On days that were slow-paced like this one, Kimberly liked to take her work back home with her and sit out on the balcony that overlooked the grassy backyard of her apartment complex and the sandy beach.

She was well aware that taking files from the Santa Clara County department of justice was against the rules – and more importantly, illegal – but on crisp, windy days like this she just could not bring herself to care. She was still trying to come to terms with what had happened at work today, and couldn't think of a better place to do it than out here in the cool breeze, listening to the ocean waves scatter across the shore.

Kimberly was lucky to live down on the second floor of her building – the perfect height from which the lush carpet of grass out back was still close enough to feel like it was hers, while in the same breath also being high enough for her to take in the view of vast ocean. The ocean that she all of a sudden wished she could just sail into and never return. She didn't know how she was going to wake up tomorrow and keep going as though everything was okay when in actuality, everything was the furthest from okay it had been in a while.

She wanted to slap herself for not leaving the office sooner.

As the clock had neared 1PM, Kimberly had noticed that not much was happening that day. The thought that maybe it was time to head out had crossed her mind, but for some reason that she could for the life of her seem to remember, she had stayed. She had sat at her desk for a few more minutes and that was when Lynn, her supervisor, approached.

Lynn informed Kimberly that she was to follow her to the conference room and sit in on the meeting they were having.

Originally, Kimberly was thrilled. I mean, what intern in their right mind wouldn't want to be called to sit in on an official meeting? And in the one-and-a-half years Kimberly had been interning at the DoJ she hadn't been called into a conference room meeting once. So she followed Lynn, silent and slightly confused, but eager nonetheless. It wasn't until she passed by the other interns (most of whom were from the same doctorate program as her) that she realized she was the only one who'd been invited along. And while she knew she was good at what she did, everything was all beginning to feel a little too coincidental for her.

Kimberly could feel the eyes of the other interns on her, following her movements all the way to the conference room. She tugged down on her skirt out of habit. Despite having worked at the DoJ for a year-and-a-half, Kimberly hadn't become friends with a single person she worked with. Not one.

In fact, it had been almost four years in California, and she hadn't made friends with a single person in the state! And so despite living in such a big , her world felt suffocatingly small.

Kimberly chalked her lack of friends up to the fact that she supposedly just didn't like Californians – at least not the ones her age. Because she loved Stanford and she loved her professors, but for some reason she couldn't make it work with the other interns or students in her program. Maybe they really were all just pretentious like she loved to claim, or maybe she was the pretentious one; she really didn't care. All she knew was that something was deeply wrong, and since she couldn't pinpoint what exactly it was, she figured it must have been the people she was surrounded by.

But California wasn't all bad for Kimberly though, after all it was a beautiful state – her campus alone was a testament to that. And that coupled with the hot weather meant that Kimberly could spend a lot of time outside, appreciating the warmth of an environment she'd grown to love. And even though she didn't particularly like the people, she could at least attest to she tolerability of one Californian in particular; her boyfriend, Chase.

She and Chase had met during the last month of their master's program at Stanford. They were both doing their practicums in Los Angeles' local government office, and finally, at the end of the year, realized they were both Stanford students and both studying for masters in the Science of Law. They bonded over that fact for the last month in LA and began to date the following fall when they realized they were both continuing on for their PhD's at Stanford as well. It all seemed too coincidental not to be a sign. And two years later, they now lived together in a rented apartment ten minutes away from campus.

Kimberly knew she was lucky to be living with Chase since if she didn't, she would no doubt be shacking it up in a three bedroom apartment with five other people. She didn't have the kind of money for the life Chase allowed her to live, but that's not to say she was only with him because of the living situation (although it was definitely a perk). She had been extremely tentative when he first proposed living together almost a year into their relationship. She didn't want to have to be dependent on anybody and she also didn't want to feel like she was taking advantage of the fact that his family was well off. She had originally declined his offer, but after about a month of persuasion he wore her down and she agreed to move in. Despite enjoying the living space a lot though, Kimberly had never quite been able to shake that feeling of unease – of not really belonging – that seemed to engulf her thoughts of her life with Chase.

Life with Chase was too comfortable to give up though. He wasn't going anywhere and Kimberly knew that, and right now that was what she needed above all else. Somebody she could count on to be a constant while she dove into the great unknown in every other aspect of her life. Her relationship with Chase was something she knew would be easy even if everything else was hard – it didn't require too much thinking and it didn't come with the heartache that she was already too well acquainted with.

The only thing that made it hard was the fact that Kimberly really didn't have any friends in the area. She had her best friend, Melitta Angelis – or, Melitta Sarantos now – and her other best friend, Owen Parker, both of whom she spoke to on the regular, but they were friends from high school that lived far away so it wasn't the same. She also had a couple of less-close friends from her undergraduate years at Brown who she talked to every now and then, but she knew even then that there was something different about the friends she had made before high school and the friends she was making after. And as she had gotten older it had only gotten more difficult – forming close and meaningful relationships. It was like asking her to balance a ten-ton weight on her head; she wasn't strong enough to do it and it was fucking painful.

Even though there may have been other reasons for this disconnect Kimberly had noticed within herself, blaming it on the fact that she thought Californians sucked made it easier for her to digest and to go about her days with her head still held high. Being alone was hard, and she knew that if Chase hadn't all but forced himself into her life, she wouldn't have him either, and so she held him close. Closer than she otherwise would have. Here in California, he was all she had, and that safety net wasn't something she was willing to give up. She knew whatever plague it was that clouded her emotional receptiveness was still there when with him, but she tried her best to fight through it because the only people she still spoke to that knew her in a truly vulnerable and close way were Melitta and Owen, and they were all the way across the country. She needed something tangible.

Upon entering the conference room, Kimberly was met by the steely eyes of the justice department's lawyers. Something wasn't right, and she really didn't want to get in the middle of it.

"Hi, you called for me?" Kimberly asked, addressing (much to her surprise) Dr. Angela Stahm, the attorney general. Kimberly had no idea what Dr. Stahm was doing here. In her time interning here, she had only actually met Dr. Stahm once. She was a notoriously unavailable woman, and so if she was here in this conference room, it meant business.

Dr. Stahm smiled at Kimberly, motioning for her to come further into the room. "Ms. VanStromme, yes, welcome. Have a seat right there at the back," she said, pointing to the chair against the wall, a few feet from the actual conference table. Looking back at the rest of the group, Dr. Stahm clasped her hands and let out a tight breath. "Okay, I think we're ready to get started." The chipperness in Dr. Stahm's voice did not at all match the stiffness in her body language and if Kimberly hadn't already been convinced, she now knew for sure that something was really up.

Kimberly recognized the person seated beside Dr. Stahm as Mitchell Rhodes, the governor of the California. As if having Dr. Stahm there hadn't been stressful enough – what the hell was the governor doing there?

Dr. Stahm motioned for Lynn to close the door to the conference room, and once it was shut, she took a shallow breath and clasped her hands together. "So," she began, "the abridged version of it all is that we're being sued, and we need to build a case. Fast."

Holy shit. Kimberly had no idea what was going on, but she hurriedly pulled out her notebook. Whatever this ended up being about, she knew she'd need notes.

"The State of California and a number of its top officials are being sued for human rights violations," Dr. Stahm said. Kimberly's eyes flickered over to the governor, who shifted slightly in his seat upon sensing the gaze on him. She looked away. "Now, we have exactly a month to do either one of two things. Make a successful case defending our beautiful state and all she stands for, or make a successful case against our prosecutor, nullifying all of their claims. If we can do both, even better."

The air in the conference room was uneasy. The question that nobody wanted to ask hung heavily in the air above them: what exactly were they being sued for? It already went without saying that whatever it was, California was definitely guilty, but that was how these things went. Kimberly just wanted to make sure it wasn't something she'd one day regret getting behind.

Dr. Stahm and the governor both seemed to sense the apprehension in the room and they gave each other an indecipherable look. "Information regarding the case will be shared on a need-to-know basis," Dr. Stahm said. "Of course the lawyers will be presented with the full details of the lawsuit, but everyone else will only be told what they need to know in order to conduct research and help build our case."

"And you said the company spearheading this lawsuit is Carter & Co.?" Lynn asked.

"Yes, Carter & Co.," Governor Rhodes said. "But more specifically, it's really their main investor and head lawyer who's spearheading this, and he's very good at what he does. I presume you're all familiar with Mr. Julian Carter?"

"Excuse me?"

Kimberly's pen ran sharply across the page of notes she had been writing, ruining her tedious work, but at that moment she didn't care. The eyes of everyone in the room were now on her – including the governor's – but she wasn't fazed by it in the slightest. Right then, she just needed to make sure that she had heard wrong. That she wasn't being asked to shadow a lawsuit (and her first one in the business, no less!) in which the opposing side would be led by the bane of her existence. Her literal kryptonite.

"What did you just say? Did you say Julian Carter?" Kimberly asked after a few seconds of nobody responding to her original query. She directed the question at the governor but was really just hoping that anybody who could tell her that this was all a joke would speak up.

Dr. Stahm frowned, crossing her arms over her chest as she looked sharply at Kimberly. "Is there a problem?"

It was then that Kimberly realized her eight year old problems didn't matter to a single person in this room. What mattered was winning the case at hand and keeping key people from spending time in jail. Even though Kimberly's feelings surrounding Julian Carter felt very important to her, nobody else gave a fuck, and she was treading dangerous waters by raising her voice like that at the governor who was many times her and her boss's superior.

Dr. Stahm had asked Kimberly if there was a problem, but her eyes were saying that there was no room for Kimberly to have problems, and that if she did, there were plenty other interns willing to take her place and have this opportunity. Dr. Stahm wasn't playing around and Kimberly knew she was lucky to have been given this second chance to correct her mistake.

"No," Kimberly said, clearing her throat after hearing how choked up her voice sounded. "There's no problem, sorry."

"Good, then try not to interrupt," Dr. Stahm replied, with one last, very pointed look. "Dismissed."

✎_ _ _ _ _

Chase was home by the time Kimberly returned, and even though she wanted desperately to tell him about her day (if for nothing more than to say it out loud and finally accept that this was all real), she couldn't. Chase didn't know about Julian. No one post-high school did, and she wasn't about to start explaining the whole story from day one. For one, she didn't have the patience for all that – she knew the questions that would ensue upon revealing that she had been in a relationship with a 31-year-old when she was only eighteen. But even if that weren't an issue, there was also another glaring problem that presented itself when wanting to share her story: she didn't know how to. Not only was communicating about certain things with Chase hard, but her entire time with Julian and the subsequent rebuilding of herself after him was all just too muddled and complicated to put into words. It was something she thought about more often than she'd like to admit, but she had always believed that language was very limiting for thought. Just because she could think something didn't mean she could say it.

And she was afraid that anything she tried to say about Julian would come off in the wrong way. In a way that could upset Chase, and she wasn't ready to deal with that. The best option was to just leave it alone.

Kimberly told Chase that she was chosen to shadow a big case and left it at that. And Chase knew better than to ask for more details since the inner workings lawsuits like these were meant to be kept private. She technically wasn't even allowed to tell him the little that she had.

The rest of their night went on as usual. Chase cooked up a dinner that tasted exceptionally mediocre to Kimberly that night – he didn't ask her what she thought of it, she didn't bring up the topic either. Kimberly couldn't even remember what they'd talked about that night. She knew they'd laughed a little...gotten playful a little...but none of that mattered. Julian's face had been whizzing through her mind the entire evening which meant she'd been paying minimal attention to Chase.

By the time they finally got into bed that night, Kimberly was so tired she could barely walk straight. She and Chase got under the covers and drew close to one another. Kimberly was hoping to just hold him close that night, hoping that maybe if she pulled him near enough it could somehow shoo away the thoughts of Julian she was having.

But of course, it didn't work.

Of course Julian was the only thing she could think about, even as Chase ran his warm hands down her back and between her legs. Even as he pulled her legs apart and she let him – grabbing onto his body while reminiscing of the days when it was actually Julian between her thighs... She couldn't believe it. After eight long years the universe was throwing them back together. Kimberly had considered taking herself off the case so as to not pull on strings that were still so weak, but deep down she knew that she wanted to see Julian – even if she didn't really know why.

Chase bit down sharply on Kimberly's neck as he entered her and she took in a quick breath, wincing slightly. She had always wished she was better at faking it, but what could she do? Just as the evening had been, the sex, too, was unmemorable. And all Kimberly could think about were the vivid flashbacks she had of herself being spread out on a bed much bigger than this one eight long years ago.

✎_ _ _ _ _

It's been a while, and I'm still getting back in my groove, but I'm really excited for this story

<3

-nabi

(JUST REPEATING THAT THIS IS A 3 CHAPTER SAMPLE. I will post two more chapters on wattpad and the rest will be available on my radish fiction account (@deeperplease) -- where I currently have more chapters already up!)