❝ Damaged people are dangerous.
They know they can survive. ❞
— JOSEPHINE HART —

—

DARYL led the pact to Hilltop when I somehow managed to get out of that sewer... Without Carl. We ended up underneath the bridge, where I could hear the Saviors talking above it before they hopped into their vehicle and sped off.

Daryl signaled for us to follow him, and as I ached closer, I could hear him tell everyone, "Best to stay off the roads, head into the woods right here. Come on. Go. Go. Come on."

We walked into the woods as I walked to the left of Dwight, behind Tara, and in front of Daryl and Rosita. I hadn't really said a word since we left last night. Now, though, it was daylight. My voice was hoarse, and I was too afraid to say anything else.

Suddenly, I heard a Walker growling from somewhere until it popped out of the woods, and Tara was immediately on it. "I got it," she said, grabbing ahold of the burnt Walker by the shoulders.

Usually, I would be immediately there for her, but I even surprised myself when I crossed my arms low and looked away. Though, I did hear Dwight say, "I'll cover you."

I wonder if he did it to actually help her or if he knows Tara is my best friend. He knows that if we are going to be together after all of this, then we sort of need her approval. More or less, that is.

I heard a struggle and saw when Tara threw the Walker on Dwight. Rosita screamed out her name, and Tara quickly claimed, "What? It got away. He can handle it."

Despite having a shoulder injury, Dwight managed to throw the Walker onto the ground with a thud and stomp its head in with his boot. I had already jumped forward to help, but he managed to get it in time.

I stared hard at Tara and yelled, "What the hell?"

"What? See?" Tara innocently stated, trying to prove that what she just did was okay. It wasn't, though. Not even in the least.

Nevertheless, Daryl just somewhat shrugged it off and demanded, "Hey, just keep 'em moving." Daryl acted somewhat pissed towards Tara for the act she just pulled, and I had no idea if it had anything to do with me at all.

Tara walked to the front, leading us towards the Hilltop, while I regrouped with Dwight. I placed my right hand under his arm and my other hand over it. "How's it doing?"

"Better," he grunted out, but I knew that he was lying. "How are you doing?"

I glanced up, and our eyes met, but I just shook my head. "I don't know anymore," I truthfully admitted. I had stopped crying hours ago before the sun came up, but I knew that I wasn't going to be okay for a while. "I'm just scared."

"Why are you scared for?" he asked, pulling his eyebrows together in question. "Because of Negan?"

I sighed and squeaked out, "Not exactly."

"Then, what is it?" He wasn't going to give up until I admitted the truth.

I softly shook my head, gulped, and replied, "I'm scared of myself."

"Yourself?"

I looked up into his eyes that were lost between confusion and hidden sadness and sighed. "I just don't feel good, and when I don't feel good, I do stupid and reckless things. Apparently."

It took a moment after I had already glanced down, and I felt his right hand come around and touch my hands that was holding his injury. Again, I glanced up, and I looked deep into his eyes. "I'm not going to let you do anything that you're gonna regret."

I decided to just accept this and nod after gulping. "Okay, D. Thank you."

He smirked and patted my hand. "Sure. No problem, honey."

Then, I looked forward and saw Saddiq walking ahead of us with everyone else. At the moment that I looked up, he was looking back at me before he quickly yanked his head forward and acted, as if he wasn't just staring back at me.

He was probably trying to figure me out, like a puzzle, but without all the pieces there. I was even a mystery to myself, so I knew that he would never figure me out, either. Though, I did have a conscience that was telling me to go up there and apologize to him for trying to kill him earlier.

I slowly let loose of Dwight's arm and explained, "Hey, I need to go up here and apologize to him. Do you mind?"

He shook his head, using his right hand to hold onto his gunshot wound, and claimed, "Not at all. Do what you gotta do."

With his approval, I nodded and began to somewhat walk fast towards Saddiq until I finally was beside him. I don't think that I had snuck-up beside him, so I just said, "Hey."

He jerked when he heard my voice, and when he realized that it was truly me, he flinched and nearly walked into a tree. He seemed scared of me, and I didn't want that whatsoever.

"Hey, you don't have to be afraid of me," I tried telling him in a soft tone. "I'm not dangerous. Well, not to you."

He slowly nodded but looked like I was speaking a different language than him. Maybe he didn't want to talk about it, but I did, though. I had to.

For Carl.

"I was very upset when I saw his bite," I tried to explain to Saddiq while occasionally looking down at my fumbling fingers. "Then, he said that it was because he was out helping you. I wasn't actually mad at you, but at myself. I was the one who caught him when he was trying to sneak out to help you out there in those woods. I let him go. I did that..."

I gulped, closing my eyes for a second and trying to hold back the tears. One, two, three, I counted in my head to calm myself down and help me from crying. One, two, three...

Just when I thought he wasn't going to say anything, he took me by surprise when he croaked out, "You didn't do anything. Carl wanted to help me, a stranger to him. He was a really good kid, but I could tell that he was stubborn, too. He was probably going to go out there and help me, despite what you or anyone else would say."

I slowly looked up at him and nodded, understanding what he was saying. For someone who didn't know Carl that well, he did at the same time. This was Carl.

"I suppose you're right," I sighed and slowly nodded. "He was like a baby brother to me, y'know? I loved him, and sometimes, I depended on him way too much for a kid."

"Hey," I heard Saddiq say, and I looked up at him, our eyes connecting. "Don't blame yourself for this as it is taking everything in me not to blame myself."

I gulped and glanced away before I just nodded and agreed to that. So, this is life without Carl? It isn't good, but I'm trying. I am doing everything for him.

My right hand slid to my gun that was located on my holster; then, I placed it in both of my hands, and I felt Saddiq's frightened eyes on me. So, I glanced up and handed it to him. He looked confused but slowly took it.

"I already have a gun," he claimed, showing his own piece on his holster, and I just shook my head.

"It's not for you," I tried explaining. "It's for me. I want you to keep it away from me. When I lose someone, I always get a little crazy."

With that said, Saddiq gulped and softly nodded, placing the gun along his holster. "Well, I have it when you need it again. You will, too."

—

"HEY," Rosita called to everyone after Daryl had already disappeared into the foggy forest. "You guys stay here for a minute, and I'll be right back."

Tara began to follow after her, and so did Dwight, so I decided to go with them. Rosita caught up to Daryl, who asked where everyone else was, and Rosita claimed that we were all tired and needed rest. Daryl agreed on us staying back for ten minutes.

This is when I was going to turn my back on them and walk away until I heard Tara say, "I have a question. Is there a reason why he's still breathing?"

"Tara—"

Before I could break out into an argument with her, Daryl shook his head at me and said to her instead, "Fight ain't over."

"It is for him," Tara countered, anger in her tone. "I'm done waiting."

I waited very patiently for Daryl's reply and, after glancing over at me, he looked back at Tara and stated, "Not now. Not yet."

Then, he took off past Tara and back to the others. I couldn't actually believe him, and I didn't even get to thank him, either, before he ran off. Did he just say that... for me?

"I know that you lost Denise," I suddenly spoke up, and Tara turned to look straight at me. "And I am sorry that I wasn't there for her when it happened. I'm sorry that I couldn't stop it, either, but I don't want Dwight to die."

Tara was going to say something until Rosita spoke up first, "They're both right. Dwight could have an angle we don't know about. He could help. He wants to. Can't give that up yet." I was really proud of Rosita for sticking up for Dwight when barely nobody else did and for having my back last night, too. "We just lost the kid. Let's just stop. At least until we get to the Hilltop."

With that said, she ran off in the direction that Daryl just did, too. Tara looked back at myself and Dwight. And, when I just shook my head and turned my back on her, Dwight followed me until we went back to join the others.

When we got there and saw everyone sitting down, I knew that I wanted to do the same thing. So, I sat down on the ground after bringing my knees up to my chest and placing my chin in between them.

Right beside me, Daryl laid out a map, where Rosita and Tara joined him. "If they're smart, they'll cover all these passes between here and Hilltop."

Rosita added, "We have to keep moving. We'll just have to risk it."

Before I knew it, I saw Dwight come around the tree and say, "Maybe you don't have to. Negan won't send his people down into this stretch of swamp, not if he doesn't have to."

Tara, being the bitter person that she is, looked up at him and put him on the third degree. "Yeah? How do you know that?"

Remaining eye contact with her, he openly answered, "Negan wanted to map the best routes with cover from the Sanctuary to the Hilltop. H-He decided the swamp was too dangerous. Didn't think it was worth the risk."

Daryl and Rosita both were listening and hearing Dwight out before Tara, taking offense to this, stood up with her eyebrows together. "You aren't seriously gonna listen to him. It's too dangerous for the Saviors, so you're gonna send us? Are you kidding me?"

"It seems to be the only way," I quickly claimed, coming to Dwight's defense.

"They have us boxed in," Rosita also came to Mine and Dwight's defense. "At this point, I don't think he'll lead us anywhere too dangerous. At least, not somewhere that will get Tess killed."

I smirked and nodded towards her in appreciation, which she nodded back to me.

"Tara has a point," Tobin quickly put his two cents in to make a dollar. "Why should we trust him?"

Then, Scott quickly added, "He could turn on us like he turned on his own people."

Dwight looked over his shoulder at two men and explained, "I didn't just turn on 'em. I killed 'em. Daryl saw it. Rosita saw it. Tess saw it." He paused and looked dead at Tara, nodding towards her as well. "You saw it. But one of them got away, so if they find me, Negan puts my head on a pike. I'm not working for them, and I'm not going back to them."

I managed to somewhat grin to that, thanking God above that Dwight was going to stay with us for now on. Stay with me.

"I chose my side. This is it," Dwight continued, speaking aloud for everyone to hear. "I'm here to help you beat Negan. After that..." He paused to sigh and dryly chuckle. "Well... I know how it ends."

My heart sank to the bottom of the ocean that was my stomach, just like it was the Titanic. It was like he knew that he was going to die after helping us, but as long as Negan was dead, he acted like he didn't care. However, what he didn't know is that, no matter what, I would prevent that from happening. I will not let any of them kill Dwight.

Dwight played around with the folded-up map in his hands before glancing down at Rosita and announcing, "Alright. We try the swamps."

—

EN-ROUTE to the swamp, I heard Daryl and Dwight talking behind me. I heard them mentioning Sherry and the possibility of finding her after she escaped from the Sanctuary.

We began to approach the edge of the water as I stuck by Dwight at the tree. We stood in silence, waiting on Daryl's final call. A Walker began to growl, and I looked around for it until I saw that it was coming out of the swamp, very mucky and disgusting from being in the water for a while. Daryl shot it through the eye with his crossbow. The swamp was littered with decaying Walkers.

"We have to be careful," Rosita came up and said to us, "but we can do this."

I nodded and looked over at Daryl. "We can."

Daryl nodded and announced, "Push through. Clear a path for the others."

Scott took out his small hatchet and blurred out, "Count me in."

I looked from Scott to Daryl and said, "Me, too."

"Tess, you don't have to..."

"Yes, I do," I countered Daryl's plead and walked forward. "I do."

"I'll go," Dwight added and lifted himself off the tree, walking up beside me. "If I can have the crossbow—"

"You can't," Daryl suddenly snapped and pointed back at that same tree that Dwight was just at. "You'll stay right there, and I want Tess to stay back with you, too."

"Daryl—"

"No arguing," he snapped back, still thinking that he was in control of me. "Stay back, Tess."

I just stood there with my breath caught in my throat when I heard Rosita ask Tara, "You coming?"

"I'm gonna hang back," Tara claimed, which only worried me more than if she were to go with them. "Watch over the group."

"More like, watch to see if Dwight tries to escape," I hissed, and Tara stared at me with revengeful eyes. "What? You and I both know it's true."

"Come on," Daryl yelled out to the volunteers. "Let's get this done."

Rosita disappeared into the water along with Daryl, Scott, Saddiq, and some others — while I was forced to hang back.

—

FOR a while, I watched them struggle through the Walker-infested swamp until our group moved over to the bank, which was somewhat safer to hide out, just in case.

I began to hear Walkers growling nearby, and I peeked over and saw a few wandering around us. I whistled to Tara, and she looked up at me, and I forwarded my head towards where they were. "Walkers."

"How many?" she asked, just to be sure.

"Erm," I hummed our and looked again. "Maybe five or so."

"Alright," she sighed and turned towards everyone. "Who wants to help me take care of that?"

"I will—"

I began to say until Tara cut me off by taking out her knife and throwing it to Dwight. "Congratulations," she said to him with a grin. "You just volunteered."

I rolled my eyes and followed after her. "Tara," came my warning tone as I tried my best to keep up with her. "He's gonna make it up to you. He has to, and he will. What is it that my brother said the other day? We're gonna have to live with these people afterward."

"No, you will," she suddenly countered, stopping herself from walking towards the dead now. "You can live with those people all you want, but I'm not. You can live happily ever after with Dwight all you want, Tess, but — even if you never forgive me, I will be the one that kills him when this is all said and done."

With that said, she took off towards the Walkers as Dwight came up beside me. I held my breath, and he just shook his head. "It's alright, Tess," he claimed, after hearing all that. "Let's just... do this."

With that said, he went ahead of me to join Tara in killing those Walkers. I blinked my eyes a few times and just took a deep breath. Although Saddiq had my gun, I still had my knife, so I snatched it out and headed in their direction.

Dwight was the first to take one down while I got another, and Tara even helped, too. One Walker jumped on me, and I struggled with it. "Tara!"

She ran over and took hold of the Walker before tossing it onto Dwight, who fell to the ground and struggled to keep it off of him. I sucked in my breath before I yelled, "Tara, what the hell?!"

I ran over and stabbed it through its head before kicking it off of Dwight. I held my hand out for him, and he took it, using his un-injured arm to get up. Then, he jumped up and took the last Walker, which we took down by himself.

"You could cover me with the knife," Dwight said, talking about the fact that Tara still had her gun up with the silencer on it. I couldn't stop her at this rate, so I just rolled my eyes and rolled with them.

"I could," Tara claimed, "but I'm covering you with this." Again, the growling in the distance deepened and, so, Tara added, "Last one."

"Sure you don't want it?" Dwight asked, motioning towards the sound with the knife.

"And waste a bullet?" Tara countered in question. "No thanks."

"I'll get it."

"No," Tara growled back at me after I walked behind them. "He will."

Then, only a moment passed before I heard Dwight say, "I'm sorry about Denise." Tara immediately spun her gun around to face Dwight, and I almost stopped altogether as my eyes peeled open. "I truly am. I don't expect you to forgive me. I don't deserve it. I just wanted you to know, that's all."

Before I knew it, he stepped forward and stabbed the Walker in the forehead, which made it go down to the ground while he breathed heavily.

I looked over at Tara, who had her gun pointed straight for Dwight's head, and I stepped forward, sanding directly in front of her gun. "Get out of the way, Tess!"

"Tess," came Dwight's warning tone when he gently pushed me out of the way. "It's okay."

I wanted to say more, but Tara beat me to the chase when she said to Dwight, "You should've stayed with the Saviors."

Dwight now was standing somewhat behind the tree, just in case she were to shoot at him and the tree would protect him. He let loose of the knife and let it slip from his fingertips to the ground.

"I hate 'em," Dwight began to admit to Tara, real emotion and hatred in his tone. "I hate Negan."

"Don't care," Tara hissed back, and I was really considering taking the gun right out of her steady hand. "You don't get to switch sides and make it okay."

"I know I don't," Dwight openly admitted, nodding his head. "I never will. But, killing me right now, like this... What's that gonna do?"

"Tara, don't—"

"It's gonna make me feel a hell of a lot better," Tara deadpanned before she pressed the trigger, and the gunshot hit the tree.

Dwight took flight into the woods, running away from the psychopath who is currently Tara.

I took off running behind Tara, but barely could keep up. I was running low on everything. Food, supplies, sleep... I could name it all right now.

"Tara, stop," I tried pleading with her through our chase-out. "Leave him alone!"

I didn't actually think she was going to do it, either, but she was starting to surprise me more and more every day. This is currently no different, either, apparently.

Finally, I saw Dwight dip out into a clearing, and I ran out after him before Tara could. He was holding his injured arm, and I came up beside him, placing my arms around him. "D, I got you."

Then, I heard a gun cock and I slowly turned over mine and Dwight's shoulders to see Tara standing there, enraged. "Tara, please," I tried begging her with tears freshly in my eyes that I couldn't hold back. I had to catch my breath, so I gulped and took a deep breath. "If you love me or, the very least, still value our friendship, you won't do this."

"Back off, Tess," she growled, still concentrated on killing Dwight right here and now. He had his back on her, almost like he was allowing her to shoot him right here and now.

"Haven't I lost enough?!" I exclaimed and she decided to finally look at me, emotion in her eyes. "We just lost Carl. We just did. Dwight is important to me. I haven't ever felt this way about anyone before."

She sucked in her breath, clearly surprised to hear that. She shook her head from the emotion towards me. "I don't care, Tess," she tried to say. "He murdered Denise!"

"And Negan murdered all of our friends, too," I snapped back, deciding to defend Dwight no matter what. "Without Dwight's help. People make mistakes, Tara, and want to help correct them. I know that is hard to believe, but it's true."

"Tess," I heard Dwight say my name, and I looked over at him. He just shook his head. "I got this. Thank you, though." I gulped and waited for him to say something to Tara to change her mind since it was clearly not working for me.

"I knew it was gonna happen," Dwight began to say to Tara while I backed off but remained close to him, though. "I just wanted to help you win first."

Tara took only a small step forward, almost having the gun directly on the back of Dwight's head, before I could do anything. Then, we all cut off by the sudden talking coming close by.

I could clearly hear a man saying, "Just sayin', they'd be idiots to risk it is all."

Dwight, Tara, and I ran and hid back into the bushes together. I sat between them to keep their distance from one another, as we listened in.

"Least we can say we checked," a woman voiced her opinion next.

Another man added, "Still rather be us than J-Money right now."

Dwight lightly pushed me out of the way as Tara held her gun up at him. I wanted to say something, but everything was a risk right now. The Saviors walked past us, talking about something. She leaned even further in and placed the gun right to his right temple while I slowly took out my knife. Just in case.

Dwight held his breath while Tara warned him to remain quiet while his old buddies passed by us. "The swamp's that way," one of the men said. "Let's cut through there."

Footsteps came closer, and Tara placed her gun that way now instead of being straight on Dwight. I was honestly scared. I glanced over at Dwight, who shook his head before placing his hands underneath my chin and bringing himself forward. He pressed his lips to mine, and I knew Tara was watching us, too.

"I love you. Stay safe," he whispered to me before he jumped up and cut through the bushes, showing himself to his people.

He loves me...

I nearly screamed with instant tears clouding up in my eyes as Tara immediately dropped her gun and grabbed ahold of me, pulling me in between her legs and placing her arms around me. One was underneath my chest, and the other was her hand that was covering my mouth from screaming, but the tears were flowing out of my eyes.

"Hey," I heard Dwight breathe out to them. He was leaving me. Again.

"Dwight?" One of the men said his name out in surprise.

"The hell happened to you?" The woman asked. "We thought you were dead!"

"It was an ambush," Dwight claimed, trying to tell them a story that they would believe. "Y'know, they shot us to hell, but I got away. Spent the whole night hiding... Y'know, running from the dead ones... I'm trying to make it back." He paused to catch his breath. "What happened to Laura? I thought she mighta made it out, too."

"Yeah, I'm sorry, D," one man said to him. "No one's seen her."

Laura was the crazy bitch that shot Dwight in the first place. If nobody has seen her, then maybe... I don't know.

"So, what are you doing out here?" Dwight asked them.

"Trackin' the Alexandrians," the other man replied.

The woman added, "Bout to check the swamp, see what we can see."

I nearly jumped out of my skin, but Tara realized this, so she grabbed her gun with her left hand while replacing that hand over my mouth with her right one.

"I just came from there," Dwight declared, which made me worry less. "They were smart enough to steer clear. Now, if I were them, I'd stick closer to Burke's Pass. Good cover, straighter shot."

"Yeah," the one man quickly agreed to Dwight's plan. "Yeah, lead the way, D."

Dwight grabbed the gun from him and led the way. As I heard that man add, "Barely recognized you without your vest."

And, then, the woman laughed, "Lucky we didn't shoot your ass."

When they were enough away, Tara let go of me and allowed me to stand up on my own. She got up, too, and watched as I bellowed over myself and began to cry again. "Why...?"

"I'm sorry, Tess," she quickly apologized to me and, for the first time in a long time, I sort of believed her. "I wish that I could've stopped him, Tess. I..."

Her voice trailed off as we both looked over and saw Rosita standing there. "What were you doing?" Tara asked her.

"Making sure that you two were okay," she claimed, slowly nodding her head and pursing her lips. "I saw y'all running after him."

"Why didn't you try and stop me?" Tara questioned even more with a sideways look.

Rosita shrugged and professed, "No one could've stopped me."

Then, she turned away and took off into the woods, back to Daryl and them. I can only imagine how he is going to react to this like.

I glanced over at Tara, who looked at me at the same time, and we gulped together. "Daryl is going to be pissed," I told her.

She slowly nodded and sighed. "Yup, let's go hear what he has to say about it..."

—

BACK at the swamp, Daryl let his rage fly towards Tara, mostly, than myself.

"I told you to wait!" Daryl exclaimed right in Tara's face, no personal space needed. "For all we know, he could be tellin' 'em everything! Negan could be on his way here right now!"

I haven't seen Daryl like this since last night when he was yelling at myself and Dwight. He didn't care how high and loud his voice was, just as long as he got to berate Tara.

"He isn't," Tara quickly came to her own defense. "He won't. He led them away. They were coming right for us, and he saved us."

I couldn't believe that Tara used the words saved, but I am glad that she did, though, because she was completely right. Dwight did save us, even if I didn't want him to go.

"Daryl," came my warning tone as I stepped forward, as he looked straight at me. "Look, she's right. He did save us from being found."

"They're right," Rosita stepped forward and stated. "He did. I saw it."

Tara took a deep breath before Daryl got back into her face and hissed, "I don't give a damn what he did. He can stick with them, he can come back... Hell, he can run. When I find that son-of-a-bitch, I'm gonna..."

Daryl suddenly stopped talking when he glanced down and saw that Tobin was trying his best to cover Judith's ears from Daryl's yelling. I held my breath and waited on his next call of action.

He twirled around and demanded, "C'mon."

He led us right through the now-clear and uninfected waters while I was seriously contemplating drowning myself.