Chapter Quote:

"Memory creates a hallucination of the past, desire creates a hallucination of the future."
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Chapter 11: Phantasiae

Grey

The ten of us were suiting up, getting ready for the mission. Duke, Tyler, Michael, Daryl, Frank, and Dawson had all sent their significant others a text saying they might be unreachable for a few days because of a mission, and they'd call as soon as they could. I'd texted Abigail and Chris had texted his mom. My girlfriend told me to be careful and that she loved me. I told her I did too. I wanted to make sure that in case for some reason I didn't come back, my last words to her were 'I love you'.

I set down my phone and stared at it, a strange emotion overwhelming my senses, one I'd never encountered before a mission: fear. Not fear of death, but fear of never seeing Abigail again if something did happen to me.

"You okay?" Chris asked, giving me a sidelong glance.

"Yeah, I'm good," I replied, strapping on my helmet.

"We're going to make sure that you get back to her," he said. "Don't you worry."

"We're both getting back to her," I corrected. "We're getting back to them."

Chris stared at me for a moment, a few times appearing as if he was about to speak but then deciding otherwise. Finally, he said quietly, "Is it just me or does this mission feel differently than the others?"

"You mean you feel like we're not going to make it back?" I couldn't help but take a look at the rest of my squad who were a few feet away, all in their own discussions and paying no attention to me and Chris.

"Yeah," he said dejectedly. "I've never had this feeling before, and I don't like it."

"Me neither..."

"If by chance I return home in a coffin instead of alive, I know this kind of goes without saying, but promise me you'll take care of Abigail."

"I promise," I answered immediately. "But you're going to make it back. We both are."

"Kennedy, Stone, you two ready?" Daryl shouted.

"Yes, sir!" we answered simultaneously. Giving each other one last apprehensive look, the two of us followed our squad outside and got in the transport vehicle that would take us to our destination. We were ordered to secure the area we were entering and to make sure there were no civilians. We were expecting enemies to be crossing through the town of three hundred. Not wanting civilian casualties, we were making sure that at least the buildings on the main roads were clear. We arrived without a hitch, everything going according to plan. Duke, Chris, and I hopped out, going to the first building in our section needed of clearing. Chris and Duke flanked me while I tried to open the door. Thankfully it was unlocked, not requiring me to kick it down (although I'm not going to lie, it is kind of fun when you get to kick down doors). I cleared the first room. The three of us went through each room methodically, checking for people and IEDs. I was grateful we found neither.

"Building one of section three is clear. Moving on to building two," Duke announced over the radio. We made our way down the stairs and just as we went past a window, a bullet whizzed through the glass, narrowly missing my head. The three of us got out of view of the window as all hell broke out on the radio. I heard Tyler shouting a warning that we had hostiles surrounding the town. Chris, Duke, and I shared a look when I heard an all too familiar voice say my name. My brothers seemed not to hear it, but I turned around to find Abigail staring at me, wearing a white camisole, red plaid button-down, and jeans, her dirty blonde hair in her signature waves cascading over her shoulders, her makeup flawless. It was how she looked the first day I met her.

"Abigail, what are you doing here?" I demanded, panic flooding my veins.

"Honey, it's a dream. You need to wake up," she said, cupping my face between her hands.

"You need to leave. I can't protect you. I can't-"

"Sweetie, wake up," she insisted. Before I could argue any further, she kissed me.

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I woke up to Abigail's lips on mine. My hand moved to cradle the back of her head, weaving my fingers in her silky, thick hair. She smiled into the kiss and greeted, "Hey, soldier."

"Hey," I said.

"You looked like you having a nightmare," she whispered.

"Just another flashback." I flipped us over so that I was on top of her again, and this time I had a new flashback cross my mind- a memory of the two of us last night. It caused a mischievous grin to spread across my face before I kissed Abigail again. Her arms wrapped around my neck, pulling me closer.

"I have to get up for work," she murmured.

"Five more minutes," I said, trying to kiss her again.

"You said five more minutes last night, and we both know how that ended up." A sparkle of remembrance appeared in her eyes. Giving her one more kiss, I rolled off of her, allowing Abigail to get up. She threw on a shirt and went to the bathroom, getting ready for the day. I closed my eyes, trying to get some more sleep because last night had prevented me from getting much rest, although I wasn't complaining about it. Luke, who had made his way to his bed on the floor, stayed sacked out where he was.

I must've fallen asleep completely because the next time I opened my eyes, my girlfriend was gone and the sun was higher in the sky, its bright rays blinding me. I sat up, rubbing my eyes to get the sleep out of my eyes. Then, forcing myself to get dressed and up out of bed, I made my way downstairs. Apparently I hadn't fallen asleep as long as I thought I had as it was only nine and Abigail had gotten up at seven.

Making my way downstairs with Luke following closely behind, I found James chilling at the kitchen counter, sipping on a cup of coffee. He gave me a devilish grin and said, "Morning."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Why are smiling like that at me?"

He shrugged. "No reason. How'd you sleep last night?"

"Uh, fine. How about you?" I tried to play nonchalant as I filled my own cup of coffee, not wanting to give anything away about what Abigail and I got up to last night, especially when talking to her brother.

"Pretty well. I woke up at one point, and it sounded like you were doing some cardio in my sister's room. And it sounded like she joined you."

I choked on my coffee.

James started laughing. "Other than being scarred for life, I'm okay. Don't worry. It's payback for the times I've done it to her. To be fair, had one of my buddies in Hawaii not texted me forgetting the time difference, I probably would've never have known."

"Air Force buddy?" I queried, sitting down at the bar across from him.

"Yeah. He's on vacation with his family. He's-" We were interrupted by his phone playing 'Highway to the Danger Zone'. I snorted, amused by the irony. "-calling me right now. I gotta take this."

James answered the phone, making his way outside to the front porch. I pulled up my laptop, scrolling through the news when Jax walked in. He plopped down next to me and in response to my bewildered face, mostly in wonderment of how he got in, he said, "James let me in. How are you doing today?"

"I'm okay. I'm still on crutches. Won't be off of those for a bit. Why?"

"I thought we could go have lunch this afternoon."

"I need to shower first," I told him. I hadn't showered since yesterday morning and after being around horses, I definitely needed one.

"Well you don't have hair as long as Abigail or Hannah Lee, and you don't need to shave anything, so I don't think your shower is going to take that long. You in brother?"

"Yeah, I'm in. You driving?"

"Of course. You're welcome to invite James. Get to know the future-in-laws."

"Excuse me?" I exclaimed.

"Joking. Kind of. Anyway, I'm going to go see Rhaegal. He seems to be in the barn, and I have a session with Abigail when she gets back."

"Wait a second, you've been seeing Abigail?"

"Yeah... did I not tell you that?" Jax responded, suddenly becoming more melancholy.

"No. How long have you been seeing her?"

"About two months now... I started seeing her after you deployed. I didn't know you two were dating each other. I didn't even know she had a boyfriend."

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he responded, twirling his dog tags between his fingers.

"Two things: First, you know that's not what I'm really asking. Second, you always grab your dog tags when you're lying to me. You're doing it now. So tell me the truth: are you okay?"

He sighed. "I'm getting there. Abigail is helping. After losing my leg, I went into a deep depression. I thought... I thought I was less of a man than I used to be because I was missing a limb. She's helping me see that I'm not."

I felt ashamed for not having realized that my cousin, my first brother, my best friend, had been suffering so badly. I'd been so wrapped up in my own grief that I hadn't even thought that he might be suffering too. "I'm so sorry. Look, I know she's the licensed therapist, and she knows how to really help, but if you ever need someone else to talk to about it, you know I'm here."

"Thanks man. Now go get in that shower. I love you, but you smell. And while Abigail's perfume smells nice, it doesn't mix well with the stench of horses."

"Yeah, yeah," I griped, getting up. "I'll be back."

Leaving Jax at the counter, I padded back upstairs. The warm water rolled down my skin, over my cuts and bruises. I took a moment to breathe while my wounds got used to the water, waiting for the pain to dissipate. Each day, the pain lasted less and less. It would be a while before I was completely one hundred percent again, but I would get there. I had to. I had to finish what I started, not just for me, but for my fallen brothers. I hadn't told Abigail that before I left to come home, the Marines had told me that it would be a while before we took over the town that had killed my brothers. They said if the doctor's predictions were correct, that I should be fully healed by the time the mission was ready to be conducted.

I stepped out of the shower when I was done, wiping away the steam in the mirror to take a look at my reflection. My green eyes showed the terrible guilt I had that I was the only one lucky enough to return from the battle. I don't know why I'd been chosen to be the only survivor, but I was going to use this opportunity to not only make my brother's proud, but to hold my promise to Chris of keeping watch over Abigail.

Pushing myself away from the counter before I allowed my thoughts to go anywhere too dark, I entered the bedroom to put on my clothes. I had just put on my shirt and in a passing scan outside, I saw movement near one of the lone trees in the field.

Eight figures stood there.

Eight figures in Marine garb.

Eight figures with faces I recognized.

There was Chris at the front, Daryl, Micah, and Christian behind him. Tyler and Frank stood on the other side of Daryl. On the other side of Christian was Michael, and either Duke or Mitchell. Their faces were a bit blurry with the exception of Chris, and considering how much Duke and Mitchell had looked alike, it didn't surprise me that I couldn't tell which one of them it was. Even when they'd been alive, we'd all gotten them confused at some point.

I stared at them in shock. Chris waved at me, a bright smile on his face. I involuntarily waved back, unable to do anything but. I shut my eyes tight, reopening them a few seconds later. To my dismay and my worry, they were gone.

No one stood by the tree.

No one was walking away from the tree.

There was no one out there. I was just seeing things. My heart jumped in my chest, but I refused to give in to the fear that I might be hallucinating. I was stronger than that.