Trigger warning: Self harm, blood, flashback and lots of trauma so read at your risk.

Returning from an unknown corridor, ShuîYuê got lost once again; unable to navigate her way through Paradise Manor and too embarrassed to ask guards for help, she found a lonely pond surrounded by some trees; settling down on the floor, she pulled her knees to her bosom wrapping her hands over her knees. She didn't want to be with Yìfēi right now, nor did she want to return to her room; she wanted silence, and she got that here, most trees were barren of leaves, and they were lonely too, like her.

Taking off the ring in her hand she stared at it, reading the name on the inner band,
"If you could see me now you'd be rolling with laughter at my foolishness, I make the same mistake, it's a hard habit of mine, unable to correct my mistakes, you didn't want me, he doesn't want me to, I was a fool back then to think you loved me and I am still a fool to think he'd love me." ShuîYuê stared up at the cantaloupe evening sky, it was slowly embracing darker shades as the night approached.

"Why am I so stupid Hóngjiŭ? Why didn't my clever brain work when it came to you? It was crystal clear, the difference we had, I still could never see it, I thought that you loved me, and ho- how much of a fool was I to believe that?" ShuîYuê asked chewing on her bottom lip.

"I ended up being miserable for years, and I still am... added another misery, the misery of believing I found love again; whoever said that love makes one blind was right; it seizes all the logic from the brain and makes anyone no matter how powerful into a lovesick fool, over what? Some butterflies in the stomach? Some skipped heartbeats? Some pathetic feelings? I can't even be mad at myself; I made the same mistake; I don't even know how to get this... anger out; it just burns me from inside, this hatred in my heart over my stupidity... hurts a lot."

ShuîYuê rested her head against the trunk, staring up with glassy eyes, "It hurts a lot Hóngjiŭ, my love for you hurts, my love for him hurts, it suffocates me, I just- just want to pull my heart out and crush it with a stone, hopefully, that'll stop the pain," tears slipped past her cheeks sliding down her neck, the pain was unbearable, nails digging into her skin eased the hurt,

ShuîYuê sucked a shaky breath, looking down at her hands they were scratched crimson, her chest was hurting, mind fogged with pain her teeth bit her wrist, tears engulfing her vision her grip on her wrist tightened, and she was biting her hands like a starved wolf tearing into flesh, when her jaw ached from biting so hard she pulled away staring at her hand teeth marks standing out like the sun.

Looking around herself she found nothing that could ease her pain, hands fumbling with her waist belt searching for her dagger, her eyes widened in the realisation that she had lost it yesterday in the fight, her fingers ran over her body in hopes of finding something sharp, there was nothing on her clothes, taking out a hairpin from her hair she stared at the blunt thin end, running it hard over the back of her hand she smiled as the pain began to disappear, the stinging of her hand distracted her mind from her overwhelming thoughts.

She leaned her head back once again, taking deeper breaths as she felt better, hot tears no longer slipping past her chin; the pain had just begun to leave when the hairpin was snatched from her hand, her eyes, which were closed in peace, shot open, "Are you crazy?" Looking into an obsidian orb ShuîYuê's anger resurfaced.

"Give it back!" She cried reaching her hand out to snatch her hair pain back.

"Have you lost your mind!" Ghost King snapped throwing the hairpin far away,
"What have you done to yourself?" He questioned, eye darting back and forth between her two hands; the scratches on her left hand were more prominent.

"Leave," ShuîYuê said crossing her arm.

"Your hands are scratched completely, what were you doing?" He asked anger overpowering the worry in his heart.

"You drink wine when you are sad right? This is my kind of wine," she said turning her head away.

"Water Master ar- hav- i- why did you do this?" He questioned unable to understand her words.

"Leave me alone, I don't find it important to answer you," the hatred in her voice was evident in the way she looked at Huá.

"What is wrong with you?" He asked confused and furious.

"Are you here to see me ?" She asked abruptly, "Are you here to laugh at me? Go ahead, I'll join you too; let's laugh at my stupidity together," ShuîYuê chuckled, covering her mouth as tears brimmed in her eyes; Huá watched her laugh, head thrown back, shoulders shaking as she chuckled, "Di- did you en- enjoy?" She asked in between chuckles, her throat hurting from straining it to laugh.

"You are mad," he said shaking his head before grabbing her wrist, "Look at yourself, if someone saw you like this..." he didn't even know what to say.

"No one will see me here; I love my reputation the most," she assured, trying to pull her hand back.

"Why did you do this?" He questioned staring at the teeth marks on her skin,
"Why did you hurt yourself?"

"Leave me alone," she stated twisting her hands to get out of his hold.

"Why did you hurt yourself?" He repeated, grabbing her other wrist; frustration was erupting within her, "Why did you bite yourself?"

"Leave me alone," she said struggling in his hold, "Leave me alone, please... leave me alone."

"Why did you scratch your hand?" Huá's gaze was fixed on her face, eyes downcast, cheeks pink from the cold, cheekbones highlighted with tears, lips red from crying, she was a mess.

"Leave me alone," ShuîYuê tried with all her strength to pull her wrists away from his hand, "Please leave me alone, I am begging you!" Huá's heart ached when she looked up at him with red eyes, "Leave me alone, I am begging you, please, go away," her cries were breaking his heart.

"Go away, I don't want to see you, I don't want to see you ever again," her hands slipped from his hold, her eyes were filled with disgust, as she looked at him, he was the friend she had made, he was the person she fell in love with and now he is the man she hates.

Huá stared into her eyes as she wiped her hot tears with her sleeves, "Do you hate me so much?" His voice was heavy as if he was holding back tears.

"She left me, you left me too," ShuîYuê mumbled swallowing the heaviness of her throat, "She was my friend too, you were my friend too," Huá who was crouching on the floor slumped against it, "Why does everyone do this to me? What have I done wrong? Why does everybody use me for something and then discard me like I never mattered?" Huá had no answer to her question.

"Why does everyone leave me? Am I so easy to forget? Or so hard to like?"
If I did something wrong tell me, shout at me, beat me, but don't leave me without an answer."

Huá's gaze was stuck on the muddy ground, "Why does this happen to me? I think I won't get hurt now because it's impossible to feel the same pain, but I am proven wrong, why did you leave me like her?" She asked looking up at him, "Why did everything repeat? Why did she leave me? If she hadn't, I wouldn't have to go through this again. Am I that bad? No one wants me, this ridicule, thi- this shame that I am subjected to, why is it always aimed at me?" ShuîYuê stared at her hands blankly.

"Water Master," Huá gulped his thoughts away, "I don't know anything of your past, I told you why I made friends with you, don't tell me your pain, I am not the only one who caused it, there were others who hurt you, I hurt you too but I am not responsible for your feelings," he told standing up. When Huá looked at her she was gripping her shaking hands, blowing onto it, whispering something to herself, "What is wrong with you?" He asked frowning in confusion.

ShuîYuê bit her lips harder as her hands refused to stop shaking; eyes shut tightly, she shook her head.

'Leave! How dare you come inside my house!' A girl of sixteen snapped pushing a shorter girl out of her room.

'Please! Yìfēi is close by, don't do this now,' ShuîYuê begged holding the other girl's hand.

'You and your friend can go to Hell for all I care!' She spat dragging ShuîYuê through her house.

'Just tonight, s- she's not well; her fever is high, please,' ShuîYuê pleaded, struggling to stop her.

'Did you two care when I begged for your help?' She asked pushing ShuîYuê against the wall, 'She ignored me! You didn't even reply to my letters, and you call yourself my friends?'

'I didn't get your letter; Yìfēi wasn't in town, please understand, if I knew this, I would have stopped it all,' ShuîYuê cried, struggling to get out of her vice-like grip.

'You said you love me, my parents forced me to marry this man who's ten years older than me! You didn't help me! Because you were busy basking in the luxury of your Wudu Palace!' Her voice bellowed glaring at ShuîYuê.

'I called you! I called you to come stay with me! You refused!' ShuîYuê cried staring at her.

'That's because you weren't an established rich official!' Hóngjiŭ's eyes widened at her words; ShuîYuê stared at her in shock, 'I- I mean- mean that you weren't set- settled properly; it had only been two months,' she added nervously.

ShuîYuê shook her head, unable to believe any of it, 'You don't love me,' she mumbled staring at Hóngjiŭ.

'That's not true!' Hóngjiŭ denied cupping ShuîYuê's face, 'I- I love you.'

ShuîYuê shook her head, 'You don't!' She smiled bitterly, 'You wanted me only for money; I only got recognition after six months; that time, I didn't have much money, that's why you didn't want to come with me.'

'That's not true baby, I- I love- love you, I love you and only you, I am forced into this marriage, my husband I don't love him.'

'Yes, you don't. You don't love anyone but money; you married him because he's rich, right? Guess what? I have ten times what he has; too late now, isn't it?' ShuîYuê asked with a scoff as she pushed away her hands.

'No, what you think is not true; my parents forced me; I had to marry him. I asked you and Yìfēi for help, but none of you did; I had no option but to marry him.'

'You don't love me, Hóngjiŭ,' ShuîYuê repeated, her hands fisting her clothes.

'No! I do; you always wanted me to be your first, right? I am your first, I love you on-'

'Stay away from me!' Water Master shouted leaning against the wall, hot tears streaming down her face.

'Baby, please, I love you, Yìfēi, and you can stay here; my husband is out of town; you can take me to Wudu Palace with you,' the taller one tried to pursue ShuîYuê into believing her.

'Let me go Hóngjiŭ! You lied to me! You said you loved me when all you wanted was money!' ShuîYuê struggled in Hóngjiŭ's hold.

'ShuîYuê! Fucking listen to me!' Hóngjiŭ snapped slapping ShuîYuê's cheeks before grabbing them in her hand, 'You wondered why I never liked to touch you? I never kissed you?' ShuîYuê stared up at Hóngjiŭ's face who pulled her closer by the waist, 'Because you disgust me! This waist of yours which I hugged whenever you were sad,' she pushed ShuîYuê back, 'These soft shoulders I leaned my head against,' she grabbed ShuîYuê's hand.

'These hands of yours which you'd intervene with mine, these big eyes of yours you'd stare me all day at, these teeth of yours which would be on display whenever I laughed, this mouth of yours with which you told me stupid sappy poems, I hate all of this!' ShuîYuê stared at Hóngjiŭ in disbelief.

'Who could love someone like you? There's nothing about you to love! You had no money! No power nothing! It's only right of me to want someone with those! God, I hated your stupid plans! I hated your hand holding mine! I hated that smile on your face when you looked at me! I hate you!'

'Whenever you brought me those cheap tamarinds I had no choice but to swallow them! They weren't even of good quality. I swallowed those in hopes that one day your smart brain and dedication will get you the position of Water Master, and you did! You were crowned I was so ecstatic that my years of hard work didn't go in vain, but what happens next? You don't get any mission, no one wants to work with you, I can't believe you rose since I had lost all faith in your abilities! But you gained success too late! I got married three months ago! I despised those stupid water spouts you'd make! I hated those silver spheres which you always showed me! Lord, I hated that wretched moonlight on my face! You are disgusting! No wonder your clan abandoned you!'

'You are sick to believe someone as beautiful as me would want an ugly girl like you! You have nothing! No beauty! No power! No money! I should have pursued Yìfēi she's at the very least rich and beautiful! You are fucking horrible to even look at!' Hóngjiŭ panted, admitting her thoughts, which she kept in her heart for years.

'You hated me so much?' ShuîYuê asked, tilting her head to the side; a tear slid across her face.

'Correction I hate you so much!' Hóngjiŭ rectified glaring at ShuîYuê.

'For money, you pretended to be my friend for five years; for money, you pretended to be in love with me for two years?'

'Yes, I love money and luxury, and when I found out you were training for elemental powers, I found you to be the best candidate,' Hóngjiŭ confessed indifferently.

'Did you never care Hóngjiŭ?' ShuîYuê asked holding Hóngjiŭ by the shoulders,
'Did we never matter? Were you lying too when I asked you that evening if you'd come to live with me in a Palace when I passed my exams?'

'I wasn't lying to you; I had faith in your abilities, ShuîYuê, that you'd achieve what you work so hard for,' Hóngjiŭ paced in the corridor of her house.

'I had seen you training all day long, studying for hours, I had hope that someone with your ambition would get into the Heavenly Court, that place of luxury, maids running around to do your chores, clothes of the finest quality, gold, rubies, food which I could only dream of was being served to you on a silver platter when your water powers emerged, I was uncertain at first water is not strong enough to get attention, fire is better, but then you moon powers manifested as well, I- my hope rekindled in you, with two powers and your clever brain I knew you'd succeed,' she turned to ShuîYuê who stared at the floor.

'But you were cheap, before you went to the Capital City for your exams you saved up a lot of money for a gift you'd buy for Yìfēi's birthday, I wanted that money to buy something for me, I would have been fine if you used that money to buy me a present but guess what? That money was for your best friend, it is always her before me, what has she done that I haven't? She only knows you three months more than me.'

'Do you remember that night when I took you to your favourite spot? I thought if I kissed you I could ask you for a present and you would never deny it, Hell you were wrapped around my pinky, I asked you to tie my shoelaces in the middle of the road and you did, I told you to clean the sugar syrup on my fingers and you did, I knew you couldn't deny me so I sneaked you out of your house, took you there, I had to listen to your blabbering about the exams for an hour until you noticed how close we were.'

She stepped closer to Water Master whose head was hung low, 'I had swallowed all my disgust and kissed these dirty hands of yours, I told you how much I loved you and you went rambling about how we would read books all day, how Yìfēi would practice her indigestible soups on us and how we'd throw up later!' She lifted ShuîYuê's chin with her fingers.

'I didn't know how to shut you up, so I placed my finger on your lips; you were staring into my eyes uncertainly, and then I cupped your face in my hands; we were this close,' she said, leaning her forehead against ShuîYuê's.

'I had closed my eyes leaning closer, you were frozen, and then you suddenly turned away from me; when I asked you what the matter was, you fiddled with your hands and said it was too soon, and then you got up and ran away. I sat there looking like a fool all my efforts wasted!' Hóngjiŭ snapped, slamming ShuîYuê into the wall; pain shot up from her spine to the back of her head, and she clutched it, swaying slightly.

'I was saving that money so I could buy both you and Yìfēi a souvenir from Capital City. I didn't have enough money to buy a gift for Yìfēi, so I thought of using that souvenir as a birthday gift too,' ShuîYuê confessed, leaning her weight against the table beside her.

'All you ever thought was about Yìfēi! If Yìfēi was sad, you'd go over to her house to cheer her up; if she wanted to go visit the market, you'd tag along when I asked for those things you said you were busy studying! Yìfēi had always been important to you! Is it because she's richer than me? She's more beautiful than me?' Hóngjiŭ questioned eyes burning with fury as her hands trembled with anger.

ShuîYuê shook her head with a smile, 'I love you because you are like a sunflower, always spreading joy wherever you go, you are like the warm rays of sunshine on a cold winter afternoon, the spring which brings me to life, I fell in love with your laughter, your radiant smile, your lovely personality, you can make any situation better with your presence, you are the most beautiful person I ever met and that will never change Hóngjiŭ.'

Hóngjiŭ scoffed at ShuîYuê's words, 'Do you have something new to say? I have heard all these things in those sappy poems of yours, you are like darkness always surrounding me, you clung to me like a parasite yearning for attention which no one gave you, your family doesn't like you, no one wanted to be your friend, I don't know how I got fooled by Yìfēi into being friends with you.'

'I can't believe you thought this of me all this time,' ShuîYuê sniffled staring at Hóngjiŭ.

'Yes princess, go cry to your best friend about me, how I lied to you!' Hóngjiŭ's eyes slid down to ShuîYuê's waist belt, 'Give me that money pouch before you go for wasting my time!' Hóngjiŭ sneered, snatching the small bag from ShuîYuê's waist; her hands took out the two silver hairpins in her hair before they slid down to her neck, trying to take away ShuîYuê's necklace.

'That's my family's leave it!' ShuîYuê said trying to push Hóngjiŭ away.

'Give me that silver necklace!' She fumed pulling ShuîYuê's clothes who pushed her away, Hóngjiŭ crashed into a table breaking a vase, her furious eyes grabbed the broken piece of the vase and attacked ShuîYuê, who tried to protect herself by grabbing Hóngjiŭ wrists, the taller one was stronger physically easily overpowering Water Master, she pushed ShuîYuê down keeping her still in place with her weight.

'Stop it! Hóngjiŭ, please! It hurts!' ShuîYuê cried struggling to breathe as Hóngjiŭ put all her weight on ShuîYuê's abdomen.

'I won't let you go unless you give me that fucking necklace!' Hóngjiŭ roared trying to cut ShuîYuê's face with the broken piece. ShuîYuê tried to push her away when Hóngjiŭ lost her balance and cut the side of ShuîYuê's waist, blood seeped onto the wooden floor as Hóngjiŭ stared at ShuîYuê.

Water Master clutched her side, lifting her hand to find it soiled with blood; Hóngjiŭ grabbed ShuîYuê's shoulder, keeping her hands in place; her hand found the necklace which she was so adamant about taking when she was yanked away.

Yìfēi stood panting as she stared at Hóngjiŭ, her eyes widening at the sight of ShuîYuê on the floor bleeding; she helped her best friend up, taking her away.

"Leave me! Don't touch me!" ShuîYuê cried pushing at Huá's chest.

"Water Master! Water Master re- relax!" Ghost King grabbed her hands which were pushing him away.

"Stop it! It hurts!" Water Master screamed, hands shaking in Ghost King's hold who stared at her with wide eyes.

"Hey! Hey Water Master! It's fine! It's fine, relax," he assured wrapping his hands around her as she struggled to push him away.

"Yìfēi! Yìfēi, she's hurting me!" ShuîYuê's eyes were shut tightly as she tried to pull away from his hold.

"Who's hurting you?" He asked keeping her in place.

"Yìfēi, help me!" Water Master cried, tears staining her clothes as Huá pulled her head against his chest, patting her shoulders gently.

"It's fine, it's fine, I am here," he whispered, rubbing the small of her back; slowly, her hands stopped shaking, and her breaths were no longer harsh; she suddenly pushed him away, touching the side of her waist. She stared at her hands, turning her head to see her clothes were clean and devoid of any blood on them.

ShuîYuê looked up at Huá. Her eyes, which were scared and worried, blinked in relief; he watched her, puzzled, unable to understand what was going on.

His hands were still hovering around her waist and she even leaned in for a while, taking deep breaths to calm herself, "Water Master, are you fine?" He asked, startling her; when ShuîYuê looked up at him this time, the relief in her eyes and body language disappeared, replaced with hatred, as if realising that he was Ghost King and not someone else in whose arms she had sought solace.

Pushing herself away from him her back pressed against the trunk as Ghost King stared at her, "Are you fine? You were asking for Wind Master, is everything okay?" He questioned, raising his hand to wipe her tears when she covered her face with her arms; his hand stayed frozen.

'Did she think I was going to hit her?' He wondered withdrawing his hand to his side, she slowly peeked from behind her hands inching away from him, Huá watched as she stood up shakily holding the tree for support and then she hurriedly walked away, patting her face and clothes she asked a maid she found in the corridor where her room was, the maid in question stared at her for a while but answered ShuîYuê.

Huá sat on the ground still in his place, his eye staring at his hands, 'It's better if I don't see you again Water Master, I have caused you enough pain, and I don't want to add more to it, I'll make arrangements for you and Wind Master to leave when she's in condition to travel.' he thought walking past the bloodied hairpin he had thrown away.

_____
A/N:This ch is a continuation of the last one. This is where Water Master gets the trauma of being seen naked. That's why she snapped at Jade in ch 6 and Earth Master in ch 57 poison ivy ch.

Thanks for reading,

Bye bye

Word count:4100