Chapter Twelve

Shiloh

Pumayag na rin pala ako sa gustong date ni Stephen. After work na namin ginawa dahil pareho rin kaming may trabaho sa hospital. Kumain lang naman kami ni Stephen sa labas. And it was even in an expensive restaurant. But I didn't say anything and just let him treat me. Siya naman ang magbabayad sa kakainin namin.

"I feel like I still can't believe what you just told me about Shiloh the other day." I said to Stephen while we wait for our food.

Tumingin naman sa akin si Stephen. Napuna ko rin na panay ang tingin niya sa banda ko. Hindi na kami nakapagbihis dahil galing pa nga sa trabaho namin. He's wearing a dress shirt with his pants. And fortunately for me it wasn't a busy day today kaya naman naka-dress pa ako na suot ko lang din kanina under my doctor's robe sa hospital. Kaya okay na rin ang mga outfits namin for this dinner date. We both looked like kind of formal and nice. At hindi ko lang pinahalata pero nag-retouch din ako kanina ng makeup ko sa clinic. S'yempre maghahanda rin naman ako, 'no. And I wouldn't really want to appear ugly on my date.

"Why... Were you perhaps turned off... knowing that I already have a child?"

Umiling naman ako sa sinabi ni Stephen. Sa totoo lang ay hindi naman. Inaamin ko na noong una na nanghinayang din naman ako kasi akala ko na may anak na siya at kasal na. And after knowing that he only has Shiloh at na akala ko noon ay anak nga niyang talaga ay hindi naman iyon problema sa akin. Na-curious lang din ako sa kung ano ba talaga ang nangyari sa kaniya.

"Hindi naman. I was just curious about what happened to you in the past years." I said.

Tumango rin naman sa akin si Stephen pagkatapos. And then his eyes never left me. "So, you were curious about me, too?" He asked.

And I nodded at him a bit. "Oo naman..."

Pagkatapos ay nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. Stephen then smiled. "I didn't know that you were thinking about me, too." He said like he concluded that.

Sumimangot naman ako sa kaniya pagkatapos kong marinig ang sinabi niya. "Shut up..." nasabi ko na lang at umiling.

And Stephen just chuckled a little at my a little defensive reaction.

And then our food was served. Kumain na rin kami ng dinner ni Stephen pagkatapos. At pagkatapos pa ay hinatid na lang din ako ni Stephen sa sasakyan ko sa parking lot. Nandoon lang din sa malapit ang sasakyan niya. Hindi na niya ako naihatid pa sa amin pagkatapos ng date namin gaya sa iba. Kasi may dala rin naman akong sarili kong sasakyan. We just agreed to update each other kapag nakauwi na kami sa mga bahay namin.

I closed the door behind me when I'm already inside my bedroom in our house. Huminga pa ako at dahandahan pa ang paglapit ko sa kama ko para ilapag na lang doon ang bag ko. Pakiramdam ko pa nga medyo parang lumulutang din ako...

Naupo ako sa kama ko at kinalma ko na ang sarili ko. Mariin na lang akong napapikit pagkatapos. I'm not a teenager anymore and an adult. Pero parang... kinikilig pa rin ako! Oh my gosh!

Sabagay I was just so busy proving myself to Daddy that I only got myself busy with studying. Kaya kahit ang pakikipag-date ay parang na skip ko na rin noon...

I sighed to myself.

And then my phone notified me and it was Stephen's message na nakauwi na rin daw siya sa bahay nila. Kanina ay nai-message ko na rin siya at nagsabi ako na nasa bahay na namin ako.

Parang tanga akong napangiti pa habang binabasa ang halos dadalawang bubbles pa lang naman na exchange of message namin ngayon. Tsk. I stopped myself from overacting. At binitiwan ko na rin ang phone ko na tinabi sa may bedside table.

Stephen and I continued our dinner dates. Iyon madalas ang nagagawa namin dahil pareho kaming may trabaho sa hospital. Minsan pa nga ay hindi pa rin namin magawa iyon consistently dahil iba-iba rin ang oras ng duties namin sa hospital. Minsan nga ay sobrang late o maaga pa kami nakakapag-dinner dahil sa hospital work and emergencies. Kaya minsan din ay sa cafe ng hospital na lang kami kumakain nang sabay at parang iyon na lang din ang date naming dalawa.

And sometimes even if it's already dawn at pareho pa kaming walang tulog at haggard na sa hospital ay nagkikita at kumakain kami na para paring date sa cafe lang naman ng hospital din kung saan na kami naglalagi. And I think Stephen and I got a little more closer this time.

At dahil parang nagkakamabutihan na nga rin kami ni Stephen after a couple of months of consistently dating each other, one day he just told me that he would like to properly introduce me to Shiloh.

Shiloh already knew me as his doctor. But we know that it's a different introduction this time...

"What did you say to him?" I asked Stephen.

"I told him that I'm already seeing someone now, na may nililigawan ako." Stephen said.

I pursed my lips. Even though Stephen and I already agreed to go out together sometimes, I still feel awkward somehow especially kapag pinupunto na talaga ang nangyayaring ligawan nga sa amin ngayon. Parang nakakahiya na nakaka-cringe din minsan na ewan. At pinagtsitsismisan na nga rin kami ng ibang mga nurses and doctors, and other staff sa hospital. I sighed.

Ganoon siguro talaga...

"Okay..." nasabi ko na lang.

So once Stephen also invited me to their house. Off duty rin kasi kami sa hospital. And it was also Shiloh's 12th birthday. So ang plano ay magcecelebrate kaming tatlo lang sa bahay nila.

"Okay lang ba ang ganito kay Shiloh?"

Mula sa pagtutulak niya ng pushcart at nandito kami ngayon sa loob ng grocery supermarket ay bumaling sa akin si Stephen. He said that he would cook for Shiloh's birthday. Bibili na lang daw kami ng cake mamaya roon din sa favorite na bilihan ng cake ni Shiloh tuwing birthday niya. "Yeah. He likes it more." Stephen said.

"How about his friends?"

"He said, ililibre niya na lang sila. We usually celebrate at home with just us two. Ayaw nga rin masyado nang batang 'yon na mag-celebrate ng birthday niya." And then he turned to me again and smiled. "And now you're here to celebrate with us. Thank you for coming with me today."

Umiling lang naman ako kay Stephen. "It's nothing. Wala rin naman akong gagawin ngayon."

"Still thanks." He said.

And then we just continued grocery shopping for Shiloh's birthday.

Pagdating naman namin sa bahay nila, we prepared the ingredients right away. I just helped Stephen and he started cooking everything. Marunong din talagang magluto si Stephen. Siguro kasi maaga siyang nawalan ng magulang... And his mother was also busy working for them before.

After then we served everything on the table as well. At sakto lang naman na dumating na rin si Shiloh pagkatapos. We did a little surprise welcome greeting for him. And then we sang him a happy birthday song. Tiningnan lang din ako ni Shiloh na nandoon na nga kasama sila...

"Where's my cake?" Shiloh asked when we're already sat in front of the dining table.

"Here." Masaya pang pinakita sa kaniya ni Stephen ang cake na madalian ko na lang din binake kanina. Dumaan naman kami kanina sa bilihan sana ng cake na gusto raw ni Shiloh pero sarado pala sila at hindi naman holiday pero baka may emergency lang din ang may-ari.

I'm not really the best at baking, too, pero may alam din naman ako at nagbibake din minsan sa bahay kapag nag-aaral akong magluto o gumawa ng mga pagkain.

"Your Tita Iris even made it for you!" Stephen said.

"I don't want it." sabi lang naman ni Shiloh.

Nawala ang ngiti ni Stephen.

And reading the situation I immediately went in between them—hinawakan ko na ang braso ni Stephen para pakalmahin siya at pigilan dahil mukhang pagagalitan o pagsasabihan pa niya si Shiloh. And it's not nice now that it's his nephew's birthday.

"Your Tita Iris put on an effort to make this cake for you." Stephen said it again.

And Shiloh just shrugged his shoulders a bit. "I still want my usual birthday cake in that shop we often went to." He said.

At naiintindihan ko naman si Shiloh dahil baka gusto niya lang talaga iyong cake sa favorite shop niya. And he didn't really mean it to be kind of rude to me now...

"I'm sorry about Shiloh."

Umiling naman ako kay Stephen. "It's all right. Baka gusto niya lang talaga iyong dati nang cake na binibili mo sa kaniya on his birthdays. Hayaan mo na. Just talk to him calmly later, okay?"

Tumango naman si Stephen. "Thank you." sabi niya at nagtagal na ang tingin niya sa akin. Pagkatapos pa ay nabigla na lang ako nang niyakap pa niya ako. Nagulat ako pero hindi ko naman siya tinulak o ano at hinayaan ko na lang siya na yakapin ako.

Later on I loosen up and sighed quietly. I think Stephen was just finding comfort in me now after what happened earlier at their house. Ngayon naman ay hinatid niya lang din ako sa bahay namin. Sinundo niya lang din ako rito kanina. And my parents weren't at home so they didn't see Stephen nang sinundo niya ako. Ngayon naman the oldies were probably already sleeping early kaya naman hindi ko na rin inimbita si Stephen sa loob ng bahay namin to greet my parents. Kasi tulog na rin naman sina Mommy at Daddy sa mga oras na 'to.

Pinakawalan din ako ni Stephen pagkatapos ng isang yakap. Binigyan ko na lang din siya ng ngiti, as I try to reassure him somehow. Pagkatapos ay sinabihan ko na siyang mag-iingat sa pag-drive niya nang magpaalam na rin siya sa aking babalik na sa bahay nila.

Tumango naman sa akin si Stephen, and he went back to his car...

"I've talked to Shiloh for what happened." Stephen said the next day after Shiloh's birthday when we were already at the hospital and working again.

Tumingin ako sa kaniya. "Yes, and what did he said?" I asked.

Umiling sa akin si Stephen at nagbuntong-hininga siya. "He said that, honestly, he was just kind of..." Mukhang medyo nahirapan pa si Stephen na i-explain sa akin ang sitwasyon. "Medyo nagtatampo lang siya... Kasi akala niya maiiwan ko na siyang mag-isa now that you're here. But I told him that it's not like that." He said.

Agad din naman akong tumango sa sinabi ni Stephen. "Yes. Of course! It's not gonna happen..." Nakagat ko pa ang labi ko at inisip na iyon. Pakiramdam ba na Shiloh na aagawin ko sa kaniya si Stephen? But it's not gonna happen...

Maybe I should talk to him, too.