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Chapter Quote:
"When he died, all things soft and beautiful and bright would be buried with him."
~Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles
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Chapter 4: Mortem

Abigail

The next month and a half went by in a blur. It was difficult hiding the relationship I was forming with Grey from everyone in the house because we all lived under the same roof. Mom was having a new house built on the property for Nathan and Hannah Lee to live in. She said that when I got married, I could have a house built on the property as well or I could take over the main house and she could build a small place for herself. I told her I wasn't going to be married for a while so she didn't need to worry about that. There was a gleam in her eye that made me wonder if she suspected that there was something going on between me and Grey, but I didn't volunteer any information about it in case she didn't actually know.

On the last night Grey was at the house, before he deployed again with Chris, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I naturally said yes because I'd been wanting him to ask me for a while. That last night, he slept with me in my bed; I curled up in his arms, savoring the last chance of being with him for at least year.

The next morning was hard because not only was Grey leaving with Chris, but Nathan was being deployed again too. The house itself was somber in mood. My mom remained silent while she cooked breakfast, and I busied myself with preparing for the appointments I had later today. I was helping mom drop the boys off at the airport. Hannah Lee was staying home because she could barely move without being sick to her stomach and having to rush to the bathroom. She was really upset that she couldn't go, but Nathan convinced her to stay and rest after about an hour. He stayed with her until it was time to go. Hannah Lee was in tears. I was holding it together at the moment, but I knew all too well that the moment we were hugging them before we let them go through security, the waterworks would begin. I always tried to hold it together because I knew it pained my brothers to see my mom and I so upset, but it had gotten to the point where I couldn't hold it in anymore.

The ride to the airport was quiet in the beginning until Chris let out a belch so big that mom slammed on the brakes in surprise, thinking something had hit the car. Nathan made a joke about burping like a sailor which is when the laughter and jokes began for the rest of the ride, causing the remainder of the forty-five minute trip to the airport to be a little lighter, a little more bearable.

Mom parked in the garage and we escorted the boys to the check-in counter. Once they had their tickets, we brought them to security. I hugged Nathan tightly while mom hugged Chris. I always thought it'd get easier over the years, sending them off for their next tour, but it had just gotten harder. My heart physically hurt for weeks after they left, only completely released of its pain when they returned safe and sound.

"I love you so much," Nathan whispered.

"I love you too," I replied, choking up.

"Take care of Hannah Lee for me, look out for mom, and watch out for yourself too. That's an order," he said.

"You're the one on the battlefield," I pointed out.

"Yeah, but you deal with the aftermath of the battlefield and that's just as bad."

I pulled back to look at my brother. "Stay safe, okay?"

"I will."

Giving me a kiss on the head, Nathan released me so I could hug Chris and Nathan could hug mom. Chris enveloped me in a bear hug. He was by far the biggest and tallest in the family. His hugs had always made me feel safe and secure, especially after I'd had a bad day. Nothing had changed since then, and it was comforting to know that some things would always stay the same.

"You be careful," I mumbled.

"I always am. Or as careful as I can be. Besides, I have Grey watching my back," Chris responded gently.

"Just make sure you come home."

"Nothing else is acceptable."

"Damn straight. I love you."

"I love you, too."

Like Nathan, he kissed me on the head before I reluctantly pulled away from him and turned to Grey, throwing my arms around him and burying my face in the crook of his neck. Like Chris, he enveloped me into a bear hug, burying his face into my hair.

"I'll miss you," I whispered so softly that only he could hear.

"I'll miss you too."

"Promise me you'll come back."

"Promise me you'll be here for me to come back to."

"I'm not going anywhere." I wanted to tell him 'I love you'. I'd known him four months, we'd been together two of those, and we'd just started dating last night, but I did. I knew it wasn't the right time to say it. It was too early. But I couldn't help but repeat the three words over in my mind, aching to tell him.

"Grey?"

"Hmm?" He pulled his head back so he could look at me and before I could talk myself out of it, I kissed him in front of my family. I could sense Grey's surprise but that didn't stop him from eagerly returning the kiss.

"Um, did- did I miss something here?" Nathan inquired when Grey and I broke apart.

"You did. Mom and I didn't," Chris mused, grinning.

"You knew?!" Nathan demanded.

"We guessed. We happened to be right."

"And you didn't think about letting me in on this?"

"Didn't want to say anything unless we were right."

"Are you mad?" I asked shyly.

"No. I saw it coming the night of the wedding. You can thank Grandma Edna for that," Chris laughed.

"Oh god, what did she say now?" I groaned.

"Many things that I will not repeat in front of you or Grey, but she did say that Grey seemed to packin', and not just guns either."

Grey howled with laughter while I started laughing half from amusement and half from embarrassment because Grandma Edna had noticed something that I hadn't. It wasn't exactly something I'd been paying attention to before but now that she'd said it, I was kind of ashamed to say that I was curious to see if she was right.

"That woman has no concept of subtlety," mom remarked, although she was smiling so she wasn't that upset about what Grandma Edna had said.

"So that's why she kept trying to make a move on me that night at the wedding," Grey said.

"I'm so sorry. We can't control her," I apologized.

"She's a hoot. I love her." Grey was smiling as he kissed me on top of the head.

"You three should get going. Security looks bad and I don't want y'all missing your flights," mom interjected. "Call us when you get on the plane. You too, Grey."

Nathan and Chris both gave her a kiss on the cheek, following in suit with me. Grey kissed me once more, gave me one last hug, and whispered in my ear, "I love you."

He left before I could even process what he'd just said. I just stared dumbfounded, watching him enter the security line with my brothers. Mom wrapped her arm around me, resting her head on my shoulder. I rested mine on top of hers.

"You going to be okay?" She asked.

"He'll be coming back," I said. "They all will."

Once we were sure they made it through security, mom and I went back to the car to head home. Just as we were pulling into the driveway, I received a call from Grey on my phone while mom got one from Chris.

"Hey, just wanted to let you know I'm on the plane," Grey said.

"Good. Are you next to Chris?"

"No, he's a couple rows in front of me. You and your mom home yet?"

"Just pulled into the driveway. I'm going to go check on Hannah Lee and see how she's feeling. Knowing her she's trying to do some chores around the house, which if she is she's going to get scolded. And then it's just prepping for some sessions today."

"Good. Well they're about to shut the cabin door so I should go. I'll let you know when I land."

"I look forward to it. I love you."

"I love you too." I could hear the smile in his voice, causing my heart to ache from his absence even more. We hung up just as the first tear slid down my cheek. I hurriedly brushed it away so my mom wouldn't see. I hopped out of the truck, walking slowly into the house. I found Hannah Lee sitting on the couch in the living room, reading a book. She glanced up at me when I entered. I sat down next to her, unable to help myself as I wiped away another tear that escaped my eye. She placed her book on the coffee table before taking my hands in hers.

"He's going to call you whenever he can," Hannah Lee said softly.

"You knew?"

"Only because Nathan just told me."

"Does it always hurt this bad?"

"I wish I could say no, but I'd be lying. It'll be better over the next few days."

"Girls, I know you're both upset, but the guys wanted me to give you this parting gift," mom said. Hannah Lee and I glanced at each other before following my mom into her room where three puppies sat on the bed. One was a German Shepherd, the second was a chocolate Labrador, and a third was a Golden Retriever.

"The golden is mine. The German is for you, Abigail, and the chocolate Lab is for you, Hannah Lee," mom announced. "Nathan and Chris didn't like the idea of us being alone out here and thought we needed some company other than each other, so they adopted a few rescue dogs. Grey helped out with yours, Abigail."

I was already crying along with Hannah Lee as we rushed the bed, picking up our respective puppies. Mom held hers which fell asleep in her arms. Mine was practically smiling at me with its tongue hanging out the side. One ear still hadn't stood up, so the cuteness was on an extra level. Hannah Lee's puppy kept trying to lick her chin.

"What do you want to name them?" Mom queried. "Mine's Lucy."

"Mine is Luna," Hannah Lee decided.

"Well since we're choosing 'L' names, I'll go with Luke for mine," I chose. "Do you like that name buddy?"

Luke let out a small 'boof' in response. Although I was upset over my brothers and boyfriend leaving, it was a nice surprise that made the day much better, and now I had someone to share my bed with. I had a long time before I saw Chris, Nathan, or Grey again, but having Luke around would make it a little more bearable.
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Four months later...

"Look how cute he is!" I exclaimed. "He's getting so big!"

"He's adorable and I can't wait to see him when I get home," James remarked, a grin on his face. He got back in two weeks and I was definitely looking forward to it. Liam came home a week after him. It was going to be amazing having them back. It was funny to me how my brothers' schedules seemed to align with each other's, but I wasn't complaining because it meant I typically had two brothers home at a time.

"Hey, I have to go because I have an appointment I need to go get ready for, but I'll talk to you soon. I love you!"

"I love you too Abigail. Send my love to mom and Hannah Lee!"

"I will! Bye!" We hung up and I rushed downstairs with Luke and Luna on my heels. Hannah Lee had gone to the doctors because she'd been throwing up a lot. Mom and I didn't want to say anything, but we both had a sneaking suspicion as to what was wrong with her. So in the meantime I was keeping an eye on Luna. Lucy was in the office with mom while she was in an appointment.

"Hey Drogon," I greeted when I entered the stables. "You and Rhaegal ready for a ride?"

I would've chosen Viserion but my client that was coming worked really well with Rhaegal.

"Hey Abigail," a voice piped up from behind me. Well speak of the devil...

"Hey Jax," I replied happily, looking up at him. At six-foot-four, Jaxson dwarfed me. "How are you today?"

"I'm doing well. And yourself?" Jax ran a hair through his hair which was past his ears now. He was an ex-Navy SEAL that had been in a bad accident on tour which had resulted in the loss of the lower part of his left leg. He had a prosthetic leg now and was slowly getting used to it. He'd gone into deep depression before choosing to come to therapy, which is when he found me.

"I'm well. You're early," I observed, glancing at my watch which said it was fifteen minutes before his appointment was supposed to begin.

"Yeah, I was running errands and finished early. I hope you don't mind," he said, kneeling down to pet Luke and Luna. The dogs both rolled over on their back so he could scratch their bellies.

"Not at all. I just need to get Drogon and Rhaegal saddled."

"You need help?"

"Just keep those two occupied and out from underneath my feet," I said.

"I don't think that'll be any trouble," he chuckled, glancing down at the dogs whose eyes were shut and tongues lolling out. Smiling at the sight, I went to grab Drogon and Rhaegal. They listened to me no problem and within ten minutes, the two of them were ready to go. Jax and I hopped into the saddle. The dogs followed us out of the barn onto the trail that led us through the hill country. The air was cool and crisp, but it was just warm enough that you didn't need a big coat.

"All right, let's pick up where we left off last week," I said. Jax started talking and I let him, asking questions along the way. He was in a much better place than when he'd started the therapy, but he still said things that raised concern for me, and until that stopped, I wouldn't let him quit therapy, or I'd least do everything in my power to convince him to stay. But he seemed to have no problem in coming here so we kept the sessions up.

Luke and Luna trailed beside us, once in a while trotting a couple feet away when they caught a scent but otherwise they stayed next to us. We'd trained them early on to do that if they were ever off leash. The dogs were extremely smart and it didn't take them long to learn.

The hour passed by quickly, and before I knew it, the session had ended. Because it was near the holidays, the sessions had slowed down a bit, so I actually didn't have another one for another two hours. I offered to Jax to let him stay for a bit longer if he wanted, which he opted to do so. We had just dismounted Drogon and Rhaegal when a black car pulled up into our driveway. I went stock-still, fear creeping into my veins. I knew that car all too well because even though I'd never experienced it myself, all my patients that had lost someone in the military had described it to me enough that I knew that if I ever lost one of my brothers, I'd recognize it on sight.

And I hadn't been wrong.

"Abigail," Jax said quietly as two men got out of the car. One went to the front door. The other spotted me and made his way over to us. I saw the insignia on his shoulder that told me what branch he was part of. A knot formed in my throat, so I dared not even ask why he was here because I not only knew why he was here, but I knew that if I opened my mouth, I would just break down.

"Are you Miss Abigail Kennedy?" The man asked. I nodded. "My name is Captain Jacob Lawson. My comrade over there is Lawrence Brigadier. He's a Chaplain."

I felt Jax take my hand which I barely registered. My thoughts were going a mile a minute but I managed to say, "I know why you're here."

Captain Lawson's face fell into a sad expression. "I'm very sorry to bring this news to you. Your brother, Chris Kennedy, he was killed in action a few hours ago, along with most members of his squad."

At the sound of that, my heart stopped. Even though I'd been preparing myself for the words I knew were about to come out of his mouth, nothing could truly prepare me to actually hear them.

"When you're ready, my comrade and I will go over the steps of what will happen now. I'll meet you at the house."

"Thank you," I whispered. He started to walk away but when a sudden realization hit me, I shouted, "Wait!"

"Yes?" Captain Lawson replied kindly.

"Stone. Grey Stone. He's my boyfriend. He was in Chris's squad. Is he alive?" I asked, praying that he was.

"I'm sorry, we're supposed to let the next of kin know first before anyone else."

"That's me," Jax spoke up, surprising me. I glanced up at him to find his face full of shock. I could only imagine what mine looked like. "I'm Jaxson Hawthorne. He's my cousin. He has no parents or siblings. I am his next of kin if he dies."

"I'm very sorry for your loss, Mr. Hawthorne," Lawson replied sadly. "Unfortunately, Grey Stone did not make it either."

He walked away, leaving me shell-shocked. I felt the first tear roll down my cheek and before I could stop it, the dam in my eyes broke. Jax pulled me into a hug as I sobbed into his shirt. I felt terrible because not only was my patient watching his therapist break down, but he had just found out his cousin was dead too. The only thing that snapped me out of my own sorrows was the thought of my mom. I pulled away, and wiped the tears off my face.

"Do you need me to stay?" Jax inquired.

"You don't have to. But they're probably going to talk to you about Grey and if you need support, you can stay with us," I said. "I'm so sorry you have to see me like this. You shouldn't be seeing your therapist like this."

"You've been there for me in my darkest times, so I want to be there for you if you need me. You've just lost your brother and your boyfriend. You've been hit with a lot."

"I know... but you've just lost your cousin."

"I'll go to the house with you," Jax offered.

"Thank you." He squeezed my hand as the two of us walked to my house, each step such a massive effort that I thought I'd collapse before I reached the front door. But I made it. Just as I was about to open the door, I heard Hannah Lee pull up behind me. She leapt out of the car, her face full of fear.

"Nathan?" she asked immediately.

I shook my head while Jax answered, "Chris and Grey."

"Oh... oh no. Oh god, Abigail," Hannah Lee breathed. She pulled me into a tight hug as I broke down again, weeping into her shoulder. Images of Chris and Grey kept flashing in my mind. I could smell their colognes, I could hear their deep voices, I could hear their laughter in the car from the day they left. And the pain from knowing I would never get to experience those things again, that I would never see my big brother again, that I would never see my boyfriend again, was too much to bear. I felt myself start falling to the ground, vaguely hearing Hannah Lee shout my name as strong arms grabbed me from behind, stopping my descent. But the pain was blinding, overwhelming, and I had no control over it. It overtook every part of me, and my world went black.
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