'Oh, another author's note?' say the vastly-depleted audience, still clinging onto the hope of a chapter update at some point soon. 

Yeah, yeah, I know. Author's notes are annoying as fuck. Nobody bloody wants them, especially not when you've been hanging on for weeks, waiting for an update. I get it. Really I do. 

The good news is, there is a chapter coming right up! But, I couldn't continue without posting a note, partly to apologise for my absence and partly to explain it. 

I get told I apologise too much (Julia, Varsi), but you know.... the British upbringing and all that, it's a disease that plagues my generation... and to be honest, I HATE not being able to update, so I do happen to think an apology is needed. When I started posting Hedoschism, I promised myself I'd stick to a schedule, when perhaps I should have realised this is me we're talking about and HEY WHAT? SCHEDULES? Anyone who was with me when I was writing The Whitechapel Chronicles knows I have a pretty sketchy relationship with schedules so maybe my failure to stick to one with Hedoschism should come as no surprise. But I'll apologise anyway, because I know readers hate waiting for updates and I hate making you wait for one. 

January has been shockingly shite (hold my drink, while I wheel out the violins and the whole damn orchestra to play a sad tune), which I won't go into, but it's despised me, just as much as I've despised it, so at least we're on the same page and have come to a kind of mutual stale-mate. Hating January has meant writing has been practically non-existent and I feel like I've been working on this chapter since Ethan was born (which was a loooooooong time ago, sorry Ethan). 

Secondly, and probably, the biggest reason behind the lack of update, was that it suddenly dawned on me that Hedoschism isn't quite the story I originally intended it to be. 

I wanted something simple. Coming off the back of a three-year trilogy project, this was supposed to be my easy-as-fuck standalone novel. I was going to vomit up 90k words and do the whole jazz hands thing, as I posted each chapter, declaring to all just how easy it all was, because 'LOOK, IT'S A STANDALONE AND NOT A TRILOGY. YOU CAN READ IT AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIVES.' 

Why did I even think that? I mean, do you remember the author's note at the beginning? The one that had all those warnings about religion and abuse? And I thought that would be easy? I don't even know what happened, but at the end of last year, it dawned on me that I'd thrown myself waist-deep into a whole pile of WHAT HAVE I GOT MYSELF INTO and OH I THINK I'VE FUCKED UP QUITE ROYALLY THANK YOU VERY MUCH. The plot threw itself off a cliff and started to drown. The research decided to send an invite out to all its friends on social media and more research crashed the party, drank all my booze, and trashed everything in sight. 

In short, I panicked. Because, after all, what the Hell do you do when you've started posting a story on Wattpad, only to realise you've screwed it up before you're even halfway through? I panicked and procrastinated, wrote copious notes that filled up the pages in my notebook but that did nothing to fill the gaping, ugly plot holes. I ate a lot of croissants. Scowled quite a bit. Gave myself numerous headaches. Wrote more notes, mostly all illegible. Was happily distracted by my dad coming over from Spain to stay for a week and then went on a business trip to Milan. Ate some pasta. Quite a lot of pasta actually. Practised my terrible Italian accent. Scoured Pinterest for pictures of James McAvoy and Eminem's arms. 

But finally... ***JAZZ HANDS***

A chapter! 

In truth, I don't even know how I managed to finish it finally, but I did. I've left out a few things I'd originally planned to include, but I'm going to shove them into the next one and hopefully answer a few more questions that Casey (and you!) might have. 

A few things I've discovered while writing: 

1. I hate writing dialogue chapters. 

2. I love Ethan even more. 

3. Casey has a bad-ass sense of humour I never knew existed. 

4. I eat way too many croissants. 

5. Did I mention I love Ethan? 

Anyway, as always, I'm in awe of your patience and grateful for your support. I hope you're still with me and I'm not whispering into the wind. 

Thank you xxx

P.S. The song I've attached is not relevant to this note in any way, I just think it's funny AF and the video is kinda disturbing. Don't watch if easily offended by muppet-human liaisons. Just a warning ;-)