"ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀɴ ᴇxᴘᴇʀᴛ ᴀᴛ ꜱᴏʀʀʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴋᴇᴇᴘɪɴɢ ʟɪɴᴇꜱ ʙʟᴜʀʀʏ. ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ɪᴍᴘʀᴇꜱꜱᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴍᴇ ᴀᴄɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛᴇꜱᴛꜱ"

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

⋆·˚ ༘ *

I wondered what it felt like to destroy someone's life single-handedly and pretend everything was alright. I wanted to ask Kyran and take lessons. It would probably help with some revenge plot for some prats at school. There he was, practicing on the field like nothing was wrong, while my entire life and the image I had curated perfectly tore apart like pieces of paper.

Of course, this meant nothing to him. I knew I meant quite little to him, and I would've liked to hear him talk to me. I wanted him to tell me that Caleb was correct—that he had managed to tell everyone things I told him in confidence.

He broke my trust. Again. He was going to lose me. Again. He probably didn't even care very much anyway.

I watched Kyran skillfully kick the ball back and forth, talking to the coach. My feet moved before my mind could catch up. I was technically not supposed to be here at all, and I would probably be in trouble if the coach decided to tell someone about it. But I didn't care. My mind decided to shut off right now, and my ability to make rational decisions turned to dust.

I sprinted across the other end of the school to the field, the concrete rubble cracking under my shoes. As I got closer, I saw the immense concentration in his eyes as he kicked the ball at the target. He was speaking to his coach while doing it, and she was pointing him in the right direction. It looked like she was trying to distract him, but I couldn't be too sure. He hadn't seen me yet. That's just how focused he was. I almost admired it until I remembered why I was here.

"Kyran!" I shouted, my voice cracking involuntarily. The coach turned first, and she nodded at me. I smiled back curtly and gestured to Kyran. "Hello, Coach. Is it alright if I borrow Kyran for a few minutes?"

Kyran's eyes widened in surprise and then shifted to concern—the look he'd been giving me over the past few days, and whenever I told him about my home life.

Forget this.

The coach nodded at Kyran, who started taking a few steps toward me, leaving the coach behind.

"Avery, what are you doing here?" he asked, his voice low. "You're not supposed to be on the field during practice."

I wanted to know how he was able to omit the most important details so easily. He could've asked me how I was after everything that happened today. He could've at least shown some sort of feeling, but he didn't. He just wanted to know why the heck I ambushed him at practice.

"Did you tell them? Did you tell Caleb about my mom, about everything?" I asked, the anger and hurt boiling over my entire body. I felt like I was on fire, and everything around me was burning too.

Kyran's face paled, and it was at that moment I had a hundred percent confirmation that he did betray my trust. Part of me didn't believe Caleb at all and assumed that he went through my messages with Kyran or something. I hoped in the depths of my heart that Kyran would never ever betray my trust, especially when he knew how much it'd hurt me. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. The silence stretched, and with it, the last threads of my trust in him snapped.

"Why would you do that?" I demanded, my voice breaking. "I thought you changed. I thought you genuinely cared about me and our friendship."

"Avery, I didn't mean for it to get out," Kyran finally said. "I was talking to Caleb and it just slipped. I didn't think he would—"

"You didn't think—" I cut him off, tears threatening to fall. But I knew better than that. I'd get as close to crying as possible without real tears. "You didn't think a guy on your football team was going to tell everyone about me? How am I supposed to believe that? You're still mad at me for freshman year, aren't you?"

Kyran reached out, but I stepped back. "Avery, please, you have to believe me. I didn't want this to happen."

"How can I believe you?" I whispered. "You were the only person I trusted. The only one who knew the truth, and you're still pissed at me for what I told my mom about you. I swear, I tried to explain myself, and you didn't let me. But using this against me is just cruel, Kyran."

Kyran was looking everywhere but at me, and he looked like he was regretting it but it wasn't enough. Nothing he could say would make this right. He couldn't magically erase everyone's memories, and he could definitely never change people's opinions about me.

"Avery, I swear. This has nothing to do with freshman year. I didn't know Caleb would do that. Please, you have to trust me."

I scoffed. "Trust you? Do you hear yourself?" I turned away from him and walked back towards the school. I felt a numbness settle over me. The whispers, the stares, the rumors—they were all just white noise now. Background static to the real pain of knowing I'd lost the one person who had ever made me feel less alone. The same person who ruined the perfect image I mastered for years. It all just disappeared in a matter of hours.

I made my way to the empty bleachers and sat down, staring into the calm abyss. The cool breeze helped a little. I felt myself letting the tears fall down my face. There was nothing more blissful than the quiet, the moment I could just break free from everything and pretend nothing was real anymore. I watched as more players from the team filled the field, probably for their team practice, and Kyran, who was probably watching me from the field, went back to his practice.

Did missing classes matter right now? It probably didn't. If I had to listen to one more person tell me I deserve the hate, I'd punch them right then and there. A part of me wanted to run away right now, to leave this town and never look back. I imagined changing my name, leaving everything behind, and living like myself. Finding myself. But I knew that wasn't an option. I had to face this, even if it was tearing me apart. I just had to make sure it never reached my mom.

The sound of the whistle blew, and I watched the players move around the field and slowly, and agonizingly, more people started to fill up the stadium. It started with a group of people and their friends, and then people started pouring in—and then I was virtually stuck there. I probably could've asked people to move so I could leave, but that'd incur the wrath of at least fifty people.

The cheers in the crowd grew louder, and some of the players seemed to leave—probably to the locker rooms or something. Kyran stood in the middle of the field, looking lost. He glanced over at me, but I turned away, unable to face him right now. If I had a choice, I wouldn't be here. I still had a choice, but it was more of an inconvenience.

The game commenced in what felt like an hour. The roar of the crowd surged around me, and I was stuck in my seat, surrounded by strangers. I looked around again, but the crowd was packed tight. I couldn't leave.

"I think Kyran Drake's scouts from Notre Dame are here!" a boy next to me exclaimed to his girlfriend beside him. She squealed in excitement, and I didn't understand, in any part of my brain cells, why they were so excited about Kyran's scouts being here.

"I don't know about you, but I prefer Max as a player. He's pretty chill compared to Kyran."

I didn't want to hear this ridiculous conversation.

I knew next to nothing about football, and my whole knowledge was just based on the awws and the yays of the crowd. But one thing I did know was Kyran staring at me, giving me eye contact in the middle of his game.

Let me repeat. In. The. Middle. Of. His. Freaking. Game.

It wasn't that I was counting. Well, I was counting—six times in twenty minutes was a horrible count. It also meant he missed quite a few times. He stumbled, he missed, and suddenly, the crowd was silent. They seemed shocked by the famous Kyran Drake failing at his game in front of them all.

And it seemed to me that it was my fault. Of course, it was. People beside me noticed as well.

"Excuse me? Is that Kyran Drake looking at you?" the same boy asked, his girlfriend leaning in to listen.

I shook my head no. But, it was exactly at that time Kyran looked at me again, and I knew it was pretty obvious. We were both staring at each other, and if you watched carefully—like the boy and his girlfriend—you knew I was the reason he was messing up his entire game.

"Um, are you distracting him from his game, like what the hell?"

I raised my eyebrows. "You think I'm distracting him?" Well, I was distracting him, but not for the commonly believed reasons. I was grateful that this guy was most definitely not a Junior. Otherwise, I'd have to hear how I was the destroyer of worlds.

"Well, then why is he staring at you? Are you his girlfriend?"

I didn't answer. Because, what were we? Were we broken up now? Was our fake act over? But we were never together in the first place.

My head hurt from all the thinking.

"Oh shit, the Notre Dame scouts!" he suddenly screamed, and I looked over to see them getting up from their seats and leaving. "They're leaving already?"

Other people heard the boy, and they all craned their heads to see them leaving. It must have somehow reached the field because Kyran was watching too, and for the first time in my life, I saw Kyran Drake break. He didn't publicly do that, of course. A guy had expectations to live up to in this shitty world. But he looked broken. His eyes said enough. He was watching them leave in the middle of the game, and most of the players stopped for a moment too—there was no point anymore.

His whole plan—college, scholarship, and everything was unraveling in front of him, and it was all my fault.

The ref blew the whistle, calling for a time-out. The people around me were whispering urgently, and the girl in front of me started biting her nails—something I did after dealing with my mom. Everyone watched as the players reluctantly jogged to the sidelines, their heads hanging low. The crowd buzzed like bees, their murmurs filling the air. And then, as if I wasn't feeling enough, I found guilt spreading through me, knowing that my confrontation earlier was the reason Kyran messed up. But I couldn't help but feel the rage—what he did was what had driven me here in the first place.

How was I supposed to feel so much in such a small span of time?

Kyran's eyes found mine once again as he trudged to the sidelines, and this time, there was no mistaking the hurt and anger in his gaze. He looked like he wanted to say something, to probably scream at me from down there, but the moment passed as the coach began shouting orders, trying to salvage what was left of the game.

I couldn't sit here any longer, watching him suffer, knowing I had a part in it. I stood up, pushing my way through the crowd, ignoring the annoyed mutters and glares from the people I bumped into. My chest felt tight, my vision blurred by tears I refused to let fall. I needed to get away, and I didn't care what anyone else thought. I had already missed Economics, and there were still twenty minutes to go, but I didn't bother going back.

I just needed to get away, to breathe. For at least twenty minutes.

I stumbled down the stairs, searching for somewhere with no people. When I finally reached the bottom, I broke into a run. I found myself in a small, deserted courtyard behind the school—I remembered when they held prom there, but now it was empty.

And quiet.

I collapsed onto a bench, burying my face in my hands. The tears I had been holding back finally spilled over. I had never ever felt more lonely, so utterly alone, even when my mom locked me inside the room. I knew I had someone to talk to.

Now I ruined everything. I lost everything. My world had crumbled in the span of one fucking day, and I didn't know how to piece it back together.

⋆·˚ ༘ *

My lovely readers,

This chapter is late because Wattpad wouldn't allow me to post it. I'VE BEEN TRYING FOR THE PAST FOUR DAYS TO GET IT TO WORK BUT IT JUST WOULDN'T. Anyways, frustration over. 😤

Yes, I am making this harder for Avery and Kyran because I love being evil. Screams are welcome, and love is also very much welcome hehe. 

That's all for this week, and I'll see you guys next week. Pray that Wattpad is functional for me. 🙏

Alive, but barely,

Audrey. 💕😘