls' tower! But Hedwig might be able to help, if she isn't already in the Forest with Magnus. You don't seem as happy as you usually are, why is that? 

GingerCatGal32: I doubt she would come help me. Don't you understand, all this screeching is making me grumpy! (Ginny hears an horrible scratching sound on her door) What the heck was THAT sound? (gets up to investigate) 

Lightning44: This isn't looking good...

I-Love-Hedwig <3 has joined this chat.  

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : Harry, didn't you know that Salazar is the one who is keeping Ginny awake with his squawks and screeches?! It's because he really wants to go out on a date with her!

Lightning44: That Salazar, I can't believe how desperate he is to STEAL Ginny from me! You think I'm thick, don't you?

SarcasticStroppySnowy has joined this chat.   

SarcasticStroppySnowy: SARCASM QUEEN INCOMING! No, you're very smart Harry! (laughs to herself) 

GingerCatGal32: That was not nice to him, Hedwig! I don't know what I'll do with Salazar, can he not accept I've already got you, Harry? 

SarcasticStroppySnowy: Yeah, I don't know what's gone wrong with him! Salazar only seemed to care about beating up and arguing with everyone, but now he's just obsessed with you, Ginny!

GingerCatGal32: I hope you're exaggerating by the way you said obsessed! (more scratching,louder this time) 

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : Unfortunately, I think she isn't exaggerating-

GingerCatGal32: What? I love Harry way more than that irritatingly persistent owl! (does the same thing as Harry when he gets frustrated: throw her wand across the room and at the door)

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : That isn't going to stop Salazar. He dosen't care that you already have Harry, and sooner or later you'll have to open that door and confront him. 

GingerCatGal32: But Magnus, I can't! Fawkes is tough, could he go tell Salazar the hard truth and drive him away? (sulks, much like Hedwig)

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : I'm afraid he's busy at the moment, looking for Hermione. She's probably in trouble too, so Fawkes needs to help her first and then he can come to you. 

SarcasticStroppySnowy: Ginny, for the first time I have ever seen you do this, you are being a total wuss! 

Lightning44: You were on several occasions scared of Salazar like that, so don't call Ginny a wuss!

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : Hedwig, you're busted for saying that

SarcasticStroppySnowy: I'm sorry... though what do you expect, of course I'm going to be stroppy, sarcastic, and say insults once in a while! 

SarcasticStroppySnowy has left this chat, feeling slightly guilty. 

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : As much as I love her, she's got some attitude! 

Lightning44: I agree with that.

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : I hope she still wants to go on a date with me tonight. I've got to give her my present!

Lightning44: You're lucky, Hedwig almost certainly will! But what can I do when an owl is trying to take Ginny from me and keeping her stuck inside her room? 

GingerCatGal32: Fawkes needs to hurry up and get me out so I can go out on a date with you!  

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : Fawkes is completely unware you need to be saved from Salazar, so you shouldn't be expecting him to hurry up just yet! How about you private message him about the issue? He is capable of fighting off Salazar and would be willing to do it for you. 

GingerCatGal32: Really? Is that a new feature on this website? (looks for a private message button) 

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : Of course it is! Just go to his page and find the private message button. 

GingerCatGal32: Okay, I'll try that (Thinking: When will that bumbag leave?!) 

GingerCatGal32 has left this chat.   

Fawkes' status: Does anyone know where Hermione, chat name BookGirl or Ginny, chat name GingerCatGal32 are? They has been hiding after Buckbeak did something rather embarassing to them. I have two teams of people looking for these girls though I would still accept help from people who are not in these groups. And also, could someone find Buckbeak so he can get a punishment? Have a happy Valentines Day! Thanks, Fawkes

And a special message for Hedwig only: I have several presents for you tonight. Come meet me at Hagrid's hut and I will give them to you. 

GingerCatGal32: (thinking) Hedwig will be excited about that! (finds PM button)

GingerCatGal32: Hello, it's Ginny here. I have a huge problem that you need to help me with. Salazar has been squawking and scratching at my door, keeping me locked inside my room, and apparently this is because Salazar really likes me even though he realises that I already have a boyfriend! Harry can't get rid of Salazar, since of course he wouldn't be allowed near the girls' rooms.Hopefully you are though, since I can't think of anyone else who would do this for me. I do not know where Hermione is hiding, you and Norbert will find her soon.(thinking: Doubt it) Please, Fawkes, Harry will be very upset if I can't go out with him tonight.  From Ginny

Back at the main chat... 

FlameSnout has joined. 

FlameSnout: Oh man, I have had such a dumb day, me and Fawkes couldn't find Tessa, Hermione, OR Buckbeak! We've looked almost everywhere and they still seem to be hiding! 

Lightning44: So Fawkes is off duty now too? That means he'll be able to get Ginny out from her room soon! And by the way, forget about Tessa, she isn't here at Hogwarts.

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : Well, you're not too pleased that Salazar wants Ginny to be his girlfriend, are you? Norbert has a similar feeling to you, but it's worse when he has no girlfriend at all! 

FlameSnout: Yeah, put yourself in my perspective! (sobs)

Lightning44: Norbert, I'm only telling you the truth. 

FlameSnout: Fine! 

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : We shouldn't talk about something that isn't to do with any sort of romance while Norbert is here. What is your favourite food, everyone? 

Lightning44: Favourite food? Mmmm, probably Chocolate Frogs

FlameSnout: Me? CHICKEN, YUM YUM YUM

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : That sure cheered you up! I don't think there would be many owls whose favourite food isn't Eeylops Owl Treats!

FlameSnout: Are they your favourite food?

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : That's what I was saying! (Thinking: My dear Hedwig would call him a duffer or some other insulting name if he said that to her)

Lightning44: At least you're not talking to Hedwig. Magnus, do you know if she is returning? 

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : I reckon she won't. I could go convince her, though I can't get Ginny to come back. 

Lightning44: Ginny will be still writing her letter. I'd like to know what Hedwig is doing. Just don't spend too long getting her!

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : I'm not like her in that aspect. I'll only be late if there's an emergency...

Lightning44: That concerns me

I-Love-Hedwig <3 has left this chat.    

FlameSnout: I wonder where Buckbeak is. Bet Hermione's angry at him...

MaliciousMalfoy14 has joined this chat.  

FlameSnout: Oi, you're not Buckbeak! 

Lightning44: Draco, TELL ME WHERE HERMIONE IS OR I WILL... (can't think of what to do to him)

FlameSnout: HIT YOU IN THE FACE WITH A LIVE EEL! (picks up a plush eel and practices slapping his computer)

MaliciousMalfoy14: I'm not scared by eels, where would you get one from anyway? By the way NONE OF YOU ARE GOING TO FIND HERMIONE! (Thinking: I know where she is...)

Lightning44: You didn't have to say that, Norbert

FlameSnout: Yes I did, I was helping you out! I can grab eels from the lake, remember? 

MaliciousMalfoy14: You could have come up with a better threat than that!

Lightning44: I could make you throw up slugs!

MaliciousMalfoy14: That spell never works the way you want it to, as Ron proved to me.

Lightning44: You better scold  your owl for what he doing to Ginny!

MaliciousMalfoy14: I know just how much he loves your girlfriend..

FlameSnout: SHUT UP

MaliciousMalfoy14: I get told to shut up all the time, and I don't care what he does to Ginny! 

Lightning44: No! Don't you become like Salazar!

MaliciousMalfoy14: Hermione's going out with someone tonight and he's not Ron

Lightning44: YOU-

MaliciousMalfoy14 has left this chat. 

Lightning44: -IDIOT!

SarcasticStroppySnowy has joined this chat.

I-Love-Hedwig <3 has joined this chat. 

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : Has Ginny got help from Fawkes yet? 

SarcasticStroppySnowy: Who did you just call an IDIOT?

FlameSnout: Woah, everyone just calm down!

Lightning44: I'm still really angry at Draco!

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : For what? 

SarcasticStroppySnowy: Obviously he is the person you called an idiot

Lightning44: Scroll up the page and you'll understand what I'm talking about...  (Magnus and Hedwig do this)

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : That shocks me to know that Draco likes Hermione!

SarcasticStroppySnowy: Even after she slapped him? Draco must have been influenced by Salazar!

Lightning44: And we've got to stop him!

FlameSnout: How are we going to do that? Draco refused to tell us where Hermione is!

SarcasticStroppySnowy: So unhelpful. Typical!

GingerCatGal32 has joined this chat.  

GingerCatGal32: Look, I've contacted Fawkes and he said that he's coming to help me out soon-

Lightning44:Good! Does he have any idea where Hermione is? Draco said cryptically he was going out with Hermione!

GingerCatGal32:WHAT? That's crazy! At least you know where I am! I'll message Fawkes again to find out. Hope he's treating her alright...

GingerCatGal32 has left this chat. 

GingerCatGal32: (writing to Fawkes) I need more help from you, again! (moans) This time it's Hermione who needs the help! Me along with Hedwig, Magnus, Norbert, and Harry have been told cryptically by Draco that he is going out with Hermione soon, which all surprised us. Would you be able to go to Buckbeak and ask him where she is? We need to get her back tonight. The only danger is that Buckbeak might be a bit angry, so it would be good if we could come with you. From Ginny

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : You didn't have to leave that soon! Oh well. 

SarcasticStroppySnowy: Sorry to annoy you, but I need to leave too. Fawkes might have put important news on his page.

SarcasticStroppySnowy has left this chat. 

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : Oh, Hedwig! 

Lightning44: Why does everyone keep leaving? 

FlameSnout: Because we have other things to do and I'm getting bored and hungry for KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN. Bye!

FlameSnout has left this chat.  

Lightning44: What on EARTH is Kentucky Fried Chicken? 

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : Just what the name says! Fried chicken that comes from Kentucky...wherever that is. I've actually never heard of it before. 

Lightning44: Only Hermione would know... but she's not here, thanks to that Draco!

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : Fawkes will help Ginny and Hermione, don't worry! Now, what are you going to do with Ginny tonight? I'm going to the Forest tonight to give her the present and have a romantic time together. 

Lightning44: She's still trapped by Salazar, and even if Fawkes does free Ginny, Salazar will just insist on him going out with her!

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : You need to think more positively. You will go out with Ginny tonight and you will have a nice time with her. 

Lightning44: Okay, okay, I get it. You were making me jealous when you where talking about Hedwig..

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : Sorry! I really do mean it, unlike my mate. What's something else we can talk about? 

SarcasticStroppySnowy has joined this chat. 

SarcasticStroppySnowy: I know...PRESENTS! Fawkes says on his status that he's giving me not one, but several, presents! I'm so excited!

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : Despite you irritating him multiple times, Fawkes is really  quite interested in you. I really wish that he could come right now. 

Fire-Feather has joined this chat. 

GingerCatGal32 has joined this chat.  

Fire-Feather: I have finally returned, with both good and bad news. 

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : YAY! Fawkes to the rescue!

SarcasticStroppySnowy: Oh, stop speaking like an owlet!

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : If you talk sarcastically often, then it's fine for me to talk like an owlet, okay?

GingerCatGal32: Tell them the bad news first!

Fire-Feather: Unfortunately, I haven't seen Buckbeak or even Hermione for several days, and I know I'm being like Norbert here, but I just don't know where, or rather how, we will locate them. 

SarcasticStroppySnowy: Maybe Buckbeak has flown away from the school with Hermione!

Fire-Feather: That could be possible. After all, Buckbeak showed us a different side of his personality last week, and so did Salazar.

Lightning44: I hope that's not true...

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : There's worse things that can happen. 

SarcasticStroppySnowy: Like what?

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : Never mind. 

FireFeather: And now for some more positive news!

SarcasticStroppySnowy: For Ginny

FireFeather: No, for releasing her will make all of you happy. I can go chase Salazar away from your door and into the owlery when I have finished being at this chat. After that, he shouldn't come back and you can hang out with Harry!

GingerCatGal32: When will that be? Twenty minutes? Forty minutes? Sixty-

FireFeather: However long this chat will take. Be patient!

GingerCatGal32: Okay then, as long as Salazar dosen't actually break my door by then! (loudest scratch yet)  

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : Patience is one of my house's values!

FireFeather: He wouldn't be powerful enough for that. 

SarcasticStroppySnowy: Are you sure? My claws are terribly sharp!

FireFeather: I don't think they could tear through hard wood. 

Lightning44: So Ginny's problem is solved, but what are we going to do about Hermione?

SarcasticStroppySnowy: Fawkes already told you, WE DON'T KNOW YET! Plus we are all using the word but too much. 

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : She'll be fine, Harry!

Lightning44: It's hard to think that!

SarcasticStroppySnowy: You're acting like Norbert now

Lightning44: Now I can understand a bit of what he feels about losing Tessa...

FireFeather: I have come up with a really cool song idea!

SarcasticStroppySnowy: Fawkes, I didn't know you were musical!

FireFeather: Everyone has their hidden talents... (humming the song to himself)

Jingle bells

Magnus smells

Hedwig laid a egg

The Quidditch broom lost its zoom and Malfoy fell off

Hey!

GingerCatGal32: Err... okay

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : Thanks Fawkes, that was hilarious!

SarcasticStroppySnowy:Really?! I DID NOT LAY AN EGG AND MAGNUS DOES NOT SMELL! 

FireFeather: It's supposed to be funny! Can't you get a joke? 

SarcasticStroppySnowy: Not when you are insulting me and Magnus!! (squawks in anger)

Lightining44: At least he didn't make me fall off my broom, even though I've done it loads of times and it hasn't seemed to have happened to Malfoy once. 

FireFeather: I'm giving you presents tonight, so cheer up and don't be grumpy! I won't sing this song to you again if it's going to upset you. 

GingerCatGal32: Fawkes.. there's a hole in my door... You need to come now! (hides under table, like ScaredyCatGal32!)

FireFeather: I have to leave now! Hedwig, I'll give you your presents in about an hour's time. Magnus, have a fun time with Hedwig. Harry, I tell you to be patient now. And Ginny... don't worry!

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : Bye Fawkes! 

FireFeather has left this chat.  

Lightning44 has left this chat. 

I-Love-Hedwig <3 : By the way,Hedwig, stop being mean to Fawkes, he's one of the kindest people I know, and he's giving you more hatchday presents than I am!

I-Love-Hedwig <3 has left this chat.  

SarcasticStroppySnowy has left this chat.

FlameSnout has joined this chat. 

FlameSnout: I FOUND THE ULTIMATE WAY TO HAVE REVENGE ON MALFOY! THERE'S A WEBSITE CALLED EEL SLAP! YOU SLAP A RANDOM MAN IN THE FACE WITH AN EEL, IT'S REALLY FUN! WE COULD SHOW IT TO MALFOY AND SAY THIS IS WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO TO YOU IF YOU DON'T GIVE HERMIONE BACK!

GingerCatGal32: Ummmmmmm...I'm not sure about that

FlameSnout: I COULD SLAP SALAZAR IN THE FACE WITH AN EEL TOO! 

GingerCatGal32: nO dONT hIt mE in ThE facE wITh aN EEL!

FlameSnout: Huh? No wait... Salazar's already here!! (Thinking: Noooooooooooooooo... Harry and Fawkes will not be pleased)

GingerCatGal32 has left this chat.  

FlameSnout: I'm gonna play some more Eel Slap and eat some more KFC

FlameSnout has left this chat.