Issue #51: If You Don't Laugh At My Jokes I Will Literally Kill You

"Is everyone in position?"

"Van cam is locked and loaded, baby." Livewire said with her feet on the dashboard of the bus. She looked out her window with binoculars (stolen) and took a sip out of her large soda from Burger King (bought).

"We have sights on the south end, Firefly." Cleo said as Duela stared off in the direction of the bus over by the west wing hidden amongst trees. She scratched at her neck like an addict awaiting for her next fix.

"I can't believe you're making me go through the sewer!" Copperhead complained on his end. "Why not send the rat girl!?"

"We went over this, The Clown needs someone to bitch slap her if she goes insane and to stop her from killing anyone at the party herself." Firefly said.

"So send the clown with her!" Copperhead responded.

"Oh, that could've actually worked... too bad you didn't speak up until now." Firefly stated as he watched the East wing from high up on a hill. He paced back and forth flicking a lighter to stop himself from going down and seeing how the 200 year old wood of Wayne Manor would fair in a fight against his state of the arc flamethrower. "Vertigo, what's your location?"

"I'm still yet to acquire a cruiser, but I've found my targets." He stated watching a cop car pull up to a Dunkin' Donuts.

"Oh my god you still don't have the fucking car!? It's been like 2 hours! You suck!" Livewire said.

"It'll be in my grasp in just a moment,
Fräulein." Vertigo whispered.

"What the fuck did you just call me, one eye!?" Livewire sat up straight and slammed her fist on the dashboard.

"If you teleport over there to beat his ass I will call Waller to have your brains blown out as soon as you're done!" Firefly warned Livewire.

"Why wait until she's done beating him up?" Cleo asked as she looked through the windows of Wayne Manor trying to get a good assessment of the situation.

"Use your brain, woman. We hate Vertigo. It's our sole bonding trait." Copperhead responded as he walked through the sides of the sewer. However he was not looking where he was going and didn't mind the gap as he fell into the sewer water. Cleo thought about it and shrugged to herself. He has a point. She told herself.

Vertigo watched the officers get out of the cruiser. He peaked just far enough out of his hiding spot to effectively use his powers. They immediately began holding their heads, succumbing to the most mind numbing pain. Their legs became week and once one of them threw up, which was usually Vertigo's cue to let go of his vice grip on the human mind, but he wanted to make sure they were out for the count. One's ears started to bleed and it was only then he stopped the onslaught. Now they laid passed out on the pavement and Vertigo acted swiftly, searching the pockets of the driver for the key before opening the trunk and ushering the two bodies inside of it.

"Alright, chucklefucks. We're here to give the word if we see any Joker goons start their plan now. If you think you see anyone even wearing a little too much make up, notify me and we save Batman's life. Which means he owes us once we get out of Belle Reeve." Firefly explained.

"I doubt he'd agree to that." Cleo muttered to herself as she went back on watch. As she did Duela continued to stare at the bus. She then thought back to the night before during her shift to drive the bus. It did not take long for (Y,N) to pass out. Duela and Leslie talked very sparsely as Duela had little interest in 80's hair metal and Livewire had little interest in the movies Duela watched growing up. But the former shock jock noticed something after a little bit.

. . .

"Holy shit, Ghostface over there is a total smoke show. He's also puffing out smoke." Livewire chuckled at her own joke. Duela briefly looked over and saw a blueish smoke coming from (Y,N)'s mouth. It surrounded the bus but no one was having a hard time breathing or anything. It was weird to see an odorless gas just going around like that. "Look at 'im. All tuckered out."

"Yeah. Him sleeping with that dumb look on his face is kinda funny." Duela added.

And you should know all about funny, Ms. Kerr.

"Oh, you're a new one." Duela responded.

"What?"

"The voice in my head. He's new." Duela told Leslie. Leslie frowned at her and then rolled her eyes before looking out her window twirling a finger at her head.

"So, stranger, care to introduce yourself?"

Formalities are not important at the moment, Ms. Kerr. I suspect I have but limited time to communicate with you for the time being and you are not my only endeavor for what few moments I have.

"What few moments you have? What are you talking about? And why do you keep calling me Kerr?"

I thought it to be a suitable substitute to the last name you despise for the time being. I have plans but before I am able to act I need your assistance.

"And what do I get out of it?"

Your face back.

Duela's coy smile vanished.

Are you listening now?

Duela nodded.

I've watched you from a distance for some time. And I must admit there is an alluring charm to you Ms. Kerr. Would you like to know what I find interesting about you?

Duela nodded again.

You have no fears. You have no boundaries in the form of morals. And how did you put it before? You're an Agent of Chaos. And I want— no I demand you to become an agent of fear along side me. We are two threads in the same stitch.

"y-you want me?"

Yes. However, I don't know if you're able to fulfill the job requirements. I need to see you in action. The real you. With your real face. No handicaps, no limitations. The combination lock to the briefcase containing your real face is 8511. There will be a time when you all switch into your criminal attires I'm sure of it. Stall until everyone is gone and take the face and hide it in the glove compartment. Put the briefcase back and everyone will be none the wiser. When the time is right, retrieve your face and show me what you can really do at Wayne's party. But you musn't use it too early. Create an opening and strike swiftly.

"How do you know the password. What are you?" Duela whispered quietly.

God.

"What if they have Waller blow my head off once I get it myself?"

The Good Doctor would allow no such thing. I think he likes you~...

Duela stayed silent.

Now I must depart. I have more matters to attend to. Farewell for now Ms. Kerr. I'm counting on meeting you again at a later date.

. . .

Her own personal mission was clear. Although she played it cool on the bus and even stopped herself from wearing her precious mask while unlocking the briefcase, her inability to feel her "real" flesh against her was now eating away at her like the maggots found in her "face" from time to time. Her impulse control was fading fast and she needed to find an opening, she just didn't know what.

. . .

The party had been going on for well over and hour at this point. And the Suicide Squad was bored. Livewire contemplated taking the van and robbing a music store of some CDs to pass the time. Vertigo set up shop not too far from Amusement Mile, a known rendezvous point for The Joker and his clan. Firefly once again played with his lighter on top of a tree, not wanting to waste the fuel in his flamethrower before necessary. Copperhead roamed the sewers, still annoyed at his current position. The only one who seemed totally and utterly disinterested in the party was Cleo. She was interested in the pretty dresses and bright lights of the upper class. She at one point accidentally peeped on a couple intimately making out, and couldn't help but imagine her and (Y,N) in their place before blushing and looking away. She constantly tried to make conversation with Duela but Duela showed little interest, which Cleo caught onto.

"Why do you care about the mask so much?" Cleo asked.

"Because it's not just a mask, it's who I am." Duela coldly answered.

"You're not going to get it, you know."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Duela snapped. She stopped herself from saying "what the fuck do you know?" which would've blown her plot.

"Firefly made me your accountable friend. And I'm going to make sure your head is accounted for and not blown up."

"Even if I was only thinking of the mask, you think Waller's bombs scare me? Nothing scares me."

"You have to be afraid of something."

"No I don't. God told me so. I don't fear anything."

"Everyone is afraid of something."

"Oh yeah? And what are you afraid of?" Duela asked. After she did something clicked in her head and she let out a devilish smile.

"Honestly? It's hard to explain. You wouldn't really get it." Cleo said. She had no idea how to explain to Duela her fears of The Crimson Ghost returning and taking over (Y,N) once again. Not out of fear for her safety, but out of fear for what it would do to the good doctor's psyche, especially if her safety was compromised. She had no idea if Duela knew about his condition, so trying to explain this to her seemed like a lost cause. However, Duela was thinking about something completely different when it came to Cleo's fear.

"Oh, please. You think I don't notice the way you look at a certain team leader or the way you're so invested in watching that party? You're afraid of losing your mans there to Jane."

"What?" Cleo seemed to unglue herself from the binoculars to stare at Duela who walked over and sat next to her crisscross. "Don't be ridiculous, I'm not afraid of losing him to Jane. Jane doesn't even like him."

"And he seems to be trying awfully hard to fix that. I mean, she's the one down there at the party with him, not you."

"L-Listen, I don't know what you're trying to hint at but he's far closer to Terra and Blackfire than he is with Jane and he still finds time to be with me over them."

"Sure, but they're not Jane. You're not scared because of their friendship and you being a jealous type because I can tell you're not the type to cut her heart out. You're scared because of who she is. She scratches an itch that you thought you were the only one able to scratch. Poor Hispanic criminal lady. But she's got a one up on you: she's insane in the membrane like he is." Duela began to explain. Cleo seemed to start to get annoyed at the topic. She scoffed and went back to surveying the party.

"Don't be ridiculous. (Y,N) and I are fine and I have nothing to worry abo-" She said before she accidentally noticed two people outside the manner. (Y,N) and Jane were outside talking. Laughing. She knew how handsome (Y,N) was in his suit but Jane was admittedly drop dead gorgeous in her dress and Cleo felt a pit in her stomach because she couldn't picture herself in something similar. She couldn't see herself as being that pretty and now she started to worry. Why would (Y,N) pick Cleo over someone like Jane who could literally do it all? If Jane couldn't, she had 63 other versions of herself who could do it instead. And with that Duela got what she wanted: a distracted Cleo.

"Maybe instead of looking for clowns you should've been making sure Janie wasn't making you look like a total clown." Duela said standing up. "Then again, it's still not too late to course correct." The Joker's Alleged Daughter started to walk away and up towards the van which contained her prize possession. But Cleo wasn't exactly planning to stop her.

After all, she had some course correcting to do.

. . .

While this was all happening, Leslie was losing her mind with boredom. Her intrusive thoughts were starting to get closer and closer to winning. Like for example, what if she zapped through the radio and into a preppy college girl's dorm and brought electricity to a (sexy) pillow fight?  Or what if she was able to shoot a lightning strike at an exposed light and caused a light show inside with sparks flying? There's some drunk millionaire playing with a girl in the fountain up front, what if she gave them the experience of playing in the fountain with a toaster instead? She started to daydream about the possibilities when suddenly in a swift motion, something attached to her neck and her air supply was being cut off, but not by the necklace, instead by the arm that put it on. She tried to fry her assassin only to find she couldn't do anything besides spark up her fingers. She had a power dampener on her. She went into full panic now with a mix of rage. There was no way she was killed like some low level goon on a hit from Bronze Tiger. She was fucking Livewire! She knew if she found a way out of this, she was going to make whoever did this to her pay. And as she felt everything go dark she heard someone say something.

"Oh my god, that's... what's her name again? Lifeline? Electricalfire? Sparky?" Harley Quinn said as Black Spider continued to choke her out. "Anyways, ain't she supposed to be in Belle Reeve?"

"So a runaway? Waller will probably give us extra time off the sentence if we take care of this defect." Black Spider said.

"Now wait a tic, fellas. If she's from Belle Reeve there's no way she made it all the way to Gotham without Miss Waller knowin' and givin' us the side quest of bringing her head back on a platta." Boomerang added.

"How do we know she's not a member of Joker's New World Disorder?" Black Spider asked.

"Sparky here wouldn't work with Joker. We went out one night with Red and she got the crap scared outta her when we crossed paths with him gettin' away from Batgirl and Supergirl. Besides she's really into money, she wouldn't be much for a global mental illness ploy." Harley explained. Black Spider let go of Livewire and her head smashed into the wheel, honking the horn for a second as she fell to the floor.

"Waddya reckon she's doin' up here sitting in a bus all by 'er lonesome?" Boomerang asked.

"Don't know, don't care. All possible hostiles on this side of the venue have been compromised. You know the plan now. We split up, wait for Deadshot to cause a scene at this event and then when Batman shows up we hijack the Batmobile and see what he knows about this Joker nonsense, perhaps even get his cooperation."

"Hey, Spidey? I came up with half the frickin' plan you don't gotta reiterate it for me." Harley told Black Spider.

"Ya think there's some valuables in this thing? Surely, The Lightshow didn't just stay in this for no reason." Boomerang proposed.

"Don't think about it, scumbag." Black Spider told Digger. Harley and Black Spider walked out but Boomerang stayed back for a second, whistling to himself, and as the close was clear he checked the glove compartment for anything with a price tag. Instead he found a rotting face, which caused him to immediately close it back up and throw up out the window and onto the grass.

Harley and Black Spider went to go grab the duffel bags filled with their gear from the motorbikes they had driven up through the woods on the hills.

"I must admit you've been much more cooperative on this mission than I thought you'd be." Black Spider told Harley.

"How many times do I gotta tell you clowns? Me and that other clown are done. D-e-o-n-e. Done... wait, how did I just spell that?" Black Spider ignored Harley's statement and picked up a walkie on his belt.

"Right side is clear. Boomerang is on his way down to his position on the ground level." He stated. However, an unwanted party heard his status.

"What the fuck?" Copperhead muttered to himself as he realized he wasn't alone. So he let out a message of his own. "We have company. Someone is down here with me."

"You're not the only one. Some bitch is up here complaining about trudging through the woods. She's probably not alone." Firefly said. That "bitch" happened to be Dr. Caitlin Snow aka Killer Frost walking through with Deadshot as he cut hit way through bushes and tree branches.

"And why the fuck didn't we get motorcycles like Quinn and Black Spider!?" Caitlin had a moan.

"Motorcycles are loud and noisy, like Boomerang and Quinn. They call attention, which is what the others are supposed to do while I line up my shot on this side of the manor. And speaking of things doing what they're supposed to, instead of complaining, why don't you do what you're supposed to and watch my back for any clowns or mental patients not on our team?" Deadshot answered. "Or at the very least, answer Black Spider."

"Yeah yeah," Caitlin said before answering Black Spider. "We're almost in position. No sign of any problems."

"That makes one of us. One of Superman's villains were up here scoping out the party from the inside of a minibus." Black Spider answered.

"Quinn? Boomerang?" Firefly whispered to himself. "We're getting third partied. Deadshot is here with Killer Frost and apparently Harley Quinn and Captain Boomerang are here with someone else and they got rid of Livewire. I don't know and don't really care if she's dead, but if we see those other assholes, shoot to kill. I'm gonna wait for an opening."

Duela was climbing up the mountain when she heard the message. Harley? Here? How exhausting. But also, how exciting. It's the first time they could have a chat where Duela could really let loose. And now she has an extra excuse to get her mask. While Harley was busy getting her bag, Duela had her own bag of tricks ready with her.

"I'll take care of the Itsby Bitsy Spider and My Ex-Stepmom. Hehehehehehehehehe." Duela giggled. Cleo wasn't paying attention to any of this, she was busy dealing with some insecure feelings watching Jane and (Y,N) hold hands at a bar and start to order some drinks. Sebastian tried to get her attention but to no avail. But while Firefly made his report he missed out on the conversation Frost and Spider. One Copperhead wasn't all to thrilled to hear.

"Croc, are you in position? Croc?" Black Spider asked. Copperhead looked to his left and saw two glowing yellow eyes staring at him. Harley started to sing the creature's name as he slowly rose up from the water, almost like a chant.

"Wayyyyyyyyylon? Wayyyyyyyylonnnnn?"

Copperhead stood not intimidated by his much taller enemy, but with a look of defiance and almost annoyance. He flickered his tongue as Killer Croc growled.

"Can't talk. Feeding Time." Was all Croc said before crushing his walkie, causing static on everyone else's ends. Copperhead then suddenly struck and bit right into Croc's neck. To Croc's surprise it penetrated his rough skin, but not by much. He quickly threw Copperhead against the brick walls of the sewer and Copperhead quickly rebounded, seeming unfazed on account of his own scales. Copperhead noticed his fangs were still stuck in Croc and flicked his tongue again in annoyance at this slight inconvenience in his offense but simply extended his fingertips which acted as ten extra, slightly less poisonous variants of his teeth. The two jumped at each other with Croc grabbing Copperhead and slamming him down into the water. He roared as he held Copperhead underground, hoping to drown his fellow reptoid, but Copperhead took the opportunity to take note of Croc's not so protected flesh points, mainly his midsection and inner arms. He slashed at Croc's stomach causing Waylon to let go of him and hold his stomach in pain. He looked down and saw blood. His blood. He didn't like that.

"Kill You! Eat You!"

"Bore Me. Bite Me."

"That's the plan!" Croc shouted before jumping at him again.

. . .

"Ratgirl make sure she stays in line... Ratgirl? Ratcatcher what the fuck is your problem!?" Firefly whisper yelled but his voice got slightly too high.

"Did you hear something?" Caitlin asked Deadshot.

"How could I over your ceaseless bitching?" Deadshot responded as he started to set up his sniper rifle.

"Ceaseless!?" Caitlin shouted before Deadshot pointed his sniper at her stomach.

"At first I was busting balls. Now you're pissing me off. I brought you with me to give me a break from Quinn and Boomer so I didn't blow their or my brains out tonight, but now I gotta worry about you."

"Damn right you gotta worry about me. Point that oversized sniper somewhere else before I freeze the tip of it and the dick your overcompensating for off." Caitlin responded, not backing down.

"If you're so sure someone is here, go look for them." Deadshot ordered her. She begrudgingly complied and let go of the sniper before looking around the forest.

"They're onto me. Vertigo get over here ASAP! Ratcatcher either make sure no one is on their way to kill you or let me know you're already bleeding out, I don't care which! Copperhead, status update!" Firefly tried to command the team. When Copperhead didn't answer he only got more pissed.

"Sounds like it's just you and me, flyguy." Duela said.

"God fucking dammit." Firefly tried to hold in at an inaudible level as he felt his trigger finger getting itchier.

Cleo finally stopped watching (Y,N) and Jane like a hawk and looked around to realize Duela was nowhere to be found. She scrambled up and realized where exactly Duela probably went and was about to go after her but realized if they were being attacked someone should be there to make sure (Y,N) wasn't in trouble or attacked. She looked at Sebastian and told him to go stop Duela and to wait for (Y,N)'s order for her to get this "mask" that was so important to her.

But it was already too late.

Duela arrived at their favorite rundown form of transportation when noticing a pile of throw up next to the passenger window of the minibus. She was starting to get a little giddy. She heard the sounds of motorcycles getting closer so she quickly ran and slid under the minibus looking out from the bottom. She saw two motorbikes go down the hill a little, but took note of the blonde pigtails of one of them, causing her to grin. Once they were far enough away, she entered the bus. She saw Livewire laying there with blood sizzling above her upper lip and coming from her nose. As insane as Duela seemed, there was one thing she was always perfectly sensible with, something that all of the people in her immediate Vicinity would realize: she always knew how to cause the most pain and chaos in a situation. Duela took a water bottle that was half empty and opened it before  dumping it on Livewire.

Leslie began sparking and convulsing on the ground lighting up and screaming as Duela laughed. The shocks were so powerful the power dampener of Livewire's neck popped off, electrically burned. Livewire finally came to her senses, coughing, before looking at Duela and quickly putting together what just happened. She grabbed her by the throat with her other hand filled with electricity.

"WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY!?" She shouted. Duela giggled.

"Yeaaaaaaah." She nodded. "But at least I'm not stupid enough to get choked out and left for dead. Question is, are you dumb enough to let him get away with it?"

"What're you talking about!? They're still here!? You know who it is!?"

"Yup. Just a little further down that hill you'll find Harley Quinn and some other dickhead. Harley must've broken out of Belle Reeve and rejoined with Joker. So we can take out two birds with one stone, or you can kill your savior in yours truly and get yourself killed in the process... Your call." Duela said. She carried herself like she had no care in the world her life was being threatened. She had a dopey smile like a complete moron in a cartoon and swung her arms back and forth like a preschooler with too much energy to simply stand in one place. Everything was playing to her favor in her mind. She knew everything that would happen in the next five minutes and was simply here for the ride. Livewire looked out the window with narrowed eyes before pushing Duela off. She started sparking with a menacing aura all around her as she left the bus and Duela started to laugh as she walked over to the glove compartment.

"Heh. Hehehehe. Hehehehahahahaha! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha! HAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!...

And heeeeeere weeeeeeeee go!"

. . .

"Boomer, you're still up here?" Harley and Black Spider parked by Boomerang who was trudging down the hill disheveled.

"Why aren't you in position!?" Black Spider asked.

"Don't get yer knickers in a bunch, mate! Whoever the plug in was workin' with were some sick bastards! They had a bleeding face cut off and rotting away in there!" Boomerang told them.

"Sounds like a group of absolute animals. Maybe they did work for the New World- Quinn, what the hell do you think you're doing!?" Black Spider stopped himself as he saw Harley loading up a rocket launcher.

"Settin' up to help cause a scene so B-Man shows up. Why?"

"Do you realize how many innocents you could kill with that thing!?"

"A-doy! That's why I'm blowing up a party full of rich people?"

"And the rich people that haven't done anything wrong?"

"...Bonus points?"

"Put the fucking RPG away!" Black Spider ordered her. Harley sucked her teeth and threw it down the hill which caused Boomerang to duck for cover in case it went off.

"You suck!" Harley told him.

"Not only does this asshole suck, but he's gotta learn," A staticky voice said behind the three of them. A sudden beam of lightning crashed into Black Spider's chest and shot out his back as multiple beams scattering everywhere. The back of his armor practically blew up as he sizzled and rolled down the hill slightly. "If you're gonna kill someone, you better finish the job and not choke at the last gasp." Livewire finished her sentence before charging at him like a huge beam of electricity.

"How's she wake up so quick? Ain't she supposed to be down for the count?" Boomerang asked Harley.

"Why my dear inbred Australian friendo, haven't you heard of the healing power of laughter? Hahahahahahahaha!" Boomerang and Harley then turned around and saw The Joker's daughter standing there with a shotgun pointed at the both of them and a crowbar clipped to her belt along with a homemade Joker plushie, all of which presumably coming from a purple sack she had next to her labeled "Bag O' Trix". Before they could react The Joker's Daughter cocked the gun and said "Hiya, Georgie. It's your Auntie Bingo. Time to pay the check." before shooting Boomerang with a bean bag that exploded on impact and let out small ball like capsules containing acid which went straight into his chest, causing him to tumble back roll further down the hill, much more than Black Spider fell.

Harley looked back at her in confusion and horror of what she was looking at. She talked just like him, she looked like she had his face glued onto hers, she had a gag weapon only someone as twisted as him could come up with. She couldn't figure out who or what she was looking at but something about the red hair was familiar which got her to look at the shoulder and see the "Don't F̶o̶r̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶T̶o̶ Smile" tattoo which was familiar from many altercations she had with a certain prisoner. It was easy to put two and two together.

"You think this is funny?" Harley asked her. The Joker's Daughter momentarily put her gun down and rolled her eyes, dismissing Harley as a threat it seemed. There wasn't a tense bone in her body.

"Harls, Harls, Harls. Poor stupid Harleen. Has it really been so long that you've forgotten the first rule of comedy?" She asked before quickly re-aiming her gun.

"If you don't laugh at my jokes I will literally fucking kill you!"

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