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"to love someone is firstly to confess: i'm prepared to be devastated by you." - billy-ray belcourt

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Delilah stepped out of the interrogation room a few minutes later, pulling the door closed behind her. She made sure the door wasn't fully closed, walking down the empty hallway and around the corner to where the Gideon and Gordinski were talking with Hotch.

"I'm not saying it's Mr. Buford. There's a huge amount of investigation left to be done," Gideon told them.

"For 15 years, he hasn't been the slightest bit suspicious," Gordinski said.

"Morgan won't even talk about Buford," Hotch said.

"He won't?" Gideon said.

"Buford should be that kid's hero," Gordinski scoffed.

Delilah's jaw clenched, but she stayed silent, keeping her eyes on Gordinski.

"Something happened," Hotch said.

"You talking about Carl Buford?" Emily walked in with Dennison behind her.

"Yes," Hotch said.

"We just left his office," Emily said.

"Hey!" Dennison poked his head around the corner of the interrogation room.

Delilah's heart skipped a beat. This was happening, then.

"What, did we turn him loose?" Dennison said loudly.

Gordinski's jaw clenched and he stormed off towards the interrogation room to see for himself. Delilah watched him disappear, ignoring Hotch's eyes on her as she waited.

Gordinski poked back around the corner, face red with fury.

"You let him escape," he said.

Delilah couldn't say he was a terrible detective. He'd figured that one out, at least.

The precinct seemed to erupt in minor chaos, the officers moving to make phone calls and arrange patrols.

"You're standing there trying to convince me that a local hero is my killer while you let my suspect dance our the back door. I'm gonna charge all of your asses," Gordinski snapped at Hotch, Gideon and Delilah, stomping off.

Hotch didn't have time to interrogate Delilah about why she would let Derek go. JJ was hurrying over to them, a glare on her face.

"They're beyond reason. We have to find him first," JJ said.

"Any ideas?" Hotch asked the group, though his eyes moved to Delilah.

"His mother said that Buford practically raised him after his father died, he mentored him, took him on trips, spent all of his time with him. Basically became a surrogate father," Emily said.

Hotch's eyes stayed on Delilah. She nodded once. Hotch nodded, looking at Gideon. Gideon nodded, Hotch turning to Gordinski.

"Detective, we may know where he's heading," Hotch called.

Gordinski looked over, beckoning them to join him.

"Wait here," Hotch told Emily, JJ and Spencer, marching off with Gideon and Delilah. "You have a plan?" Hotch said.

"I've got a plan. It'll work out. Just need to get him to listen to me," Delilah said.

"You didn't tell us," Gideon said.

"Wasn't my thing to tell. I'm trying to minimise the blast, though. This was the best way. Gordinski's gotta hear it for himself," Delilah said.

"Hear what for myself?" Gordinski said.

"Why Carl Buford is your unsub," Delilah said.

"This again?" Gordinski scoffed.

"If you get in the car and drive to the youth center, you can hear for yourself about what happened to those murder victims. You can solve this after fifteen years. If I'm wrong, Derek's there. You win, either way," Delilah said.

And she knew she had him with that. He would be happy arresting anyone, the true murderer or Derek. And she knew that she was right, that she would win and Derek would be free from these charges, that Gordinski could put this case to bed, that an abuser would be off the streets and the boys would be safe.

"Fine. Let's go," Gordinski said.

•

•

Delilah, Hotch, Gideon, Gordinski and Dennison walked quietly through the youth center hallways, heading towards Buford's office where Derek had assume he'd be. They split halfway down, Gordinski and Dennison heading to go the back way inside through the equipment closet and Hotch, Delilah and Gideon would wait in the hallway by the door, so either exit was blocked.

Delilah leaned against the hallway at the side of the open door, listening to the two men talking inside the office. 

"Look at you. You'd probably be dead by now," Buford said.

"Yeah, well, it wasn't for free, was it?" Derek scoffed.

"I pulled you out of the gutter," Buford said.

"I pulled myself out of the gutter, all the way to the FBI! I did that!" Derek yelled.

"You sayin' I had nothin' to do with making you who you are?" Buford scoffed.

"No, Carl. Actually, I'm saying you have everything to do with making me who I am. Because of you, I'm somebody who gets to spend the rest of this life making sure guys like you go down," Derek said.

"Look, Derek... I never hurt you. You could have said no," Buford said.

Delilah closed her eyes, rubbing her face at those words. She could hear her father's voice repeating them in her head, the sound of Dylan's whimpers muffled through the gag over his mouth.

"You're under arrest, Carl," Gordinski said.

Gideon tapped Delilah. Delilah opened her eyes, seeing he was moving into the office with Hotch. Delilah stepped in after them, staring across the room to where Gordinski and Dennison were attempting to put Buford in handcuffs.

"I've helped a lot of kids!" Buford protested.

"Let's go," Gordinski said.

"The neighborhood won't be the same without me. It's gonna be worse without the center," Buford said, trying to fight free of Gordinski's handcuffs.

"Somebody'll keep this center running. The neighborhood will. I will," Derek said.

"Wait. Wait! Derek... isn't there something you can do for me?" Buford said, looking at Derek in a way that made Delilah's stomach lurch.

"You go to hell," Derek said coldly.

Dennison and Gordinski led Buford past Derek and towards the profilers. They stepped aside, watching Dennison pull Buford down the hallway. Gordinski stopped at Derek's side, staring at him for a few seconds before sighing and nodding once, leaving the room after Dennison.

Derek turned. He looked at Delilah, Hotch and Gideon. Delilah kept her face calm, but Hotch and Gideon were both looking at Derek the way Delilah knew they would; with varying degrees of pity. Though, there was also respect there, Delilah knew it wasn't making Derek feel any better.

Derek took a small breath, closing his eyes for a minute as exhaustion flashed across his face. When he opened his eyes, it was gone.

"Let's go," Delilah spoke up.

Hotch and Gideon nodded. Hotch stepped out first, Gideon following.

Delilah waited for a few seconds before Derek walked over to her, staring at her for a few seconds.

"Thank you. For helping me end this," Derek said.

"Thank you for trusting in my plan," Delilah said.

"It was a good plan," Derek said.

"It was, wasn't it?" Delilah smiled slightly, the two of them starting to walk down the hallway. "Dude, I'm not gonna be, like, all clingy and make sure you're okay every few hours or whatever Penelope is probably gonna do. But, uh, if you need someone to talk with, drink with, go out with, whatever, I'm your girl. You're not gonna get any sympathy from me, 'cause that's not what you want," Delilah said.

"It's not what I want. Thank you," Derek said. "Might take you up on that offer."

"You should. Turns out, I am actually quite a cool person," Delilah said.

"I believe it," Derek said, a small smile on his face.

They didn't have to talk about it. Derek hadn't told Delilah, but she'd figured it out and she'd known him enough to give him what reaction would best benefit him. She told him she was there for him and now she'd act normal with him, because everybody else would treat him differently for a while and he'd need one safe person.

Delilah could be that person. Derek would do the same for her if it was her in this position.

•

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Delilah sat in the BAU bullpen a few hours later. They'd flown back to Virginia, leaving Derek in Chicago for the rest of his time off. Gideon had locked himself in his office, Penelope had left for the day with Spencer, while Hotch was in his office doing files, JJ off doing the same in her office, and Emily was packing up her desk.

"Delilah?" Emily said.

"Hey," Delilah blinked a few times, looking away from the desk in front of her to Emily.

"You okay? You seem spaced out," Emily said.

"Long day," Delilah said. "You?"

"Same. You waiting for JJ?" Emily said.

"Yeah, she's got a few more files and she doesn't like bringing work home, so, she does as much here as she can," Delilah said.

"How long have you two been together?" Emily asked.

Delilah almost choked on the air she was breathing in. She shook her head quickly.

"Not together. We're not together. JJ is straight. We're best friends. Bestest friends. Nothing more," Delilah said.

"Oh, you're in denial, okay," Emily nodded.

"I am not in denial!" Delilah said.

"Sure," Emily smiled. "Is it JJ who's in denial?"

"There's nothing for JJ to be in denial about. She's straight," Delilah said.

"So, your feelings don't matter?" Emily said.

"It's complicated," Delilah sighed. "It's just never gonna happen. It's whatever. I'm over it. What about you? Anyone in your love life?" she asked.

"No, I don't really date or anything," Emily said.

"That's me," Delilah pointed at her. "I don't date. You get it," Delilah said.

Emily smiled.

"I'll see you day after tomorrow. I can't wait to sleep all day," Emily said.

"Same," Delilah smiled. "See you, Em."

Emily left the bullpen, Delilah standing up and brushing her jeans off.

"Delilah?" Hotch said, peering out of his door.

"Yeah?" Delilah said.

"Today, that move?" he said.

"I won't do it again," Delilah said.

"I know you won't. But, for what it's worth, I do respect you trying to protect Derek's secrets. I know Gideon and Derek respect you for it, too," Hotch said.

"Thanks," Delilah said.

"How did you figure it out?" Hotch said.

"He told me," Delilah said. "Not with words. And not then. It was over a year ago when I suspected something, but I wasn't sure what, so, I never mentioned it. He'd tell me when he was ready. And then I saw his reaction when you brought up Buford and figured it out," Delilah said.

"Why didn't you clue us in? If it went wrong, you could've been arrested," Hotch said.

"Then I'd get bailed out. We knew it wasn't him. I did what I had to so I could protect a friend. And he would do the same for me. You do it for me every day by keeping my secrets. I'm helping keep his," Delilah said.

Hotch nodded.

"I respect that. But, please, consider your decisions in the future. If you're not going to tell anyone, you could at least give me a warning," Hotch said.

"I will do," Delilah said.

"Okay. Goodnight, Delilah," he said.

"Night, Hotch," Delilah said.

She walked out of the bullpen and down the hallway, heading past JJ's office and to Penelope's. She tested the doorknob, glancing up and down the hallway before slipping inside and closing the door over behind her.

Delilah took a deep breath, moving over to the computers and sitting down.

"Penelope Garcia, I hope you never find out about this," Delilah whispered.

She moved Penelope's mouse, signing into the computer with Penelope's login so she had Penelope's security systems activated to keep her hidden. Delilah started typing, managing to open the database for the missing children across America.

"Okay, let's refine the search," she mumbled.

She typed in missing young boys from the ages of nine to thirteen, sighing when the results came back as way too many to even start looking through. She needed to be more specific, but her father only let off black balloons when he abducted kids.

If he was abducting kids again, he'd be smart enough to pick the kids nobody would look for. People didn't report seeing black balloons to the police. They would've seemed like nothing to someone seeing them in the sky, but they would mean the start of the end of a little boy's life.

Still, it was worth a try. Delilah typed on the computer, putting in black balloons being sighted at the abduction sites.

Nothing.

Delilah sighed, rubbing her face.

"Long shot," Delilah mumbled.

She deleted the black balloons, chewing the inside of her cheek as she refined the search to low risk boys, boys in foster care or who came from disadvantaged homes, the kind of boy her father would pick.

The search was still ridiculously long, and her father didn't have a specific type of boy. He just liked them during the very early years of puberty, as all normal people did not.

"God, how the fuck am I related to a pedophile?" Delilah muttered to herself, tugging on her hair as she stared at the new list. "Okay... We want small towns. Do we want small towns? Would he go to small towns or to the city?" Delilah mumbled. "He'd stay in small towns, right? He had to leave his cabin behind, but he can't change too much or he'll start to deescalate. He would've stuck to the woods. He can't be heard and he needs a place to hide the boy," Delilah mumbled.

She sighed, fingers hovering over the keyboard.

"Unless he's taking kids from the cities and has rebuilt a new torture base. Plenty serial killers live in the city and it's been fifteen years. He could be doing anything right now," Delilah mumbled.

Her phone buzzed in her back pocket and she pulled it out, glancing at the text message from JJ asking where she was. Delilah cursed, putting the phone back in her pocket and erasing her search from the database, closing it and logging off the computers.

She left the room, heading down to JJ's office and peering through the open door. JJ was gone, so, Delilah continued on down the hallway and into the bullpen, seeing JJ looking at her phone at Delilah's desk.

"Hey, sorry, we can go, now," Delilah said, grabbing her things.

"Where were you?" JJ asked.

"Just had to use the bathroom," Delilah lied. "Let's go. I'm exhausted."

"Me, too," JJ sighed.

•

•

Delilah sat in front of the floor to ceiling windows of her apartment building, the ones at the end of the hallway to the bedrooms. It was dark outside, all the lights off inside. Delilah could barely see the stars above her, but she knew they were there.

It was three in the morning and she couldn't sleep. She and JJ had gotten home, eaten a pizza with Liv and then all went to bed because they were so exhausted. JJ had fallen asleep within two minutes of curling up with Delilah, and Delilah had lay there for two hours until she couldn't stare at the ceiling anymore.

So, she was in the hallway, and had been for the last hour. She watched the stars, fingers wrapped around the necklace with the star pendant around her neck that reminded her of Dylan, of Sunny, of Alberto.

Delilah had been haunted by ghosts since her mother died when she was five years old. It made sense that Derek's ghosts coming back to haunt him would send Delilah into a small spiral.

Fuck, she'd checked the database of missing kids herself for the first time since joining the FBI. She'd always trusted that Gideon was keeping tabs on any cases that could be her father's work, but she couldn't resist the urge to see for herself last night.

It wasn't even something she debated. As soon as she got the idea, she was going to do it. She had to.

And she'd found nothing. She wasn't surprised. Fifteen years was a long time, but serial killers don't just stop killing, not even when their identity is known. He'd have to find a way to satisfy his urges sooner or later. Then again, he could be dead, and she'd never know.

Delilah blinked a few times, shuffling forward so she was closer to the window, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She rested her chin on her knees, eyes dancing over the cloud covered stars in the sky above her.

Delilah heard gentle footsteps padding over to her after a few minutes, but she didn't move. It was JJ. She could recognise the footsteps enough after JJ practically living with her for the past year or so.

JJ sat down beside Delilah, mirroring her position and looking up at the stars. She was wearing one of Delilah's t-shirts and had pulled on a pair of fluffy socks because of the cold wooden floors in the November weather. Delilah had done the same before coming to sit in the hallway.

She was depressed right now, but she didn't want to torture herself by being cold, too. She could be depressed and warm.

"I woke up and you weren't there," JJ said.

"Can't sleep," Delilah shrugged.

"You okay?" JJ mumbled, hiding a yawn into her arm.

"I'm fine. You can go back to sleep," Delilah said.

"Can I stay with you?" JJ asked.

"If you want to freeze, sure," Delilah said.

"I just want to be with you," JJ said.

Delilah couldn't help but sigh.

"Do you want me to leave?" JJ asked.

"No. I'm just tired," Delilah said.

"Let's go back to bed," JJ said. "I can read to you. That might help," JJ said.

"I can't go back and stare at that ceiling anymore. I'm going to go insane," Delilah mumbled.

"Is this because of Derek's case? How you figured out that Buford was the unsub?" JJ asked.

"No," Delilah said. "I don't know. Just made me think," Delilah said.

"Think about what?" JJ asked, turning her head to look at Delilah.

"My dad. My real dad. He's still out there. Maybe. I don't know. But... Derek didn't think his ghosts would come back to haunt him. What if mine come back, too?" Delilah asked, turning to look at JJ.

"Well, we'd handle it. We'd figure out what would make things right for you and do that," JJ said.

"Even when you know the truth? Every last horrible detail of my childhood? Why I am the way I am?" Delilah said.

"Yes," JJ said. "Delilah, listen to me. You are a part of a family. We love each other and we help each other when we need it. Nothing we learn about you will change the fact that you're our family," JJ said.

"You say that now," Delilah said.

"You don't believe me?" JJ asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No," Delilah said. "Because you don't know," Delilah said.

"Then try me," JJ said.

"No," Delilah said.

"Then you can't say that I don't know. I don't know because you won't tell me and I respect that. You have to respect me when I say that nothing is going to change how we feel about you. Trust me on this one," JJ said quietly.

Delilah looked back at the stars.

"I trust you," Delilah said.

"Then believe me. If you decide to tell us, we're going to stand by your side. I will stand by your side. You are my best friend and I know you better than you think I do. I might not know all of the details, but I know enough. I can help you heal, Lilah. You just have to trust me and let me help you," JJ said.

"It's exhausting," Delilah said.

Her voice was tired, it was confused and it was higher than normal, Delilah's throat burning with the tears her bloodshot eyes were failing to hold back. Her cheeks were wet and her body was freezing, making goosebumps rise on her bare arms and legs.

"Look at me," JJ said.

JJ kept her eyes on Delilah, watching Delilah slowly drag her eyes back to JJ.

"It's not exhausting. Not to me. Not if it's you," JJ said.

Delilah wiped her tears, managing a weak smile at JJ. She looked back at the stars, her smile growing when she realised she could see the moon, too.

"The moon is out," Delilah said, moving closer to the window. "It's a full moon. It's been covered by the clouds all night. I didn't realise."

JJ moved closer to the window, peering up at the moon with a small smile.

"I think you're my moon," JJ said.

Delilah looked back at JJ and tilted her head to the side, a soft smile on her lips.

She knew she was fucked. She knew there was no getting over JJ and no pretending that she didn't love her. She could ignore it, but it was all she could think about when they had moments like this.

Just friends didn't say they were soulmates. Just friends wouldn't act like Delilah and JJ acted. It was moments like this that gave Delilah hope. JJ had to be feeling something or she was a stone cold bitch, or extremely repressed in the closet and in the highest level of denial humanly possible.

But she had to be figuring it out. JJ had to realise that Delilah was the only person she did things like this with. She had to realise that their relationship was a far cry from platonic if you looked at their habits on paper. What best friends basically lived together, shared a bed and cuddled every night?

The best friends that history would deny were lesbians, obviously, but, other than that, there were no best friends that did this without having a romantic connection, too. Delilah didn't know any, at least.

"I think you're my sun," Delilah said.

JJ grinned, cheeks flushed red, standing up and holding her hand out to Delilah.

"Dance with me, moon," JJ said.

Delilah stared at her for a few seconds before she stood up, taking JJ's hand in hers with a matching smile.

"Sí, mio sole," Delilah said, pulling JJ closer to her.

"Is that Italian?" JJ asked, wrapping her arms around Delilah's neck, Delilah's moving to JJ's waist as they started swaying to no music.

"It is," Delilah said. "My dad taught Liv and I. I'm better than Liv, 'cause I had more time with dad while she was studying," Delilah said.

"Tell me something," JJ said.

"Something?" Delilah smirked.

"Anything," JJ rolled her eyes fondly. "In Italian."

"Qualsiasi cosa in Italiano," Delilah said.

"What does that mean?" JJ asked.

"Anything in Italian," Delilah said.

JJ rolled her eyes again.

"Lilah, c'mon," JJ said.

Delilah grinned, moving her hand to take JJ's from around her neck and spin her around, feeling her heart leap when JJ tilted her head back, her messy hair spinning around her tired face, eyes half shut from exhaustion and bliss.

It was beautiful. JJ was beautiful, and Delilah was too far gone. She would never get over JJ, ever. There was no way. There was no one else in the world that would do this with Delilah, would stand by her side no matter how messed up Delilah was, that would be the sun to her moon, that would ask her to dance under the stars in the apartment hallway with no music.

And that in itself was enough to make Delilah want to run, but she didn't. She was happy. She was actually happy and it was all because of Jennifer Jareau, a force of nature that had crashed through Delilah's ribs and made a home for herself in Delilah's heart.

There was no point wasting the moments like this. Delilah would treasure what they had while they had it. After all, the moon had never really had the sun. They orbited around each other, the moon dying so the sun could shine. Maybe it was fate. Maybe it was love or insanity, or both, because love and insanity kind of went hand in hand.

Whatever it was, Delilah didn't care. If falling in love with JJ was a death sentence, Delilah would walk towards the grave with a smile, and that would be that.

"Il tuo sorriso e'il sole della mia vita," Delilah whispered, pulling JJ back towards her.

"What does that mean?" JJ blinked up at her.

"Now, where's the fun in that, huh?" Delilah grinned. "Figure it out. And no cheating and asking Olivia," Delilah said.

"Will you write it down for me?" JJ asked.

"So you can google it? No way," Delilah laughed. "Remember it," she said.

"Say it again," JJ said.

Delilah rolled her eyes fondly, JJ laughing and tugging lightly on the front of Delilah's t-shirt. Delilah looked at her, head tilted to the side as she smiled back at the girl in front of her.

"Il tuo sorriso e'il della mia vita," Delilah said slowly.

"Il tuo sorriso e'il della mia vita," JJ repeated, her pronunciation not bad considering she didn't speak Italian.

Delilah nodded.

"Exactly," Delilah said.

"I got it. I'll figure it out," JJ said. "You ready to try sleeping again? Or do you wanna watch a movie or read, or something?" JJ asked.

Delilah considered it. She couldn't stare at a ceiling, but she wouldn't mind drifting off to sleep with the sound of JJ's voice in her ear.

"Read," Delilah said.

"Go and pick a book. I'll make tea," JJ smiled, squeezing Delilah's hands before heading down the hallway towards the kitchen.

Delilah walked into her bedroom and picked a book off the bookshelf, settling herself in bed on her side. She flicked the lamp on, leaning back against the pillows with a yawn. JJ walked in a few minutes later, closing the bedroom door with her foot, her hands holding two cups of tea.

She handed one to Delilah, putting hers down as she got settled into the bed against the pillows. Delilah took a sip of her tea, then put it down on the bedside table and turned to rest her head against JJ's shoulder. JJ took the book and opened it on the first page, starting to read quietly.

"All children, except one, grow up," JJ said.

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