#HeartboundWP

♡

Day 0.2 | E

THE LAST SECOND of the fifteen minutes Elias had asked earlier from Nadia passed more than five minutes ago. He keeps still, keeps his arm draped around her over the covers steady. He fights the urge to curl his fingers on her waist and pull her closer if that were even possible. He doesn't want to disturb Nadi's even breathing that he's all too aware of. He doesn't want to alert her of the time. Ayaw niya pang umalis.

His breath fans her nape when he lets out a sigh that he has been holding since Nadia woke up and told him that she doesn't want this anymore. He keeps his free hand to himself even when he's so tempted to rake his fingers through her hair.

All he has now is regret. He regrets falling asleep right away last night. Hindi niya dapat sinabayan si Nadi ng tulog. He should have stayed up a little longer and waited for her to fall asleep. He should have ignored how his body had been wrung out after a week of studying and spared a few minutes to listen to Nadi snore lightly. He should have planted more kisses on her cheek and temples while she was asleep. While he had the chance.

He should have done all these and more, among other things he regrets not doing but doesn't want to think about right now.

Given that he cannot undo any of his previous actions, honestly, what could he have done aside from agreeing to her decisions earlier? What could he have said after Nadi practically told him that she wants to be alone? Kung mayroon man siyang dapat ginawa so they would not have ended up in this situation, dapat noon pa.

But there's no going back in time, so he has to make what he can from what he has now. Elias stares at the faint mole on the back of Nadi's ear that she's probably not aware of having, thinking of what to do next. It takes everything in him to peel his arm off of her body and get off the bed.

He needs to make her breakfast. He doesn't remember her saying yes earlier when he offered, but he'll take his chances. Kaysa naman hintayin niyang mapansin na ni Nadi ang oras at maalalang kailangan na nitong umalis. If he stayed in bed with her a lot longer than she should, magmamadali na itong umalis mamaya. He chooses to make breakfast because it might give him a chance later to keep her here for a little longer.

Elias goes to the room his sister and her husband used to occupy when they were still living here. Pumunta siya sa banyo para maghilamos, para magising-gising. He pushes his hair back with his damp hands after, and gives himself a moment to compose himself before stepping out into the kitchen. Alam niyang masarap naman ang tulog niya kagabi, pero para siyang binugbog ni Nadi matapos ang sinabi nito pagkagising nila, kaya hindi siya makakilos nang ayos ngayon. His limbs feel like they are all about to fall off, but he keeps it together and gets to work.

Cooking used to be Elias' favorite pastime. Nawalan lang siya ng gana at oras para rito ever since he started college, even more so when he started med school. Most of the time, he's too tired or would rather study and eat out. Nakakapagluto lang siya kapag bumibisita sa Ate niyang pagod din galing ospital, o kapag nami-miss siya ni Zo. But then, Nadi happened, kaya dumalas nang magkalaman ulit ng tunay na pagkain ang ref nila.

He keeps on glancing at the door to his room while preparing breakfast. He repeatedly pictures Nadi with her things, rushing out to leave, and not even letting him have the chance to ask again if she wants to eat. He knows that's a highly likely scenario, and no matter how many times he keeps replaying it in his head, hindi niya alam kung ano'ng gagawin kapag nangyari nga iyon. Would it be okay for him to stop her? Would it be alright to ask her to stay for a little longer? Would it be fair to ask her for anything?

Hindi alam ni Elias kung anong suwerte ang dumapo sa kaniya dahil natagalan si Nadi sa kuwarto. He's done cleaning the kitchen and setting the table but Nadi still has not left his room. He surmises that she probably took a bath, and he takes advantage of whatever luck he thinks he has and keeps on mentally hoping that she would take her time. He hopes that Nadi's going to dry and do her hair. He hopes that Nadi's going to doll herself up and spend a few more minutes in his room. He hopes for anything to keep her with him, really. Even if 'with him' only meant literally having her in his place.

He's not certain why, but he hopes she doesn't take away all her things. Maybe it's because he wants a convenient excuse to see her again. Or maybe he needs something of hers to get him by when she's gone. Maybe both. Maybe none of those two.

Unfortunately for him, his luck doesn't last long. After mustering the courage to check on Nadi and ask her to have breakfast with him, Nadi opens the door before he can even knock. Her hair is damp. She's not wearing anything on her face aside from her bright, gentle eyes. Out of habit, Elias traces her constellation of moles with his eyes.

His breath hitches when they lock gazes. Mentally, his knees buckle. My fucking god.

It doesn't make sense for her to leave.

It doesn't make sense for him to be away from her.

He's reluctant and careful when he asks, "Breakfast ka muna?" He doesn't want to sound imposing. Alam niyang minsan ay nahihiya lang si Nadi na humindi, so he tries his best to let her know from his tone that she doesn't have to please him.

Elias notices how she takes a deep breath before nodding. He doesn't know if he's shaking or if he's imagining it, but he's sure that he's scared to get this simple breakfast wrong. He keeps on wondering about what she's thinking: Naiinis na ba si Nadi kaya napabuntonghininga ito kanina? Aalis na ba talaga siya? Masyado bang maalat ang fried rice? May puwede ba siyang sabihin para hindi 'to umalis? Are the egg yolks too runny? Puwede bang humingi pa ng kahit isang buong araw? Sakto lang ba ang pagkakaprito sa manok? May magagawa pa ba siya?

A new question pops in his head every ten seconds, pero kahit isa wala siyang naitanong. He tries to finish his food even if he's not hungry. This may or may not be the last time he would have Nadi here with him, anyway.

When he gets a feeling that Nadi's waiting for him to finish cleaning up before she goes, lalo lang nyiang binagalan ang kilos. If he were not afraid that his desperation would only make Nadi leave him more quickly, he would have taken all the clean dishes out of the rack and washed them one by one.

But who is he kidding? Nadi's leaving no matter what trick he pulls out of his sleeve. Kahit abutin pa siya ng isang oras sa pagtutuyo ng kamay niya, it won't stop Nadi from leaving.

"Thank you," Nadi says from behind him, perhaps to get his attention and to warn him that she knows he's slowing down his movements to delay her departure.

Elias swallows the lump in his throat and eyes her bag. He wonders if she rid his room of everything that's hers.

"You're going home?" Sa dinami-rami ng tanong sa isip niya, he doesn't know why he chose to ask her that stupid question. He shuffles through the thoughts in his head so he can ask better questions.

"Yup," Nadi answers. Elias immediately notices when uneasiness crosses her eyes even if it was only for a brief moment, so he quickly stops himself from asking her if they could sit down and talk for a little more while.

He knows that Nadi wants to get out of here. She's probably just staying out of courtesy. So even though he wants her to stop from picking up her sandals from the rack and putting it on, he doesn't. He only watches, hoping that gluing his eyes on her would magically make her actions slow down.

He clears his throat. It truly doesn't make sense to be away from her. "Can I drive you home?"

Nadi turns to look at him after checking her phone. He tries to keep his face neutral when she sighs and he hears the rejection coming his way even if she hasn't said it.

"No."

'Tang ina. 

He doesn't know what to say. Normally, he would have promptly assured her that it's okay, pero hindi niya magawa ngayon. He's convinced that he stopped breathing and would have died if it weren't for the ping from Nadis' phone bringing him back to life.

"Nasa baba na 'yung b-in-ook ko," Nadi explains. "Sorry."

How pathetic would he look if he blocked the doorway with his body?

In his head, this still doesn't make sense. What makes sense is them lazing around the whole day, him bringing her back home later this evening, and them meeting again sometime this week. Not this.

But do those matter if those aren't what Nadi's asking for?

Whatever Nadi wants, whenever she wants it, it's hers.

So as much as he hates it, he merely nods and pulls open the door for her. "It's okay." He keeps his eyes trained on her face, and he doesn't even realize it when he smiles. He could spend his whole day just looking at her and he wouldn't mind. "Bye, Nadi."

Nadi smiles back at him. The image remained in his head hours after she had left. He doesn't know what to do after. He sits on the couch, soaking in the loud silence coming from being alone. For almost an hour, he can't seem to bring himself to do anything. He only decides to get up from the couch after seeing the time. He goes to his room to pick up his phone and send her a message.

Elias
Nadi.

Elias
Are you home safe?

He spends the next hour waiting for her to reply, or at least, read his messages. He's almost certain that she won't respond, but he keeps checking his phone when he decides to busy himself with cleaning up his room. The room doesn't even need cleaning. When Nadi left, maayos na ang kama. He doesn't stay here often unless he's with Nadi, so there really isn't much to tidy up.

So he doesn't know why he spends another hour turning his room upside down and flipping things back the right way up, making sure that he gets into every nook and cranny. It's almost as if he's looking for something.

His search only ends when he sees a pair of fluffy home slippers placed under his study desk. He picks it up from the corner where it's hiding. It's Nadi's.

He checks his phone again. Still no reply. His thumbs fly over the keys to send Nadi a follow-up message, but he hesitates to click the send button after. He ends up deleting everything before setting his phone back on the bedside table.

He doesn't want to not do anything while waiting, so he tries to study. After five pages of pretending to understand whatever he's reading and checking his phone more than twenty times, he gives up. He picks up some clothes from his closet. Maybe a long, cold shower would do him good.

He steps in the bathroom. Sobrang liit na bagay, but the first thing he notices is how the toothbrush holder is one toothbrush short. He doesn't know why he stares at it for a full minute before doing his business.

When he steps back into his room, he looks at Nadi's slippers. He remembers buying it for her because his pair was too big for her feet, and she hates walking barefoot especially when the floor is cold.

He bends down to pick it up, then he slides it beneath his bed, making sure he would no longer see it when he gets up.

Afterwards, the room looks as if Nadi was never there.

The only thing of hers left in the room was Elias, whom she wouldn't bother coming back for.

And maybe that's for the better.

♡