AN: HAPPY ONE YEAR OF HEART LIKE YOURS WOOO🎉🥳

so first of all i'm a twat and the anniversary is today not yesterday hence why i didn't update🌝

BUT i'm updating now and it's 7500 ish words so? it makes up for it!

thank you so much to everyone who's read this book and stuck by delilah and her crazy little mind since you found us! i know a few of you have been here from the legit start when i had like 5 chapters up which is so insane because we've got to watch lilah grow up over the past year together! so yeah thank you all so much for reading and commenting and voting, you have no idea how much it means to me that you all love lilah! here's to the next year of her and her bullshit :)

so, with that being said, here's todays update!

TW:
mental breakdowns/panic attacks
discussions of child abuse/child death
discussions of delilah's dad
mention of drugs and violence
discussions of abductions/disappearances

if i've missed any please do let me know so i can add them to the list :)

i hope you all enjoy, and happy one year again from me and lilah! <3

•

"when you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood." - sam ewing

•

Delilah walked down the hill about twenty minutes later once Colin and Nora were safely out of the way, hood pulled up and a cigarette between her lips. Her eyes darted around the quiet street, landing on the bench that her visitor was sat on. Delilah walked over, sitting on the bench and holding out her cigarette silently.

She took it, taking a long drag before handing it back to Delilah.

"You didn't call me until now," Delilah said. "You knew I wouldn't find you."

"You could've. You didn't look."

"Would you have wanted me to?"

"No. I wouldn't."

"How did you keep tabs on me if there's been no breaches in the FBI security?"

"You might be incredibly careful about hiding who you are, Lilah, but I'm afraid the rest of the team isn't as smart as you when it comes to that. Morgan posted a photograph of him and Garcia in a bar, and your bag was on the table. I recognised your ring in another photo Garcia posted. And, then, of course, Haley's Facebook statuses after Jack has had a day with his aunt Lilah or aunt Liv."

"You sound like a stalker," Delilah laughed, handing the last of her cigarette over. "Doesn't explain how you found me here."

"You drove past me last night on the highway when there was that big traffic jam. I turned around and came back."

"What were you doing here in the first place? There's literally nothing interesting about this town."

"I think a prolific child molester turned serial killer is an interesting thing about this town."

Delilah sighed heavily, turning her head to look at the person sitting beside her.

Elle Greenaway stared back at her, a sad smile on her face.

"If it's any consolation, I found everything out by accident," Elle said. "And I don't think I have all the facts right."

Delilah nodded slowly, shoving her hands in her pockets and standing up.

"Come on," she said. "I have shit to do today. You can tag along, bring your profiling skills out of retirement."

"Sounds fun!" Elle grinned, following Delilah towards town. "What are we investigating?"

"A missing child," Delilah said.

Elle's smile faded slightly.

"Ah. Okay. Where are we heading first? Coffee? Let's get coffee," Elle said, linking Delilah and tugging her down the street.

"I... I quit caffeine," Delilah said.

"What?" Elle stopped walking. "You? why?"

"I can't drink it on my antidepressants," Delilah said.

Elle blinked at her.

"You've changed," Elle said. "I don't know how I feel about that."

"It's okay," Delilah sighed. "I don't know how I feel about it, either. You can get coffee. I'll get tea. And then we can talk."

"Yeah. Then we can talk. Though, maybe we're best not doing this in public. Uh, I don't know about you, but people are staring at us," Elle muttered.

"Yeah. They don't know us," Delilah muttered back, avoiding people's eyes.

"They know you," Elle said.

"Not anymore," Delilah murmured. "I've changed, remember?"

"Yeah," Elle said quietly. "So have I."

•

•

The town was empty of any signs of Ziggy. Nobody had seen anything, nobody had heard anything, nobody had noticed anything.

It was a dead end.

Delilah called it by five pm. Nora and Colin were still going to be at work and church until about seven according to their texts, so, Delilah took Elle back up the hill towards their houses. Elle followed curiously, eyes on Delilah's childhood home.

"It looks abandoned," Elle said. "Does anyone live there?"

"No," Delilah said, not looking at it. "Owner lives out of town."

"Huh," Elle said. "It's such a pretty house, and a pretty garden. I wonder why they left."

"You really don't wanna know," Delilah sighed. "Come on."

Elle followed her inside, Delilah leading her to the kitchen and putting the kettle on.

"Alright. Time to talk," Delilah said, turning to look at her.

"You remember that case you told me about? The one with the black balloons?" Elle said.

"Yeah," Delilah said.

Elle pulled a manilla file out of her bag, sliding it over to Delilah. Delilah stared at it before walking over, opening it and staring down at the photograph of black balloons on the page in front of her.

"This one is in Nevada," Elle said. "Taken a month ago. Actually, they're all in Nevada, spread over about... Four months. And I don't think they're being set off for the same reason they were last time. I think... I think it's different, this time."

"What do you mean?" Delilah asked, sitting down slowly.

"Well, there's no kids missing. None at all. Lilah, I've been following these balloons closely. So closely. The only thing is, there's a gap between balloons popping up. Around... The start of July? They disappear, and then they come back about a week later."

"Oregon," Delilah murmured. "I saw them there, then. Thought I was going insane. Gideon told me I wasn't."

Nevada was only one state away from Oregon. The journey would be easy to make.

"You've spoken to Gideon?" Elle asked.

"He left me a voicemail telling me to trust my gut about this, telling me that nobody else would help me with this," Delilah said.

"Hotch?" Elle asked.

"Didn't believe me," Delilah said. "I knew it was real. He told me it was a hallucination. I mean, I get it. There's no way they could've magically appeared in Oregon at the same time we were there, out of view of cameras and witnesses, gone within two minutes of me seeing them. But I knew."

"He didn't believe you?" Elle blinked.

"Only reason I started taking meds was because he sent me for psych evals and my therapist thinks I'm losing my fucking mind," Delilah scoffed. "I thought I was going crazy. I really, really did."

"Yeah, well, Hotch doesn't have the best track record with us, does he?" Elle sighed.

"Why do you think they're being let off for different reasons? What different reasons?" Delilah asked.

"That's what I'm stuck on. The profile you told me about says that he let off balloons at abductions, but, with no children missing or anything, I'm kind of at a standstill. And... And with him going to Oregon to set off balloons there... I don't know," Elle said.

Delilah stared down at the photos, a sick feeling in her stomach.

"You were right," Delilah murmured. "Our cases are connected, after all."

"They are?" Elle asked.

"My kid is from Nevada," Delilah said. "And the balloons only leaving Nevada to come to Oregon, when I was there... It's... Fuck."

"Why are you connected to this? You were too young to work this case. I checked the dates," Elle said.

"You know the thirteenth victim?" Delilah said. "We're sat in his kitchen right now. The house next door? That's where the Highland Hunter lived. That's where I lived."

Elle stared at her for a few seconds before it seemed to click.

"He took his daughter. That's the only way people knew who was killing these boys. That... That was you. You're Isobel Milner," Elle whispered.

Delilah ran her hands through her hair, tugging at her roots as her chest started to tighten.

Her father was back, like she said. Except, this time, his target wasn't Delilah, like she had thought.

It was Ziggy.

He had Ziggy, and nobody was going to fucking believe Delilah because this was all insane and they couldn't take this circumstantial evidence as real evidence, because Elliot Milner was careful enough to leave no real evidence behind.

Ziggy was going to die in the cabin that Dylan died in, the cabin that all the boys died in, and Delilah was never going to find him. She was the one that had to go home and tell Liv about this, and Delilah couldn't help the overwhelming wave of guilt that echoed over her.

This was all her fault, just like it was when Dylan died.

"Hey, Lilah, you need to breathe, okay?" Elle's voice came faintly above Delilah, hands grabbing at her arms.

Delilah pushed them away, stumbling to her feet as her vision swam. Her chest heaved as she tried to breathe, but nothing she did would help her, now.

No, she'd gotten Dylan killed, and she was going to get Ziggy killed, too.

It should be her. It should've always been her.

"Lilah, sit down," Elle said, pushing Delilah down onto the floor. "Head between your knees, breathe."

Elle's hands rubbed Delilah's back soothingly as she wedged her head between her knees, squeezing her eyes shut until dark spots blurred into her eyelids. Her chest ached, heart pounding, clothes sticking to her skin with sweat.

Elle's skin against Delilah's made her insides burn and she shuffled away from the touch, silent sobs falling from her lips as Elle followed her again.

"You-" Delilah stuttered out, head spinning as she lifted it. "Stop, please."

Elle nodded, shuffling back so she was sat on the kitchen floor opposite Delilah.

"Just copy my breathing, okay?" Elle said.

She exaggerated her breathing, but it was too easily drowned out with the rushing of blood in Delilah's head. She closed her eyes, dropping her head against her knees with an exhausted sob, tugging at the roots in her hair until she could feel pain and try and focus on that, instead.

Dizziness ebbed at the corners of her vision and Delilah groaned, choking breaths through her closed up throat until she felt like she was going to die.

"Shit!" Elle hissed.

Delilah vaguely saw her move out of the corners of her eyes, but she couldn't focus on anything except the caving pressure in her chest.

She just wanted to feel safe, and the realisation that she was never going to be safe, that the people around her were never going to be safe, was crushing.

How did she consistently fuck her life and everybody else's life up this much? It had been almost sixteen years. Shouldn't this be over by now? Hadn't she and everybody else lost enough to Elliot Milner after all this time?

"Lilah, how do I fix this?" Elle panicked.

"Up," Delilah managed to choke out.

Cold water always shocked her out of her panic attacks after her nightmares. It would do the same, now.

Elle nodded, grabbing Delilah and hauling her to her feet, wrapping an arm around her waist as her knees almost gave in. Delilah flinched at the contact, but she nodded to Elle through her panic to keep going.

Elle almost dragged Delilah upstairs, following her shaky hands towards the bathroom. Delilah stumbled in, throwing her phone out of her pocket and climbing into the bathtub, turning the shower on as cold as it would go and collapsing down under the icy spray.

It did work, like Delilah knew it would.

The cold sting against her skin erased the feeling of Elle's hands against her body, and it shocked her system from panic to freezing. The shivers were worse than the ache in her chest, and she found it easier to catch her breath with the white noise of the shower.

"I'll get some towels and dry clothes," Elle said.

Delilah nodded. Elle left the room, leaving the door open, and Delilah forced a deep breath through her chest, leaning her head back against the wet tiles.

"Here we go," Elle stepped into the room with a pair of sweatpants, fresh underwear, a hoodie, and a few towels. "You need a few more minutes?"

"Sugar," Delilah murmured. "I'll need sugar. I'm shaky."

Elle nodded, putting the clothes and towels down and leaving the room to go and raid the kitchen. Delilah turned the water off, dragging herself up to sit on the side of the bathtub, peeling her wet clothes off her body and drying herself with trembling hands.

She'd gotten the sweatpants on and was drying her arms with a towel when she heard Elle's footsteps coming back.

"I made a cup of tea with, like, eight sugars. Spencer levels of sugar, which are also your levels. I don't think I ever told you this, but you two are really similar," Elle said, walking back into the bathroom. "Oh, you have back tattoos! I didn't know that."

"Yeah," Delilah said, squeezing the water out of her hair.

She was too exhausted to wash it. She'd brush it and braid it, and it would be a problem for tomorrow morning.

"They're soulmate theories, right?" Elle asked, handing Delilah the hoodie. "Twin flames, invisible string, sun and moon. And these are constellations. Taurus, cancer, scorpio."

"Yeah," Delilah said, tugging the hoodie on and taking the hairbrush Elle held out to her, turning to face Elle now she was covered. "You believe in soulmates?"

"I didn't, for a long time," Elle said, leaning against the counter. "And then I took one look at you and JJ and knew that they had to be real. How's that going, anyway?"

"It's..." Delilah trailed off, waving her hand. "I don't know. Good? We're... I don't know."

"Nothing really changed there, then," Elle chuckled. "Have you at least accepted that you're in love with her?"

"Yeah," Delilah sighed. "And I know she's in love with me. It's just... It can't happen. It's not fair to her to lie to her mom. She says it's not fair to hide me."

"Still slept with her, though," Elle said.

"I forgot how judgy you could be," Delilah said.

"Figured I was best distracting you," Elle said. "What are you gonna do?"

"About JJ?"

"About... About your dad, Delilah," Elle said.

"Please don't call him that," Delilah shook her head.

"Sorry. I'm sorry," Elle whispered.

"I'll tell Hotch. I'll call Dave, get him to come down to Virginia. If we gang up on him, and Liv and JJ are on our side, and we have the photos you gave me, then he has to check it out," Delilah said. "Nora and Colin are gonna drive me up tomorrow morning. You wanna come?"

"No," Elle said. "I can hang out for a while, though, tonight. My flight isn't until, like, two in the morning, and I don't really wanna leave you alone after, uh..."

"A mental breakdown," Delilah said. "Understood. Yeah, you can hang out. I mean, Dylan's parents are gonna come back at, like, seven, so, if you're cool with meeting them. Uh, also, I'm not gonna... I'm gonna explain this to them in the morning, when we're leaving, 'cause they won't be able to stay here when they find out that the man who murdered their son is now back at it, but driving at night with that on their minds is a bad idea and more dangerous than doing it in the morning."

"Yeah, that's completely understandable," Elle nodded. "Do you, um... Wanna... I don't know, I mean, I guess I thought that maybe, uh, you might wanna... Talk about it? Now... Now someone knows?"

Delilah accepted the cup of tea Elle held out to her, sipping it and smiling at the taste of pure sugar on her tongue.

"I have a therapist," Delilah said.

"Yeah, I know," Elle said. "You've probably paid his mortgage off."

Delilah laughed, nodding her head.

"I probably have, yeah," Delilah said.

She looked down at her socks, tracing her finger around the rim of the cup of tea.

"I wasn't supposed to be there," Delilah whispered. "The cabin."

"I know," Elle said. "The papers said that you went looking for Dylan. That was the last time you were seen for almost nine months."

Delilah nodded slowly.

"I only remember until Halloween. Everything after that is a blur. We were in a basement. We were chained to the walls and had mattresses. I couldn't... I couldn't reach Dylan from where I was. Every night, I used to try and convince him to hurt me and not Dylan, but it never worked," Delilah murmured.

Elle stared at her for a few seconds.

"You heard everything he did to Dylan. You saw it," Elle whispered.

"It's my fault he's dead. Dylan," Delilah said. "Everyone says it isn't, but, it is. He used to trick us into trying to escape by leaving our chains and the doors unlocked. Psychological warfare is his speciality. Always has been."

"You'd be punished if you tried to leave," Elle said.

"Yeah," Delilah said. "It was Halloween, our birthday, and he did it again. I was sick of it. Dylan and I argued for about twenty minutes about whether or not to risk it. In the end, I said I was leaving either way. And I left. Dylan followed. He always fucking followed me."

"You didn't shoot him, Lilah. It's not your fault," Elle said.

Delilah stared at Elle for a few seconds.

"If I stayed down there, he wouldn't have died," Delilah said.

"He would've," Elle said. "It was always his endgame. He couldn't not kill them, Lilah. It's a mercy Dylan died when he did. It would've gotten worse. It would've gotten worse for you, too."

Delilah tilted her head.

"It should've been me," Delilah said. "It should be me this time, too."

Elle stared at Delilah for a few seconds.

"I get why you never told anyone," Elle said. "About this. When everybody knew about me and that rapist, they all looked at me weird, like a time bomb waiting to go off. It was worse than dealing with what I'd done. I was a victim to a few people, and a monster to others."

"I never thought you were either," Delilah said. "I'd be a hypocrite, granted, but, still. You've always been Elle to me."

"I don't think it works that way," Elle said. "Not being either. I am a victim, and I am a monster. I killed someone."

"He deserved it," Delilah said. "He would've ruined so many more lives. Yeah, maybe you didn't go about it the right way, but nobody on earth is missing that man, and so many women are sleeping easy knowing he's gone."

"Who was I to make that decision? I don't get to play judge, jury and executioner. That's not the job," Elle said.

"Do you regret it?" Delilah asked.

"No," Elle said instantly. "I regret that it cost me the team, but I don't regret doing it."

"Then why does it matter?" Delilah asked. "I don't think you're a victim, and I don't think you're a monster. You're Elle. That's all I ever cared about."

"This doesn't change how I see you," Elle said. "Your past. I get why you never told anyone, but it doesn't change how I feel. Makes a lot of sense, and definitely explains a lot of questions I had, but you're just Lilah to me. Always will be."

"Even if I go all psycho killer like my genetics indicate I will?" Delilah said, a small smile on her face.

"If you don't call me to go all psycho killer with you, then, yeah, I'll judge you," Elle chuckled.

Elle smiled, watching Delilah sip on her tea for a minute.

"I know I never said it, but you are one of the best friends I've ever had. The best friend, honestly," Elle said.

"I'm not a good friend to anyone. Especially you. I didn't even look for you," Delilah said.

"Because you knew I'd reach out when I was ready. The same way I wouldn't look for you, either," Elle said. "We get each other, even if we didn't talk about why we got each other. That makes you an amazing friend. You know me, and you see me."

Delilah smiled, tracing her finger around the rim of her cup.

"I miss you," Delilah said, tilting her head as she looked at Elle. "I forgot how much I liked having you always there by my side. I didn't even realise how much I needed you back then."

"You know," Elle started, "If you ever need me, you can call me."

"How?" Delilah said. "You called me on an unknown number."

"Well, I'll text you and check in. You have my number then," Elle said.

Delilah nodded.

"You're never coming back to the BAU, are you?" Delilah asked.

"No," Elle said. "Why?"

"Just checking nobody will find out about my breakdown," Delilah chuckled. "Hotch already thinks I need to be sectioned. Best not to add to that."

"Probably best to be honest, though," Elle said. "Who knows? A grippy sock vacation may help the spicy deja vu."

"When he is dead and done, I'll go on a grippy sock vacation for the spicy deja vu," Delilah said.

"Can I ask you something else? While we're talking about personal stuff. You can ignore me, if you want," Elle said.

"Go on," Delilah said.

"You... You're a mother, aren't you?" Elle asked.

Delilah stared at her for a few seconds before standing up slowly, free hand coming up to grab the heart pendant of JJ's necklace.

"I don't know," Delilah said. "Am I still a mother if both of my kids are dead?"

"Yeah," Elle said softly. "I think you are. And I think they would say the same."

Delilah managed a weak smile.

"Do you want to talk about them?" Elle asked.

"They weren't mine," Delilah said, leaning against the sink. "Not by blood. I just raised them. It was for a case, but I got attached. They became mine. They died in June, two thousand and four. Sunny was eight. Albie turned seven the day before he died."

Elle stared at Delilah for a moment.

"You were grieving both of your kids this entire time. I met you in August, two thousand and four when you joined the BAU. I had no idea. None of us had any idea," Elle whispered. "You lost your babies and you were staring at dead kids at work two months later."

"Why do you think Hotch and Gideon were acting like helicopter parents around me?" Delilah said.

"I just figured it was because you grew up knowing them," Elle said. "There was a photo of you in Gideon's wallet, the two of you asleep on two hammocks next to each other by a lake. I saw it when he first came back after his psych eval."

"Well, yeah, that too, but they were the only two people who knew about the kids, and Gideon didn't even know that they were kids. He just thought they were friends I made there," Delilah said.

"Huh," Elle murmured.

"Come on. I need another cup of tea. And a hand getting downstairs. My legs are gone," Delilah said.

"I got you," Elle said, linking Delilah and taking her empty cup of tea. "Let's get some more sugar in your system."

•

•

Elle stayed for dinner. With Dylan's parents. After she had investigated Ziggy's case unknowingly and brought the evidence to Delilah.

It sounded a lot weirder than it was, in all honesty.

They didn't talk about the fact something was clearly wrong with Delilah, judging by the bloodshot eyes and half dry hair. They didn't talk about the fact that Elle had left the team and disappeared for months.

Most of their conversation lingered around JJ and Delilah's inability to get their shit together and, before Delilah knew it, she was sat on the porch having a cigarette with Nora, Colin, and Elle, like this wasn't one of the strangest things that had happened today.

"It's nice having you here, Elle," Nora said, handing her cigarette over to Colin. "We never really meet any of Delilah's friends."

"It's nice being here," Elle chuckled. "You guys will love JJ when you meet her. She makes Lilah turn to mush."

"I wonder when the wedding will be," Colin chuckled.

"They have to legalise it first, honey," Nora reminded him.

Colin blinked.

"We didn't already do that?" he asked. "But we have a pride parade every June! We celebrate the gays here!"

"Not all of America is as liberated as us, honey," Nora laughed. "And we can't legalise it until the government do."

"Then I have ordained five illegal marriages to date," Colin winced. "Shit, am I going to have to pay fines? I'm the mayor. It's fine."

"Oh my god, they remind me of you and JJ," Elle whispered to Delilah.

"Don't you start," Delilah whispered back.

Elle laughed, flicking the ash off her cigarette. Delilah leaned into her side, resting her head against Elle's shoulder.

"Thank you," Delilah mumbled. "For everything."

"Thank you," Elle whispered. "For everything."

"Am I ever gonna see you again after this?" Delilah whispered.

She knew they'd stay in touch over the phone, but visits were a different story.

Elle stared at her for a few seconds, then dropped a kiss on Delilah's forehead.

"Yeah. I'll check in on you. As long as you keep it quiet from the others. I don't think they'll be as happy to see me as you were," Elle said.

"Yeah, I can imagine Hotch having an opinion on this. I won't tell him where I got the things from, either," Delilah said quietly.

"Thanks, Lilah," Elle said. "I better get going. I should pick my shit up from the hotel and get far away from here before the geniuses storm in."

"Yeah, probably," Delilah sighed.

Elle stood up, saying goodbye to Nora and Colin and thanking them for dinner. Delilah followed her down to the end of the driveway, leaning against the white picket fence and watching Elle start walking away.

"Lilah?"

"Elle?"

"I'll see you soon, yeah? Stay out of trouble," Elle said.

"You know how it goes. Trouble finds me," Delilah smiled.

"Tell me about it," Elle chuckled. "See you around, Bellerose."

"See you around, Greenaway," Delilah said.

Elle smiled at her, waving her hand. Delilah watched her disappear down the hill before she walked back to the porch, sitting down beside Nora and Colin.

"Everything okay with her?" Nora asked.

"Yeah," Delilah said. "Uh... Are we still going to Virginia, tomorrow?" Delilah asked.

"We'll leave at about seven, if that's okay? Get there for late afternoon, grab them before they finish work," Colin said.

"I'll tell JJ the plan. She can stall Hotch, if she has to," Delilah said.

"Does Elle's visit have something to do with Ziggy?" Nora asked.

Delilah nodded slowly.

"Uh, we might wanna talk in the morning. Before we go. I know driving calms you guys down," Delilah said.

Nora and Colin shared a look before nodding.

"Okay, sweetheart," Nora said. "Now, it's almost midnight, and we have an early start. Did you take your meds?"

"Yeah," Delilah nodded.

"Then let's get some sleep," Nora said, patting Delilah's shoulder. "No offence, honey, but you look like shit."

"None taken," Delilah chuckled tiredly.

•

•

Delilah couldn't sleep. It was two in the morning and she couldn't sleep.

She'd made herself a cup of tea, she'd texted JJ for a while before JJ got back to work on filing cases for Hotch, and she'd even read a book.

Nothing. She wasn't finding sleep at all.

Delilah picked up her phone, starting a call to JJ and putting her phone to her ear as she sat up, running her hands through her hair.

"Hi, baby," JJ yawned.

"Sorry it's late," Delilah said. "I didn't realise you'd be asleep. Sorry."

"Hey, no. Don't apologise," JJ said. "You know I always have time to talk to you. And I wasn't asleep. Apparently, my body doesn't like sleeping without you. I think I'm starting to see the world through your insomniac eyes."

"That's bad," Delilah said.

"Not all bad. You'll be home, tomorrow, so, we can fix our sleeping pattern together," JJ said. "I'm guessing you can't sleep."

"When can I ever?" Delilah said.

"You do with me," JJ pointed out.

"I feel safe with you," Delilah said.

"I feel safe with you, too," JJ said softly. "What time are you up?"

"We're leaving at seven, but I need to talk to them before we go, so, probably in, like, three and a half hours," Delilah said.

"Do you think you'll be able to sleep on the drive back? It's eight hours," JJ said.

"Hopefully," Delilah said.

"Well, I'll delay Hotch if I have to," JJ said. "I figured telling him alone would be best before the team gets involved. Did you really find nothing?"

"I have some stuff. Not the stuff I was looking for, but, still, stuff," Delilah said.

"And Ziggy's phone? Any leads on that?" JJ asked.

"Everything is completely normal. Normal internet searches looking up how to get to North Carolina, and that's it. No texts to anyone but me and Liv, nobody else's numbers except ours and Dave's. No photos, no notes, no nothing," Delilah said.

"Penelope might be able to dig something up. He could've deleted them," JJ said.

"Maybe," Delilah said. "I'll let her figure it out. Look, I think I'm gonna go and see if Nora has melatonin gummies so I can eat enough to incapacitate a small child and get some sleep."

"This is why you're in therapy, you know that?" JJ chuckled.

"What? My sparkly personality?" Delilah laughed.

"Your horrendous coping methods," JJ laughed.

"That's fair. At least I'm medicated, now," Delilah said.

"Progress," JJ chuckled. "I really miss you."

"I really miss you, too," Delilah said softly. "I'll be home in a few hours."

"I know," JJ mumbled. "Okay. Goodnight, Lilah."

"Jayje?"

"Baby?"

"If you, um... If you miss me, you should just look at the stars," Delilah said quietly.

"I should?" JJ asked.

"Yeah," Delilah said. "'Cause I'm looking at the same stars, too. We're under the same sky."

"We are. I'll look at the stars," JJ whispered. "I'll see you in a few hours."

"See you in a few hours."

Delilah ended the call, putting her phone back on the bedside table and standing up. She tiptoed downstairs, raiding the cupboards quietly for melatonin gummies and coming up empty.

Delilah huffed, but headed back upstairs towards the guest room. She stopped, turning her head to look at Dylan's room.

Delilah chewed on the inside of her cheek, then slowly turned the door handle and pushed it open.

She'd forgotten what Dylan smelt like, but stepping into his room was like stepping into a normal day sixteen years ago to come and wake her best friend up for a full day of summer fun ahead of them.

Nothing had changed.

There was still the baseball bedding and posters on the wall, and the picture wall filled with Delilah and Liv and Eli and Dylan, and a few other kids they'd grown up with. There was still the photos of the kids every year on their birthday from birth to twelve lined up on Dylan's desk, a piece of geography homework left abandoned there.

Delilah smiled as she spotted the teddies on Dylan's bed, moving over to stroke her fingers over the faded wool of the silly dinosaur she'd won for him at a carnival one year.

Delilah's eyes moved to the window and she blinked, staring across the gap between the houses and into her own childhood bedroom.

It was almost an impulse. Delilah silently opened Dylan's window, the latch never locked, and climbed out onto the tree branches between their house in just her socks and pyjamas. She weaved through the branches, looping an arm around to stay balanced while the other pushed her small bedroom window up.

Delilah wriggled through the window and climbed into the bedroom, blinking around wearily as the eerie silence of the house filled her ears. She tiptoed through the room, flicking the lamp on and looking around.

Her bed still had the same Barbie bedding on it, and the same glow in the dark stars stuck to the ceiling that matched the ones in Liv's room. Her photos were all still up on the wall, and her posters of Queen and Barbie only looked aged from where they still hung.

Delilah crossed to the toy chest at the end of her bed, lifting it open and coughing at the dust that fizzled into the air. She waved it away, picking through the teddies and wooden princesses and knights sat in there.

Delilah's hand wrapped around a familiar piece of plastic and she picked it up, staring at her Barbie doll with a frown.

She herself had never played with the Barbie. She was too scared to damage her. She just left the Barbie to sit in her toy box, only bringing her out to brush her blonde hair.

It had been in perfect condition when she'd last seen it the night she disappeared.

The Barbie's hair had been cut off and coloured in to be a dark brown. Her face was half faded off, but her eyes had been poked through with a paper clip that still stuck out of the back of the poor Barbie's head. Her mouth had been taped over with snips of duct tape, and her arms were bent up like they had been covering the Barbie's eyes.

Said arms were covered in drawings of bruises, with red lines drawn across the white plastic. The Barbie's clothes were torn, and her breasts had been scribbled over with black ink. Delilah turned the Barbie over, staring down at the word written across her back in childlike handwriting.

SLUT

Delilah hadn't done this. She knew her memory was unreliable at the best of times, but she would never have done this to her Barbie. She loved her Barbie. It was the last gift her mother ever bought her.

Someone had done this to her Barbie, and Delilah was, frankly, not at all interested in what the fuck that meant.

She shoved the Barbie back into the chest, slamming it shut and getting to her feet. Delilah stepped out into the hallway, yanking the door shut behind her as she took a deep breath, trying to shake off the weird feeling she had about the Barbie.

Someone had done that to it. Someone had done that after she left, but Delilah didn't know who would've done it. Why would anyone do that to a doll that nobody would've ever found? Who could've gotten into the house and back out to mess with a doll? Why would anybody waste their time on it? It was so insignificant, in the grand scheme of things.

It was just a doll.

The hallway was eerily silent, but it was more peaceful out here than in that bedroom.

She knew nobody was here, and she knew nobody had been here. Nobody except Colin and Nora, who had a key, and Liv, who had a key. Elliot wouldn't be able to fit through Delilah's bedroom window without being noticed by Colin and Nora, which he wouldn't risk.

She knew she was safe here. The only thing that could hurt her was her childhood memories.

Delilah walked down the hallway, hands ghosting over the wallpaper on the walls from when her dad redecorated after Liv moved out. Liv's bedroom door stayed shut, with the same Led Zeppelin poster stuck on the wood. Eli's door stayed shut, with the same poster of Bob Marley stuck on the wood.

As she passed his room to get to the stairs, a shiver crept up her spine. Delilah turned quickly, eyes darting around like someone was behind her. Delilah shook her head. She was just jumpy being at home, being surrounded by ghosts.

Delilah didn't even look near her mom and dad's bedroom, instead tiptoeing downstairs and looking around the hallway into the kitchen.

Her eyes lingered on the spot beside the oven where five year old Isobel had come home from school and found her mother lying dead on the floor. She remembered trying to wake her up, then waking up herself a few hours later to Liv's horrified face above her as she dragged Delilah away from their dead mother, Eli stood behind her with wide and terrified eyes.

Delilah hadn't known what dead bodies looked like, until then. It was only two days after that when she would witness Eli's first overdose from the bathroom door as Liv shoved her fingers down his throat and made him throw up the pills he had taken.

It hadn't been Liv's first experience with an overdose. Delilah knew that back then, even at five years old. Liv had been thirteen, Eli fifteen, and the calmness that Liv had throughout made Delilah wonder if Liv's father had done things like this before he died. It was nine years later when Liv would explain her own childhood to Delilah to help her process the fact that she was not the only Bellerose with a shitty father.

Delilah walked through the dining room, eyeing the six seater table with only five chairs, then walked into the living room.

Her mother's picture hung above the fireplace like a shrine. Her father had done that.

His computer used to live in that corner, but was no longer there. The FBI had seized that when Delilah told Dave and Dave told Gideon. They found no child porn on there, but it was a new computer bought after he had started killing.

He had no need for child porn when he had his own victims waiting for him.

Delilah walked out of the living room and back into the hallway, staring down the darkness to where she knew the basement door was. Her feet stayed firmly rooted to the floor.

That wasn't the basement where she was kept, but it was too similar for her to even consider going down there. Especially now she didn't have Elle near to drag her for a cold shower when she inevitably fell head first into another panic attack.

Delilah flinched as the phone on the living room wall started ringing. Delilah walked over to it, blinking at the small screen glowing in the dark.

It didn't show a phone number, this phone. It was too old.

The call rang out. Delilah stared at it for a few seconds before turning to head towards the stairs.

She wanted to leave.

The phone rang again, loud and echoing through the house.

Delilah froze, then slowly dragged her feet back towards the phone. She picked it up, putting it to her ear and holding her breath.

A quiet sobbing sound came over the other end, stifled breathing echoing in Delilah's ear.

"Aunt Delilah? Aunt Delilah, are you there? Please tell me you're there. I'm so scared."

"Ziggy?" Delilah said, almost dropping the phone in shock.

"Oh, thank god," Ziggy sobbed on the other end of the phone. "I didn't mean to run away! I really didn't, I promise, but they made me really mad, and I couldn't stay, and I thought, I thought I could get to-" he cut himself off as he choked on his sobs, spluttering through incoherent mumbles. 

"Where are you?" Delilah asked. "Who are you with?"

"I'm in the Highlands," Ziggy cried.

"You're alone?" Delilah asked. "Where?"

"I don't know where I am," Ziggy cried.

"What number is on the side of the phone?" Delilah asked quickly.

"Twelve?"

"I'll be there in a few minutes. You're gonna come out of the payphone, yeah, and you'll see a yellow house. Walk up that street," Delilah said.

"I can't see in the dark!" Ziggy sobbed.

"Okay, it's okay. Stay there. I'm coming, okay? Just wait there for me," Delilah soothed.

"Please be quick. It's so cold, and it hurts so much," Ziggy cried.

"I'm coming, honey. Stay there," Delilah said.

She put the phone down, hurrying to the front door and unlocking it from inside. She stepped out, tugging the door shut behind her and starting to run down the driveway, turning to run down the hill.

Her feet ached as she ran in her socks, but she couldn't focus on anything else except getting to Ziggy.

It only took her about three minutes to get to the phone box Ziggy was talking about, just down the street from the yellow house that Eli's drug dealer had lived in. The payphone itself was outside an empty spot of land that had once been a local youth club, but had burnt down about five years ago and had never been rebuilt.

It was like a morgue, in this part of town. Nobody came here.

Delilah looked around, spotting a small figure hunched on the floor beside the payphone. Delilah ran over, eyes darting around them for any sign of life.

The streets were deserted.

"Ziggy?"

"Aunt Lilah!"

Delilah stumbled back as Ziggy launched himself into her arms, sobbing as he clung to her. Delilah wrapped her arms tightly around him, rocking him from side to side and kissing his forehead.

"I got you," Delilah whispered. "I got you. Come on. We've got to get back. It's not safe."

"I'm sorry," Ziggy cried, body trembling as Delilah tried to move them back. "It hurts so much."

"What does? What hurts?" Delilah asked.

"Everything," Ziggy cried. "Everything hurts. I'm sorry. I was good! I was so good, and he kept doing it. I wanted you to take me home. I'm sorry!"

"Hey, hey, I need you to take a deep breath for me, okay? You're gonna make yourself sick and we really need to get back home," Delilah whispered, looking around again before looking back down at her nephew. "Come on, please."

Ziggy's sobs were loud. Delilah was scared he'd wake people up with how loud they were, though she'd feel safer if he did wake people up. But, with every movement Delilah made to get them out of there, his sobs just increased. Delilah could hear the pure pain and agony in them, could feel Ziggy's body practically giving in against hers.

Something was wrong with him. Something was really wrong with him.

"I'm gonna have to carry you, okay?" Delilah said.

"No! Please, it'll hurt. It hurts so much. I can't take anymore," Ziggy pleaded.

Delilah frowned when she felt something wet under her hand, pulling it away from the t-shirt he was wearing. She couldn't see what it was, but she knew well enough what it felt like.

Blood.

"I'm sorry," Ziggy whispered. "I'm so, so sorry."

"It's okay," Delilah whispered, tears spilling down her cheeks as she held her nephew. "I've got you. They can't hurt you, anymore."

Ziggy's head moved, his eyes finding Delilah's in the darkness. One of them was swollen over in a black eye, and the other was bloodshot.

"Yes, he can," Ziggy whispered. "It's never going to stop."

Delilah opened her mouth, but a hand snaked around her throat. She released Ziggy, slamming her elbow back into the body behind her and trying to wriggle free as the person's grip loosened on her enough for her to talk.

"Ziggy! Go!" Delilah gasped, aiming another elbow at the person behind her that made impact with bone painfully.

"I'm sorry! He made me do it! I didn't want to do it!" Ziggy sobbed, moving forward to tackle Delilah into another hug.

Delilah tried to push him away, kicking her leg into the body behind her, but every movement just made Ziggy yelp in pain, and the grip around her throat get tighter.

A sharp prick jabbed into the side of her throat and Delilah opened her mouth, trying to scream. It had barely echoed through the night before something was shoved inside of her mouth to stifle it. Dizziness clouded the edges of Delilah's vision, knees shaking as Ziggy's sobs faded to a dull background noise.

Delilah's body was lowered to the ground, Ziggy falling to his knees beside her and grabbing at her hand. Delilah couldn't feel it when he squeezed. She could barely focus on his face as the sedative started to take root.

"I'm sorry," Ziggy whispered into her ear. "I'm so, so sorry."

The stars shined brightly above the three people on the street. Black balloons appeared in her vision before her eyes closed.

At least she was still under the same sky of stars as JJ was.

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