#HeartboundWP

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Day 8.2 | N/E

NADIA LOWERS HER car window when she sees Papa waiting for her outside the house. She wonders how long he has been standing there in his white shirt, worn out from the years of wash-and-wear and filled with little holes on the sleeves, striped blue and white pajamas she also has in her closet, black slides, and a coffee mug in hand that's probably older than Nadia. She remembers Papa having that mug—maroon with a cartoonish font on one side that says 'Papa'—ever since she was a kid. She waves at him and he does the same with ten times more energy than hers.

Nadia pulls up at the garage. As soon as the engine shuts off, Papa opens the door for her, wraps her in a one-arm hug the moment she steps outside the vehicle. Nadia chuckles when her father lets out a long sigh of what seemed like relief, as if they haven't seen each other in years when in reality it has only been, what, a few days since she last came home?

"Good morning, Ate Bubby," he says against her hair before dropping a kiss on top of her head and finally letting her go.

"Bakit po kayo nasa labas?" Nadia asks as they walk inside the house.

"Ayaw mong magpasundo," parang patampo pang sabi ng ama. "Nag-text ka raw kay Mama na malapit ka na, kaya hinintay na kita sa labas."

Nadia furrows her brows at him. She sent that text about twenty minutes ago. Twenty minutes nang nasa labas si Papa? "Nag-breakfast na po kayo?"

"Kape pa lang, pero may almusal na," he answers, taking a seat at the dining table. "Ikaw? Si Yanyan?"

Nadia shrugs. "Ayaw umuwi," she says, earning her a frown from their father. She chuckles before setting her bag down on the high chair near the counter and joining Papa on the dining table. "Mama? Deion?"

"Naligo saglit Mama mo, pababa na 'yon. Nasa kuwarto si Deion." Papa takes a sausage with his fork and puts it on Nadia's plate. He pulls his chair back and leaves. Nadia hears him yell from the living room. "Deion! Baba na!"

Nadia takes a bite of her sausage. Papa comes back and takes his seat across from her. A minute later and her little brother shows up, wearing a white shirt, too. Pupungas-pungas pa ito nang hagipin ang tinidor na hawak ni Nadia para sana makikagat sa sausage, pero napitik ni Papa ang kamay niya kaya hindi natuloy. "Kumuha ka ng iyo. Sa Ate mo na 'yan. Minsan na nga lang 'yan umuwi dito."

That makes her laugh. Deion frowns at Papa before pulling the chair beside Nadia. "Si Ate Yanyan?"

"Why? Miss mo?" Nadia asks playfully. Deion's face contorts in annoyance, which makes her laugh harder. One of her favorite forms of entertainment at home is annoying her younger brother. It's so easy to get a reaction from him.

They have breakfast when Mama comes down. The conversation revolves around checking on each other and Yanyan who's not on the table with them, and their plans for the rest of the week or the near future. Deion's moving out for college after the school year, so they discuss housing plans, and who's going to stay where and with who, and when they are all required to come home (all three of them should be home at least once a month and it's non-negotiable, as per Papa). Nadia tells them she plans to stay at home for a week or two to get some rest, since she never really took a vacation after graduating.

She doesn't bring up her (un)employment status until Deion finishes washing the dishes, and heads up to his room to shower and is out of earshot.

"That's okay, it's okay," Papa tells her—assures her, reaching for her hand on the table and squeezing them gently. "Gusto mo dito ka na lang?"

Nadia and Mama make the same disapproving noise at the same time, which makes Papa frown. He lets go of Nadia's hand and raises both his hands as if in surrender, as if saying, "Fine. I'm the clingy one. Sue me."

"Ano ba'ng gusto mong gawin?" her mother asks. Nadia rambles about her plans that do not seem coherent and structured to be referred to as 'plans', yet. Her parents both listen, speaking only when she pauses. Nadia wants to do her own gig, but she has never done it before, so to say that she's worried and nervous on how things are going to turn out is an understatement.

"Okay. E di you do that," Mama says when she's done.

"What if I can't do it?"

Mama shakes her head at her disapprovingly. "Di mo pa nga tina-try."

Papa gets off his seat and goes behind her. Nadia holds onto his arm when he leans down to kiss her on the temple. "You're going to be brilliant."

Nadia pouts. "Sinasabi mo lang 'yan because I'm your daughter."

Papa erupts into laughter, the sound reverberating around the dining area. "You are brilliant because you are my daughter."

"Kayabangan mo," her mother hisses, hitting Papa on the arm with the small table rag.

After, her parents leave her with Deion because they have to pick up her aunt and meet with some suppliers for Butterbites. Nadia heads to her room, takes a bath, and when she no longer has anything to do, she kicks the door to Deion's room open. She's on a mission to get him to hang out with her outside home.

Wala namang nagawa si Deion sa kaniya. The crease on his forehead seems to be permanent as they walk around a nearby mall while he's holding her shopping bags. Nadia finds him in an aisle of trinkets after paying for a new pack of sticky notes. When Deion sees her, he puts back on the rack the letter keychain he's holding. Nadia picks it back up from the stack, then shuffles through the rest of the display. Not finding anything she wants to buy, Nadia returns the acrylic letter B keychain on the rotating shelf.

"Tara na," Deion says, turning his back on her and walking away before she can respond.

Nadia doesn't find it hard to catch up. She's taller than him. "May reregaluhan ka ba?"

"Wala."

"Ano'ng tinitingnan mo do'n kanina? May bibilhin ka ba?"

"Wala."

Nadia narrows her eyes at him. "Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Wala." Deion now sounds like an automated response machine.

"One plus one?"

Deion halts in his tracks and gives her a deadpan stare. Nadia chuckles and nudges him lightly. "Tine-testing ko lang if you're really listening!" she says, linking an arm with him. They continue walking, and she almost trips when Deion goes the opposite direction as hers. "Where tayo punta? Lunch muna."

"Uuwi na."

Nadia frowns. "Already? But I want lunch."

Deion throws her a short glance. "Magluluto na lang ako."

That immediately turns Nadia's frown upside down. There's a spring on her steps as they walk towards the exit. They sit on the bench while waiting for the parking valet. Nadia's eyes drift to the bush of yellow bells just behind her brother. She doesn't notice that she's been staring at it absentmindedly until their ride arrives and Deion waves a hand over her eyes to get her attention.

She goes to the driver's seat while Deion loads their bags on the backseat. Nadia's eyebrows furrow when Deion shuts the door but walks back to the bench instead of going to the front seat. Her eyes widen as she watches Deion pluck one of the flowers from the bushes. She sees how one of the parking valet staff hesitates to say something but carefully approaches him, so when Deion gets in the passenger seat, she hits the pedal and drives away as quickly as she can before he can even put on his seatbelt.

"Ate!" reklamo ng kapatid niya habang sapo ang noong sumalpok sa bintana.

She slows down. "Seatbelt mo."

"Ano kaya 'yon e?!"

"E ikaw kasi!" Nadia glances at the yellow bell on his lap. "Mapapagalitan pa yata tayo kanina n'ong bantay do'n. Pumipitas ka na lang nang basta."

"Bawal ba?" Deion asks, clicking his seatbelt close. "Wala namang nakalagay. Isa lang naman e."

Nadia shakes her head incredulously. "Bata ka ba? That excuse would have worked if you were six." Then, she shakes her head again, this time more violently, to erase an image of Elias starting to form in her mind. God. Magkakasundo pa yata silang dalawa ng kapatid niya.

Deion merely laughs. He places the yellow bell gingerly on the dashboard when they arrive home, before getting out of the car and getting their stuff from the back and bringing it inside. Iiling-iling na lang si Nadia bago iyon damputin at isama sa kaniya sa loob ng bahay, along with her small container of stuff from work that she's only unloading now.

Nadia goes up to her room to change clothes. She pulls out her dresser chair and sits, and picks up her hardbound work notebook from the top of the pile inside her mini box. She flips the cover open, and the sticky note of her yellow bell illustration from the office greets her.

She sighs, then gets the paper bag from the bookstore she shopped at earlier. She searches her drawer for a pencil, before opening the new pack of light pink sticky notes she had just bought. It doesn't take her long to sketch the yellow bell Deion plucked from outside the mall, which is now wilting on the corner of her desk.

When she's done, she peels off the older flower illustration from its place and transfers it to the last page of her notebook. She replaces it with the new one, taking off the pink sticky note from the fresh block and laying it flat on the first page.

Her shoulders jump to her ears when Deion knocks on her open door, dressed in an apron not meant for his height because it belongs to Mama. "Ano'ng gusto mong ulam?"

Nadia ignores the weirded out look on his face when she chuckles softly out of nowhere. She closes her notebook, and ignores her brother's protests when she volunteers to help him out in the kitchen.

She really is going to be okay. And she's sure now.

♡

ELIAS WAKES UP to Miguel's voice and the sudden illumination assaulting his eyes when the lights are flicked on. He groans as he brings himself up, his lightheadedness demanding to be felt. The lights shut off, and he hears Migs sigh. "Akala ko you're awake, sorry."

Elias just nods, unable to say anything with his throat this dry. He glances at the windows, and based on the sliver of brightness slipping in between the thick curtains, he's certain that he had an uninterrupted, long, deep sleep. He knows the sleep did his body a favor, but it's currently being offset by the pain on his head.

"You weren't answering yesterday." His head turns towards the doorway when he hears Migs speak. His best friend shakes his head in obvious disapproval, before turning away and vanishing to somewhere in the unit. "Not cool, man. Not cool," he adds.

Elias knocks on his temples with the heel of his palm, but instead of bringing him temporary relief, it only causes his vision to spin. He shuts his eyes tight, waits for the spinning to be tolerable, before standing up and making the bed. Migs appears behind him, leaning against the door frame. "And you didn't touch anything. Kumain ka ba?"

Elias doesn't answer. God, his head hurts. He walks past Migs and makes his way to the sink. He douses his face with cold water, but it's not making his headache go away. He dries his face with the hem of his shirt. He sees the glass he used yesterday, now empty and placed upside down on the dish rack. Kanina pa yata si Miguel dito.

"I brought takeouts. And I'm not leaving until you eat," Migs says, rummaging inside the plastic bag placed on the dining table. Elias doesn't argue. He can barely handle the pounding in his head, let alone sustain an argument with one of the most stubborn people he knows. He pulls a chair on the dining table, pours himself a glass of water from the pitcher, and takes one of the Chinese takeout boxes without complaints.

They eat in silence, and Elias tries to ignore how Migs has been staring at him the whole time. Hindi na nanaway si Elias. He was like that, too, when he was trying to make Migs feel better after his dad had just died. You don't know what to do, so you just stare. You watch. You wait for an opening, an opportunity for you to be useful.

"Let's talk about you not answering the telephone, or your phone." Bago pa makatayo si Elias para itapon ang pinagkainan niya at takasan ang mga mata ni Migs, naunahan na siya nito. He sits back down as Migs clears the table.

Migs looks over his shoulder while washing his hands, like it's unsafe to take his eyes away from Elias even just for a second. Elias just sighs and crosses his arms over his chest. It's not like he's gonna run. Where would he even go?

Migs gets some kitchen towels and dries his hands. "I told you to answer the phone."

"Tulog ako," Elias says. That's partly true, but also partly a placeholder for whatever he was feeling yesterday that did not allow him to get up and answer the phone. "Sorry."

Migs sighs before pulling a chair and sitting across from him. "Look," he begins, setting his palms on the table. "Do you need anything? You know you can ask—"

Elias cuts him off, "Ibuprofen would be nice."

Migs purses his lips. Elias is not dense. He knows what he's talking about, but, really, his head can use a pill right now. Migs just sighs and doesn't say anything, before standing up and getting a small plastic box from the kitchen cabinet. He searches the box and hands Elias the medicine shortly.

Elias swallows it down with water, pulling his chair back after. "Thanks for the food."

"We're not done talking."

Elias stops in his tracks and turns to face Migs. He still has no energy to argue. "Okay."

Elias sees how hesitation crosses Migs' eyes for a moment. He waits for him to say something, but Elias knows that he's now in that position where he's scared to get the words wrong. He knows how that feels. Again, he had that feeling too while dealing with Migs who was grieving.

Elias sighs. He owes it to him to make this easier. Bayad na lang sa abala, kumbaga. "I don't know if I need anything," he admits.

He doesn't even know if the cogwheels in his head are back in regular business. He feels much better compared to yesterday, but as of now, he still feels like he's floating. He hasn't landed himself somewhere concrete, hasn't anchored himself somewhere stable enough for him to think and have the answers. But he's . . . fine, to a certain extent. Or at least that's what he thinks. That's what he wants to believe.

Yesterday isn't something that happens on the regular. In fact, it's all new to him. He's been angry before, he's been sad, ilang beses na silang nagkasagutan ni Dad, nag-away na sila ni Ate dati, and he never stopped—not even for a day—blaming himself for what happened, but yesterday? That was different. Whatever place his head was at . . . it's unfamiliar, it's uncharted waters. And not knowing the way out made it seem like staying there was the practical choice.

He really doesn't know shit, yet. But he's just glad that he got some sleep, and he woke up to the sight of a friend. He doesn't think he's quite there yet, but the way out seems a little clearer now.

"But if I need something, trust me when I say that I would ask," Elias says, breath coming out shaky. This feels new, as well. He believes that he's saying the truth, but saying it aloud felt different.

Migs takes a deep breath before nodding. He breaks eye contact and waves a hand at Elias as if saying he can go back to retiring in his bedroom. "Still. Answer the phone."

Elias scraps the plan of going back to bed and sits on the couch instead. He feels like he can use a slight change of . . . scenery. He reaches for the remote controller and turns the TV on. "I don't like phone calls."

Migs rolls his eyes. "Nasa'n ba phone mo?"

"Low batt."

"I-charge mo. Then when that telephone rings, turn your cell phone on. Ibig sabihin n'un, nag-message ako."

"Fine," pagpayag ni Elias. He gets up from the couch and goes back to the bedroom to plug his phone. He sets it on airplane mode because he's not in the proper disposition to talk to anyone, yet. When he comes back to the living room, Migs is sitting on the couch with a bag of chips on his lap.

"May quiz bukas," Elias says. He remembers that despite his brain being cluttered for two days now.

Migs lets out a frustrated groan. "I know. You want to study?"

Elias shakes his head. "I don't do well with group studies." Sumasama lang naman siya para makisama. He learns better when he's reviewing alone. O kung may kasama man siya, si Ky lang kasi hindi naman siya kinakausap nito. That cousin of his is trapped in her own world whenever she's studying. "At wala akong dalang notes."

"I have my old laptop there if you want to review," Migs says. Elias tells him not to bother, but he doesn't listen. It takes him less than ten minutes to set up his laptop on the coffee table, and download all his notes on the device for offline access.

While Elias is skimming through the documents, Migs' phone rings. Base sa usapan, Elias is sure that the caller is his mother. "You can go," he says when Migs drops the call.

"Pa'no ka magla-lunch?"

"With my hands and with my mouth."

"Ha-ha."

Elias chuckles. That feels nice. "Seriously. You can go. I can handle myself," he says. Migs looks like he doesn't believe a single word from that statement, so he adds, "If I can't, I'll call, or I'll message. I mean it."

Migs reluctantly leaves. Elias puts the laptop on sleep mode when he's gone. He stays on the couch and watches the images on the TV screen change as the hours pass him by.

He sighs when he notices the time, and that he skipped lunch. He turns the TV off and takes a long, cold bath. It's a little easier now, but he knows he had better days.

After getting dressed, he forces down his throat a piece of bread he wouldn't eat if he didn't want to take another pill for his resurfacing headache. He crawls back to the bed after, and buries himself under the blanket. He stays there for a while. When he passes a glance at that spot in the ceiling where the paint job seems rough, he forces himself up again to make himself a proper dinner.

Elias thinks to himself, "It can only get better from here." He whispers it to the wind as he cracks some eggs open in a bowl, hoping that he would speak that into reality. 

♡