Chapter Quote:
"Hope is like a light, even the tiniest bit gets you through the darkness."
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Chapter 15: Tertium

Abigail

Grey had been talking a lot in his sleep, and I couldn't help but hear him repeating the same names: Chris, Duke, Mitchell, Michael, Frank, Daryl, Micah, Tyler, and Christian. I figured since he was always saying them after Chris's name, he was referring to the members in his squad. I had known about Duke, even having met him briefly over FaceTime once. But the others I had never heard of. Chris didn't talk much about his time overseas. I knew part of it was because his missions were classified, but I never knew why he didn't talk much about his comrades otherwise. I don't think I'd even heard of Grey before he came to our house, except maybe just in passing. But Chris had always said what happened in the military stayed there, and I guess that meant with his comrades too.

His sleep talking had stopped a few days ago, and he'd seemed to be in better spirits since then. I could always tell when he'd been dreaming about his brothers because he was always quieter the next day. He'd been having a lot of those days, so it was nice to see him happy and upbeat. Even James and Jax made a comment about it. I kept an eye on Grey though because I wanted to make sure he wasn't exhibiting any signs of PTSD. Other than what was to be expected of having gone through a traumatic event, there was nothing raising any red flags for me.

James had been in the best mood today since he'd gotten home. He'd always been the shy brother, but having joined the Air Force, he'd become a lot different. Although in saying that, just because he'd been shy didn't mean he didn't know how to play pranks and mess around with you. He did that on a regular basis to poor Liam. Those two had become particularly close after dad's death though, so I knew Liam coming home today was the cause for his high spirits.

Mom was excited, too. She was about to have almost all her kids under the same roof for the first time in forever. Nathan and Chris's tours had always seemed to line up, so they had always been home at the same time as each other, at least for a month or so, if not more.

"Honey, do you want to stay here while we go pick Liam up from the airport or do you want to come with us?" I asked, turning to my boyfriend who was just now waking up. Luke had taken over my spot when I'd gotten up, stretching out and almost taking up the entirety of the bed.

"Do y'all have space to take me with you?" he responded, sitting up.

"If not, we'll just take two cars. But I just don't want to make you go anywhere if you're not up to it."

"I'll go with you," he said, getting out of bed. My eyes wandered to his back where I saw his still very visible wounds. I rarely got sick at the sight of injuries, but seeing him in that state made my stomach churn. I tore my gaze away before it affected me any further. Grey stood up, grabbing his crutches and hobbling over to me. He gave me a kiss on the cheek as he passed, causing me to smile. I left the bathroom to give him some privacy while he showered and to see if my mom needed any help today. I'd been lucky in that no one had booked any sessions for the afternoon when Liam was supposed to be getting in. There was some event going on in town which most people were going to. I had two this morning, but they'd be done before noon. We were having to leave at one so we were fine.

"Hey mom, need any help?" I asked, grabbing a glass from the cabinet so I could drink some milk.

"No, I think I've got it. James is actually helping me this morning. It's nice to see him in such good spirits," she answered. "I know he's upset about Chris. We all are... but my mother's intuition is telling me that there's something else."

"I'll talk to him, see if I can figure it out."

"So you've seen it too?"

"I've noticed something, but I couldn't place it. I've been meaning to ask, I've just been caught up."

"I know. How's Grey doing?"

"He's hanging in there. So far, nothing he's doing or saying is raising any red flags for me yet, but I think he knows I'm watching him like a hawk..."

"You have me and Hannah Lee watching out for him too, so if we see anything, we'll tell you."

"I mean he's having dreams, but he's not reacting to loud sounds or having hallucinations that I know of. But I know sometimes the symptoms don't always show right away... I don't like the waiting though. I don't like not knowing if he's suffering."

"He may not even know it himself," mom said gently. "Grey trusts you though. If something is wrong, he'll come to you."

"I just don't want him to hide things from me because he thinks I have too much on plate with helping everyone else."

"Make sure he knows that. All right, would you mind going to check on Grandma Edna? She was supposed to be up by now."

"Yeah of course. She might have a hangover. I'm pretty sure I heard her sneaking around the kitchen last night."

"How that woman drinks like she does and is still alive is beyond me, but I hope I can live like her."

"Live like who?" Grey asked, coming into the kitchen. "Do you need any help, ma'am?"

"Grandma Edna. And no, but thank you dear. Also please, call me Diana or mom. You're family in this house."

"Just let me know, Diana. So how old is Grandma Edna exactly?"

"Ninety-eight. She says that 'vodka is kind of a hobby'. But so is rum, whiskey, and gin. Alcohol is a hobby. But she's still alive so I think she's a testament to the saying of 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'. How many pancakes would you like, Grey?"

"Two, please."

"You got it. Abigail, would you please go check on- oh, never mind. There she is," mom said. Grey and I turned around to see Grandma Edna entering the room.

"Good morning, Diana, Abigail, handsome," she said, resting her hand on my boyfriend's arm. Grey kissed her on the top of the head in greeting, something she immensely enjoyed.

"Hey everyone, say hi to Nathan!" Hannah Lee chirped, sliding into the kitchen in her socks. She was holding her iPad, the screen facing us so we could see my brother.

"Hi!" Mom, Grandma Edna, Grey, and I greeted, waving at him. James must've heard us because he came running in from the garage with a new carton of milk in his hand and shouted, "Good morning, Vietnam!"

"If mom was not present, I'd tell you where you could shove that milk," Nathan snapped. James grinned. "But instead I'll give you a riddle. It's two words. The first starts with F and the second ends with U."

"Nathan, you don't need to say it because I know exactly what you want to say," mom told him. "I'm blonde, but I'm not that stupid."

"I know you're not. So when does Liam get in?"

His flight gets in at three but we're leaving early so we can stop by the store and get his favorite foods beforehand so he can snack on the ride home. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay. We're about to go on a mission so I wanted to call since I won't be reachable for the next few days," Nathan said. "It's supposed to be an easy mission, just long."

I knew he had added that last bit of information for our sakes because the last time we'd heard those words, it'd been from Chris, and the next time we had seen him, he'd been in a coffin. My heart still hurt hearing Nathan saying those same words, but I believed him when he said it was going to be an easy mission. He'd never been one to lie. If the mission was going to be dangerous, he would've told us so we could prepare ourselves for the worst. Chris would've too, same with Grey, but I had a feeling none of them knew, when they'd gone into their last mission, that it was going to turn out the way it did. I'd been meaning to ask Grey, but I felt it was too soon for him.

"We'll be keeping you in our thoughts and prayers," Grandma Edna said. Despite still being her outgoing and cheerful self, I knew her heightened drinking was a direct response to Chris's death. He'd always been her secret favorite, but that was because he reminded her of her husband. Grandma Edna would remain strong for us and deal with her grief in private and in her own ways. At ninety-eight years old, we were going to let her do what she wanted.

We all told Nathan we loved him before Hannah Lee went back to her room to talk to him a little bit more. When she came back into the kitchen, I could see her eyes were slightly puffy from crying. I held out an arm and she walked over to me. I pulled her into a hug and whispered, "He's going to come back."

"I know," Hannah Lee answered softly. In a brighter voice, she asked, "So, what's for breakfast?"

"Bacon, sausage, eggs, and pancakes. Hope you're hungry," mom said.

"I'm always hungry. Especially now that I'm eating for two."

James and I set up the table for breakfast, allowing Grey and Hannah Lee to stay off their feet. We sat down and proceeded to dig into the food, all looking forward to the day.
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Grey

I'd never seen Abigail so fidgety before until we arrived at the airport to pick up Liam at the airport. She couldn't stop shifting on her feet and fiddling with her necklace. It was thoroughly amusing.

"It's three-thirty. His plane landed half an hour ago. Why is he taking so long?" Abigail queried, more to herself than to any of us. She was staring at her phone expectantly, as if doing so would make her brother get here sooner..

"Well he has to go through customs and immigration and you know how long that can take," James pointed out in amusement. His eyes travelled up to look at something behind her and if possible, his smile got bigger. I followed his gaze to see Liam sneaking up behind his sister. With the stealth of a panther, he tiptoed up to Abigail, set his bag down, and lifted her up from behind. Abigail let out a surprised yelp. When he set her down, she whirled around and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a hug so tight I swear he started turning blue.

He must've seen my expression because he joked, "We've gotten more bruises from her than we have overseas."

"Shut up," she snapped, her voice muffled from her head being buried in his jacket. Pulling away, she had tears rolling down her face. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, little sis." Liam kissed her on the top of her head, having to bend down a little to reach her considering he was so tall. Taller than me even, and I was six-foot-one.

Diana was the next to hug her son, followed by James, then Hannah Lee, then Grandma Edna, then me, then Jax. I'd never had siblings, and not having a dad my whole life or a mom for the last few years, I'd kind of forgotten what it was like to be in a family. Of course I had Jax, but it had been rare when we were at home at the same time. But the Kennedys were special. They made everyone who came through their door feel like they belonged immediately. I'm pretty sure Jax and I had been adopted by them because my cousin could just walk right into their house without anyone questioning it. I was now living with them.

"It's so good to have you back," mom said. Liam threw his arm around her shoulders as we walked outside to go to the cars. Hannah Lee and Jax rode with me and Abigail while Grandma Edna rode with Diana, James, and Liam. Abigail turned on her iPod, giving Hannah Lee control of what went on. She chose country and all the way, we proceeded to belt out the lyrics, none of us really on key but still thoroughly enjoying ourselves. We played "Might As Well" by Hudson Moore a few times just to shout "what the hell, we might as well" at the top of our lungs. It wouldn't surprise me if people were able to hear us in their cars even though our windows were shut.

Upon arriving back at the house, the first thing Liam did was change into comfier clothes. Then he joined us downstairs while Diana cooked dinner with James attempting to help her. About halfway through, she kicked him out of the kitchen and Grandma Edna ended up helping instead. It was probably a safer option for all of us because James nearly caught his pants on fire standing too close to the stove.

"So what have y'all been up to since the last time I saw you?" Liam inquired, sitting down on the tiled floor and staring up at us. I offered him my bar chair but he told me I was the one on crutches and that he preferred to sit on the floor anyway (he did say thank you though).

"Not much, just work," Hannah Lee admitted. "It's near the holidays again so sessions have slowed down. But if I'm correct, there's some troops that will be coming home soon is it might be picking up for Abigail."

"I'm ready. I'm not used to working so many half days. I think even the horses are getting restless," Abigail said. They all continued talking about work. I just watched everything going on, but my gaze kept returning to Abigail as I wondered how I had landed such an amazing girl.

"Dude, you're starting to drool," Jax whispered. I hit him in the arm, causing James to glance over at us out of curiosity, but he ignored finding out why. "You okay man?"

"Yeah, just thinking."

"Listen, you sure you're doing okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"When Abigail and I came up to you a few days ago after my session, you acted like there was someone else there... someone we couldn't see. Look, I don't mean to insinuate anything, I'm just keeping an eye on you."

I tried not to look guilty as I lied straight to my cousin's face. "I'd had a weird dream. I was in the same hammock in the dream and my squad was standing next to the tree. It was a weird mix of the conscious and unconscious coming together. Don't worry though, I'm fine. Really."

"You'd tell me or Abigail if you weren't though, right?"

"Yeah, of course." There I went again, lying to his face. But I guess it wasn't a total lie. I would tell them if it got bad. I had survivor's guilt, and yes I was hallucinating, but they weren't making me think any dark thoughts. I was fine. Besides, I needed to get back out in the field to finish what I'd started.

"Good. I just wanted to make sure." Jax clapped me gently on the shoulder, then returned his attention to the main conversation being held by the Kennedys.
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Later that night after dinner, when we'd had a few drinks and had crawled into bed, I prayed to God to give me another night without flashbacks. Unfortunately, unlike the last few nights, he didn't listen to me.
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Having wiped out half the enemy forces between our IEDs and gunfire, we were able to regroup with each other briefly to check each other in person and to go over the new course of action. However, we were short two people: Mitchell and Michael. They weren't answering their radio either. I didn't want to be the one to find a dead body again, but Daryl instructed for me, Chris, and Duke to go find them. He, Micah, and Frank stayed behind to make sure they could get in touch with our allies if needed.

"Grey, hold on," Daryl said. I motioned for Chris and Duke to continue on ahead, and they did so until they were out of earshot, waiting for me to join them.

"Yes, sir?" I asked.

"I've know you a long time, and I've never had a finer soldier under my command, but I want to make sure you're okay. You just witnessed one of the most difficult things I've seen in my life, and you seem off."

I hesitated before confessing, "I'm worried I'm not going to make it back to my girlfriend after seeing what happened to Christian and Tyler, and what I'm worried what's happened to Mitchell and Michael."

"We'll get you back to Abigail, I promise. Now go join your brothers." I nodded, walking away from the three of them. I'd only taken about twenty steps when an explosion occurred behind me. I dove to the ground for cover, feeling some small rocks and debris hitting me, but nothing that caused any injury. I scrambled up to go check on my comrades. Chris and Duke were suddenly by my side, helping me up.

"What the hell?" Duke demanded as we ran over to the scene of the explosion. Daryl and Micah were struggling to sit up, but Frank was motionless on the ground. Dread filled my bones, terrified I was about to face another dead body.

I let Duke go to him while I helped Daryl up. Chris was helping Micah. I looked over to Duke to see what was going on with Frank. My brother was kneeling with his head hung low. He didn't have to say anything for me to know we'd just lost Frank too. My heart sank as I thought about Tasha and Ariel, his wife and daughter, one about to be widowed and one about to be fatherless. It wasn't fair...

"Something severed his spinal cord in his neck during the explosion," Duke said quietly. I finally forced myself to look at my fallen comrade. The first thing I saw was the pink fluid seeping out from his neck. It took me a moment to realize how Duke had known his spinal cord had been severed when I realized the fluid I was seeing was spinal fluid. I would've thrown up had I had anything in my stomach to throw up.

"Micah and I will stay here. You three go find Mitchell and Michael. We'll be here when you get back," Daryl ordered, sounding exhausted. I wasn't sure if it was from the explosion or the loss of three of his men or both, but I worried about him. But I also knew better than to argue with him. Chris, Duke, and I set off to go find the remainder of our squad.