AN: hey guys! happy monday!

i missed updating soooo much i'm ngl im so glad uni is done with so i can legit focus on this universe as my main writing project, i have so many fun things planned ahead!

in the meantime, we have a few TWs today:
mentions of suicide
grief
mentions of dead children
mentions of a dead dog
mentions of incest
mentions of rape
mentions of torture
mentions of murder

i do hope you guys enjoy today's chapter bc a lot of silent progress is being made with lilah's relationship with motherhood, and there is also a slight easter egg for the second book in this chapter too!

also! i promise there will be more jj and lilah going forward again! i'm halfway through next week's chapter and, so far, it's pure fluff so! thank god for s4

i hope you guys enjoy and i'll see you next week!

•

"you, the garden, and the grave." - ada limón

•

Delilah needed a nap by the time she and Evie had finished briefing Strauss on the Nate thing. The two of them left the office, heading down to Evie's car so Evie could drive Delilah home.

Delilah looked at Evie as they drove home, watched how Evie yawned every few minutes and rubbed her eyes at the stop signs.

"Didn't sleep?" Delilah asked.

"Not enough," Evie yawned again. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Delilah said. "Are you?"

"Slightly concerned for your mental state," Evie said. "So, you've made a decision?"

"I think so," Delilah murmured. "You're not... You're not angry with me, are you?" Delilah asked quietly. "For all of this?"

"Angry?" Evie repeated. "Why would I ever be angry at you?"

"I don't know. There's just this weird energy right now and I don't know how to deal with that," Delilah said.

"There's weird energy because I'm slightly terrified about you telling Liv about Sunny and Albie," Evie said.

"So, it's not about JJ?" Delilah asked.

"What?" Evie asked. "No, I don't have a problem with JJ. I've been trying to get you to woman up and get back with her for months now. No, this is about the kids. It's different talking to us about it, Lilah, but... Eli lied about his kids to protect them and, even for a minute, you know Liv hated him. Do you not worry she might not react the way you want her to?"

"No," Delilah said. "Because this is entirely different."

"It isn't," Evie said. "You're both her siblings, she helped raise both of you, and both of you lied about your children's lives. The facts are different, but that is the one thing that remains the same. She'll understand why you couldn't tell her, but you still didn't tell her. That's what she could focus on, and I want you to be prepared for this to go a bit haywire."

"It won't," Delilah said. "It's Liv. I know my sister, and I know she won't be mad at me."

"If you're sure," Evie said.

"I am," Delilah said, and she was.

She knew her sister, and she knew Liv would be upset that she hadn't been told, but she wouldn't hold it against Delilah because it wasn't like the kids were alive. There was no reason for her to ever bring them up when it wasn't going to change anything for the kids like it did with Ziggy, and Liv would get that.

She'd be upset, but she would get it. It also helped that the kids weren't biological or adopted. Legally, Delilah had no ties to the kids. It was just like raising JJ's baby. She wouldn't have any legal ties to the baby, nor biological, but it would still be her kid if that's what would work best for everyone.

"Good luck," Evie said, pulling up at Delilah's house.

"Don't be weird," Delilah said.

"I'm not being weird," Evie said. "I'm preparing to get a phone call in a few hours from you telling me you're gonna kill yourself."

"I'm not going to-"

"Do you even remember what happened the day they died?" Evie snapped, turning her head to look at Delilah. "Do you even remember me telling you?"

Truthfully, not really. The memory had ceased to fully exist in Delilah's memory, preserved only in drowned out words, suffocating arms pinning her down, body aching with a weight she was never strong enough to bear, and then nothing but a vast darkness. She had been twenty four and her kids were dead.

"No," Delilah whispered.

"I've seen you through some of the worst things, Lilah," Evie said, "But I have never seen you like that. You kept crying and begging me to kill you, too. We had to sedate you to get you to stop. And then you woke up, and you asked me if I had the kids, and I had to say no. I had to tell you that your kids were dead twice in one day and then you started begging me to kill you until we sedated you again."

"I... I didn't know that," Delilah whispered.

"Yeah, I know," Evie scoffed slightly. "I'm worried that you won't get the reaction you want and it'll make you feel like that. I'm worried that even telling Liv will make you feel like that. I'm worried that, even if this goes fine, you might look at JJ's baby when it's born in November and you might hate it for not being your kids, you might wanna die again because you can't be with your kids."

"I'm never going to kill myself," Delilah said. "You know that."

"I do," Evie said. "And I've always believed you. But the way you cried and screamed at me to kill you... Part of me wanted to put you out of your misery, 'cause I knew you'd never heal from that. How could you heal from it? I mean, why do you think I ignored you for so long? Aside from the obvious dangers of us staying in touch. I was fucking terrified you'd hate me for being the one to tell you they were dead. I was terrified you'd blame me for having to go through four years of that shit to come home with nothing."

"I don't blame you for anything," Delilah whispered. "And I could never hate you, Eves. You're my best friend. You kept me alive."

"I couldn't keep your kids alive," Evie whispered. "I couldn't keep you safe."

"We weren't your responsibility," Delilah murmured. "I've never blamed you for anything that happened."

"You should," Evie whispered.

"You didn't kill them," Delilah whispered. "And if the fault is yours, then it's mine too. I was their mother. Their lives were more my responsibility than they were ever yours. It's not your fault."

Evie didn't look convinced. Delilah leaned over the centre console, pulling Evie into a hug.

"Thank you for worrying about me," Delilah murmured. "I'll keep you updated. I promise, I'm not going to do anything to hurt myself. I can't change what happened. I can't control that, but I can control myself, and grieving with Liv is the safest way for me to be mentally stable from this point onwards. This is just something I have to do."

"Then do it carefully," Evie murmured, rubbing Delilah's back. "Because I am not killing you, no matter how much you scream and beg me to do it."

"I won't ask you to kill me ever again," Delilah promised.

She got out of the car, waving at Evie as she headed to the front door to finally go home.

And the house was entirely silent when she got inside. Shadow didn't even come and race over to greet her. Delilah walked into the kitchen with a frown, seeing a note from Liv left on the kitchen side.

She and Ziggy had gone grocery shopping and were taking Shadow to stop at a park on the way for his walk, and Emily and Dave were asleep upstairs.

So, Delilah kicked her shoes off and headed upstairs, heading straight into Liv's room where Emily was sleeping under the blankets. She found a pair of pyjamas and tugged them on, crawling into bed beside Emily.

"Liv?"

"Wrong sister."

Emily blinked, rolling onto her other side to look at Delilah.

"You okay?" Emily yawned.

"I'm sorry for running off," Delilah said.

"It's okay," Emily said, lifting her arm. "Come on. You need to sleep more than I do."

Delilah tucked herself into Emily's side, closing her eyes as Liv's perfume surrounded her. It was the closest she could get to Liv while she was out, but it was enough.

•

•

Delilah woke up the next afternoon. She'd slept for over an entire day, and she was still exhausted, but she did feel a lot better.

She felt even better when she headed downstairs and saw Emily and Ziggy playing with Shadow in the backyard, and Dave in the second living room reading and smoking a cigar near the open window.

"Liv's at work," Dave said, glancing up from his book. "I took her in this morning. You wanna pick her up for me?"

"Sure," Delilah said. "When does she finish?"

"Half an hour?" Dave said, glancing at the clock.

"Okay," Delilah said. "We'll be back later, then."

"Be safe," Dave said.

She was safe. She sat in the parking lot waiting for Liv, cigarette burning between her fingers and Fleetwood Mac playing on the radio.

Liv didn't take more than ten minutes once Delilah pulled up to come out and get into the car, leaning over to give her sister a real hug after days apart.

"Hi," Liv murmured. "You slept so much. You okay?"

"I'm okay," Delilah said. "Has... Has Emily told you anything about the past few days?"

"Just that it was a bombing case and some agent that looks like Haley is dead, and that you and Evie kept having a go at Hotch, which is well deserved," Liv said. "Why?"

"Can we run an errand before we go home?" Delilah asked.

"Sure," Liv said, eyebrows furrowed. "What's going on?"

"Em and I have to tell you something later, but... I need you to know something first, because I know if anyone is gonna give me a real opinion about every aspect of things, it's you, but you can't give me a real opinion unless you have all the facts," Delilah said.

"I'm a bit terrified," Liv admitted. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay," Delilah promised. "It's not news about us. It'll just... impact our lives, potentially. And, look, please don't be mad at me for this. I didn't think you would be, but Evie said you might be, and you might be, but please remember that I couldn't talk about it legally, and for our safety."

"This is about Thailand," Liv said quietly. "Is he-"

"No, god, no. Nobody is back, I'm not going under, I'm safe," Delilah said quickly, pulling out the parking lot to head to the apartment. "I just... I need to tell you things that happened, but I can't talk about it with words, and Rue said a picture says a thousand words, and... I think I'm going insane."

"You were already insane," Liv said, squeezing Delilah's hand. "I won't be mad. I know it's a complicated situation, and I know you would've told me if you could."

Delilah would've, but she'd also had every opportunity to clue Liv in on this before it had to happen, and she hadn't done it. Part of her wanted to lock the reminders of her kids away with her grief and never process any of it, but she had to, and she needed Liv on her side.

"Yeah," Delilah murmured.

The drive to the apartment was mostly silent, except for Liv humming along to the radio. They got there in no time, really, and they were parked in what was once their normal parking spot and greeting Steve like they used to this time last year.

"Do you miss living here?" Delilah asked, an aching desire to return here, to return home, burning through her chest. "This was home for us for three years."

"I do," Liv murmured, pressing the thirteen button on the elevator. "Like, a lot. I love our house and having everyone under our roof, but I miss our home, sometimes. Just me and you."

"Sometimes I think I miss those versions of us and not the apartment," Delilah murmured. "And then sometimes I think I just miss everything about those years."

"Me, too," Liv said softly, squeezing Delilah's hand in hers.

They headed to the apartment, Liv unlocking it and turning the alarm off. Delilah headed straight to her old bedroom, Liv following after locking the front door behind them.

Delilah's bed wasn't here anymore,  so, she sat on the floor and pulled her keys out of her pocket, separating the pocket knife to pop it open. She wedged the blade between the floorboard, prying it up and tossing it to the side.

"I see Eli taught you how to hide things," Liv said, sitting cross legged on the floor beside Delilah.

"I remember being half asleep on his rug, once, and seeing him pry open the floorboard to find a joint, or something," Delilah said, a small smile crossing her lips. "He'd sit on his window ledge and smoke it, and it'd always make me fall asleep. I'd wake up to him carrying me to my room and tucking me in."

"He could be sweet, sometimes," Liv murmured, a soft smile on her lips. "I miss him. Especially now we have Ziggy."

"Me, too," Delilah whispered. "I miss what we could've had with him."

"Me, too," Liv said.

Delilah picked the box up out of the floorboards, wiping the dust off the top with a small frown. She put the combination in the lock, pushing the lid up and sitting it on the floor so Liv could look inside of it.

Liv glanced at Delilah, who nodded. Liv reached into the box, picking up the black velvet box first. She flicked it open, staring at the wedding and engagement rings in there before closing it, putting it on the floor.

She then picked up the three polaroid photographs. The christmas photo was on the top, the one with Viktoriya.

Delilah couldn't help but remember the little puppy sprawled open on the bathroom floor, blood covering the knife Viktoriya held in her tiny chubby hands. She'd only been four, and she'd tortured that poor puppy.

Liv glanced at Delilah, staring at her for a moment, before she looked back at the photograph. She looked at the kids' faces, the christmas tree in the background, then put it at the back of the pile.

The photograph of Albie and Delilah was next. Delilah had the little boy on her hip, the two of them dancing in the kitchen. They were mid-spin, Albie's little face lit up in a beautiful smile, and Delilah couldn't take her eyes off him in the photo, or in this moment.

Liv tucked that photo behind. This was the photo of Sunny and Delilah. Delilah stood in front of the bathroom mirror, only her reflection visible in the photo. She was putting her makeup on, and Sunny was sat on the bathroom side, legs tucked to her chest and eyes wide with awe as she watched Delilah with a smile.

And then Liv picked up the mother's day card, and Delilah couldn't watch her read it. She looked down at her hands, tracing her fingers over the scars on her knuckles, feeling the rough skin underneath the pads of her fingers.

Liv inhaled slightly sharper than her usual rhythm. Delilah knew she'd gotten to the names.

"Oh, Lilah," Liv whispered.

She put the card back in the box with such care, doing the same for the photos and the ring. She wrapped her arms around Delilah's shoulders and pulled her into a side-hug, kissing Delilah's forehead.

"I'm here," Liv whispered. "I got you."

And it was so easy to cry. It was so easy for the sobs to break through her ribs and out of her mouth after one thousand, four hundred and fifty two days of keeping it all bottled inside. It was easy to let her grief for her babies, for her children, out of her. She couldn't help it.

Nearly four years of grief crashed out of her like a dam had finally given way. It was loud; painful; ugly; downright horrifying to hear. Delilah couldn't find it in her to care.

Her children were dead. Sunny was barely eight, Albie barely seven. They had been so small, so little. She'd still been able to carry them like they were babies, had been able to rock them back and forth on the nights when the nightmares were really bad, had been able to piggy back them around for ages until her back felt like it was going to break.

They were so little. Sunny died at the same age as Ziggy was when they met him. They were so tiny, so small and innocent, so screwed by their circumstances before they even had a chance.

They were dead, and Delilah was finally allowed to mourn them with the one person in the world that she had wanted to know about her kids over anyone else.

Liv deserved to know the children that made Delilah into a mother before JJ's baby did that. Sunny and Albie deserved to have Liv in their life, have someone who would back them through everything the way Liv did with Delilah.

Delilah deserved her babies. She deserved to have spent the past four years watching them grow up and fall in love with the people around them. She deserved to have them in her arms where she could cradle them.

Sunny would be twelve, now. Albie would be eleven in a few weeks. And then, the day after that, it would be four years since Delilah's babies were declared dead.

There were no bodies to bring home with her. There were no childhood teddies or blankets, or toys, or favourite movies to watch. All she had of them were her memories, those three photographs, and that mother's day card immortalising their existence in their childish handwriting.

Sunny's Y's were looped. Albie's I's had stars for dots. His E's looked more like circles with an arm sticking out of the side of it.

They were so little, and now they were nothing.

"I got you," Liv whispered, smoothing Delilah's hair out of her face. "I got you, baby. Let it out."

"I'm sorry," Delilah whispered.

"You have no reason to be," Liv whispered. "I promise."

Delilah didn't know how long she cried. She knew it had been hours, because the light disappeared from the room and left them in darkness. Liv had texted someone at one point, but she hadn't picked up her phone since and had just played with Delilah's hair as she tried to catch her breath.

She felt exhausted, once again, but she felt a lot lighter. She also felt sticky, and like she needed a shower, and some good food.

"Is dad making dinner?" Delilah whispered.

"He's made a big pot of spaghetti bolognaise for us. It'll be warm when we get home if we text Em when we're leaving. Dave and Ziggy are asleep. They were watching Back to the Future," Liv said softly. "Tons of cheesy garlic bread, too."

"We need to go home," Delilah said.

"I agree," Liv chuckled softly.

Delilah packed away the box, packed away the memories of her children again. The lock clicked into place, but Liv put her hand on Delilah's wrist.

"Bring them home," Liv whispered. "They belong with you."

Delilah nodded, replacing the floorboard.

The apartment was locked up again for another day. The box stayed in Delilah's arms until she could hide it in her bedroom at the house.

Nearly four years later, Liv brought Delilah home. Liv brought Delilah and her children home.

•

•

Ziggy had been relocated to his bedroom with Shadow for the night. Dave was in his office doing some writing for his next book. Nora and Colin would be home on Monday from a road trip to visit a friend.

So, after a long shower and pulling on Liv's dinosaur pyjama pants and one of JJ's Georgetown hoodies, Delilah sat at the island with Liv and Emily, the three of them eating the spaghetti Dave had cooked for them.

Emily had waited for them to be home to eat with them, especially because she and Delilah had to tell Liv about JJ being pregnant.

"So, uh," Emily said, twisting her fork in her food. "Liv, we have some news. Finish chewing. I don't want you to choke."

Liv stopped mid-bite, turning her head to raise an eyebrow at Emily.

"I almost vomited when I found out," Delilah said. "Caution is good."

Liv finished her bite, putting her fork down as she looked between the two of them.

"What's going on?" Liv asked.

Emily looked at Delilah. Delilah sighed softly, picking up some food on her fork.

"JJ's pregnant," Delilah said, taking a bite of her food.

Liv stared blankly at Delilah. She turned her head slowly to Emily, who nodded. Liv looked back at Delilah.

"It's Will's baby," Delilah said. "And they want me to coparent with them and date JJ. Will is absolutely A-okay with it. Logistics will be decided upon my decision."

Liv didn't say anything. Delilah continued eating. After eight minutes of silence on Liv's end, Emily poked Liv's shoulder gently.

"You okay?" Emily asked.

"Trying to process," Liv murmured. "Once I realised Lilah didn't get her pregnant, I blanked mentally."

"How would I get her pregnant, Liv?" Delilah asked. "I don't have a dick."

"You do have big dick energy," Emily said.

"Thank you," Delilah said. "So do you, actually. I think it's just, like, our thing."

"Oh, absolutely," Emily agreed. "I think-"

"Shut the fuck up," Liv said. "JJ's pregnant with Will's baby? And they want you to play happy families with them?"

"Pretty much," Delilah said. "She's due in November. She's about four months? Nearly four months?"

"Oh my god," Liv said. "What the... What the fuck? That woman had the nerve to tease me for being a u-haul for months after Em basically moved in here, and now she's trying to throw a baby at you? That's more u-haul than me!"

"That's what you're worried about?" Emily asked. "That JJ teased you unfairly?"

"Well, I don't know, okay!" Liv whined. "This is a lot to process! I didn't even know she was still seeing Will!"

"It was a rebound fuck after our argument when I told her I didn't love her," Delilah said. "So, really, it's all my fault we're in this boat, now."

"What... What are you gonna do?" Emily asked.

"She's gonna do it," Liv murmured.

Delilah wouldn't have told Liv about Sunny and Albie unless she was going to stick around for JJ and her baby. Delilah would've been able to ignore her grief for even longer if she was gonna walk away. Liv knew that.

"You are?" Emily asked, looking at Delilah.

"Yeah," Delilah whispered. "I'm gonna try, at least. I love her, no matter what. I have to try."

"What about the logistics?" Emily asked curiously. "Like, what kind of things do you need to figure out?"

"Everything?" Delilah said. "We have nothing sorted. Will still lives in New Orleans. There'll be custody to be sorted... I don't even know. The list is longer than my leg."

"Well, you need to make a list of things to discuss," Liv said. "You've got enough time to figure it all out, then."

"Fair enough," Delilah murmured.

"Are you scared?" Emily asked.

"No," Delilah said. "It's just a baby. I'm honestly more scared of the relationship side of things. I mean, I get on with Will, and he's actually a really nice guy. We're friends, and I don't hate him or hold anything against him with how things went down."

"So, it's JJ you're worried about?" Liv asked.

"I just..." Delilah trailed off. "Not to sound traumatised for the millionth time, but... Do you not find it slightly weird that JJ wants a murderer to raise her kid with her? Like... I understand unconditional love. I understand why she wanted us to still be us before the kid was a thing. But... Now the kid's a thing, wouldn't that make her reconsider?"

"I mean-" Emily started.

"And has she told Will?" Delilah asked. "I'm not sure he'd want me around his kid if he knew. If she hasn't told him, he needs to know."

"Does he?" Emily asked.

"I literally caved my own father's skull in with my bare hands," Delilah said flatly. "I'm a victim of incest, rape, kidnapping and torture. Wouldn't you wanna know that about someone you were gonna raise a whole ass child with?"

Emily winced.

"Yeah, okay," Emily agreed. "I mean, I think that's something you can ask JJ. If she hasn't told him, at least you can give him the full story. And, if she has told him, she'll have told it properly, too. He'll know why you did it, and he'll understand. He genuinely felt for that woman unsub on that case. He knew she was a victim before she started killing, and he validated her because he meant it. He's a good guy. He sees that things aren't just black and white."

That was true. Delilah added that to the mental list of things to discuss with JJ later.

"Yeah, okay," Delilah agreed. "Is this insane, though? Like... Is this insane? All of this?"

"A little," Liv said. "But so are we. I'd be surprised if it was entirely normal."

"A little?" Emily repeated. "Babe, we're all psychotic. Be real for a minute."

"Back to JJ," Liv said. "Why is the relationship with her worrying you? Not the dad thing."

"It is the dad thing," Delilah said. "Or, it kind of is, at least. I mean, I have complex spicy deja vu. The spiciest of deja vu, okay? That isn't ever going away, and I'm handling it better than ever before, but... It's a lifelong thing. She's gonna have to deal with that for the rest of her life and, one day, she's gonna have to tell the kid why I'm fucked up the way I am. The poor kid is going to grow up around me."

"Ziggy's growing up around you and he's turning out okay," Liv said.

"I literally led my serial killer pedophile father right to Ziggy's fucking doorstep," Delilah said.

"Well, yeah, okay, but, like, he got you abducted, so, let's call that even," Liv said. "He's still better for growing up around you. You saved his life. You save so many kids lives. JJ knows having you around is better than not having you there. She loves you, yes, and you love her. She knows that means you will protect your family until the end. You've proved that to her more than enough times."

"I guess," Delilah said. "And I will be calling it even, thank you. My guilt could do with some rationality."

"Anytime," Liv grinned.

Delilah sighed, pushing her empty plate away from her.

"I think I'm gonna pick a book and hide in bed until I fall asleep," Delilah said.

"Oh! I picked up a copy of that book you mentioned a few weeks ago! The one Reid told us about?" Emily said. "They only had it in Arabic, though."

"Oh, that's fine," Delilah said. "I made it my mission to learn it after you joined."

"How many languages do you know, now?" Liv laughed.

"Well, I'm fluent in English, Spanish, Italian, French, Russian, and now Arabic, too. Uh, my Thai is a bit rusty but I'd still say I'm more fluent than most non-native speakers," Delilah said. "My Mandarin is a bit sketchy but I could get that down within an hour or so of talking it again. Oh, German! Fluent in that. Portuguese, too. And ASL, if you count that. And then I'm, like, less fluent in most other European languages. I can get by in most places. I think the only continent I need to learn a language from is Africa, actually. What African languages are there?"

She pulled out her phone to google it, eyebrows furrowed as she typed it into google quickly.

"So, you're a hyper-polyglot, 'cause you know more than eleven languages," Emily snorted. "And Kate said you weren't a genius."

"Okay, seriously, how the fuck do you just know all of the different languages?" Liv asked. "Like, how?"

"I don't know," Delilah said. "Just learn the rules of the language and it's easy enough to pick up on the patterns and apply it to conversations. Like, if you can speak Spanish and Italian, you can speak French. And then I wanted to know how to swear, so, I can swear in ninety six languages successfully!"

"I didn't even know there were ninety six languages," Liv groaned. "You really make me feel like the dumb sister."

"You're a neurosurgeon," Delilah said. "You're not dumb. And you're fluent in Italian, too. You're teaching Ziggy when we're all away."

"Still," Liv said. "The fact you're fluent in eleven languages, minimum, is insane."

"Insane," Emily echoed. "I feel like I need to learn more, now."

"Oh, you should! I'm actually working through Greek, right now, and it's fascinating," Delilah said.

"Oh, fancy," Emily said.

"We'll be here if you need us," Liv said.

"Thanks for being so chill about this," Delilah said, getting up from the table.

"Anytime," Liv smiled.

"What language are you picking?" Emily asked curiously.

"Swahili is the most spoken, but Yoruba is a close second. I'll try both, learn more of the one that I can't learn as easily," Delilah said.

"Why would you pick the harder language to learn more of?" Liv asked.

"Because I'll have to mentally dedicate myself more and practice more, and then it'll be just as easy as the other one," Delilah said. "I still have to challenge myself."

"Being an FBI agent isn't challenging enough?" Emily teased.

"Quite frankly, no," Delilah said. "I solved two of your cases on the first day I was there. If they listened to me for the second one, maybe there wouldn't be as many dead people as there are. Alas, I digress."

"Alas, I digress?" Liv repeated. "Jesus Christ, you spend less than twenty four hours with Rue and turn into Shakespeare."

"Sorry!" Delilah laughed. "Goodnight!"

"Night!" they said.

•

•

Sleep was a thing of the past. Delilah thought it would come easy after crying for so long, but it was like she'd been given a second burst of energy.

Though, she was alone in that. Emily and Liv were sleeping. Ziggy was sleeping, and Delilah would've woken him up to be a cool aunt, but the fact he was in Liv and Emily's bed with them made it a little bit more difficult.

She also didn't wanna wake Dave up, 'cause he looked very cosy with Noodle in bed.

So, Delilah sat in front of her laptop in the kitchen, reading through her online Swahili dictionary.

Her phone vibrated on the side and she picked it up, smiling when she saw Haley's name on her screen, likely replying to Delilah's reply of a photo of Jack she'd sent a few days ago that Delilah had only gotten to answering an hour ago in her sleepless boredom.

Then she processed the fact it was, like, almost two in the morning, and Haley should definitely be asleep because she had a wild three year old to wrangle at home.

Lilah:

he's adorable!!!!

Haybales:

So are you!!!!

Lilah:

what are you doing up???

Haybales:

Can't sleep! Why are you up? Didn't you have a week long case?

Lilah:

i slept for a full 24 hours when i got home lmaoo

Haybales:

I miss those days where I could marathon sleep

Lilah:

so real of you actually

i'm that bored i'm learning another language

Haybales:

You need a life :)

I'm saying that with love by the way!

LOL xoxo

Lilah:

we both know that means laughing out loud and not lots of love

Haybales:

What? Really? I did not know that

Lilah:

so rude of u

Haybales:

I'm serious, though. You need a life

Lilah:

so do u

Haybales:

You're such a worm

Come over? We can get drunk on wine! Jack's with Jess for the night x

Lilah:

worm??????????????

be twenty mins

liv's asleep coming solo

Haybales:

If you look in your new language dictionary, your pic is under worm :)

I'll get the wine out!

Boooo, your sister is boring!

LOL xoxo

Lilah:

die :)

Haybales:

You first :)

Delilah laughed, locking her phone and closing the laptop. She left a note on the whiteboard on the fridge for the family in the morning, then grabbed her jacket and a bottle of Dave's good wine, and found her car keys in the bowl of keys.

They had about nine sets of keys in there, and it was fucking annoying, but she found hers and she was in her car within two minutes, a grin on her face at the idea of filling Haley in on everything about the past few days.

•

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Two glasses of wine and a fuck ton of cheese into their spontaneous girls night, Delilah decided it was time to tell Haley the truth.

"Your ex husband is a hypocritical cunt and I hate him," Delilah declared.

Haley sorted.

"I remember the first time I realised I hated him more than I loved him. I drank a loooooot of wine," she said. "What'd he do this time?"

"Well, on this case, there was this woman called Kate Joyner from Scotland Yard that he liaised with, and he kept backing her when she was shooting down our suggestions. Someone died because of it, and Morgan got pissy, and Hotch was just acting like a fucking dick," Delilah said. "He got all in my face and said I've never looked more like my father and, literally four hours later, was apologising to me."

"He's such a dick," Haley sighed. "For such a smart man, he does not do well with people."

"Well, he needs to learn, 'cause I'm sick of him not believing I'm right about things and more people dying because of it," Delilah said.

"He isn't going to learn," Haley said, sipping on her wine. "That's his thing. He wants to change. He tries it for a week, and then he finds something new to prioritise and he completely forgets he had something to learn in the first place."

"Well, I'm tired of it, and it seems the rest of the team are catching on, too," Delilah said.

"How is the team?" Haley asked.

"Morgan apologised to me," Delilah said.

"What?" Haley almost dropped her wine. "He did?"

"He went to therapy," Delilah said. "I'll give him a chance. He knows he has to earn it, and I'm never gonna trust him again, not fully, but I'd rather have him on my side than on Hotch's."

Haley snorted.

"So petty. I love it," Haley said. "What about JJ? How's that going?"

"She's pregnant," Delilah said.

Haley did drop her wine.

"You didn't use protection?!" Haley cried.

Delilah sipped on her wine, raising an eyebrow.

"Seriously?" Delilah asked. "I don't have a penis, Hales."

"Fuck, I forgot about that," Haley said. "My wine!"

"We can worry about it tomorrow. It's an ugly rug, anyway," Delilah said.

"Jess bought me this rug," Haley said.

"Is she colourblind?" Delilah asked.

"Never mind that. Who got JJ pregnant?"

"Will."

"Who the fuck is Will?"

"Will is Will."

"Girl-"

"Will Lamontagne Jr. He was the detective in the New Orleans case. JJ keeps fucking him to get over me and it doesn't work," Delilah said.

Haley stared blankly at her.

"They want me to raise this baby with them," Delilah said, popping some cheese in her mouth.

"What, as a throuple?" Haley cried.

"As JJ's girlfriend, I'm assuming, considering Will is on our side, whatever the fuck that means," Delilah said.

"Oh my god," Haley said, staring blankly at Delilah. "This is crazy."

"I also fucked her, like, the night before we came home. The day of us coming home? It was late, I was high, she found me, I missed her, we fucked, end of story," Delilah said. "Actually, not end of story. Love confessions, then end of story. I didn't leave the best. Probably gave her mixed signals, actually. God, I'm so fucking stupid. I should text her-"

"You're drunk, so, no, let's not text her at four in the morning," Haley said, grabbing Delilah's phone before she could. "You can figure that one out tomorrow. I'll help. I'll drive you home and we can brainstorm with Liv and Emily. I've been meaning to arrange a catch up and this is the perfect excuse. We should invite Jace, Penelope and Zara, too, make it a little family weekend. It is Saturday tomorrow, after all."

"So off topic, but I'm down to have a barbecue," Delilah said. "I can make my ribs."

"Really coming into your dad persona," Haley smirked. "Or do you prefer daddy?"

Her face then paled instantly.

"I can't make daddy jokes with you," Haley said.

"Considering my history, probably not the best idea," Delilah chuckled.

"Well, okay," Haley said. "You don't suit cargo shorts, anyway. Mommy."

"I think that's worse?" Delilah said. "Considering my history with my mom?"

"Well, pick one, Lilah! Do you want me to take the piss out of you sleeping next to your mom's corpse or your incestuous upbringing?" Haley said, pouring herself another glass of wine.

"Preferably neither?" Delilah laughed, holding her glass out, too. "You're so insane. I've missed you."

"I've missed you," Haley grinned. "Are you worried? About being a mom? Are you gonna be a mom?"

"I mean, they asked me to be involved, so, I think so? I mean, I'd never make the kid call me that, and it's not just my decision about things like this? I don't think I have a right to make a decision? I don't know," Delilah said. "I think we'll just figure it out. We have to see if we can actually maintain a relationship, first."

"You two are married without the rings and the law," Haley said. "Domestic U-haul lesbians to boot. You're gonna be great. At being wifed up and being a mom, or parent's girlfriend. I don't know."

Delilah just giggled, rolling her eyes fondly.

"You don't want kids, do you?" Haley said. "Your own biological kids, I mean. I know you're chill with adopting them."

"Yes to adoption, no to biological," Delilah said. "My bloodline needs to end with me. It's the Milners that are the problem and, luckily enough for me, I'm the last living one in this branch. I think four generations of serial killers will die with me? Or at least murderers. I did break the abuser cycle, but that was about three generations, too."

"Is your family tree a circle, considering the penance for incest?" Haley snorted.

"No, but I was the first girl born into the family in seven generations. My earliest ancestor can be traced back to eighteen thirty-two, and there were no girls until little old me," Delilah grinned.

"Wow, okay," Haley said. "So, you were a big deal."

"I would've been, had four previous generations of sons not murdered their fucking fathers," Delilah said. "Seriously, when I say this family tree is fucked up, I mean it. It ends with me. It has to."

"Valid," Haley said. "Did you make that decision because of your bloodline or just because you never want them?"

"Bloodline," Delilah said. "If my genetics wouldn't curse that poor bastard to winning the genetic serial killer trait lottery, I would happily have kids. I mean, I'd still adopt, but I would consider having my own. I wanted my own kids until Dylan died, and then I realised that I couldn't risk bringing another Elliot into this world."

"That's sad," Haley sighed. "Very understandable, though. I don't think I'd do it, either."

"It's not even, like, my genes from Elliot that tie the decision together. They'll get my genetics," Delilah said.

"Your genes are Elliot's," Haley pointed out.

"Half of them are," Delilah said. "There's been a recent study conducted in the epigenetic field that say a mother's emotions can alter the genetics of an offspring. I'm not only giving my kids the serial killer genetic cocktail, my anger and sadness will literally alter their genetics before they're even born. I would be birthing a bundle of trauma and expecting it to function in a world it has no place existing in."

"Jesus christ," Haley whispered. "That's fucking terrifying."

"I will say, though, I'm quite sad that I'll never get to use any of my family names," Delilah said. "All my relatives have weird fucking names."

"Spill," Haley grinned.

"Uh, Hawkin, Xonie, Cricket, Ike, Otis, Claiborne, Dorsey, Enoch and Silas," Delilah listed off. "I mean, we go from Silas to Elliot. What the fuck? Where's the originality?"

"Cricket?" Haley giggled. "You have a relative called Cricket?"

"He's dead, but, yeah," Delilah laughed.

"Do not suggest any of those names to JJ," Haley said. "Especially if they're gonna have Will's surname. Actually, though, Hawkin Lamontagne sounds cool."

"Are you kidding me?" Delilah snorted. "That poor kid! That's a mouthful!"

"And Delilah Bellerose isn't?" Haley snorted.

"Leave my name alone! I didn't fucking pick it!" Delilah said.

"You should name it Haley," Haley said. "I'm serious, actually. You have to name a kid after me."

"I can't tell them what to name their kid," Delilah said.

"Fine. Then adopt a baby and call her Haley. Find a way," Haley teased. "If you ever have the chance to name a baby after me, I demand first dibs."

"I'm sure Liv would fight you for that," Delilah snorted.

"There can't be two Liv Belleroses," Haley said. "But Haley Bellerose doesn't exist yet!"

"And she may never exist," Delilah laughed. "But, sure. If I ever have the chance to name a baby after you, I will."

"Thank you," Haley grinned. "And if I ever get a cat, I will name it after you!"

"You get a whole ass child and I get a cat?" Delilah scoffed.

"You already have a nephew from me," Haley said, shoving some cheese in her mouth. "Not my fault Aaron wouldn't let me name him after you."

"You can't name a boy Delilah," Delilah pointed out.

"Yes you can. Fuck social norms and gender roles," Haley said. "Poor bastard would be bullied, but, still. I would do it for you."

"Please don't. I don't want the kid to hate me," Delilah snorted.

"Nobody could ever hate you," Haley said. "I never could."

"I could never hate you," Delilah grinned. "I love you more than your ex-husband."

"That is a low fucking bar to beat," Haley scoffed. "You love me more than Derek."

"I do," Delilah agreed. "You're basically my sister, Hales. You know that."

"I do!" Haley beamed, wrapping Delilah into a side hug. "I love you, worm."

"I love you, you bellend," Delilah laughed.

•

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Delilah needed to talk to JJ. And probably Will. She didn't particularly want to talk to either because, in a weird way, that would make it even more real.

She would be making plans for the next few years of her life, at least, and it was with the wrong people, in a way, because she wanted a family with Sunny and Albie, but she was getting one with JJ, Will, and their baby.

It was weird that the actual conversation would make it real and the baby announcement hadn't done that for her already. It was weird that this would make it real and telling Liv about her kids didn't. It was weird that it was all happening this way.

Still, she needed to talk to JJ and Will, so, Delilah checked that JJ was home (thank the gods or whoever made the world for Penelope Garcia), and then headed over. Will was back in New Orleans, but Delilah would deal with that later.

She didn't text ahead to let her know. She probably should've, but she didn't want to send JJ into a panic in the forty five minutes it took her to leave her house and stop at a coffee shop to pick them both up a cup of tea.

Though, it didn't take her forty five minutes just to get a cup of tea. There was a crafts store beside the coffee shop and Delilah couldn't help but wander in, initially spotting a new set of watercolour paints she thought Colin might enjoy.

She picked them up, and a few new packets of brushes, and then grabbed a few new balls of wool for Nora for her knitting. Nora loved knitting, and she'd have a new baby to knit so many things for come November. She could have a head start.

Though, Delilah couldn't help but stare at this beautiful ocean blue wool on the rack. She picked a ball up, smiling when it felt like clouds against her fingers.

It was baby blanket wool, and Delilah was grateful for her genius status, and for childhood knitting and crocheting lessons with Nora that she had kept up with during the years. She hadn't done it for a while, but it was like riding a bike. She'd be as good as new by tomorrow and could get this churned out in a day or two.

So, Delilah added about twenty balls of the wool to her basket, knowing it was best to have spares when kids were concerned because they lost things so easily, and picked up a packet of crochet hooks she liked the look of.

She paid for it all and threw it in the trunk carefully, then drove over to JJ's apartment.

She'd barely ever been here. She'd been inside only once, and it was when she was coming with JJ to grab some more clothes back in 2006 because JJ had pretty much lived with them in the apartment, then.

Still, Delilah knew the way to her apartment and she headed up, teas warm in her hands. She knocked on the door of JJ's apartment, waiting only a moment before it opened.

"Lilah?" JJ asked, staring at Delilah with wide eyes.

"I brought you tea," Delilah said. "Lemon and honey. Nora swears by it when you're pregnant."

"Nora knows?" JJ asked, stepping back to let Delilah in.

"Nora's in Maryland until tomorrow, so, no, neither she nor Colin know," Delilah said, kicking JJ's door shut behind her.

She looked around JJ's apartment, eyebrows slowly crawling up her forehead in confusion.

"Are you in a depression spiral?" Delilah asked, doing a slow spin to truly take in the chaotic mess of JJ's apartment.

JJ groaned, lying down on the couch that was piled high with blankets. Delilah put the coffee down on the kitchen island, having to shove aside a pile of unopened letters, and then walked over to the couch.

She couldn't sit on there with the mess, or on the other couch, so, she crouched in front of JJ and watched the woman blink her eyes open as she looked at Delilah.

"Why are you here?" JJ whispered.

"Well, I was here to talk, but I think that can wait," Delilah said, looking over her shoulder. "Drink your tea, and give me five minutes, okay?"

JJ nodded. Delilah grabbed JJ her tea, then headed down the hallway to JJ's bedroom.

Her bed was covered with piles of laundry, though the floor was covered in dirty laundry. Empty water bottles were thrown across the floor, and drawers were pulled out with their contents helping form the floor-drobe that had taken over JJ's room.

Delilah moved the clean laundry off JJ's bed, kicking the dirty clothes off the ottoman to set the clean ones down. She stripped the bed, throwing the sheets out into the hallway, then pulled some fresh bedding out of JJ's cupboard and set the bed up for her.

She headed back down the hallway to the living room. JJ was sat up on the couch, now, hands holding the tea in her hands. Delilah only then noticed she was wearing one of Delilah's FBI Academy hoodies, because the initials below the badge were DB and not JJ.

"When did you last get a shower?" Delilah asked.

"The morning we flew home from New York," JJ said.

Three days.

"Okay, come on," Delilah said, holding her hand out.

JJ took it, letting Delilah help her to her feet. Delilah led her down the hallway to JJ's bedroom, then into the bathroom.

That wasn't as messy as the rest of the apartment, thank god. It was clean enough that JJ could get a shower.

"Get a shower, wash your hair, and then I'll braid it for you. You can get some sleep, then," Delilah said.

JJ looked away from the fresh bedding, blinking at Delilah with teary eyes.

"What are you gonna do?" JJ whispered.

"Take care of you," Delilah said. "I'll grab you some clean towels and get pyjamas set out for you."

"Thank you," JJ whispered.

Delilah smiled, slipping out of the bathroom. The shower turned on as she found some clean towels for JJ, and she put them on the bathroom side. JJ was staring at herself in the mirror, hoodie pulled off but a t-shirt still on.

She was staring at her stomach.

Delilah tilted her head to the side as she looked at the bump.

"It's a boy," Delilah said.

"Huh?" JJ asked, looking over her shoulder at Delilah. "It's too early to tell. I'm... I'm barely showing."

"You're carrying low," Delilah said.

"Old wives tale," JJ said.

"Yeah," Delilah agreed. "But it's a boy."

"You can't know that," JJ said, chuckling quietly.

"I do, though," Delilah smiled. "I'll be in here when you're done."

"Thanks," JJ said.

Delilah closed the door behind her, starting to gather all the dirty laundry and throw it into the hallway. She picked everything up off the floor and put it back where she assumed it belonged, or in the pile of clean laundry, and then she put the laundry away and got rid of all the water bottles and few dishes in there.

In about fifteen minutes, the room looked normal, again. Delilah quickly brushed the floor, deciding she could wait to mop until JJ was asleep so neither of them would walk on it. She then kicked all the dirty laundry down the hallway to the washing baskets. She could run them down to the utility room and get them washed and in the dryer while JJ slept, so, they'd be done by the time she woke up, hopefully.

She looked like she needed sleep, and a lot of it.

"Lilah?"

Delilah headed back down the hallway to JJ's room, smiling when she saw JJ was changed into the pyjama pants and the t-shirt that was Delilah's.

"You know you don't have to tidy my apartment, right?" JJ said, tugging the towel off her hair.

"I know," Delilah said. "Sit down. I'll braid your hair for you."

JJ sat on the bed, crossing her legs. Delilah grabbed the hairbrush off the side, and two hair ties, then sat on her knees behind JJ.

She was careful as she brushed JJ's hair out, then tilted her head back gently to part her hair. JJ leaned her head forward so Delilah could part the back, and then turned her head so Delilah could start braiding the left side of her hair from the start.

"Inside braids or out?" Delilah asked.

"Out," JJ yawned.

Delilah nodded, starting to braid JJ's hair quickly. She was done with the first braid in two minutes, then finished the other.

"All done," Delilah said.

"How do you braid so fast?" JJ yawned again, moving as Delilah tugged the blankets back.

"Practice," Delilah chuckled.

She tucked JJ under the blankets, making sure she was comfortable.

"Get some sleep, okay?" Delilah asked, climbing off the bed.

"Will you be here when I wake up?" JJ whispered.

"Yeah," Delilah said softly.

"Are you gonna leave as soon as I'm awake again?" JJ whispered.

"No," Delilah said. "No. I'm here as long as you want me to be. Or until one of us gets called into work. Or Liv calls me home."

JJ nodded. Delilah watched her eyes flutter shut, watched the rise and fall of her chest with the blanket. Delilah leaned down, kissing JJ's forehead softly.

"Shout me if you need me."

"I will," JJ murmured.

Delilah stared at her for another moment before she tucked a few baby hairs off JJ's forehead.

"Ti amo, bambina," Delilah whispered.

"I love you, too," JJ whispered, squeezing Delilah's hand quickly. "Wait until I fall asleep?"

"Whatever you want," Delilah promised.

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