#HeartboundWP

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Day 30 | E/N

"I NEED A BREAK," Elias says to no one in particular, but all three heads he's sharing the table with turn to look at him. He closes his laptop screen as he stands up, then arches a brow questioningly at his two cousins and his friend who claims to be their honorary relative.

He doesn't know what they're looking at. He grabs his wallet from his bag to check if everything's in there, closes it, and then scans the table again. They are still looking at him, and he doesn't know why. "What?"

"Saan ka pupunta?" Ky asks, pushing his laptop a few inches away from her side when she grabs her drink and its coaster closer to hers.

He shrugs. "I don't know." They have been at this cafe for, what, three hours? They went here immediately after getting their free cut for their last period. He's been dealing with their noise for three hours now, hindi pa kasama iyong ingay on the way here, and even if he's getting work done, his brain needs the reset before it hits the four-hour mark. Baka kailanganin niya pa kasi ito mamayang gabi if he's not going to be able to finish his deadlines today.

Ky scrunches her nose but doesn't say more. Migs, however, doesn't want to let him go, yet. The rodent can be fucking clingy at times. "You're meeting someone?"

He notices how Ky throws him a side glance for a second. Itong dalawang gago naman—Z and Migs—have no shame and don't bother to hide it in their face that they're dying to know. Elias is so sure that once he steps out, they are going to gossip about him.

He sighs. For people who think that he's stupid and he makes all the wrong choices, they have a lot of faith in him to keep on thinking that he's seeing Nadi behind their backs every time he would excuse himself. He doesn't know how they formed the assumption that Nadi gave him a chance again, that she even thought he was worthy of that chance, to begin with.

They are definitely not thinking straight for also assuming that should that miracle ever knock on his door, he would keep it a secret. Why the fuck would he? He would announce it to everyone he knows. He would smother that info on their faces.

If someone were to dare him to put that on a tarpaulin, he would.

"No," simpleng sagot niya. It's useless to provide support for his claim; hindi rin naman kasi makikinig itong mga kaibigan niya.

"Pero di mo nga alam kung sa'n ka pupunta?" Ky asks again.

His eyebrows furrow. His plan is really just to circle the block, maybe find a store where he can buy candies, then come back. It's already past 6 p.m.; wala na siyang inaalalang init ng araw sa labas so it's the best time to walk. What is she insinuating?

His head comes up blank, so he just shakes his head. Ky merely rolls her eyes before going back to her laptop screen. "Just make sure mauubos mo 'yung cheesebread kung mag-uuwi ka."

Oh. He blinks slowly at the realization. Right. That.

Zak raises a hand, getting his attention. "If you get their big ensaimada, I'll help you finish it."

Before Migs can even finish his question on what the hell they are talking about, he's out the door. If Migs finds out that there's the slightest chance that Elias would see Nadi on this little 'break' he claims he needs, baka hindi na siya makalabas in the next half an hour. They're going to gang up on him again and nag him about asking her out as if that decision is just in his hands alone. E hindi nga. She's taking things slow, so he is, too, and being her friend is already more than what he deserves for now.

He sighs to himself when he sees a familiar corner. 'Tang ina. He really was just planning to circle the block and continue his write-ups. Ni hindi nga pumasok sa isip niya na they're staying just a little less than two kilometers from Butter. Na it's so near. Na she's so near . . . maybe.

It's a Monday, so she probably won't be there. Baka may office, or kauuwi lang considering the time.

But he crosses the pedestrian lane when the lights turn green, anyway. He did not need to take his phone out from his pocket and check the map, he practically has the buildings on this block memorized even in the dark sa ilang beses niyang pagdalaw rito. He stops in his tracks and looks up at the lights spelling out his destination on the second floor of a commercial building. He's here.

He doesn't know why he enters the building, why he takes the stairs and goes up. Wala naman si Nadi rito, he's sure. So, why? Maybe lingering on the place she frequents makes him feel better? It's like she has left traces of her in the air, and if that's the most he could get, he would take it—he would hold onto it.

He grips the white railings on the margins of the second floor when he sees through the glass walls of Butter. There are a few empty tables, but most of them are occupied by pairs of people. No tables are parked in the center of the space, and there is not a line of people waiting, giving him a clear view of about four columns of tiles that lead to the counter and the person standing just behind it.

Nadi's in a pink shirt, and an apron with a familiar shade of yellow layered on top of it. Her hair's pulled up in a neat ponytail, and her nose is buried in a black notebook she's holding up while writing something on it, it seems. She puts it down on the counter, blessing him with a full view of her face.

He was almost sure that she was not going to be here; again, it was a Monday. He almost didn't cross the road earlier, almost didn't take the familiar street leading him here. But he's glad that the little guys in charge of his head made sure that he did.

Whatever she has written in that notebook makes her smile, and she lights up the place. The brightness seeps through the walls, turning him warm when it reaches him.

Wow.

Really beautiful lesson on taking chances.

He pushes the door open.

* * *

NADIA SCANS THE spread of her notebook she has been filling with doodles since she finished all her calls, e-mails, and other tasks for today. She has been trying to draw Chikoon from memory, and the latest addition on the cream paper is Chikoon with one of its wings up, tinataas ng daddy nito, and waving her goodbye.

Her smile fades. Anong 'daddy'? She knows she gave it back to him, pero, really, daddy ni Chikoon? Puwede namang owner na lang. It feels . . . weird . . . na makisabay kay Eli sa trip nitong itrato si Chikoon like it's his child.

She lifts her eyes off her notebook when she hears the door chime. Seeing that the person who was just in her head a moment ago is now sauntering in her direction, Nadi blinks multiple times just to make sure that he's real, and that this is just not an extension of her imagination. This, meaning Eli in black slacks and a white polo shirt, with only one of the three buttons made that lies flat and snug on the middle of his chest. Her breath hitches when he doesn't disappear from her vision and makes it to the counter, less than an arm-length away.

Maybe blinking hard would make him go away. She tries it. When her eyes flutter open again, he's still there. And now, he's smiling. That small smile is really bad for the heart, and pharma should come up with some sort of preventive drug as a safety blanket for her cardiovascular system.

Or anything for iwas-binat.

"No standard customer greeting for me?" he asks, almost taunting.

"What are you doing here?" Her forehead creases. She has been seeing him a lot lately, na kaunti na lang, makukumbinsi na siya na someone's ratting out her locations to Eli. But who would do that?

He ignores her question. He tilts her head, and she tries not to stumble on her own feet when she catches him looking at every inch of her available in his view. He's a friend nga. And tama naman siya: he's just looking. Siya itong naglalagay ng kung ano-anong meaning sa pagtingin-tingin niya. His eyes are functioning; of course, he would use them.

"Hi, Nadi," he drawls.

She takes her eyes off him and pretends to be busy with the cash box and the receipts. "Are you going to buy anything?" Maybe he's here for the pastries, for some drinks, for any of the food—anything but her. She should learn to stop viewing his actions in a different light if she wants to be friends with him.

"No," sagot niya kaya umangat ulit ang tingin ni Nadi sa kaniya. "I saw the poster outside na you're hiring. Puwedeng mag-apply?"

"Ewan ko sa 'yo," she replies, but her eye-roll comes first. He's referring to the poster she just put up earlier this morning sa may door. They have zero problems with their student part-timers, but since they're expanding, even if it's not something so drastic, they would need more permanent full-time workers.

But her Tita would probably hire Eli on the spot. They are thinking about starting a social media account and, heto na, the eye-candy who would probably boost their numbers walk in. He would definitely get hired.

"O-order ka ba or no?" she asks dahil nakatingin lang si Eli. She's also curious kung ano ba ang pakay niya rito. Kuya Rene, the man who helps them manage the shared parking in front and the sanitation, already recognizes him. He must have been coming here on a regular basis nang hindi niya nalalaman kung ganoon.

"Can I think about it?" he asks back, raising both his brows. He steps aside and looks behind him. "Wala namang line."

She draws a breath. "Fine." He has a point, anyway; wala namang tao. And they're trying to be friends now, so this is okay. Otherwise, she would have asked him to leave.

"Sungit pala ng boss 'pag natanggap dito."

She sits on her chair because she has this feeling that he's planning to keep on talking. And she's planning to respond every time even when she's conflicted.

His comment makes her frown. "I'm not masungit."

He arches a brow—the one with the slit. "Really?"

"Ewan ko sa 'yo." She narrows her eyes at him and then swiftly reaches for her notebook to close it. Baka makita pa nito yung mga drawing niya kay Chikoon. He would then probably crack a joke about him giving it back to her, and she doesn't want to go there, so. "Inaasar mo na naman ako."

He chuckles. It bounces off the floor, the walls, the pasty display case, and it jumps up and down inside her head, leaving dents all over. "Mag-a-apply sana ako kung hindi masungit. Kahit utusan lang."

"Did you go here para mang-asar?" She should have been used to it by now, knowing him for, what, almost a year now? Ten months? Sometimes, his way of flirting—when that what was he was doing, na obviously hindi na now—ay yung asarin siya. He has this way with words na, one moment parang naaasar na siya, sometimes parang napipikon, but at the same time, her heart rate is up and she's blushing. Then, by the next minute, she wants to kiss him.

He's good with words, but he's good with his lips, too.

And with his fingers, with his hands, with his—

She blinks hard to push the thoughts off the edge of her head. You do not think that way about your friends!

He must have noticed her closing her eyes tight, because he asks, "You okay?"

She just nods, humming an affirmative. She turns her chair on him, busying herself with imaginary dust on the equipment behind her, when she feels the burn on her cheeks. This is bad. This is very bad. She thinks she needs the iwas-binat pill now.

Fortunately, Eli doesn't dwell much on it. He probably doesn't even notice how her head is racing with . . . inappropriate thoughts. She's an adult and there's nothing wrong with having those, but there's something wrong with having them in the middle of a conversation with the very person who's the subject of your imagination. Friends nga sabi! Bawal. She can't. Big no.

"Ayaw mo pa?" Unfortunately, though, he's not done with the talking. "I'll be your utusan for free."

She turns her chair again to face him, making sure he sees the frown she tries so hard to plaster on her face. Super landing creature. He's not helping this Friendship Operation work. "Tumigil ka nga."

He must have heard the opposite. That sly smile on his face reappears, and Nadia braces herself for whatever he has to say that would effectively make her blush like a high school girl being noticed by her first crush for the first time.

"I'll do it for this view," he says, the words slipping out of his lips casually. He makes sure to look her straight in the eye, figuratively backing her to a corner where she would have no other choice but to melt in his mercy.

She purses her lips. Tries her best not to make anything out of his words that would derail the Friendship Operation she has just launched. She ransacks her brain for college friends, classmates, and co-volunteers who talk to her the same way. Some of those guys let her know that they wanted to take her out on a date. Some of them didn't, pero pinagsususpetyahan ni Levy na may gusto sa kaniya. Some, she believes na gaoon lang talaga magsalita. But she wasn't that affected even if their flirting had the agenda flashing over their foreheads—hindi niya kasi pinag-iisipan ng kung ano unless they tell her that they like her, and that they plan to do something about it. Yung iba nga, hindi niya agad napansin na they're shooting their attempts on wooing her, unless Levy points it out or the guy eventually tells her about his feelings.

Maybe it would be easier to deal with Eli if she just imagined how she would feel or think kapag ibang tao ang nagsabi niyon. Maybe that's not ideal, baka nga hindi rin sustainable, but right now, she's doing whatever works. Pero dapat naman talaga, she should just stop reading too much into his words. Or even if by his nature he just couldn't stop being such a big flirt, she should just ignore it—she's used to doing that before with guys she's not interested in.

Big problem, though: he's not one of the guys she's not interested in.

Hay.

Not Eli, not Eli, she chants in her head. It's Christopher from History class in freshman year. She gives him a stern look. It's somehow satisfying to see his Adam's apple move when he swallows, almost as if he's scared of what she's going to say next.

She sighs, and the dashing man in front of her is Eli again. But at least, she has recovered now—if that's the term. "Elias," she hisses.

"What?" he asks, feigning ignorance. He looks over his shoulders for a second. "The sky looks nice from here."

She rolls her eyes. Tama naman si Eli. The sky looks nice from here kapag early in the morning, at kapag around 5 p.m. to maybe around 6. Hindi ngayong alas-siete na at ang dilim na ng langit.

She stands up. Kanina pa si Eli rito. "Are you ordering ba or hindi?"

He gives her a tight-lipped smile, and she looks down at her closed notebook by the register so she wouldn't be . . . charmed. "Get me whatever na hindi drinks. To-go."

She looks up at him for a moment, before she trains her eyes on the remaining pastry stocks on the cabinet. She remembers her question earlier, one that he didn't answer properly kasi inuuna niya ang pang-aasar sa kaniya. "Why are you here nga kasi?"

"Bawal?"

She narrows her eyes at him before grabbing a box from the bottom cabinet. He didn't say what he's getting and how many, might as well clear most of the stocks for today para hindi mahirapan mag-store later. "Did anyone tell you I was here?"

"You think I went here for you?"

That makes her head pop up from behind the display. "Fine. Not talking to you anymore."

He merely chuckles. Nadia takes the last piece of the strawberry croissant for today, at gusto niya yung ilagay nang pabaliktad sa box to ruin the filling just for some petty revenge on what he just said a while ago, but decides against it. Her frown turns to a pout when she hears him laugh.

"Hey," he calls out softly. "Joke lang. No one told me you're here. We're cramming something nearby and I asked for a break to get away from Ky and Miguel for a minute."

She attempts to stop pouting, but fails. She only does when she looks up and meets his eyes, and then he copies her pout.

Gaya-gaya! Hindi naman siya big cute, small cute lang.

He laughs again before continuing his explanation, "I didn't even know you were here because it's a Monday. Akala ko nasa office ka."

She glances at him again before taking the tape dispenser out of the cabinet just below the register. "Ah, no. I quit na," she says, shaking her head. She sighs as she tapes close the sides of the box. "I have other plans." She still thinks she's in a state of limbo, regardless of her filled-out monthly calendar and to-do lists she wakes up to every day, but she's doing good, at least for now.

"That's okay," he says slowly. "You'll be fine."

She shrugs. "Sana."

"You will be okay," he says again, with much more certainty this time. "Don't worry about it too much."

Nadia cuts up the string of yellow ribbon she used to wrap the box with. "I try not to," she replies, lifting the box to him. "Here."

"What's this?" Eli asks, inspecting the box and trying to peak at whatever's inside.

"The whatever you asked for." She punches his purchase in. Bahala na if it's outside his budget. That's what he gets kasi masyado siyang madaldal earlier to even check what she's putting in his box.

He lets out a small laugh. "You always talk to customers like this?"

"Sa 'yo lang."

She realizes the mistake of responding with that a second too late. 'Pag binigyan ang malandi ng opening, of course they're going to take it. He grins. "I'm flattered."

She should make a tally of how many times she's rolling her eyes whenever he's around. "Nakakainis ka talagang kausap minsan."

There's a smirk on his face, like his silent way of telling her that he accepts that comment, but also questioning her on what she's going to do about it. Siyempre, wala! What can she do, anyway? Even if she keeps quiet, he knows the right buttons to push para asarin siya—not enough to make her pikon, but just enough to make her mentally stomp her feet, hit him on the chest, complain about it, and then ask him to do it again.

"Are you free this Saturday?" he asks while she's getting his change.

Doon umangat ang kilay niya. Alarms are sounding in her head, flagging his question as something dangerous for her Friendship Operation. She trusts him now, sure, but can anyone blame her for still being wary? Better safe than sorry, ika nga.

"You're not that smooth, Eli," saway niya rito. He frowns when she slams the five-peso coin and a few bills on the counter instead of landing them on his waiting palm. "Pasimple ka."

That button on his polo shirt struggling to hold on for its dear life moves when he sighs. He picks up his change and puts it in his wallet, then goes to meet her eyes again. "Pero free ka nga?"

Her eyebrows furrow. For someone na nagke-claim na may kina-cram, why is he still here? It doesn't make sense that he would lie about it, so it's either he's just more productive kapag nagka-cram, or he just has horrible time management. She doesn't know his full schedule, at least hindi na ngayon, pero kahit naman noon pa, it seems like he's able to juggle a lot of things at once while maintaining his regular status in med school.

"Do you not study on weekends?" she asks. Iyon ang ginagawa niya before: he studies on weekends. She would know, isinasama ba naman siya dati.

"I won't be asking for your whole day," he says, shaking his head. That's not an answer. "There's a charity run next month. Baka you want to start running now."

He does run regularly. And they just talked about it two days ago. All clear. Nothing to worry about. Positive na friendly invite lang. Her brain gives her the green light, but she just doesn't like running.

"Wala ka bang ibang ginagawa?" He did tell her na he's used to it and he enjoys it, pero kahit pa. Those don't matter when you only have 24 hours every day. With his studies palagay niya nga ay kulang pa iyon, so she doesn't know how he does it.

"I have time in the morning," he says with a small smile. "Say yes?"

She ignores the invite, again. Her brain says yes but, kasasabi lang ni Eli na next month pa naman, so she doesn't need to make the decision now. Wouldn't hurt to think it over when he's not physically around to influence her choices.

Besides . . . "Don't you have your . . . ?"

She's not sure how to say it, even if it feels like tiptoeing around the subject would only give the impression na she thinks it's not normal when she believes otherwise. She just doesn't know if she can ask him about it kahit na sinabihan siya ni Eli na it's fine because she still feels like she pried a piece of very private information off his hands.

She clears her throat. "Wala ka bang, uhm, counselling?"

Her half-minute of worrying seems to be for nothing because Eli responds almost immediately, and he doesn't look offended. "Not this Saturday."

She shifts on her feet. Stares at him for quite a while, and this time, kahit siya na-surprise na, even after Eli flashes him a grin, she does not instantly turn into a blushing mess nor just melts on the spot. After all her previous thinking on how she can look at him sans the lens of romantic affection and failing afterward, she finally manages to do it here, right now.

Genuinely, she's . . . worried. Or she cares, and perhaps that's the better way to put it. And maybe, just maybe, it's a good sign. It's a step towards making this Friendship Operation work.

She sighs. "Can I ask ba how was it?"

He nods. "Really good so far. My therapist is nice."

"Okay . . . ." What does one say after that? "The chicken?"

"Nagpapatuyo pa sa balcony."

She scrunches her nose. She wonders why he hasn't given it to his niece. "You take care of it, 'no?"

"I do," he replies promptly, nodding, chin a little up like he's so proud of it. "What do you think of me? A negligent parent?"

"Ewan ko sa 'yo." See? Paanong hindi niya tatawaging daddy 'to ni Chikoon when he talks about that stuffed toy like this? Her fingers drum on the counter as she thinks of what to say next. She did open the topic up, so might as well close it properly. "And you take care of yourself."

Slowly, his lips form a small smile. His finger stops tugging at the end of the ribbon of his takeout pastry box. "Thank you. I am."

She nods, slipping both of her hands on the pockets of her apron. "Okay."

Is he leaving? He probably should. Hindi ba siya hinahanap ng mga kasama niya?

"So . . ." he trails, lifting the box off the counter. She's expecting him to say goodbye, but instead, he asks again, "You're free?"

Napairap ulit siya roon. As it turns out, he noticed that she avoided his question. She's thinking about it, but she doesn't want to tell him that dahil baka asarin na naman siya nito. She really needs to send him out for his own benefit dahil nga nagka-cram siya, di ba? So, she answers with, "No."

Like the big drama queen that he is, he scrunches his eyebrows after, looking at her like a wounded puppy. "Ouch." He just chuckles when she gives him a deep frown in response. "Rejection taken. I'll be waiting if you change your mind."

"I won't tell you if I decide to run." She can sign up for that event on her own sakali mang makita niya. Or not. She doesn't even like running, anyway.

"I'll find out."

She's not sure what to make of that statement, kung seryoso ba ito o ano. She narrows her eyes at him, but he just continues charming her with that small smile so she quits trying to read his guwapong face. "Bahala ka nga. Aren't you supposed to be cramming something?"

"Yeah, aalis na," he says, nodding. She's about to say bye, but the word pauses halfway through her throat when she catches him in what seems like a trance. It's only for a short moment, maybe not even longer than a sixth of a minute, but it's like he lost focus and was muttering something to himself before snapping back into reality.

Inaantok? Thinking about the acad work he left? Reviewing his mental notes? She's not sure, but it's the same thing she saw when they watched a movie last Saturday.

His smile returns. "Bye, Nadi. I'll go cry downstairs now."

He doesn't let her respond. A few steps later, he's out the door, waving a hand at her. He merely laughs at the deep frown she gives him.

This is the first day of actually trying to be friends with him. She thinks she could have done better, but she's happy that it went just fine.