Kimberly had to arrive to work early the next morning. Lynn explained that they had reached out to Carter & Co. the previous afternoon and arranged a meeting to discuss potentially dropping the lawsuit. A few of the prosecutors from Carter & Co. would be coming in to speak with them later that day. Kimberly didn't know if that group would include Julian or not, but after her outburst at yesterday's meeting, she didn't dare ask. Her morning was spent running errands for the lawyers while they finished preparations for the big meeting. Kimberly wished she could be useful as more than just a coffee girl or file messenger, but Lynn was convinced that Kimberly had everything to learn and nothing to offer the case, and so Kimberly had no option but to silently observe.

Dr. Stahm called the former day's group into the conference room at around 10AM so that the lawyers could explain the approach they would be taking with Carter & Co. at the meeting. Governor Rhodes didn't show up that morning, which Kimberly figured it was probably for the best since something about his demeanor always made him seem guilty and it was probably best the prosecuting side didn't interact with him before court.

"That's it?" Dr. Stahm sat forward in her chair, looking straight at Melanie Davis, the head defender of this case, who had just finished her presentation on the approach she planned on taking with Carter & Co. "You're just countering their allegations with alleged 'good deeds' we've done? Where's the dirt?" Dr. Stahm demanded.

Davis frowned. "Dirt?" she repeated.

"Yes, dirt," Dr. Stahm said, mimicking slightly the innocent voice in which Davis had spoken. "If you think they're going to drop the lawsuit because we paint ourselves as good Samaritans then you've got another thing coming. We need them to know that we have real meat we could use as leverage should we decide to do so. Otherwise, we're finished."

Leaning forward and holding Dr. Stahm's gaze, Davis said, "I feel it would be improper for me not to mention how illegal it would be to blackmail them during this meeting." She folded her arms tightly around her chest. "And how illegal it is that you're even asking me to consider it. In front of all these people, no less."

Dr. Stahm narrowed her eyes slightly as she let out a long breath. She was surprised by Davis' threat, but knew that it wasn't smart to begin making any of her own at the moment. Not around this many witnesses.

And Davis was right anyway. If the state was already being sued for human rights violations, then blackmailing their prosecutors in private was the last thing they wanted to do. Not only was it illegal, but it was in very bad taste if they wanted to make themselves look like good, caring people.

"Let's save the use of leverage for the courtroom, shall we?" Davis smiled at Dr. Stahm. "I'd like to keep my license for another year."

And then, in a haste that Kimberly (and everyone else in the room) was grateful for, the door to the conference room flew open and the office secretary stood in the doorway.

"The lawyers from Carter & Co. are here," he announced. And upon hearing that, every sound in the room drowned to background and all Kimberly could focus on was meticulously organizing the notes she had taken so as to keep herself from unraveling at the seams. Even though it hadn't been confirmed that Julian would be coming today, something inside of Kimberly just knew that he would be. It was too easy of a shot for the universe to miss. And something in the air tasted different – it didn't make any sense, but somehow Kimberly just knew Julian was nearby.

✎_ _ _ _ _

Julian stepped out of the glass shower and turned to look at himself in the mirror. It had been a while since he'd stopped and taken a moment to just breathe. And so right there in the steam-filled hotel bathroom, he gripped the counter and let his head and shoulders both fall as he exhaled deeply. He stayed in that position for a moment, breathing in and out, counting the seconds of every breath and trying to make each one longer than the last. Finally, he stood up straight and turned to look at himself in the mirror that spanned the entire side wall of the bathroom.

Now, I'd be lying if I said that Julian thought his body was a sore on the eyes (especially for his ripe age of 39), but whenever he looked at himself like this – in his entirety – his attention was always drawn first to his right leg. It had been almost a decade since he'd been injured, but the wounds that the injury left were still clear as day. He had two bullet wounds in his thigh and one in his knee. And while they now looked much better and caused him much less pain than they once had, they were still unmistakable. The mangled skin of a bullet wound wasn't something one could easily distract from, and every time Julian looked at himself like this and remembered what happened all those years ago, it brought back an even more painful wound. The one he always promised himself he'd move on from but had never actually been able to convincingly do.

He still didn't say her name out loud – even when he was alone. Up until this point, pretending to be okay had been just as good for him as the real thing. Julian didn't want to put any more pressure on the already-weak gate that held back everything he'd left unsaid and unfelt all those years ago, and so instead, he just threw himself into his work and hoped it would drown away everything else.

Three years after the incident, Julian had taken a big leap and left his law firm, starting a new one that focused specifically on fighting white collar crime as it related to human rights issues. It was something that he'd already been trying to fight, yes, but now he didn't have to fight alone. He had the entirety of Carter & Co. behind him when he tackled a new opponent, and it had proved more helpful than Julian could've ever anticipated. Carter & Co. had actually won quite a few important cases in its past five years – enough to push Julian (as the head of the corporation) into an entirely new tax bracket. They tried to do the most they possibly could with their money, focusing on various issues that Julian and his team noticed the government neglecting, but the company had grown much faster than Julian could've prepared for, and as time went on, he slowly realized that something really needed to change. He wasn't sure what, but he just knew that he couldn't continue holding both himself and the company together like this for much longer – not without coming undone.

Regardless, Julian wasn't nervous for that day's meeting with the California Department of Justice. He couldn't have been. Taking down the State of California would be an enormous and difficult fish to fry, yes, but not an impossible one. Julian knew he could do it. He had been at this way too long for the nerves to affect him anymore.

The DoJ wanted to meet with Carter & Co. to discuss possibly settling this case out of court, and even though Julian knew he'd never agree to doing that, he said yes to the meeting because he saw it as an opportunity to hopefully..."encourage" the other side to plead guilty to their crimes without having to set foot in a courtroom.

With one last deep breath, Julian turned away from the mirror. He needed to look away from his leg before his memories brought anything too raw to the surface and messed him up for the day. He left the bathroom and got dressed in just enough time for him to stop and pick up some fruit from the hotel dining room before his driver arrived. During the ride over, Julian tried to organize his thoughts that were unusually fuzzy for that time of morning, but upon arrival his head was still a mess.

Julian's associates were already there by the time he arrived at the DoJ, and despite having arrived right on time himself, he courteously apologized for making them all wait. As he stepped out of his cool car into the warm morning and looked at the building that stood before him, Julian noticed immediately that something in the air around this place felt different. A small shiver ran up his spine and he tried his best to ignore it. He had to be on his very top game this morning.

"Hey, is everything okay, Julian? You look a bit...tense." Kiko approached Julian, reaching out and laying a hand on his arm, giving it a gentle squeeze as she looked up at him with a concerned expression.

Julian forced a smile up even though he knew Kiko wouldn't buy it. He nodded his head. "Yeah, everything's fine," he said. "I just had a bit of a late morning. Still catching up."

Kiko Sakaguchi, as well as being Julian's main partner and associate at Carter & Co, was also his former girlfriend. The two had dated for a few years back in college – almost twenty years ago – where they'd met while both studying law. It had been an instant gravitation towards each other and they wasted no time falling in love. Their eventual split a few months after graduation had been amicable (as were most of Julian's splits) and so now, all these years later, their partnership worked on multiple levels. Not only did they have similar passions and visions that they could use to guide a company, but they also just blended well together as people. They were always there to remind each other to breathe, and to take it easy, and to not rush things that needn't be rushed.

Kiko had reached out when Julian first shared the plans he had for this new endeavor many years ago. He had been looking for someone to partner with and he didn't even need to consider anyone else after hearing from Kiko. Sometimes you just know.

"Julian, I need you all the way here at this meeting," Kiko said. "If something's on your mind, now's not the time to lie about it."

Julian sighed. He didn't want to get into whatever was going on partly because he wasn't too sure what it was himself. All he knew was that however weird he had been feeling that morning, it felt very amplified now. He wasn't sure why, but he didn't want to stick around long enough to figure out. This morning's operation would need to be quick and precise.

"Kiko, nothing's on my mind," Julian insisted, flashing her a grin. "But I appreciate you asking."

With one last look that made it clear she didn't believe him one bit, Kiko nodded her head and exhaled. "Alright, then let's do this. We have a state to sue."

Kiko stepped to the side, allowing Julian to lead the way into the building. And as he looked around at his team, Julian did his best to remind himself just how prepared they actually were. Everyone who was here with him right now had been doing this for years – they were sharks. He was a shark. He had nothing to worry about.

Entering the DoJ, Julian found that an intern was already waiting for them at the front door, ready to lead them up to the conference room. Julian and his team followed in silence, and he had to fight the urge to chuckle at the boy's obvious nervousness. While Julian would have liked to be friendly, he knew that he couldn't be because everybody working for the California department of justice from that moment on was the enemy. And he would do his best to remember that.

As they turned into the hallway that led to the conference room, the air slowly began to grow thicker. All of them could feel it. Julian saw Angela Stahm behind the glass walls of the room, watching him approach like an unfed leopard. He took in a very deep breath, snapping his eyes away from Stahm and instead focusing on the doorway ahead of him. This was the make or break moment, right here. He could either walk into that room and get a confession, or end up having to take this to court. And that's not to say he was afraid of court, but rather that being able to settle the matter on his own would be a testament to his skills; an ego boost, if you will. He'd been through enough of these negotiations to know how they went. Both sides knew within the first five minutes who – if anyone – would be walking out of there successful. He had to make an impression if he had any chance of doing that.

Julian entered the room slowly enough for him to survey it once over – not because he particularly cared about who Angela Stahm had conned into defending a sick, twisted government, but just so that he'd know how many people she'd decided to bring into battle with her. He had expected a small group of three – maybe four – people as he'd assumed the DoJ would want to keep as much as they possibly could private, but of course, Stahm had other ideas. Aside from her, there were at least seven other people in the conference room, and as Julian's eyes travelled quickly across the back end of the room, somebody caught his eye ever so briefly...

And then he ran into the side of the door.

The sound of Julian's impact woke up everyone in the room, all of whom were now watching him closely like a group of crows that weren't yet sure if they could overpower their foe. None of that mattered to Julian though, because all he could look at, think about, and focus on, was the girl sitting at the back of the room, now looking back up at him with wide and hesitant eyes.

This had to have been a dream. It had to be.

In his rational mind, Julian knew – he knew that there was no way this could be real. He had had this dream so many times and it had never before been real, and yet, there Kimberly sat. Real as ever. Her long fiery mane of hair still as signature as he remembered. He marveled at how time hadn't been powerful enough to dull the bounce of even one lock of hair. Julian knew he must not have looked nearly as good as Kimberly remembered, but she...she looked more beautiful than he could've ever anticipated. She was a little bigger than she'd been all those years ago, but it was in all his favorite ways. He let his eyes graze their way down her body just once, for he knew that any more than that would be dangerous. God, looking at her was giving Julian flashbacks he had no business having in enemy territory.

And as Julian looked up and finally met Kimberly's eye, his heart literally skipped a beat. He had no idea what she was thinking, but he could see in her brown eyes that she felt just as shocked and confused as he did. Before he could even get a word out though, she snapped her gaze down to the notebook that sat before her.

Kimberly hadn't known what to expect when they'd informed her Julian was coming, but whatever preparation she'd attempted had no effect now. As she used every nerve, vein, and muscle in face to focus on the blank paper in front of her, Kimberly felt as though the conference room had become a vacuum. She kept opening her mouth to breathe, but there was no air to fill her lungs. She felt like she was eighteen years old again, and she didn't like it.

"Well, that was quite the entrance," Dr. Stahm mused, clearly pleased at how Julian had managed to embarrass himself within his first ten seconds in the room.

And even though he was there to negotiate about something that meant a lot to him, with Kimberly sitting right there in the flesh, nothing else seemed as important. Nothing else was as important. He had to talk to her – like now. He'd completely forgotten about everything else he'd come here to do.

"Julian, is everything okay? What's going on?"

Kiko's quiet yet sharp voice coming from over his shoulder was eventually what snapped Julian out of his trance and back into reality. He was aware he was acting bizarre, and in his own head it made sense, but nobody else knew his past with Kimberly, so to them he was just being weird for no fucking reason. He needed to pull it together.

Tearing his eyes very reluctantly away from Kimberly, Julian let them rest on Stahm, who now stood at the front of the table with a hand comfortably on her hip, and a smug smile comfortably on her lips. That was never good news. Even though he and Stahm had never actually met in person before, they were far from strangers. In fact, they knew each other quite well, and so Julian also knew that Stahm would try and destroy him by any means necessary. He didn't want to be on her turf a second longer than needed.

"Morning, Dr. Stahm," Julian greeted her, clearing his throat and ignoring her earlier comment as he walked to his side of the conference table, still so painfully aware of Kimberly who was now only a few feet away from him. He set his briefcase down carefully and hoped that nobody else could see how much his hand was shaking. His heart was beating so fast that he feared for his ribcage, and he knew as soon as he sat down that he would not be leaving this conference room with a win. I mean, how could he possibly win when he couldn't even focus on the case at hand?

And as the realization of this fact hit him, he grew embarrassed – ashamed, even – that after not seeing him in eight years, Kimberly would be here to watch him fail at the thing he was supposed to be best at. And she was the reason that he couldn't even think straight!

Kiko sat down beside Julian and he shot her a look that let her know everything she needed to know right then. He wasn't at his best, and he needed her help (more so than usual, that is), the reason didn't really matter at the moment. Kiko gave him a quick nod, telling him that she understood and already had it handled.

As the meeting commenced, Kimberly remained in her own world, hundreds of miles away. She wasn't sure how much time was passing by as she sat there, rigid, eyes down on her notebook, scribbling unintelligible notes that would definitely bite her in the ass later. She wanted to pay attention to what was going on, but she just couldn't find the will to think about anything other than Julian. She still couldn't believe that this was real. That Julian was sitting right there, mere steps away from her, and it wasn't just a dream this time. Kimberly wondered if he'd known she be there. Obviously the rational side of her knew that he couldn't have – she was put on the case so last minute that he would have to be omniscient to have known. And yet, there was that other side...the dreamer in Kimberly that wanted to believe Julian had come all this way just for her. That after all these years he'd come back to her so they could try it over again.

But that was a foolish thing to believe, Kimberly reminded herself, because she had Chase now. And she and Chase were stable, and happy, and real. Her relationship with Julian had been such a fantasy that to this day it was still hard for her to look at the world outside of him with wonder. And after how far she'd come, she didn't want to go back.

"Don't mistake courtesy for friendship," Julian said, his voice snapping Kimberly out of her daydream and back to the meeting at hand. He leaned forward in his seat and for the first time all morning, Kimberly allowed her eyes to slowly venture over to where he sat, following his every movement with the utmost care. She watched as Julian put a hand on the short stack of papers that sat before him, pushing them smoothly towards Dr. Stahm with a tight smile on his lips. "This," he said, referring to what Kimberly quickly realized was the settlement agreement, "is a courtesy. I'm doing you and Governor Rhodes a kindness by allowing you to take this defeat quietly. And this offer will not come twice, Dr. Stahm. If we go to court, I can guarantee you, it will end with you behind bars for the rest of your life. So think about whether or not that's something you want."

The room was eerily silent after Julian spoke. Everyone was looking back and forth between him and Dr. Stahm, waiting to see who would crack first. And Kimberly knew exactly what Julian was doing; the way he was addressing Angela directly rather than addressing Melanie Davis who was the actual lawyer on the case, and the way he mentioned the governor even though he wasn't there. Not only was Julian looking to elicit an emotional reaction from Stahm, he wanted her to know just how well versed he was with the case before she made her decision.

Dr. Stahm stood up from her seat, not taking her eyes off of Julian for even a second as she placed both hands on the table and leaned forward menacingly. "Is that a threat, Mr. Carter?"

Julian cocked his head to the side, unfazed. "What do you think?" he asked.

The tension in the air was thick. Angela Stahm was a scary woman, everybody knew this. And the usual person would probably think twice about crossing her, yet somehow Julian Carter didn't give a fuck. Whatever threat Stahm posed was clearly not frightening enough for him. Besides, Julian was a powerful man. Angela couldn't hurt him – she couldn't even touch him.

Despite all that, Kimberly knew that there was more to why Julian remained undaunted by Stahm. She could see the determination and assuredness in his eyes, and she could also see the tremble in Stahm's lip and the strain in her neck. Maybe she, too, believed that Julian would win the case if it went to court.

Stahm took a deep breath, exhaling loudly and forcing a smile onto her lips as she sat back down in her seat. "I think we're done here," she said, turning to Davis. "Don't you?"

Melanie looked from Angela to Julian. "I'd like to look at that contract again," she said, ignoring Stahm's flaming nostrils and steely glare.

Julian smiled at her. "Of course," he said, standing up. "I'll leave it here. Someone will come by tomorrow to pick it up when it's been signed."

"If it's been signed," Davis corrected him.

"Well hopefully you'll make the right choice," Kiko said, now standing up as well. "Since, as Julian said earlier, it's either this, or jail."

The rest of Julian's team then followed suit, standing up and effectively marking the end of that morning's meeting. And even though it was the customary thing to do, as long as Stahm remained seated, nobody who worked for the DoJ dared stand up to bid the Carter & Co. team farewell. Julian faltered on his way to the door and Kimberly felt his eyes find her. And even though she didn't really want to, she couldn't stop herself from looking up and meeting his gaze.

It was all still so hard to believe. Julian was really, actually there – in the flesh! If she wanted to, she could run into his arms and hold him. She could lay her head against his chest and feel his beating heart. Of course, Kimberly knew that she couldn't realistically do any of those things (partly because her boss was right there, and partly because she didn't really have the right anymore), but the mere fact that it was possible made her hands sweat. And the look in Julian's eyes was doing nothing to keep Kimberly in line.

Eight years apart hadn't made Julian any easier to decipher. Kimberly still couldn't figure out what he was thinking behind that beautiful mask of his – she had never been able to – but she could pick out a few things. She could pick out the hesitation in his stance, the confusion in his furrowed eyebrows, the flood of pain and joy and longing in his eyes that darted back and forth between her own, searching for what she didn't know. This was completely uncharted territory for the both of them, and Kimberly could already see what was happening. In a matter of minutes, Julian was breaking down a wall she had taken eight years to build, and he hadn't even said anything to her yet!

Kimberly knew they were going to have to see each other a lot more if this case ended up in court, but she also knew that her resolve was only so strong. And while it was nice to dream about a time when she was wrapped up in a fiery love and nothing else mattered, she knew that that was all it was – a dream. She was twenty-six years old now, and she didn't have the luxury of behaving like she was eighteen anymore. Other things did matter. Her job mattered. Her sanity mattered. Chase mattered.

If she was going to make it through this trial, then she knew that she would need to keep Julian at arm's length. Because if he continued to break down her walls, then more than just the good memories would return, and she didn't know if she was strong enough to build herself back up a second time.

"You guys really are some rude motherfuckers, you know that?" Stahm mused, finally standing up and giving her people permission to take their leave. "Ms. VanStromme, would you be so kind as to show the Carter & Co. team out?" she asked, not even bothering to look at Kimberly as she made the request. "We wouldn't want them getting lost or anything of the sort, now would we?"

Kimberly, who clearly had no choice in the matter, let out a string of curses under her breath before she stood up and plastered a smile on her face. "Of course," she said to Stahm, before walking over to the Carter & Co. group, keeping her eyes fixated straight ahead as she led them out of the DoJ.

It was a small group – only five of them had come – and so no matter which way she went about it, Kimberly knew it would be intimate, but she tried her best to stand as far away from Julian as possible. And she wasn't subtle about it either. She was entire paces ahead of the Carter & Co. group as she led them out, just trying to keep as much distance as she could between her and Julian. And she didn't dare look back at him. She knew that that would only be an invitation for conversation – a conversation she desperately wanted to avoid. Or at least put off.

As they neared the exit and Kimberly thought she was home free, she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"S'cuse me, is there a bathroom nearby?"

Kimberly turned and came face to face with one of the women in the group. And as soon as the question was asked, Kiko and the third woman chimed in, all seeming to suddenly need the toilet as well.

"Yeah," Kimberly said, pointing to the left. "It's just at the end of this hallway."

"Oh, great. I'll just be a minute," the woman replied, scurrying off. And as the rest of the women (and the other man in the group!) turned to follow, Kimberly realized what was happening all too late. She scrambled for an escape.

"I'll actually show you the way!" she called after them, darting past Julian and over to the hallway.

"Kimberly. Please."

Julian's voice stopped her in her tracks. It sounded different than it had at the meeting; it sounded more broken. More honest. Letting out a deep exhale, Kimberly accepted that this would have to happen now. She knew she'd have had to talk with him eventually, she was just hoping she could prepare something good to say before then. Something nice, yet firm enough to let him know she wouldn't be played with. That she had moved on.

Kimberly turned around to face Julian and she immediately – almost instinctively – looked down at his hands. No ring.

She let out a deep breath – relieved, but embarrassed that that was her first instinct upon standing face-to-face with Julian for the first time in eight years.

"It's good to see you," he said, smiling tentatively at Kimberly as though he was waiting for her to confirm that it actually was good.

"It's good to see you too," Kimberly replied, and despite everything, she really meant it. Something about being around Julian always just felt so correct. It was like finally standing on soft soil after months at sea. She could try to fight it as much as she wanted, but some part of her (that she wasn't quite ready to explore yet) knew that this was how things were naturally meant to be.

Upon hearing her words, a real grin broke out on Julian's lips and she couldn't help but marvel at his beauty. Love or not, anyone with two eyes could see that Julian was more attractive than the average man. Something about both his handsomeness and the way he carried it was just a deadly pairing, and Kimberly would be a liar to not admit it. She had noticed the way the other women (and honestly, the men too) had sat up straight and paid close attention when Julian walked into the conference room. She would have done it too had she not been so busy trying to keep her heart rate down.

"I would ask how you've been, but—"

"Yeah, there's no need for that," Kimberly said, averting her gaze to the ground. She didn't want to risk the answer to that question showing in her eyes. It was too humiliating. Especially when he'd clearly done so well for himself. "How does one summarize eight whole years anyway, right?"

Julian smiled. "Well...maybe over dinner?"

"Dinner?" Kimberly repeated. She didn't like where this conversation was going, but she knew that at this point there was really naught she could do about it.

"Yeah." Julian nodded, watching her intently as he spoke. "I mean, I'd like to catch up, and this clearly isn't the best place for that, so do you—um...would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow?"

"I...I have a boyfriend, Julian. Maybe it's best we don't."

Now, Julian couldn't say he was particularly surprised by this information. I mean, Kimberly was a fucking catch. Any guy in their right mind would scoop her up the minute they had the chance. Even so, hearing it hurt all the same. He wasn't stupid – he could tell that Kimberly didn't want to talk to him (even if he couldn't figure out exactly why), and now he wondered if maybe it was because of this boyfriend.

They had hurt each other badly all those years ago, yes, but their goodbye had been amicable. He had always assumed that when he and Kimberly next met, it would be a friendly reunion. And yet here she was, clearly itching to get away from him. It didn't make any sense. The way she was behaving and the way she was looking at him were telling him two very different things, and he wasn't sure what to believe. In her eyes he could see that all the memories were still fresh as morning – and that she still had those same dreams he did, even if she tried not to.

"Hey, it's all harmless," he said, forcing a smile onto his lips. "Just old friends catching up."

Kimberly scoffed. The last thing Julian had referred to as harmless ended up costing her a bullet to the chest. Literally and figuratively. "Julian...we can't," she said. "I don't even think that's allowed, is it?"

"As long as we don't talk about the case."

Which obviously wouldn't be a problem considering they had eight years of much more pressing matters to catch up on.

And so with no remaining excuses, Kimberly agreed to the dinner. As soon as she'd copied down the name and address of the restaurant Julian chose, she excused herself and all but ran back inside the office, out of his line of sight. That conversation, as short as it had been, had left Kimberly so confused. At the essence of it all, yes, she was happy to see him. It took her entire being to keep her singing heart from flying right out of her chest when she'd first seen him, but life was more complicated than that. She wished she was at a point where she could live a life that truly fed her spirit and soul, but she wasn't and she couldn't.

Because after all the joy, there was still the pain.

And even though in the current moment Kimberly could say that she was okay, the more time she spent around Julian, the more that pain threatened to resurface. And if she knew nothing else, she knew that no matter what, she could not let that happen. Because when everyone else was gone, there would still be Kimberly, left alone to suffer in silence.

✎_ _ _ _ _

if you want to keep reading, chapter 3 is up now on radish! 

<3

-nabi