Keith opened his eyes lazily to find Lance scrolling through his phone. He had a pillow on his lap where his elbows were rested. He had Pocky sticking out the side of his lip. He was really dressed down, grey shorts that bunched against his thighs and a single blue tee shirt with lots of Spanish on it. Lance laughed quietly at something and kept scrolling.

Keith watched for a moment, the room really fucking cold. That was probably why he woke up. He groaned and sat up, rubbing his eyes. Lance watched him cautiously.

"Class is cancelled. We are very snowed in right now," Lance said. Keith stood up, cold shooting through his feet. He sighed tiredly. And after he'd scolded Keith for not wearing socks. He pulled his sweater even tighter over his body and crossed his arms over his chest, peeking out the window.

"It's not even winter yet," Keith mumbled. Outside, snow was piled up on the walkways to the point where they were invisible. The window pane was cold. Birds were silent and a strange calm was cast over the grounds like a spell. Keith yawned and turned to lean on the windowsill. Lance shrugged.

"Kind of unusual for North Carolina." Lance put another Pocky between his teeth.

"Are you getting more messages?" Keith asked tiredly. If he had the choice, he would be asleep right now. "And how the hell are you in shorts?" Lance just continued whatever he was doing, replying distractedly.

"Yeah. And I don't know. It hasn't really affected me yet." Keith pursed his lips.

"Are you feeling okay." Lance smiled, biting off another bite of the chocolate coated stick.

"Why wouldn't I be fine? You look cold. Come here." Lance motioned for Keith to come over. He was smiling kindly. So Keith sat on Lance's bed right behind him. He rested his head on Lance's upper back and closed his eyes, reveling in the warmth of Lance's body. "Just lay down. It's fine, you've already said I was warm." Keith sighed, face growing red. Lance didn't have to tell him twice. He immediately cuddled up right next to Lance, resting his head on the pillow on Lance's lap. Absently, Lance began running his free hand in Keith's hair.

Keith sucked in a big breath and shifted around, his legs sliding against each other in a lazy stretch until he got comfortable. He pulled his arms close to his face and hid in them. Lance wasn't paying him much mind. Lance was just tired. He hadn't slept well. He'd come to three (not) logical reasons as to why there was no way he could like Keith.

One: he had a reputation. He flirted with girls. Cute girls. Keith wasn't cute, he was only cute sometimes. Nor was he a girl no matter how much his mullet contradicted that statement.
Two: Keith didn't like him. There no point in chasing someone who doesn't like you.
Three: Keith was lame.

Yet he still felt this strange urge to get close. Lance had since forgotten the exact feeling of a crush, so it made it even easier to turn his nose up on the thought of a crush. Keith was asleep in seconds, leaving himself vulnerable and soft at Lance's fingertips. Lance looked down at him and smiled tiredly, closing his eyes.

Soon they were forced up and about because Lance got all fidgety and couldn't sit still much longer. "Today is the day I teach you to dance, mi amigo." He said. Keith laughed.

"I realize you say mi amigo not because you're Cuban but because you're trying to be funny." Lance winked and shot a finger gun at Keith

"Right on. Get up, get up! The dance is in a few days and you can't dance for shit." Keith groaned and pulled himself out of bed, mildly upset by having to leave the warmth of the bed. Lance closed Instagram and opened Spotify, scrolling for a song. Keith stood there awkwardly, not even knowing where to begin.

"Lance I don't think I can learn this in a song." Lance distractedly stood up and set his phone down, smiling sweetly.

"I don't think you can even learn this in a few days but let's just hope for a miracle. Now I'm going to show you the starting position. There's a lot more to these dances, obviously we probably won't be dancing the whole time and it's not like they do these complex dances every three seconds. Okay..." he took one of Keith's hands and placed it on his shoulder. He then took Keith's other hand and intertwined their fingers, placing his own hand at Keith's waist. "This is how you will begin for most of the dances. Pretty sure you don't want to learn anything too complicated."

"Lance this is dumb. I can't dance. Of course I want to learn the stupid dance but you and I both know I will trip and fall and break half the bones in my body." Lance laughed.

"Jesus Mullet, just learn the damn dance." Keith sighed and let Lance pull him closer. "Follow my feet."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Keith asked.

"It means exactly what I said. When I step back, you step forward." So Lance took a step back and Keith took one big step forward.

It wasn't like it was necessarily hard, Keith was just flustered and distracted and bad at dancing. Dancing in a square was no big deal, but for Keith it was like rocket science. If he didn't go at the right time he'd step on Lance's foot or their bodies would separate and Lance would just giggle and tease him.

"When you're dancing," Lance said quietly. "You count. I know you're good at math so this shouldn't be too hard for you. One, two, three..." Lance counted slowly in hopes the cogs in Keith's brain would start turning and understand.

It was awkward and warm; blame Keith for the awkward and Lance for the warm. Lance counted slowly, always right in time with his own slow metronome. It didn't seem to hard. Keith determinedly counted in his head too, his ankles connecting when he counted to three. He knew he was bright red as his whole body surged with heat. Even with the slow movements, he found it hard to keep his breathing normal. The boys began to sync up, their feet moving simultaneously.

To anyone outside it would just be two boys dancing. It was harmless, hands and legs contorting in a desire to learn to dance. To someone like Hunk or Pidge, it was more. They would side glance each other and roll their eyes whispering about how in love they were with each other. It's not like they did much to hide it, they were just oblivious to each other.

Keith stepped on his toe and exhaled loudly, expecting Lance to make a witty comment. But he didn't. He brushed it off and kept teaching like nothing had happened. Keith couldn't believe what was happening. He knew Lance and him would dance together, but he never pictured it would feel like this. Lance was a dancer, he knew how to dance to almost anything, but even now he was finding himself forgetting when to move his feet. Both boys were blushing madly.

"It's hard, Lance. Why is it hard?" Keith complained. Lance laughed. Keith looked up from his hunch and stepped on Lance's foot again.

"You're learning, calm down." Lance flashed him a soft smile. Keith knew Lance's smile; it was that dumb grin that he had when he was teasing or just found something funny. He knew the smirk he had when he flirted with girls. But this... this smile Keith hadn't memorized. His lips were curved ever so slightly and his eyes closed softly at the corners. Keith's heart skipped a beat. What was that? What did it mean?

Was it really to the point in their relationship where Keith thought everything was a sign? Was it really to the point where Keith had to write a story every time Lance put his foot down. Keith tried a weak smile but it fell soon after. He dropped his head to watch his feet, Lance continuing to count.

Keith never danced with anyone. He wasn't ever approached to go to school dances, nor did he even bother go. Keith never learned to dance. He never got to watch his parents dance at their wedding. He never watched people dance on the television. He truly was a virgin to all things romantic. But now he had Lance, romance's literal human embodiment.

"See? It's easy. Look at me now." Keith looked up hesitantly, cheeks burning. Lance articulated the beats again so Keith could readjust while he was looking up. Keith couldn't focus, it was like Lance's eyes drew him and kept him there in a vice-like grip. He was so enticing and irresistible, his whole body moving fluidly.

Their breaths mingled coldly in the space between them. Lance smiled warmly again, and Keith sighed angrily. Lance's smile fell off his face and he bit his lip.

"If you bite your lip as often as you do, you'll break the skin," Keith said matter-of-factly.

"You noticed that?" Keith shrugged like it was no big deal.

"Of course. You do it when you're anxious or upset." Lance just "oh"ed quietly. Oh great, now it was awkward. Lance avoided eye contact and instead focused on everything around them. Keith let it go, realizing Lance probably just didn't like his attitude.

This was a rare morning Keith loved. Keith hated mornings, it was well known by many people. But it felt really nice. The snow beat on the glass softly like the sound of kittens running down the hall. The sun was hidden behind the heavy cloud cover, causing it to be pretty dark outside. All was peaceful for just a small sliver in time. For just a little while, everything was tranquil. There was no fear, no fighting, no messages blowing up Lance's phone.

That time didn't last long. There was a loud skid outside and a crash. The lights flickered several times before shutting off completely. Lance didn't react for several seconds, his head facing forward in search for Keith. When after a few seconds Keith didn't reply, he began to squeeze Keith's hands tighter.

"K-Keith," he whispered uneasily. Lance was scared of a lot of things, loneliness, the dog down the street, bumper cars, but this... this was Lance's worst fear. "Keith, Keith, Keith," he shivered out, his fingers dancing up to hold Keith's shoulders tightly. Marta (his blind sister) had always teased him, saying she was always in the dark and she promised it wasn't nearly as scary as Lance thought. But Lance didn't like the idea of being blind either, so it scared him even more.

"Lance, calm down it's fine. You're fine." Just hearing that made Lance's skin crawl. He hated the deafening silence around them. The snow muffled any ambient noise so it was totally silent. Every creak and every step was amplified in the silence. Lance's hair stood on end. "Lance I'm right here," Keith said quietly, running his fingers up to hold tightly to Lance's cheeks. Lance pushed Keith closer to the window, terrified of what might be lurking by the dark.

"Keith I'm scared. I can't see you."

"I'm right here. I'm right here, I promise." Lance knew he was there, he felt the breeze of Keith's gentle breathing across his lips. Keith was there, and he was close. "Stay close. I'm going to open the window." When Keith turned, Lance held tightly to the edges of Keith's sweatshirt. Every muscle in his body twitched and every patch of skin tingled. Was something touching him? Was that Keith?

"Keith," he said, drawing out every syllable in his name. He was glad it was so dark so Lance didn't have to see how worried Keith was. Lance was practically hyperventilating and there was nothing he could do. He was scared too, the dark made him feel uneasy. He didn't like the thought of something popping out to scare him. If he stood still, he was fine. It's only when he began to move he felt like he was being watched. When he'd run down the halls at the orphanage, he'd always lean against the door after he shut it, his chest heaving from the rush. He tried to stop the quivering of his fingers. "Please open the window," Lance pleaded. Of course Lance was the main priority right now. Fuck getting hurt, Keith could trip and break his nose for all he cared, just make Lance calm down. "Keith! Keith!" Lance started full on freaking out.

He was shaking, his whole body swaying back in forth in fear. Keith felt the air as though he were running in place. Lance's fingers clamped down on Keith's shoulders as he began wailing and struggling like he were being chased. Keith took a big breath and took a few steps to the window, ripping the window shade open. A thin stream of sunlight spilled onto the floor. It wasn't nearly enough light. Keith would have to distract Lance through this.

"Lance get on the bed." Keith backed up and Lance scrambled back against the brick. Lance was finding it really hard to breathe. He was surrounded by the thing he hated the most. Keith wasn't there. He was shuffling around somewhere. Every white thing looked like a ghost or a demon ready to tear him up. He pressed himself against the wall as if he could melt right into it.

"Keith?" Lance asked weakly, his voice cracking.

"Here, I'm here." There was something on his hand. He didn't even think for a moment it might've been Keith. Lance yelped and drew his hand to his chest. "Lance, please calm down. It's me." Lance felt an all familiar feeling set over him. Keith was there, Keith was right there. He felt the bed dip under Keith's knees hitting the mattress. Lance sniffled and reached for Keith, tangling his hands in his sweatshirt.

"Keith," Lance said sadly. Keith sat in front of Lance, physically grabbing the boy's hands and wrapping them around his stomach.

"I'm right here. I promise you're safe, I won't let anything touch you." Lance cuddled Keith like a teddy bear, burying his face in Keith's shoulder. Keith sat patiently. He realized this was one of Lance's worst fears, and Lance had already comforted him during a thunderstorm. So Keith protectively scooted back, leaning against Lance's chest. Lance's breaths were heavy and strangled in Keith's ear. "Hey. Calm down. It's alright, I promise." Lance didn't speak. He couldn't speak.

His mouth felt heavy like the was having an allergic reaction to something. Keith felt like much less of a human than a stuffed animal as he brought him close to his chest. He resisted the urge to bury himself into Keith. Hide his face, wrap his legs tightly around Keith. Part of that was from love and the other from fear. Keith looked (metaphorically, of course, both boys were blind) so strong right now. He was dealing with Lance's shit so well.

Sometimes at home, no one would care very much. No one bothered help him replace his light set because they figured it wasn't a big thing. No one really would come and help him because no one thought he was really scared. Everyone's scared of the dark, right? Lance shivered, stifling a sob. Keith couldn't know he was crying.

Keith reached for his phone, turning it on. "No! Keith, that makes it worse!" Lance groaned. Lance only caught a sliver of Keith's face before the light went away. Lance shut his eyes and saw no difference between to two darknesses.

"Lights will be back soon, I got a message saying so." Lance nodded and swallowed dryly. He hated himself even more than usual right now. He was weak. Here he was, clutching to Keith. Lance probably couldn't even function if Keith wasn't here. He's probably be passed out on the floor from hyperventilating. Lance was thankful for Keith and the way he spoke so soft to keep him calm. His voice was soft like velvet, and his hands were smooth like silk when they glided against his.

The darkness was consuming, Lance felt like his bones were being eaten. Piranha were nibbling at his skin. Lance tasted blood and knew he was bleeding because he'd bit his lip so hard. Keith warned him. Lance removed a hand from around Keith and pressed two fingers to his bloody bottom lip.

"Lance?"

"I'm bleeding. Sorry." Keith sighed heavily. When he moved to get up, Lance pulled him back. "No! I mean... please don't get up. I'm barely holding it together right now." Lance was focused on Keith's body against his. He drew a fine line between the two of them, a fine line between the angles and curves of Keith's body and the sides and edges of his. He focused on Keith's legs against his and his shoulder blades against Lance's stomach. "Lance what's that song you said you liked? Last night?" Keith didn't have to see Lance to know he was smiling. His vibe changed to a more lighthearted thing. His favorite song.

"Mi Buen Amor, my good love. There's a certain emotion the English translation just doesn't carry. It's just about love, different type of love. How in love she is. She got the good type of love." Keith nodded.

"That sounds nice. I'd ask you to sing it, but you can't sing." Both boys laughed. Keith's pant leg accidentally brushed Lance's ankle and he squeaked, tears sparkling back in his eyes. "Sorry, that was me. Lance, it was me." Lance licked his lips, the metallic blood on the tip of his tongue.

The lights flickered back on. When they did, Keith was eager to get back up. "Lance are you-" when he turned around to look at Lance, he looked a hot mess. Blood was dripping down his chin and neck. His eyes glistened with tears. He looked kind of like a big baby. Him and his watery eyes and childish pose. Keith paused to watch Lance. He looked so sad. Is this what Keith looked like after thunderstorms? "We need to clean up this blood." Keith reached for the tissue box and crawled onto Lance's lap, sitting and cleaning up all the blood.

"Keith don't sit there, that's gay." Keith snickered happily as he rubbed a tissue gently over Lance's neck.

"I'm gay. Girls do it all the time." Lance rolled his eyes despite being incredibly vulnerable right now. He resisted the urge to take Keith's hips in his hands.

"Give me a lap dance while you're at it," Lance said jokingly. Keith smirked while he wiped the blood of Lance's cheek.

"Do you want one? I'll give you one." Lance's eyes got so big they almost popped out of his face. Keith wasn't paying attention. His cheeks heated maraschino cherry red.

"O-Of course not Mullet." Keith hummed and placed the tissue right over the tear in his lip. "Kiss it to make it feel better?" Lance asked, big puppy eyes at Keith.

"Ew, no," Keith said. He slid off Lance's lap to return the tissues to their rightful place. His body felt uncomfortably warm. Dumb thoughts danced through his mind. What if Lance had said yes? What if he'd insisted Keith sit there and roll his hips around like an idiot for Lance? He pictured it sadly vividly with much more color than he bothered. What if Lance had pulled his shirt over his head and Keith did the same? What if it had gone further? What if Lance's fingers went in the one place they shouldn't be? What if Keith liked it? Keith coughed uncomfortably, looking out the window.

"What's your favorite candy?" Lance asked softly. Keith ran a hand through his hair tiredly. Random question. Lance spoke like it was something super important.

"Gummy bears and sour worms." Lance's eyes widened excitedly as he nodded.

"Cotton candy," Lance said. He pulled his legs up into a crossed position and smiled. He looked really warm right now despite him wearing shorts and a short sleeve shirt. Keith wanted to get Lance a big tub of cotton candy after what just happened, but he didn't at the same time. "Uh, Keith?"

"Yeah?" Keith hoped he didn't sound upset when he replied. He was just a little worn out. Keeping up with Lance required energy he didn't have.

"Please don't leave. I-if the lights go out again..." Keith smiled softly.

"You're blushing," Keith said. Lance touched a finger to his cheek and smiled like a child.

"Yeah." Keith sighed. Lance was really pretty. Really accidentally pretty. It hurt.

"Tell me if I have you figured out Keith," Lance said suddenly. "You're a orphan from Korea. You strike me as someone who loves slow kisses and neon lights. You dress pretty normally, but if you didn't have a limited budget, you'd be all chokers and leather jackets. You like sour candy but sometimes sweet candy to mix it up. You never listen to anything over the top, it all has really calming beats and some hippie wind chime shit." Keith hummed, distracted by a loose string in his sleeve.

"That's all you have for me? Let me guess you." Keith scanned Lance up and down and did a final check to come up with some dumb shit to pull on Lance. Yet Lance looked excited like a little puppy dog. His eyes begged for insight into himself like he didn't really know his own self. "You pout. You love to pout. You'd love shy kisses and pillow talk. You love stuffed animals and anything soft that you can fit your arms around. You like spring and cherry blossoms because you think they are pretty just like you. You'd be the one to say 'I Love You' too much." Lance scoffed, tilting his head to the side. His lips looked so puffy after having just bled half the blood in his face.

"You make me sound like a hopeless romantic."

"But you're not hopeless. You'd fine love and take it and run with it without regrets. I'm the hopeless romantic here, did you forget my bucket list?" Lance laughed breathily and got distracted by the window.

"Of course. How could I forget? That's the second time you've called me pretty," Lance said smugly. Keith scoffed. There's the same old idiot Lance.

"Whatever McClain." Lance pictured Keith being there when he woke up. He pictured opening his eyes and seeing Keith's face right there crammed against the pillow. He pictured staying up late hand in hand and talking to each other, voices slurred, drunk off the early hours of the morning. He thought of late night kisses, slow kisses. He thought of their personalities colliding into this happy medium.

People always had another puzzle piece; a red string of fate always connected two people. Lance would give his all to see Keith's string and where it connected. He hoped he'd look down and find it at his own pinky. People and their damn other halves that fuck everything up.

Lance watched Keith move about the room, getting clothes out of and into the laundry basket. Lance pictured standing up and taking him in his arms right there. He hardly got that kiss on the dock out of his head. The feel of their skin rubbing like leather in the summer would forever rest on his skin. Lance would share his cotton candy with Keith. He would kiss him shyly in public. He would give him as many I love you's as Keith wanted.

"Why are you watching me with that stupid grin?" Keith asked. Startled, Lance sat up.

"Dunno. Maybe you look good." Lance shrugged and reached around to scratch the back of his neck. His voice had cracked when he spoke. Damn idiot.

"Thanks McClain. Not so bad yourself." Keith felt dizzy from that compliment. Forever over dramatic Keith and butterfly Lance. Look how far they'd come. The boys were never meant to cross paths. They weren't ever supposed to find each other on campus. They weren't ever supposed to have those fights, never supposed to share those kisses. Lance was never supposed to know about Keith's fears and family, or lack thereof. Keith was never supposed to know about Lance's scars or his cancer.

There was always a strict line between School Lance and Online Lance. But in their time together, this beautiful mixture of the two had presented itself to Keith on a golden platter. Lance was irresistible.

"Keith I'm hungry, do you think they've cleared our path to the cafeteria."

"Maybe." Keith said.

"Let's go get food." So the boys pulled on jackets and mittens and masks to keep warm as they ventured into the snow laden world. It was peaceful, the snow falling and catching on their hair and eyelashes. They tried to catch the snowflakes on their tongues and noses. It was a happy moment. They shoved and pushed and threw mounds of snow at each other like kids.

Keith and Lance were like a poem, like a book of poetry. There was sadness and anger and love and happiness, every friendship is a poem. But maybe their poems were special. They had to be different than everyone else. Their poetry was better, deeper, and simpler. Three words conveyed an emotion that both of them felt in the same way. I love you. I hate you. Words like cancer and orphan could be thrown around without any other word around it and the boys would cry. Anyone reading that poetry book would see a friendship.

A friendship of two boys. They fought, threw punches, they kissed out of curiosity and intoxication, they cried over family, or lack of one together. But to Keith and Lance it was so much more than a normal life. Keith had so much Lance in his heart he became an insomniac. Lance was always heavy on his mind, he found himself unable to sleep in wonder of Lance and his thoughts. Keith wanted to crawl into his head and know exactly what he was thinking. Maybe they didn't need to do that; maybe they had gotten to the point where they could read each other like the alphabet.

Lance felt no different. They were turning pages at the same pace, filling them up with words that would mean nothing to anyone else. Dancing at night, cuddles in the cold, all of that sounds sweet. But to them, it was so much more. There was emotion behind those words, a story. Funny how poetry can be an indirect story.

Times like this, Keith couldn't help but wonder if maybe Lance was in love with him too. Keith knew that as long as he was on God's damn green Earth, he would love Lance like there was no tomorrow. Every touch and every brush of the hand sent him tumbling further and further, even after he thought he'd hit all the love he could have for Lance. Despite how annoying Lance could be, Keith still loved him. It would hurt a hell of a lot less to fall in love with anyone else. But you can't control feelings.

Lance wasn't so sure in his love. It was shaky and unstable. He was over the chasm of falling completely for Keith, and he was dangling right off the edge of the bridge to cross the chasm. Lance found Keith annoying and easily exasperated. But Keith was also kind, he'd hug him and hold his hand and give those soft smiles that would melt Lance's heart like hot flame to candle wax.

"The food is warm," Keith mumbled, biting his bagel. Lance tried not to stare, instead winking at a girl who walked by.

"Well, its not like it was just in the toaster Mullet." Keith rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. Another chapter to their poetry book. The snow, the crash, the blackout, the dance. Just him and Lance.

"You actually need to cut your hair. It's surpassed Mullet and now it's just long." Lance leaned over the table to run his fingers through Keith's hair. His ocean eyes scanned Keith like he were looking for something.

"Really? I didn't know that? Besides, no ones pestered me about it or anything," Keith teased, glaring at Lance. They broke into a hiccuping laughter. Lance's hair had grown a little too. It seemed to curl more as it grew. The tips of his hair curved around his ears and snaked up his jaw like a vine. "If I cut it, who would tease me? You'd miss it, you know you love my Mullet." Lance's cheeks were colored pink and he looked away stubbornly.

"Of course I wouldn't miss your damn Mullet. That's a whole level of weird I don't even want to think about reaching." Lance drew his hand back and used his other to cut up his pancake. Lance noticed Keith was holding his fork with the opposite hand he wrote with. "Are you ambidextrous?" Lance asked. Keith nodded, surprised at his attentiveness.

"Yeah. My left hand handwriting is a little better, but essentially, I can write with both hands." Lance smirked, cocking his head. He pressed his tongue against his two upper front teeth.

"That's a great date quality. Hold their hand while you do your work." Keith rolled his eyes. Is that what Lance liked? Hand holding? Pillow talk? This boy was so romantic.

"Thanks. I'm going to put up a sign that says, 'Ambidextrous! Will hold your hand while you work!' and still get no one because everyone would much rather date Lance McClain than Keith Kogane." Lance laughed. He hoped he didn't sound jealous. He wanted to date Keith. But he didn't. He wanted Keith to be his. But he didn't. Mama had said 'could you picture spending forever with him' and the answer wasn't yes or no. Lance some days wanted to never leave the dorms and keep Keith all to himself. Hog him. But other days he wanted to move all the way across campus. Keith would walk one way and Lance would walk the opposite and they would never have to see each other again.

"Does everyone include you?" Lance asked cockily, tipping his head. Keith laughed, a sudden burst of confidence and shaky adrenaline building in his bones. He would tell him. Lance would know. Lance might laugh.

"Yeah." But Keith wished he didn't reply.

"Wait do you have a crush on me?" Keith shrugged, rubbing it off like it was nothing. His heart began thumping loudly in his chest, its sinewy fingers reaching for Lance. The buzz of the cafeteria around them was quiet as if they were waiting for Keith's answer too. 

"I guess. I haven't had a crush before, I just kind of guess this it what a crush feels like. So yeah Lance, I guess I have a crush on you." Lance's cheeks reddened in surprise. How he didn't already know everyone wanted to date him confused the hell out of Keith. Sure, obviously plenty of people hated Lance, but lots of girls eyed him when he walked by or spoke in class. They scanned him down, imagining their own arms tangled with his.

"Oh..." How would Lance reply? He didn't like Keith back. Keith was just a friend. Right? Friends comfort each other when they're sad. Friends help in scary situations. Friends cuddle. Friends kiss. "I don't... I can't return those feelings. I don't like you like that." Keith rested his chin on his hand and shut his eyes, tiredly.

"It's fine." But it wasn't. Keith wanted Lance to smile goofily and say 'me too!' Or maybe kiss him. Keith really wanted another kiss. Damn greedy boy he was. He grinned lazily as if to tell Lance that he was just peachy. Perfect. Not hurt at all. Besides, what should he have expected? Lance flirted with every girl he saw.

"So you actually wanted to kiss me?" Keith blushed and turned his head so he was facing the wall, hiding his red cheeks.

"Yeah," he mumbled. Lance snickered.

"Gross."

"Just please don't let things be awkward. I'll still take your pictures and comfort you and whatever." Lance nodded quickly. Keith did this sarcastic jazz hand thing before tucking his hands back under his chin and huffing quietly.

"Yeah, I still need someone to be my fucking photographer. I told you I wouldn't throw you away." Lance smiled charmingly at a still slightly disappointed Keith.

"Good. Don't quit my day job."

"I'm not paying you." Keith rolled his eyes and took a sip of his coffee.

"I know that. Jokes on me because I actually took up an offer to photograph for no pay." Lance snickered. They were almost the only ones in the cafeteria, camping out in the corner. The boys liked to do that. In a big room, they'd huddle as small as they could.

"And for falling in love with your ever charming subject," Lance grinned. His tooth practically sparkled. Even in the dark cafeteria, his eyes lit up in joy. Keith wished he wasn't so hopelessly in love with Lance. God it hurt. And Lance? Lance just wanted out. He didn't want to be across from Keith, he didn't want to go to class, he just wanted to stay in bed. He didn't want to think about Keith or his glasses or the way his shoulders bunched together when he felt shy. He didn't want to think about Keith giving off this cute aura right here, taking his heart and refusing to return it. Keith was a thief.

"Whatever. I'm not in love with you Lance." Keith rolled his eyes. Lies. He was lying right through his teeth. Keith was always scared of being rejected. He never opened up because whenever he did, he was faced with cruelty. Thunder was his secret. His family was his secret. And now Lance had his secrets too. So Keith finally spilled his final secret and Lance didn't reject him. But he did. Keith kept another secret now, one Lance never had to know. Loving Lance was a terrible mistake.

"Sure sure. Who do you think was in that crash we heard earlier?" Keith shrugged.

"Maybe we should go look. See if it's been cleared yet." Lance laughed, leaning against the ugly red pattern back of the booth.

"It's been hours, there's no way it's still there or anything." Keith just placed his hands on the table and stood up. Lance did the same. They walked silently back through the snow laden grounds, their feet crunching in the new thin layer of snow. The brick walkway wasn't even visible under the white blanket. Keith felt a little sad, something winter always did to him. Winter was a time for family and cuddling on the couch late at night when it's cold. It's for crawling up in your sisters bed when your own room is too cold. Keith had something like that at least; he'd go to the top bunk and get under the covers with Joshua. Every winter without fail.

Winter was a time for increased community and love. Yet with Lance knowing this secret of his, love coming from Keith would seem plainly romantic. Damn Keith. Lance wouldn't think that at all, in fact, he felt the same. He would have his sisters come into his room in two's for the warmth of the room. Mama would make warm drinks and bring out the heavy blankets. They would dance to Beyoncé in the living room when they needed to warm up and hold hands outside in the snow. Lance found himself smiling at that picture. At heart he was still fifteen, he was still needy for touch.

Despite what Keith had just shared, he grabbed Keith's hand shyly, enjoying the burning feeling in his fingers. He watched Keith out of the corner of his eyes and saw the skin across his cheeks turn a pale red. He looked sad, his eyes sunken. Lance didn't want to break Keith's heart or anything, he just... he couldn't like Keith back.

They continued on silently until Keith got a call. They were on one side of the dorms about to cross to the other to see the street where the wreck happened.

"Hello?" Keith answered. They stopped walking and faced each other, Keith's eyes scanning the space around Lance while the voice talked to him.

"You're... Keith right?" She had a thick accent from somewhere Keith couldn't distinguish.

"Yes... who is this?" Keith made eye contact with Lance and quickly broke it.

"Hi, sorry to disturb you. Uhm, Katie? Katie Holt, you know her? She's at the hospital, I figured you'd want to come." Keith's stomach dropped. Pidge? Was she in the wreck. Lance watched Keith's face fall, his lips parting and eyes widening in fear. His eyes darted around quicker.

"Jesus, was she in a wreck this morning?" Keith made eye contact with Lance again, his body going hot in fear. Lance bit his lip and looked back at the concerned boy.

"Yes."

"Uhm... I'll try to get there." Keith mumbled into the phone. He pressed the red button and put his phone in his pocket. "Pidge was in the wreck this morning." Keith was scared. He knew Pidge was probably just fine, but it didn't stop him from wanting to cry.

"Come, I'll take you." Lance pulled Keith along to his car, opening the passenger door and moving to the drivers side. Keith's mouth felt dry. Lance let him play whatever on the stereo without complaining. He just stared out the windshield cautiously to keep two more boys out of the hospital beds. Lance seemed more frantic than Keith for a few minutes; his eyes were wide and he white-knuckled the way there. His lip was going red from being bitten.

Keith on the other hand was trying just to breathe. His body was shaking a little, but that was the cold's fault. He just leaned against the headrest and tangled his fingers in his lap. The sun slept in the sky above them, keeping warm under a cover of clouds. Keith skipped panic most of the time. He went straight for the tears within the panic.

"Lance, Jesus,what if she's not okay?" Lance laughed shakily.

"She's fine. It couldn't have been that bad." Keith felt the hot tears on his cheeks. He always looked so strong and okay, but now he felt like crap. He was a crying mess already, and it would only get worse. "Don't be such a pessimist."

"Pessimism means if it works out you're happy and if not then you don't have to worry about your hopes getting let down," he said through hiccups. Keith knew he was slowly getting worse. His body began to twitch uncomfortably and he tapped his foot quickly, missing beats several times. He found himself leaning as though the car would go faster if he helped too.

"That's true but bullshit." Keith looked out and window and moved to tapping his heel quickly against the floor boards. He watched the trees go by like molasses until finally they were in the parking lot. Keith was mumbling incoherently, scaring Lance. He just wanted to get there safely and calm Keith the fuck down. So when he pulled into a spot, that's what he tried. He grabbed Keith's wrists and looked him dead in the eye. "Pidge is fine. Look at me. Keith!" Keith looked shyly into Lance's eyes.

"Lance," he whispered. He then laughed. Why the hell was he crying? That's so dumb. "She's my best friend." Lance sighed. His heart hurt. For some reason, he knew things were fine, he was just being drama queen Keith. Everything had to be fine, it just had to be.

"She still is, nothing's going to change. You're going to go in and scold her for being a shitty driver. And you guys are going to laugh. I need these words to register in your stubborn brain." Keith nodded slowly, tears still falling down his face. Lance's fingers around his wrists burned as they squeezed tighter and tighter. Lance sighed hopelessly and wrapped his arms around Keith, elbows fitting snugly around his neck. Keith was startled, Lance's breath warm as it trickled down his neck. Keith didn't move, his arms stayed in midair from where they were held previously.

Lance's hand burned Keith's back and sucked his breath out through the pads of his fingers. Keith sucked in a breath and gently pushed Lance away. "You're going to make my cry harder," Keith mumbled shyly. Whenever he was hugged when he was sad, he couldn't hold back his tears anymore. Last thing he wanted was to sit there any longer with Lance crying. He bit the knuckle of his pointer finger and got out of the car, snow crunching beneath his boots. The whole car shuttered when Keith slammed the door, and then again when Lance did.

"I'm sorry Keith," he mumbled into the air. His words froze and crumbled in the air like freshly baked cookies. Keith buried his mouth in the folds of his scarf when Lance grabbed his hand tightly again. Keith felt okay; he was holding everything back fine. The dam he'd built was holding strong. Every few breaths he got even better.

"Whatever Lance." Lance's chest burned despite the cold seeping through the holes of the jacket. Keith's words hurt him. Sure, Keith was kind while simultaneously being kind of a brat. Lance just sighed and held tightly to Keith's gloved hand. The hospital was warm when they walked in. Keith visibly sunk into the warmth like a blanket. His bones loosened and his shoulders drooped tiredly. Lance stayed quiet as Keith pulled him quietly to the front desk. His wordless actions showed he was upset and trying to hide it.

"Katie Holt?" Keith asked shakily. He took a breath and continued, stronger. It was like his voice had broken from the weight of the name. "I'm her best friend." The lady peered over her glasses and then looked back down at her paper.

"Room 2097. She broke her leg, but other than a few scratches, she's just fine." Keith thanked the lady and continued to drag Lance around. Lance watched their intertwined hands as they bobbed up and down when they walked. In the elevator, he took Keith back in his arms, holding him silently. Keith returned the gesture shyly, heart freezing in his chest. The elevator was burning and overheating, so the boys lost a few layers before they stepped over to Pidge's room. All this time, they'd stayed quiet. They just shared glances and brushes of the shoulders.

Keith felt so selfish only thinking of Lance in a time like this. Lance was so warm and comforting despite knowing about Keith's little crush. He stayed and held his hand and hugged him and comforted him. Despite Pidge being hurt, Lance was still at the forefront of Keith's mind. Keith shook his head and tapped his foot while he waited for the elevator to stop. Lance watched concerned, scarf thrown over his forearm.

They walked down the hall and Keith didn't hesitate to open the door. Shiro was there and they were laughing. "Lance!" She called when Lance stepped in. "Dude your eyes are red, don't tell me you were crying." Pidge smirked, a cut at the corner of her mouth making her look like some scary Joker or some shit like that.

"Of course not." Lance laughed.

"Uh, yeah. He was freaking out in the car." Keith spun on his heels. Lance was smirking cockily like his normal shitty self. Keith sighed.

"No! Well..."

"Don't even deny it. You couldn't focus for shit." Keith was bright red as everyone in the room laughed at him. Goddamnit Lance. He shrunk into himself, smiling shyly.

"Are we spilling Keith's secrets now?" Pidge asked. Keith groaned, leaning back against Lance's chest unintentionally.

"God, no! Don't!" Keith was flaming red. Shiro was quiet this whole time, smiling compassionately but refusing to contribute.

"Keith is red," Pidge mocked.

"I regret coming." Keith covered his face with his free hand. If Pidge ever shared a secret, Keith would slap her. "You seem just fine to me, no point in staying if I'm going to be mocked." Pidge awwed and frowned.

"Don't be like that!" Everyone laughed. It was nice. He loved the lull in the fighting, the peace and calm. He savored the feeling of Lance's chest against his back. He was so happy Lance silenced his phone for once. The hospital was warm and inviting despite the smell of thick disinfectant and cleaning wipes. There was a stuffed animal by Pidge's bedside dresser and the room was a pale green. They did their best to be inviting.

"Thanks for causing the blackout," Lance said sarcastically. Keith snickered.

"Oh my god! Yeah! This child, he was crying a river he's terrified of the dark." Lance's hand tightened around his.

"You know I'm scared of the dark! That'd be like me making fun of you for being scared of thunder!" Keith rolled his eyes.

"Whatever you say, idiot."

"Don't call me an idiot, dork!" Why was Lance so appealing? Why did Keith listen to Lance and want him so bad? Why do we want what we can't have? Lance was like cheese to a mouse, irresistible yet out of reach without getting hurt.

"Ew, take your gay shit somewhere else, not a fan of the flirting-"

"Not flirting, Lance. Are you blind? Blinded by loooove?" Lance fake barfed.

"With Keith? Hell to the no!" Pidge just shrugged sarcastically.

"Whatever you say." The room was silent for a minute. Just a series of people watching the floor or the wall as if something would happen. The quiet was short lived though until there was a quick knock.

"Visiting hours are over, sorry to disappoint. We'll have to keep Miss Holt over night and make sure she didn't sustain any brain injuries." She smiled and left. Shiro was watching her.

"Oh Shiro, do you like the sexy nurse type?" Lance teased. Shiro chuckled and leaned back in his seat. He seemed so calm, even with a thing shading of red over his cheeks. Keith wondered how he did it. How did he seem so okay being exposed like that?

"No. I've seen her around campus, she's pretty."

"I'm gay and she's pretty so yeah, that's not invalid," Keith said. Everyone laughed, even Lance. Lance hadn't released him this whole time. It wasn't that Lance had meant to it just felt normal. Hugging Keith like this felt like such a normal occurrence. It was like Keith was molded for him and only him. It was such a casual thing to have to boy with him, almost as casual and normal as breathing.

"Bye Pidge. Love you." Pidge smiled as they left.

"Night!" They walked slowly down the hall, Shiro unconsciously looking for the girl.

"You should date," Lance said casually. "She looks sweet and your type. Hard workers, ambitious, smart." Lance crossed his hands behind his head while he walked between Keith and Shiro. Another thing about Lance; he spotted everything about people. Nothing really slipped past him (except the fact that apparently Keith had a huge crush on him). It was second nature to him.

"You and Keith should date." Keith choked and Lance laughed uncomfortably.

"No-"

"I'm right here!"

"No, we should not."

"Keith is over here! Keith heard that!" Shiro laughed.

"Didn't mean to provoke-"

"Keith is terrible! No one would want to date Keith!" Keith gritted his teeth.

"And who would want to date Lance? Once they look past how pretty he is they'll see how narcissistic he can be!" Lance scoffed.

"Keith you just admitted Lance is pretty." Keith groaned in frustration, feet hitting the bottom stair and continuing right through the door.

"Is that not a universally known thing? He's fucking gorgeous! But he's so fucking full of himself!" Lance looked ticked. Even after Shiro left, they were fighting in the cold.

"Narcissistic? Come on Keith, you have to have something better than that." Keith ran a hand through his hair angrily, his fingers catching in the knots.

"You are! You're terrible! You wink at girls and flirt with them! You hardly seem human Lance. All you do is walk around all perfect and hardly make any mistakes." Keith choked on a too familiar knot in his throat. His eyes burned against the cold.

"You of all people should understand how hard I work to be someone else! I'm the Lance McClain everyone wants. I'm the Lance McClain you want!" Keith sighed frustratedly, practically screaming. Angry tears feel from his eyes. Why did he fall in love with such an idiot? He was so angry it smoldered like an unceasing fire in the very pit of his stomach. He knew he'd die without Lance, so why not just put more hatred between them in the meantime.

"You think I haven't yelled at myself already for falling for an idiot like you? You'd think I'd have learned my lesson right? But I haven't. Because when you look at those girls I want that to be me! When you walk around with your chest out farther than our nose, I wish that was me! I wish I had your confidence! You're such a fucking full of yourself good for nothing!" Lance hit the trunk of the car angrily.

"Why do you have to fight me on the same dumb shit! How do you even know it's a crush? It's been a week Keith. A week! People don't fall in love in a week."

"I told you I didn't know Lance! I don't know what a crush feels like. And we aren't fighting about the same dumb shit!" Keith was choking on tears. He wanted to set them on fire, let them evaporate. He wanted to drive around and never have to go back to the dorm. He wanted to leave Lance in his world and keep himself in his own world. But their bubbles were forced together all because of this dumb thing called college.

"Yes we are! Stop being so dumb! It's always the same thing! No matter how much I open up you, you never see how affected I am! What other proof do you need? I'm just a human Keith! I'm a human like you! I bleed red and breathe air. Our only difference is our fucking heritage because I'm a boy from Cuba and you're a Korean orphan!" Lance looked manic now, like he was unfolding right there in the hospital parking lot. He held his arms out at a right angle like he were holding something. His eyes were wide with mania and betrayal. "What other proof do you need? What proof, Keith. Do you need my suicide scars? Do you need the note I wrote? 'Dear Mama, sorry I want to die. It's not your fault.' Do I need to drive you all the way to my home and show you my family? Do you need to see my brother to see he's sick? Do you need to wave a hand in front of my sister's face and wait for a response that won't happen? What do you need? Just tell me so you'll give me a mother fucking break!" Lance was crying hot tears now, they fell down his face and froze from the cold. His breath fogged up as he panted and collapsed to the snowy parking lot ground.

"Lance-"

"What do I need to give you to show you I'm only human. I cry when I'm sad and I bleed when I break. I'm okay with you teasing me, I'm even okay if you want to beat me up in this dumb parking lot, I just want your jealously to leave! I'm just a boy, I'm not worthy of your envy. I'm not worthy of the title of narcissist. Call me what you want, but do not call me selfish." Lance's jeans were covered in white powdery snow and the falling flakes collected on his hair and eyelashes. "Go ahead. Beat me. Yell at me. Fight me about more dumb shit. You don't know what you're talking about, but I don't care. Run me over. I don't care."

Keith was quiet. He was such an idiot. "Lance all you do is talk about yourself."

"You're wrong!" Lance screamed. "I talk about myself because you ask! You're such a hypocrite." Lance had one hand pressed to the cold snow and his other wrapped around the crook of his elbow. He hung his chin to his shivering body.

Keith was truly speechless. Lance was broken. Obviously, he was hurt. "This... this should be proof to you." Lance tipped his head back and his forget-me-not blue eyes glistened with tears. Snowflakes caught on his eyelashes. "I'm crying because I'm hurt. Tell me this is what you want. Tell me you forgot all the other times I've been broken and you realize it now. Tell me you just forgot this morning when I was human and scared of the dark. I'm sorry if you think I'm perfect, I'm not."

"Why are you so desperate of my approval?" Keith asked quietly. Lance rolled his head on his neck, laughing and letting more tears freeze on his cheeks.

"I wish I knew." Keith hated him. He hated how he sat on his knees like everything yet nothing was wrong at the same time. The world was crashing down and he just sat smiling sheepishly.

But that wasn't what he was doing, not this time.

This time he was cornered. He was sobbing and wearing his heart on his sleeve just in hopes of being accepted. Understood. Keith could relate. Lance offered his deepest parts of himself to be loved. To be seen as human. Most people wouldn't mind being a god to someone. Not Lance. Lance was the angel that wanted to be human. In hopes to be seen realistically, he's offered his suicide. He's offered his thoughts. He'd offered his family, a precious thing to him. He handed it all to Keith would outstretched arms in hopes Keith would accept it.

"I'm human, I promise. If you need to kill me to see that, then go ahead." Keith ran a hand through his hair. His face was cold.

"You're so dramatic." Keith grabbed Lance's wrists cautiously and pulled him to stand. Lance refused eye contact.

"And you're an ass." They drove home in an awkward silence. Neither wanted to hurt the other again. So they stayed quiet until they shared their good nights.

And Lance's opinion on this? He thought what Keith knew he thought. He just wanted to be normal. He wasn't anything or special, certainly nothing to envy. He was just a boy, just a human. Everyone seemed to realize that except Keith. Keith held him to such high standards. He should know better than all people that Lance hid himself. Lance was the Lance people wanted. Sure, Lance was flirty, but he didn't have the energy to do that. Ever since he met Keith, every girl was dull. Keith was the center of everything. So maybe he'd lost a bit of himself in Keith.

Lance was cuddled up under a blanket now. He wanted to call Mama. He also wanted to apologize to Keith for being an idiot. But he also wanted to curl up in the snow and get hypothermia and die. Quite morbid, but still there. Instead of doing any of that, he accidentally watched Keith sleep. He looked peaceful, his lips parted slightly and his eyes hidden behind his eyelids. His skin looked warm and yellow from under the lights. He just looked so soft and good for cuddling. Lance just shook it off and went to bed.

Keith was mad at him, no point in falling for him now.