•

"i think i've come to terms with the fact that there will always be a ribbon of loneliness running through who i am." - jenny slate

•

Delilah followed JJ and Derek into the conference room two hours later, looking around to see Spencer, Penelope and a woman with short blonde hair.

"He thinks he's the fisher king," Spencer said.

"Who does?" Derek asked.

"Randall Garner, our unsub," Spencer said.

"He believes you're all modern-day knights of the round table," the woman said.

"Derek Morgan, Delilah Bellerose, this is my mother, Diana Reid," Spencer said, motioning to the woman.

"It's your mother?" Derek said. "Ma'am, it's a... it's a pleasure to meet you," he said.

"Hey," Delilah said, sitting at the table with a sigh.

"So, where are we on finding this son of a bitch?" Hotch said, walking into the room quickly.

"I rechecked all the clues. There's nothing that points to an address," Spencer said.

"The adoption records for Rebecca listed an address of the fire, so I made a call to Nevada, and it's vacant. No one ever rebuilt," JJ said.

"Nevada? So we don't even know what state he's in?" Hotch said.

"I'll search the tax records, see if he owns any property," Penelope said.

"Excuse me," Diana said.

"Mom, do you want to wait at-" Spencer started, moving to stand at his mother's side.

"Just before the agents got me from the hospital, a man delivered this to me. It's a photo of a house with an address on the back," Diana said, pulling a photograph out of her purse.

"Shiloh, Virginia?" Derek said.

"That's only 10 miles from here," Delilah said.

Hotch looked around for a few seconds.

"Derek, Delilah, Spencer, let's go," he said.

JJ looked at Delilah with a small frown.

"Have you slept enough?" JJ asked.

"I'm good. Don't worry," Delilah said, squeezing her shoulder as she stood up.

"Be careful, all of you," JJ said.

"We will be," Derek said, following Delilah and Hotch out of the room, Spencer quickly assuring Diana she was fine in the BAU before following them.

•

•

Delilah, Hotch, Derek, Spencer and the SWAT team crept towards the address Diana had given them, stopping at a pair of iron gates.

"Heads up, guys. It's open," Hotch whispered.

The SWAT team pushed them open, all of them moving towards the house. The SWAT guys opened the door, all of them starting to sweep through with their torches and guns raised.

"Hotch?" Derek whispered, waving them over to a table.

He had Elle's ID in his hands, handing it to Hotch and looking around.

"Guys, listen up. He wants us to know we're in the right place, so keep your eyes open. Let's go," Derek whispered.

They headed through another door, Delilah ducking around a corner into a hallway that opened up into a lounge. She crept through, appearing in a doorway that led to a downstairs entryway.

"It's Morgan. We're clear," Derek whispered into the radio.

"There's someone upstairs," Spencer whispered into the radio.

"Where?" Delilah whispered back, stepping further into the entryway when she saw Spencer moving up the stairs.

"I saw a shadow," Spencer whispered.

"Randall Garner? FBI! Garner?! Come out, Garner!" Derek called, the BAU members and the SWAT team moving upstairs.

They crept down a hallway where a dim light was coming from, seeing a hallway splitting off from the main one.

"He's in there," Spencer whispered.

Spencer quickly jumped over the gap of the hallway so he was against the next wall, holding his gun up and peering around the side to the room Garner was in.

"All right, cover me. I'm gonna go in," Derek whispered, peering around the side of the hallway.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait," Spencer whispered.

"What? What?" Derek whispered.

"Mr. Garner? My name's spencer Reid. You were in the hospital with my mother. I think... I think she might have confused you. All we want to do is help Rebecca. That's exactly what you want, right? That's why you sent us the puzzles? That's why you said you hoped you'd be seeing us soon?" Spencer said.

"Ask the question," the voice from the video came from the office.

"There is no magical question, Mr. Garner," Spencer said. He turned to look at the others hidden against the wall. "He believes if I ask him the right question, it'll heal all of his wounds," he explained quietly.

"Do you know the question?" Hotch whispered.

"I know what he wants. I'm gonna move to where he can see me," Spencer whispered.

"Reid! Reid, no!" Derek whispered.

"Fall back," Spencer whispered, handing his gun to the SWAT members and moving to stand in the hallway, directly facing the door.

"Reid! Reid, no! Wait a minute," Derek whispered.

"Reid!" Hotch whispered.

"Give the kid a chance," Delilah whispered.

"Stay calm, Mr. Garner," Spencer said.

"Ask the question, sir Percival," Garner said.

"I told you, I'm not Percival. My name is Dr. Spencer Reid from the FBI. You were in the hospital with my mother, Diana?" Spencer said.

"If you want the grail, you must ask the question!" Garner snapped.

"She's not a grail! She's your daughter. Her name's Rebecca," Spencer said.

"My daughters died in a fire, and my sons, and my wife," Garner said.

"Rebecca lived," Spencer said.

"No. Your mother, she explained it all to me," Garner said.

"My mother's a paranoid schizophrenic who'd forget to eat if she wasn't properly medicated and supervised!" Spencer said loudly, slowly advancing down the hallway with his hands up in the air.

Delilah stared at him for a few seconds, pity automatically settling in her chest for Spencer. And then she realised exactly why he hadn't told anybody about his mother before he was forced to; because he didn't want pity.

And Delilah could appreciate that. Spencer wouldn't get any pity from her.

"She made me realize none of it was real. I didn't lose Rebecca. She never existed in the first place," Garner said.

"She does exist, Mr. Garner, and we're here to help her," Spencer said, pushing the door open to the office. "Hotch, Morgan, Lilah? I think maybe it'd be better if you guys waited downstairs," Spencer said, turning to whisper to the team.

"What?" Hotch whispered, Delilah raising her eyebrows.

"Mr. Garner and I are just gonna talk alone up here," Spencer said.

"Yeah, no," Delilah whispered.

"Go ahead and talk, Reid, but we're not goin' anywhere," Derek said.

"Ask the question. I'll be healed, and you may take the grail. Just ask the question, sir knight," Garner said.

"I can't," Spencer said.

"Heal me!" Garner yelled.

"Mr. Garner, a fisher king wound cannot be healed by somebody else. It's not a wound to the body. It's a wound to the memory. Wound to the mind. It's... It's a wound that... only you can find, and a wound that only you can heal," Spencer said.

"Just ask the question," Garner said.

"There's only one question that matters, Mr. Garner. There's only one really important question. Can you forgive yourself?" Spencer said.

"I couldn't get to them," Garner said.

"If you tell me where she is, you can save Rebecca now. Tell me where Rebecca is," Spencer said.

"You already know. I sent your mother the map," Garner said.

"What map?" Spencer whispered.

Delilah frowned. The only thing Diana had was the photograph. And the photograph had just been of the house. All the lights out, except for the ones in the office and one near the bottom of the house.

A basement.

Figures.

"Can I forgive myself? No, I can't," Garner said.

"Run!" Spencer yelled.

Delilah quickly took cover behind the wall, turning away from the passageway as an explosion rocketed through the hallway. She coughed through the smoke and dust, turning to see Spencer on the floor, his leg on fire.

"Don't move Reid, don't move!" Derek yelled, grabbing a jacket and patting the fire down quickly.

His voice was distorted from the loud explosion and Delilah could hear her heartbeat pounding in her head from the shock. It wasn't great, almost as bad as her hangover had been.

Delilah got to her feet, leading the way down the stairs as the boys followed. She kept moving down, reaching the bottom and looking around.

"Delilah?" Hotch called.

"She's in the basement," Delilah said, looking around again as she tried to remember the photo. "Office was in the front. So, this way," she mumbled, taking off towards a door that would, hopefully, lead her to a basement.

She opened the door, grinning when she saw a set of stairs. She ran down them, hearing someone yelling.

"I'm in here! Is the house on fire?" a girl yelled.

"She's in here!" Delilah yelled, running down the hallway towards a room.

She ducked inside, seeing the girl from the video chained to the bed.

"I'm chained! Get me out of here! I'm chained!" Rebecca cried.

"Here, I've got the bed," Derek said, crouching to move the bed out of the way while Delilah knelt down and pulled the chain's lock towards her.

"Hurry!" Rebecca yelled.

"He called me sir Percival," Spencer said.

"Reid, hurry!" Delilah said.

"The key. The key. The youngest one holds the key. Tell me you got the key," Derek panicked.

Spencer fumbled in his pockets, pulling the key out and kneeling down. He unlocked the chain around the bed, freeing Rebecca from the room.

"Come on man! Let's go!" Derek said.

Delilah stood up, helping Hotch scoop Rebecca into his arms, as she looked way too weak to walk.

"You got her?" Delilah checked.

"Come on. Let's go," Hotch nodded.

He hurried out of the room, Spencer leading the way out while Derek waited for Delilah at the door. She hurried after him, the two of them being forced to duck out of the way of a second explosion from Rebecca's room.

"Dude, my hearing is fucked," Delilah coughed, the ringing in her ears making her head burn as she and Derek hurried towards the exit.

"What?" Derek winced.

"Exactly, man," Delilah nodded.

•

•

Derek held the door open to the BAU bullpen an hour later, letting Hotch, Spencer and Delilah walk in. Delilah rubbed her ears with a wince, looking at Derek, who was doing the same.

"Hurts," Derek said.

"Same," Delilah said.

They stepped properly into the bullpen, Delilah smiling despite herself when JJ hurried over to them.

"Elle's out of surgery. She's gonna be okay," JJ grinned.

"Good," Derek sighed.

"Is Gideon still at the hospital?" Hotch asked.

"Yeah," JJ said. "How's Rebecca?" she asked.

"She's in the hospital, but she should be all right," Hotch said.

"Physically, maybe," Delilah said, rubbing her ears again.

"Thank you, everyone," Hotch said, looking at Penelope as she walked over with a smile. "All of you," he said.

"Well, we could have only gone so far without Mrs. Reid," Penelope grinned at Spencer, who smiled to himself.

Hotch walked away to go to his office. Spencer dismissed himself to check on his mom, and Penelope hugged Delilah before tugging Derek away to rebuild something in her bat cave. JJ stared at Delilah for a few seconds before stepping forward and pulling her into a tight hug.

"You've been so stressed all day and I don't know why, but I'm just so glad you're back and okay," JJ mumbled.

Delilah wrapped her arms around JJ's shoulders, resting her chin on JJ's shoulder.

"I'm okay. I'm with you," Delilah mumbled.

JJ laughed into Delilah's neck, squeezing her tighter for a minute. Delilah couldn't help but close her eyes, her heart beating to a rhythm of "just friends, just friends, just friends."

"Do you wanna talk about anything? Can I do anything?" JJ asked.

"I just want to sleep," Delilah said.

"Your place or mine?" JJ said.

"Mine has more weapons, so, we're probably safer there now Garner blew himself up," Delilah said.

"Disturbing, but, okay. Let me grab my things, we'll go to sleep, and then we can go and visit Elle in the morning," JJ said.

"Okay," Delilah said. "I'm gonna text Liv and my dad, let them know this is over."

"Meet you at the elevator?" JJ said.

"I'll be there," Delilah smiled.

She headed to her desk to grab her things, grabbing her phone and sending a quick text to Liv and her dad that she was fine and the case was over.

"Delilah, a word," Hotch said from his office.

Delilah looked over, nodding and walking up the stairs towards his office. They stepped inside, Hotch closing the door and the blinds.

"What's up?" Delilah said.

"JJ seemed worried about you. So did Morgan. They both mentioned how quiet you were on the drive home from Rebecca's mother's house. I wanted to check you were okay," Hotch said.

"Are you gonna give me another psych evaluation?" Delilah raised an eyebrow.

"The entire team will be getting one after this case. A friend was hurt, today. It'll hurt us as a team for a while," Hotch said.

"So, I can be brutally honest with you without you thinking I'm insane? Considering you're already sending me for an eval?" Delilah said.

"Yes," Hotch said.

Delilah sighed and sat down on the couch in Hotch's office, running her hands through her hair.

"Nobody looked for her, for two years. Nobody. None of this might've happened if someone had cared enough to look for her," Delilah said.

Hotch sat down on the couch beside her.

"Is this about Dylan?" he said.

"There were kids before Dylan. If anybody looked for them, maybe they would've found the guy taking them. Maybe Dylan would've never been a victim. Maybe he'd still be alive and I'd be living a completely normal life today," Delilah said.

"The what-ifs are going to haunt you forever if you let them," Hotch said.

"I know that," Delilah said.

"What else?" Hotch said.

"I've been gone two years. Or, Alia has been gone. And I never looked for those kids. You think they know I abandoned them?" Delilah said.

"They're dead, Delilah," Hotch said.

"Nobody ever found a body. Just blood. What if they're out there?" Delilah said.

"Lilah, you had orders that you were not allowed to look for those kids. If Jorge ever finds out that you're alive and you were undercover, you're going to end up dead. He won't stop until you pay for what you did to his empire and you know that. You built the profile for this man. Not looking for them was self preservation," Hotch said.

"What if it was Jack? Would you give him up to save yourself?" Delilah said.

"No," Hotch sighed. "I wouldn't. I thought you accepted that they were dead," he said.

"I hope they are. It's better if they are. At least they're safe. But... But if they're alive, do they know? Do they know I didn't look? That I don't want to look? That I just gave up?" Delilah said.

"Why did you give up?" Hotch said.

"Because I'm a shitty person," Delilah said.

"That's not true, and that's not why. Why?" Hotch said.

"We had plans, for after the raid took place. The kids would be secured. I'd bring Sunny and Alberto home with me. We'd stay in protective custody for a while, then we'd move in with my dad in California and make a life for ourselves, there. They'd grow up as normal kids and I would be their mom," Delilah said.

Hotch stared at her for a few seconds, wrapping his arm around her shoulders.

"I didn't look because I had dreamed about that day for a year. It was like losing Dylan again. I lost another future. So, I decided that I'd never look. I'd never know for sure if they're dead or alive, so, I'd never really know what I lost," Delilah said.

"Does that not upset you? The not knowing?" Hotch said.

"It's torture," Delilah said.

"Then why do it?" Hotch said.

"Because knowing for sure will be worse. That dream is completely gone if I know," Delilah said.

"But you can heal and move on. If you don't heal, you're stuck in the past while everybody else moves on," Hotch said.

Delilah shrugged.

"Isn't the first time I've been left behind," Delilah said.

Hotch sighed, rubbing her arm.

"I need it to stop. I need to forget it all. And I can't. Every fucking case, there's something that reminds me of them or of Dylan, or of my dad. It needs to stop," Delilah said.

"Speak to your therapist," Hotch said.

"Oh, and get diagnosed with mental illnesses and get stuffed full of pills that'll turn me into some empty void or something?" Delilah scoffed.

"Heal your heart," Hotch said.

"My heart is fine," Delilah rolled her eyes.

"Clearly," Hotch said. "What do you need me to do?" Hotch said.

"Well, I want my vacation days back. I am leaving this state for a few days to get my shit together before we have to come back to work," Delilah said.

"Are you going to leave?" Hotch said.

"Yeah, that's what I just said," Delilah said.

"The team," Hotch said. "If you can't get your shit together, and things don't stop, will you leave the team? Change departments again?" he said.

"I don't know. Guess we'll burn that bridge when we get to it," Delilah said.

She stood up, patting Hotch's shoulder.

"Thanks for the talk, boss man. Don't call me for the next two weeks for anything work related," Delilah said.

"Have a nice time off," Hotch said.

"You, too," Delilah said.

•

•

Delilah stared at herself in the bathroom mirror as she dried her hair with the hairdryer. She'd showered the stress of the day and the hangover off her body, and had then promptly fell asleep in the shower for twenty minutes before waking up to JJ knocking on the door telling her that the pizza they'd ordered was here.

She'd eaten and then came back to the bathroom to dry her hair, knowing she'd hate herself the next day if she slept with it wet and woke up sick.

Delilah turned the hairdryer off and brushed through her hair, leaving the bathroom and heading down the hallway to the living room.

JJ had used Liv's bathroom to get showered, borrowing pyjamas from Delilah again. She was wearing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, fluffy socks on her feet. She was now sat on the couch with a blanket over her, staring intently at the tv screen playing an old movie Delilah didn't recognise.

"Want a cup of tea?" Delilah said, walking into the kitchen and grabbing the kettle to fill up.

"Please," JJ said.

Delilah made two cups of JJ's favourite tea, carrying them into the living room and setting them on the coffee table. JJ lifted the blanket, patting her lap without moving her eyes from the tv screen.

Delilah lay down on the couch, head in JJ's lap and on her side to face the telly.

"What are we watching?" Delilah asked.

"West Side Story," JJ said.

"What is it?" Delilah asked.

"Only one of the best musicals in the world. Have you never seen it?" JJ said, looking away from the screen to look down at Delilah.

"No. I never really enjoyed movies where they sing. I think it's so random that they just break into song out of nowhere. What's the point?" Delilah said.

"It's fun!" JJ said.

"Name one fun musical," Delilah said.

"Literally any musical. And, you know, the songs say a lot about the plot going on. It's not all like Disney movies where it's happy princesses singing about wanting to be saved. It's got a lot of hidden messages and deeper meanings," JJ said.

"I did not peg you as a musical girl," Delilah said.

"You're best friends with Penelope. How aren't you into musicals?" JJ said.

"I'm best friends with you, and I don't have movie nights with Penelope. I think you're the only person outside of the team that I consistently do things with that aren't just drinking," Delilah said.

"That's cute," JJ smiled, looking back at the screen. "But I'm afraid you're gonna have to learn to appreciate the musicals. Next time we're in New York for a case, I'm gonna take you to a Broadway musical of whatever is on. Your mind will be blown," JJ said.

"Can't wait," Delilah said flatly, the smile tugging at her lips betraying her tone.

"It's a date, then," JJ winked down at her. "Now, shh, they're gonna sing America," she said.

"Sure," Delilah mumbled.

She let her eyes move back to the TV screen, but found her eyes slipping shut when JJ's hand moved to run through her hair. The music from the movie wasn't actually too bad, either, which was surprising.

JJ's hands twisted Delilah's hair into a braid, then undid it and started braiding again, her eyes never straying from West Side Story. It was only when she felt Delilah's body relax more into her that she looked away, smiling when she saw Delilah was halfway asleep.

JJ's eyes moved over Delilah's face, mapping every freckle into a constellation she'd look for in the sky on the nights she wasn't with Delilah. She memorised every small scar on her face; the J on her jaw, the silver sliver on the bridge of her nose, the thin line hidden in her hairline, the circular scar on the side of her neck that JJ was pretty sure came from a cigarette.

And then she saw the ink on Delilah's skin poking out of the top of Delilah's t-shirt. JJ traced her fingers over to it, gently moving the shirt down so she could see what it was.

On the nape of her neck, just below her t-shirt collar, was a set of hands, one reaching down towards the other. Their fingers were barely in reach, a red flame tattooed between them. She could also see some stars inked into Delilah's skin, small lines connecting them into what looked to be three different constellations.

Delilah shifted underneath her and JJ withdrew her hand from Delilah's t-shirt, moving it back to Delilah's hair.

"Sorry, honey," JJ whispered.

"It's okay," Delilah mumbled, eyes staying closed as she rolled completely onto her stomach, face still turned towards the tv screen.

"I didn't know you had tattoos," JJ said.

"You can look," Delilah mumbled sleepily.

"Are you sure?" JJ asked.

"Hm. I trust you," Delilah nodded.

JJ moved her hand back to Delilah's t-shirt, pulling it up from the bottom so it was bunched up at the top of her back near her neck. And then she took a minute to suck in a shaky breath.

Delilah wasn't wearing a bra. JJ could see her bare back, her naked back, and she'd never known that someone's back could be one of the most attractive parts of them. She also never knew tattoos did it for her. Delilah was attractive and JJ couldn't deny that she found her even more beautiful now.

The top tattoo was actually three star constellations, one on each shoulder and one in the middle on her spine. JJ didn't recognise the constellations, but the left one was a wonky Y, the right one was an upside down Y, and the middle one was shaped like a J or a fishing hook.

The stars ended just where her bra strap would rest, the rest of her back covered with more ink.

Delilah had a sun on her middle back on the left side, a naked woman tattooed sat on the bottom of the sun, arm outstretched down with red ink wrapping around the wrist. She had a moon on the bottom right side of her back, facing towards the sun with another naked woman tattooed sitting on top of the crescent moon. The red ink wrapped around her outstretched wrist, connecting the two women.

The moon was surrounded with more stars around the curves of the crescent, across the base of Delilah's spine and up towards the back of her ribs, while the sun had rays coming out and around it.

"What does the red thread mean?" JJ asked, following it from the sun to the moon.

"Soulmates," Delilah mumbled.

"You believe in soulmates?" JJ asked.

"I did when I was a kid, but I kind of stopped before I got this. I was twenty four and stupid. Liv dared me to get a tattoo and I went big," Delilah said.

"Do you regret it?" JJ said.

"No," Delilah said.

"I think they're very beautiful," JJ said. "Are you the sun or the moon? Or is it a metaphor for soulmates, too?" she said.

"Metaphor," Delilah said. "The Japanese believe that a red string of fate is tied around the pinky fingers of two soulmates, connecting them for life. No matter where they come from, where they go, this red thread binds them together forever and they will always find a way back to each other. And the sun and the moon, that's another soulmate theory. Every soulmate couple has a sun and a moon. One will always die so the other can shine. Not sure if it's metaphorical death or... you know, death death," Delilah said.

JJ traced over the tattoos again, watching in awe as goosebumps rose from Delilah's skin in the trail her fingers left. She traced across the stars again, then over the wrists and the red flame on Delilah's neck.

"The stars are constellations. Taurus, cancer, scorpio," Delilah mumbled.

"And the hands?" JJ said.

"Dylan and I," Delilah yawned.

"You think you and Dylan were soulmates?" JJ said, tracing over the red flame again.

"I think so. There are several different soulmate theories, implying several different kinds of soulmates. There's the red string, the sun and moon, twin flames. They're my favourite three," Delilah said.

"Who are your soulmates?" JJ said.

"My twin flame is Dylan. He's half of my soul. We were born on the same day, grew up as best friends, spent every minute together growing up. I saw him die and I felt it. Scientifically impossible, but I could feel it," Delilah said.

JJ brushed over the flame tattoo again, eyes moving to the photograph across the room of Dylan and Delilah.

"I haven't met my sun and moon soulmate, yet, or my red string soulmate. I don't think I have, anyway," Delilah yawned.

JJ's fingers moved down to the sun and moon again, tracing the two women reaching for each other. Delilah relaxed under her touch, eyes still closed, no expression on her face.

Inside, she was in two minds. Half of her was so relaxed and comfortable, willing her to just let go completely and spill everything to JJ, tell her about how Delilah thought JJ might be her sun and moon soulmate, and maybe her red thread soulmate.

The other half of her was panicking over how that was a fucking stupid idea. Not only was it going to be overwhelming for JJ to hear that Delilah thought they might be soulmates, it was weird and would ruin their friendship beyond measure. JJ just didn't think of Delilah like that, not yet, at least, and Delilah wouldn't fuck it up.

"Do you want to find them? You're so anti love that I didn't think you'd be into this kind of stuff," JJ said.

"I'm anti relationships, not anti love. I think I'd want to find them. They're my soulmate for a reason, right?" Delilah mumbled. "What about you? Have you found any soulmates?" she asked.

"I think I might've, but I'm not sure," JJ said, tracing over the sun and moon, and then the red string. "I want to find them. I think it's quite romantic, the whole idea," JJ said.

"Hm, it is," Delilah yawned, voice muffled and quiet as her eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks.

"C'mon. Let's get you to sleep," JJ said.

"I'm too comfortable to move. Can we just nap here for a while?" Delilah mumbled.

JJ nodded, leaning down to kiss Delilah's temple.

"Of course. I'll wake you up when my film is over," JJ said.

•