"Hey, retard. Speak English?" Tara asked the guards who sat opposite of us to make sure we didn't try any funny business.  "English? Can you understand that I think when you were born, the ugly truck crashed through a nearby wall, ran your face over multiple times, a giant ugly flying zebra flew in and shit on your face, repeatedly kicked you several times, and when your parents saw you they were so angry about how ugly you were they beat you with the ugly stick over and over?" We waited for the response and it never came.

"...вы говорите по-английски?" Rick asked.

"нет."

"They don't speak English." Rick answered.

"Okay so we can get back to planning then. What did you tell these people about us?" I asked.

"Tamaran is now a growing country in 'Central America'. Wait, Isn't that just also the United States?" Komi said.

"It's below Mexico." Rick clarified.

"Then why is it called-"

"The United States basically stole the title of America even though we're not technically the only Americans. Most of the Western Hemisphere is a type of America." I said.

"They stole the name of America the way they stole the land from Native Americans." Tara chimed in.

"Okay, so you know about the exploration of the new world and how Native Americans were screwed over, but you don't know the difference between communism and fascism. I'm so confused on what parts of world history you do and don't know about. Like if I made a reference to The Renaissance would you think I'd be talking about The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you know the difference between Andrew Jackson and Michael Jackson?" I reiterated with Tara.

"Oh my god, get over it!" Tara shouted.

"Guys! Focus! We need to get our story straight." Rick said. "Tamaran is a country in Central America that ET is the princess of. The country is quickly growing to become a first world country and an economic and military powerhouse. We, being Princess Blackfire, me; her translator, and her two personal assistants being you two-"

"I said slaves." Komi clarified.

"Like I'm hell I'm your slave!" Tara protested. "And aren't you actually jackass's slave?" She pointed at me.

"What?" Rick asked.

"Long story. Possibly kinky." I said.

"It's not a kink thing! Stop belittling my culture!" Komi shouted.

"GUYS!" Rick got our attention again. "You two are Blackfire's servants, and we were flown here by the former Vice President to talk of forming an alliance with Russia, but it was secretly a ploy to get us framed as the ones who destroyed the base. And now we're on our way to speak with the new Vice President. Blackfire and I will do the talking. You two just stand there and try not to get us killed."

"I'll try but no promises." Tara said crossing her arms. It was then I noticed she still had parts of her broken handcuffs on, and they also looked like they had been morphed into an odd shape.

"How'd you even get out of the handcuffs anyways?" I asked her.

"Huh?"

"No offense but you don't seem like the strongest girl I've ever met so I don't think you used brute force to break through them and I don't even think brute force could do something like that."

"Oh, so I don't look strong enough to break the cuffs, but the anorexic Barbie doll that dresses like she listens to Siouxsie and the Banshees can do it no problem?"

"We all know she's an alien and we all know you don't have super strength."

"Relax, I'm busting your balls. I haven't had much time to try it out but I once saw this show where this girl who could also control the earth could manipulate metal too. It takes a lot more concentration but I can do it a little bit too. One of the dumb titans showed me the crappy show... alright, the show was pretty good but I'll never admit anything that freak showed me was worth sharing a room with him." Tara explained.

"It was Beast Boy, wasn't it?" Komi interjected.

"How'd you know?"

"I'm Starfire's sister. Once I stayed with them while trying to get Koriand'r to take my place in citadel prison and as soon as you called him a freak I could tell which loser you were talking about. By far the most annoying."

"Oh my god, tell me about it!" Tara said. The two of them began to bond over their hatred for The Teen Titans. It seemed like they were really taking this friends thing to heart and it was nice to see them not just constantly bickering and having to worry about in fighting interfering with the mission, which was always my main concern when I joined The Suicide Squad. Also one of the reasons Blackguard had to go. Soon the drive game to an end and we were let out in front of a beautiful Palace... and the hanging corpse of the former Vice President.

"Do these assholes know Halloween is eight months away?" Tara asked as we walked out.

"They call this a sacrifice or tribute to me? I thought you Earthlings offered up beautiful virgins." Komi said.

"Relax, ET. You're a princess, not a goddess." Rick said.

"Can't I be both?"

"Technically you're neither." Rick replied, causing Komi's playful demeanor once more to shift into a glare of death. Well, I guess we can't really be a Suicide Squad without at least two members wanting to kill each other.

"Сюда, ваше величество." One of the guards said. Komi followed him and in turn we followed her. We walked into the Palace and walked through many halls before we saw a ginormous pool. Just as we did, a man in nothing but a Speedo with tan skin, a six pack, and a beard Abraham Lincoln would be jealous of jumped into the pool.

"Wow." Komi said with a twinkle in her eyes. She gave him these sort of "I want you" eyes that kinda made my blood boil.

"This guy ever heard of pants?" Tara asked.

"I'm surprised you're not panting like a dog in heat too." I said.

"Please. I have standards."

"What box does this stud not tick!?" Komi asked.

"Well for one, the box where you don't look like Fidel Castro and Rocky Balboa." Tara responded. Then the man cleared his throat as he arose from the pool and grabbed a towel.

"I apologize for the informal meeting. I was still getting myself acquainted with my new home when I discovered my predecessor had dragged a potential ally into his фигня." He said.

"Shit he speaks English." Tara and I whispered at the same time, causing Rick to elbow Tara in the arm and Komi to step on my foot.

"You must be the beautiful princess I've heard so much about." He said looking at Komi.

"Beautiful? I see my reputation proceeds me." Komi said giggling causing me to tighten a fist on the side.

"He says that like I'm not also a princess." Tara whispered before Komi shot her a glare. She looked back over at the guy with a smile.

"Princess Komand'r, heir to the Tamaran throne." She said holding out a hand. He grabbed it and kissed her on it and part of me wanted to grab my gloves and the scythe and go to town, but we didn't have the bag with our stuff in it on us.

"Nikolai Dmitriev. New appointed Vice President of Russia and General to the World's Greatest Military Organization." He said. I pat Rick on the back and he gave me a confused look.

"Sorry you're only the runner up. You'll get it next time." I whispered.

"It is a shame that the oath Volkov had to try to have you wrongly executed and pay for the crimes of the filthy Americans."

"Ahaha, Yeah, wrongly." Komi said.

"As a repayment and to make sure your trip here wasn't a complete waste, I would like to invite you and your servants to my inauguration ball, tonight. And then tomorrow at lunch we can discuss the planned meeting you had with the traitor Volkov?"

"A ball? Why, That sounds absolutely lovel- Wait. Tonight?" Komi asked. "General, do you take me for some tacky savage?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Me and my slaves have been wandering in the snow for hours upon hours, and when we finally meet civilization, we're abused and thrown into the backs of vans, not fed a single meal once, and then you expect us to go to a fancy Galla dressed like this!? With no change in wardrobe!? Especially considering your soldiers confiscated and destroyed the one new article of clothing my slaves were able to find before I could even wear it!? We would be the laughing stock of the ball! We did not come here to be entertainment!" Komi went off. Seeing her angrily shout at this guy almost made up for her drooling over him thirty seconds ago.

"I'm sorry Komand'r! I did not mean to offend!" He said defensively before grabbing one of the guards by the shirt. "Я хочу, чтобы тот, кто забрал ее одежду, немедленно казнил!" He said before pushing them away. "I will have my finest tailors create you and your slaves appropriate attires for this evening!"

"Okay, you don't get the slave pass!" Tara outspoke causing Rick to put a hand over her mouth.

"Forgive her, she can still get a bit carried away." Komi said to cover it up. "We'll speak of this later, wench!" She looked back at Tara with a glare before looking back at Dmitriev. "And you think a dress fit for a princess can be made in a mere six hours!?"

"Of course not, how foolish of me!" He said. Something wasn't adding up with this guy. He's a Russian general and the brand new Vice President of Russia, why is he bending the knee to, from what he believes, a princess from a third world country he's never heard of invited to his country by his political rival and a proven treasonous traitor? "We shall move the ball to tomorrow evening instead! That way I can have more than enough time to have Russia's famed designers create eloquent gowns and suits worthy of you and your country's representatives!" Dmitriev said.

"That's more like it." Komi said before returning to a more flirty smile.

"Вице-президент Дмитриев! Телефон! Президенту нужно встретиться с вами в боевой комнате!" A soldier shouted from down the hall.

"I must go. I will have you taken to a prestigious hotel here in St. Petersburg! You will stay here free of charge and shown around by one of my assistants as a guide. And we will meet again Komand'r of Tamaran." Dmitriev said before kissing Komi's hand again. This time the thoughts of cutting his head off came with a debilitating headache that threw me on the floor. Tara, Komi, and Rick quickly rushed to my side before Komi tried to cover for me.

"It's a medical condition he has!" She quickly said.

"Hey, hey, solider, stay with me." Rick said shaking me a little.

"Get away, Blackfire!" I said while also unwillingly and instinctively trying to pull her closer causing Komi to stand up and take a step back.

"His nose is bleeding." Tara stated with a hint of worry in her voice.

"Is it-?"

"Gee, I don't know, what do you think person he just told to get away while also reaching for the mask?" Tara said sarcastically.

"Alright, cool it! I'm up. I'm fine." I said pushing Tara and Rick away. I stood up on my own accord before looking at Dmitriev. "I apologize, Mr. Vice President, my lack of sleep has seemed to have caught up to me. It was a pleasure to meet you and consider my services just as much yours as they our to my Princess." I said with a fake smile before, without breaking the smile, whispering "Six."

"да, it appears you do need the rest severely. I will send for someone to pick you up and bring you to your new temporary home right away." Dmitriev said. "Now I must leave you. We will meet again." He said before walking away. Once he was gone everyone looked back at me as I felt blood drop off my chin and onto the ground.

"...What? Do I have something on my face?"