XXXIV.                                       Heartbreak Weather

trigger warnings: mentions of bullying, ed, and purging

       The road to recovery isn't easy for anyone. It isn't a one day challenge and suddenly you're healed by night. It can take weeks, months, and even years. For most people, therapy isn't just a solution for healing their problems. Some people just need someone to talk to. Everyone has a story and they're all different. Some people are in therapy for an alcohol addiction, others for drugs, others for something that happened in their childhood, and others for something that happened recently in their lives. In the back of her mind, Odessa didn't think she needed therapy. She had her mother, a man that was like a father to her, and her friends. She thought they were better than therapy. But she was lying to herself. No matter how much she loved and trusted the people in her life with her problems, they didn't have all the answers. Therapy was the best option for Odessa in her road to recovery.

She sat on the leather brown couch of the California Therapist office. Today was her first day. After the talk she had with Miguel, Odessa sat down with her mother and discussed everything that had been going on. Thalia decided therapy was the best option for her. Addison Carmichael was a kind woman with kind expression on her face. Odessa felt comforting to her. Her legs were crossed and she tapped her nails on her thighs, her blue eyes darting to the cream walls of the office.

"How are you today, Odessa?" Addison asked the girl.

Odessa nodded timidly. "I'm good."

"Your mother tells me you've been having some trouble the last several weeks. Do you want to tell me about it?"

"That's why i'm here, right?" She said with a nervous laugh. Realizing how rude it sounded, her eyes widened. "I'm sorry. That was mean. I get sarcastic when i'm nervous."

Addison laughed. "It's fine, honey. You can trust me. This is a safe space for you to talk about your problems. Strictly between us."

Odessa nodded and looked down at her hands. "Um, I don't know where to start, really. . ."

"Should we start with your eating disorder? When it first started?"

She winced. "Wow, starting off strong," she said to herself. "Um. . . There was a fight at my school a few weeks back. It was all over the news. It was really bad. My best friend got pushed off the second stair balcony and he ended up in the hospital. He was almost paralyzed,"

Addison wrote what she said down in her notes. "Is your friend okay?"

"Yes, he's doing amazing. He's slowly learning how to walk again." She said with a smile.

"That's wonderful, Odessa. Recovery takes time. It's different for everyone. But if you really want it, it'll be kind to you." The woman informed kindly. "Now, did your disorder start before or after the fight?"

"It was after."

"Have you had problems with eating in the past?"

Odessa swallowed again. "Uhhh, yes. I had a problem with eating just a few years ago."

Addison nodded. "Do you think what triggered your first eating disorder caused this one?"

She just nodded and looked down at her hands again.

"Can you tell me why it first started? What happened?"

Odessa grew up listening to her mother and father argue. They often thought she wasn't listening but being a curious child. She always seemed to hear them. She knew her father wasn't as innocent as he made himself out to be. But she was young and when you're young, your father is your hero. Odessa didn't want to believe that her father was anything less than perfect.

She took a deep breath and flexed her hands. "Um. . . my parents got divorced when I was younger. It was a few months after my fourteenth birthday. I didn't understand why. My father was a good man who did bad things but he was still my dad." Her voice started to shake. "One day he texted me really late at night and asked to borrow a few dollars. He said he was hungry. I gave it to him, of course. A few weeks would go by and then he would ask again and the price would go up. I didn't question it because I just wanted to help. It went on for months and then it just stopped. I never saw him again."

Her bottom lip trembled and she suddenly felt like she was that little girl again when her dad stole money from her mom to buy drugs. Her shoulders slumped over and she covered her mouth with her hand. She couldn't remember the last time she talked about her father. She didn't like to to because it hurt way too much. Confessing her problems to a total stranger made her feel guilty in a certain way.

Addison stared at the blonde with sympathetic eyes. She had stopped half way in her writing and just looked at her. She had children of her own; a daughter and son, twins. She had a wonderful husband that took care of them. She tried to find ways to relate to the girl but she couldn't personally. But she had seen a lot of kids go through the same situation as her and even if she couldn't relate, she sympathized. That was her job. "That must have been really hard. I'm sorry."

Odessa whipped her tears and sniffled. "It got easier.
Well, not easy — it just less hard to cope with."

"Did your father's absence started your depression?" Addison asked.

"Yes. It was hard for me to sleep most nights. I started to get really quiet and I isolated myself from everybody. But I had my mom and my friends, so somehow I learned to control my emotions."

Her therapist nodded her head and wrote down notes in her notebook. She tapped her pen on the paper. "And at what point would you say your eating disorder started?"

Odessa rubbed her clammy hands on her jeans. She looked around the room and the decorated walls. "Can I have some water, please?" She asked quietly.

"Of course." Addison stood up from her seat and walked over to the small fridge by her desk. She pulled out a bottle of water and handed it to her.

Odessa thanked her silently and unscrewed the cap, taking a long sip. The cold feeling nursed her tight and scratchy throat. "So, um. . . After he left, my dad, I lost completely went off the deep end. I felt really alone. At one point, I felt like I had to prove something about myself to everyone. So when it came to guys, I did whatever they asked of me. Most of it was. . . Sexual. I was scared that if I said no, they would leave and never talk to me again."

"So you have this desire to be loved?"

She gave a small shrug. "In a way, yes. Until a girl I was friends with spread a rumor about me at school. That's when it got worse. Like. . ." She paused again and her eyes glossed over. "I would skip lunch and not eat the whole day. I would throw up at night from my stomach being empty. It went on for weeks. No one knew about it. . ." She took another pause. "Until my mom walked in on me purging. I felt like such a terrible person. I told my best friend, Oliver. Then I told my other best friend Hailey, and then my best friend, Grayson. They really helped me. It took some time but I got to a point where I knew I was hurting people and myself. I tried forgetting everything that happened and tried focusing on me, but it's still so hard."

Addison nodded. "You have a good support system?"

Odessa nodded quickly. "Oh, yes, my mom is my best supporter. She helps me so much. And I have the greatest friends."

"You've opened up a lot Odessa. I'm very impressed. I can see you want to get better. I'm going to prescribe you antidepressants to take. I also want you to spend as much time with your friends as possible. I don't want you to be alone. . ."

She listened to her therapist list off all the side effects of the antidepressants and suggestions for her while taking them. Odessa thought about the weight she felt lift off her shoulders by talking about everything that was going on. She wasn't being judged or looked at like a crazy person. She knew it wasn't going to be easy coming back and having to talk more about her problems, but she thought of Miguel and what she promised him. He was working so hard on gaining his strength back. Odessa owed it to him to try and better herself just like he was trying to better himself.

After the therapy session was over, Odessa thanked Addison and left the building. Her mom was waiting for her in the car. She opened the car door and slid into the passenger seat. "Hi, Angel Face," Thalia smiled. "How did it go?"

"It was okay. A little overwhelming, but, I expected that."

"Well, I made sure to find the best therapist for you. Addison is fabulous. Do, what should we do now? We can go home and watch a movie, play cards, invite the others over—"

"Um, actually, can we go to in and out first? I'm feeling kind of hungry." Odessa shaky asked.

Thalia's face softened and her lips turned up into a small smile. "Of course we can, honey. Anything you want."

As they drove to the fast food place, Odessa reached her hand over and placed it on her moms that was resting on the gear shift. Thalia smiled to herself and squeezed her hand, feeling tears in her eyes.

Johnny had taken Thalia's advice but she should've expected that he would do it Johnny style. The mother and daughter watched with concern as he pushed Miguel to do the obstacle courses he had set up. Miguel was to the point of recovery where he was able to use crutches, which didn't make it easier, but it was progress. "Let's go slowpoke. Use those gimp legs!" Jonny ordered as he followed Miguel while wheeling in the boy's wheelchair.

Miguel was trying to hop over metal bars with his crutches and ended up tripping over one of them. Odessa's eyes widened and she squeezed her mom's arm. "Mom!"

"Trust the process, honey. Trust the process." Thalia replied even though she wasn't trusting the process.

More days passed and the adults set up another obstacle course for Miguel. Odessa walked by him carefully to make sure he firmly fall. He used his crutches to step on censer blocks that led to three long planks for him to walk across. "All right, Sensei, I think i'm getting the hang of it." He smiled at the man.

"Oh, yeah? Think fast!" Said Johnny and he threw a large hall at him. Miguel instinctively raised his hands and caught the ball but it hit him in the chest and he began to fall backwards.

Odessa's eyes widened once again and she quickly stepped forward with her arms out. Miguel ended up falling into her and it sent both of them tumbling to the ground. "Oof." She groaned as her back hit the concrete and he fell on top of her.

"Sorry, Dess."

"Johnny!"

"It was an accident!" The man shouted back.

Thalia was beginning to grow annoyed by Johnny's tactics seeing as how they were only used for his benefit. But she didn't expect anything less. They watched Miguel step up on the planks again. Odessa watched carefully with elbow pads on her elbows and knees this time so she wouldn't end up with more bruises.

Johnny threw the ball at him again and Miguel caught it swiftly. His crutches fell but he was able to stand straight, his legs not falling out from under him.

Odessa gasped loudly and looked at her mom. "Keep going, Miguel!" Thalia said happily.

He threw the ball back and quickly shuffled his feet across the planks to the other side with the adults. "Yes!" He exclaimed.

Odessa jumped up and down, squealing, and wrapped her arms around his neck. He picked her up and spun her. "Yes! I knew you could do it!" She yelled.

Thalia hugged Johnny. "Always a method to your madness." She said with a smile.

He faked a hurt expression. "You still doubt me?"

She didn't say anything back.

"Yeah, I would too."

Odessa was nervous for Miguel to come back to school. It's been weeks since school fight but it was still fresh on everybody's mind. While everyone at school was excited for Miguel to return, his close friends were worried. She could barely handle the whispers she was still hearing from them all about how her ex boyfriend caused Miguel to end up in the hospital in the first place. She just didn't want him to come back if it was too soon.

"Odessa, I can see the wheels turning in your head."

She rolled her eyes and huffed. "Don't you think it's too soon? I mean, you just started walking again. What if something happens and you fall? What if I'm not there—"

Miguel stopped walking and grabbed her arm, laughing. "Nothing's going to happen."

She gave him a look. "You don't know that. None of us expect the fight to break out. I just don't want you to get hurt again."

He smiled at her. "And I love you for that. But it's not gonna happen again. Tory's gone. Robby's. . ." He paused when her face subtly dropped. "I'm ready to be back, Dess. Okay? I promise."

The blue eyed girl stared at him for a few minutes, silent, to see if he was lying. He wasn't. Giving in, she sighed. "Okay. Let's go, superstar."

When they walked into the school, Miguel was greeted with a large Welcome Back, Miguel banner that was hanging from the staircase. Everyone started clapping when they saw him walk in which boosted his ego even more. They welcomed him back with open arms. Her nerves decreased. "Okay, not as bad as I thought it would be." She said out loud.

He grinned. "Told ya."

Hawk came walking into the corridor. "El Serpiente!" He shouted.

Miguel grew a smile when he saw his friend. "What's up?" He greeted back and they hugged.

Odessa looked away, feeling awkward and uncomfortable in Hawk's presence. "I'll see you later, Miguel. Come find me if you need anything." she told him and smiled. She squeezed his arm and avoiding Hawk's stare when she walked away. She walked down the hall and found Demetri standing at his locker with Oliver, the long cast still on his arm. "Metri!" She exclaimed

Demetri smiled slightly her way. "Hey, Dess."

She gave him a hug and wrapped one arm around his neck. "I'm so happy you're back. Do you need anything? I can carry your books? We have the same classes—"

Oliver scoffed. "Where was this treatment the time I broke my arm playing basketball?"

"You bet Gray that you could climb to the top of the backboard and sit on the net and you ended up breaking it and falling off."

He opened his mouth to retaliate but ended up just narrowing his eyes.

Demetri laughed. "Don't worry about me, Dess. I've been hearing it all morning already." He emphasized and slowly looked back at Oliver. He mocked him and wrapped his arm around his shoulder. The bell rang and Miguel came around to the corner, seeing everyone at Demetri's locker. "Hey, the comeback kid! Welcome back."

"Look at you with that model walk. I bet those legs still look ravishing." Oliver added with a dramatic flare.

Miguel chuckled and looked down at the cast on Demetri's arm. "What's up with the cast?"

"Proximal radius fracture"

"If you smell lemons, he shoved a lemon rind down it to mask the smell." Said Oliver.

"Isn't that uncomfortable?" Odessa asked.

Demetri shook his head. "Not really. Just giving me a rash."

They looked at him weirdly but didn't question it.

"So, uh. . . How'd you break your arm?" Miguel asked.

It clicked in their minds that he had no knowledge of anything that's been going on. He was in the hospital and in recovery. He had no idea what happened with Hawk and Demetri. Oliver and Demetri looked at each other. "We've got a lot to catch up on." Said Demetri.