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"i didn't feel at home in life." - anne sexton

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"How's it going?" Hotch asked, joining Spencer, Derek and Delilah as they flicked through files.

"The unsub's in here somewhere. You gotta bet that the police talked to him in their initial canvass," Derek said.

"Maybe not. Our unsub is a solitary individual. He isn't the type of guy to insert himself into an investigation. Wouldn't it make more sense that he wouldn't have answered the door during the initial canvass?" Spencer asked.

"Neighborhood was crawling with cops, canine units, search and rescues. Make him nervous and jumpy, he'd want to avoid them at all costs," Hotch said.

"So then he couldn't allow anyone into his home to ask routine questions even if the girl was bound or gagged because it'd be too risky," Derek said.

"It's next to impossible to control breathing, speech patterns, body language when the body's under extreme duress," Delilah said.

"Maybe if we compare hotline tips with anyone who wasn't at home during the initial canvass," Spencer said.

"Or didn't answer their door," Derek said.

"We'll find our unsub," Spencer said.

"Let's get to it," Hotch said.

Delilah nodded, moving to the sargeant to get the list they needed.

•

•

"Agent Bellerose?"

Delilah looked up from the file she was checking, seeing one of the officers waving her over.

"Yeah," she said.

"This the kinda thing you're looking for?" he said, holding out a file.

Delilah took it, reading it and raising her eyebrows.

"Derek, Spencer," she said.

"Yeah," they walked over.

"A Mr. Lomax has a neighbor with a green SUV, but he hasn't seen him all day. Says that's unusual. Thought he might have been out of town, but now he sees some lights on over there. 1106 Springfield," Delilah said.

"Where's our canvass sheets?" Derek said. Spencer grabbed them, scanning the list.

"1106. 1100 block. 1106... No answer," Spencer said.

"Let's go talk with Mr. Lomax," Derek said.

"Nice call," Delilah told the officer.

"Thanks," he said. "Good luck."

"Thanks," Delilah said, following Spencer and Derek out of the station.

•

•

"Mr. Lomax?" Derek called as Delilah , Spencer and he walked over to the person who'd called in a tip. "Agent Morgan. Agent Reid. Agent Bellerose. FBI," he said.

"Holy smokes! That was fast," Mr Lomax gasped, walking over from the middle of his lawn.

"Did you call in a tip about your neighbor, Don Curtis?" Derek asked.

"Lives down the street. I saw the news thing, you know? I was thinking... Don drives a dark green Explorer, and he's at the park all the time. I figured like they said on the television maybe he knows something but he doesn't know that he knows it. Know what I mean?" Mr Lomax said.

"Where's his Explorer now?" Delilah asked.

"It's usually in the driveway, but I haven't seen it today. Haven't seen Don either, which is kind of weird. We're always out front talking about the lawns. He never has any crab grass. I don't know how he does it," Mr Lomax said.

"Do you know if he has a dog?" Derek said.

"Used to. A big Golden Retriever. name was Candy. I think she died like 6 months ago," Mr Lomax nodded. 

"Thank you, Mr. Lomax," Derek said, leading the other two away. "I'll phone Gideon and Hotch," he said.

Delilah nodded.

"We'll go and knock," Delilah said.

"Okay," Derek said, watching Delilah and Spencer head towards the house of their potential unsub.

•

•

Gideon, Hotch and Russet hurried over to Delilah, Derek and Spencer about fifteen minutes later, looking at them for an explanation.

"Third house down on the right. We knocked on the door, but nobody's answering. His neighbor said he's definitely in there. He's got a green Ford Explorer in the garage," Derek said.

"Break down the door," Gideon said.

"No. We don't have probable cause," Russet said.

"He's got a green SUV, he had a dog that died recently, he spends time in the park," Derek said.

"Pretending he's not home," Hotch added.

"None of which are illegal. No judge is going to sign a warrant based on that information," Russet scoffed.

"You're weighing the life of a child against the price of a door?" Gideon said loudly.

"I'm weighing the law against the price of a door," Russet said.

"The girl's in the house right now. The longer we stand here, the longer he has to finish her off," Gideon said loudly.

"I'll call a judge. If we go in there without a warrant, all that evidence will get thrown-" Russet pulled out her phone.

"We're aware of the rules of evidence. What do you propose that we do?" Hotch said.

"We tow his car, we impound it, and we search it," Russet said.

Gideon took off towards the door and Delilah cursed, running after him.

"Gideon!" Hotch shouted.

"Gideon, wait a minute! Gideon!" Derek shouted.

"Dude, you need backup!" Delilah yelled, following Gideon up the front yard of the man's house.

Gideon grabbed a bucket off the floor near the window, using it to smash the window open. He started wriggling through, while Delilah sighed and grabbed her gun.

"Derek!" she said.

"Here," Derek said, kicking the door down and storming in. "FBI!" he yelled.

Delilah, Hotch and Russet followed, starting to sweep the place as Gideon hurried out of their sight and down a hallway. Delilah followed, looking into the rooms as she tried to spot any sign of Billie.

"Where is she?" Gideon shouted, pointing the gun at their unsub's head.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he stuttered.

"Where's Billie Copeland?" Gideon asked.

"Please don't hurt me," the man sobbed.

"Gideon..." Delilah said warningly.

"Please! Please put the gun down," the man said.

"Gideon," Derek said from behind them.

Gideon put his gun down, shoving the man down the hallway roughly.

"Get him out of here! Tear the place apart!" he shouted angrily.

Russet grabbed the unsub, dragging him out of the house as Delilah put her gun in her holster and headed towards one of the rooms to start searching for any evidence.

•

•

Delilah sat in front of the TV in the sitting room of the unsub's TV, staring down at the tape in her hand with a frown. She sighed and put it in the player, pressing play.

"Okay, that's... That's our unsub talking. And it's a little kid," Delilah said, pressing pause on the tape and looking at Spencer. "I fucking hate pedophiles," she said.

"Agreed," Spencer said, holding up the laptop. "A lot of deviant photos and cartoon downloads," he said.

Derek looked up from the tapes he was looking at.

"Kids?" he asked.

"Yeah," Spencer said.

"Fucking hell," Delilah sighed.

She stood up, starting to flick through the other tapes and DVD's on the shelves, knowing most of them were probably more child porn.

"How did you decide to go into child crimes before the BAU?" Spencer asked.

"What?" Delilah looked over her shoulder at him, Derek looking up, too.

"Why crimes against children? What made you want to see stuff like this every day?" Spencer said.

Derek turned to look at Delilah, a curious look on his face.

"I didn't want any kid to go through this. It's so traumatic and, at such a young age when their brain is still developing, the trauma shapes them into the adults they become. Thirty five percent of male perpetrators were victims themselves. It'll never disappear, but we can stop it spreading by taking out the root of the problems, the first offenders," Delilah said.

"Ninety three percent of the perpetrators are known to the victim," Spencer said.

"Makes you think, huh?" Delilah said.

"What?" Spencer said.

"You think you know someone," Delilah said quietly, looking back at the tapes on the shelves. "You grow up with them, you've seen them at church or at the store, or in the neighbourhood. You think they're good, that you know them, and then they turn around and traumatise you. You know them, and then you don't," Delilah said.

"You can never truly know anybody," Spencer said.

Derek looked back at Delilah, watching as she twisted her ring around her finger as she stared at the tapes. She had a glazed look in her eye and he know she'd zoned out.

Gideon walked into the room, looking at them for an indication of what they'd found.

"Just as we expected, he has an extensive collective of deviant photos and cartoon downloads," Spencer said.

"Partitioned in separate folders?" Gideon said. Spencer nodded. "Access the internet history. Identify any pornographic sites, shut 'em down," Gideon said.

"I'm uploading to Garcia as we speak," Spencer said.

"Is it all porn?" Gideon took some of the tapes out of Delilah's hands.

"It's a lot of home movies with a bunch of kids in it. This one-you need to see it," Delilah said, turning back to the TV.

She rewinded the tape and pressed play, looking at Gideon.

"No, I don't want to," a little boy said.

"Shh. Remember what I'll do if you tell," their unsub whispered back.

Gideon's jaw clenched and he looked at Delilah. She nodded once, eyebrows raising.

"He's the guy. Just don't know where the kid is," Delilah said.

"Shit," Gideon sighed.

Delilah sighed, putting the tapes down and leaving the room to go and look somewhere else.

•

•

Delilah stood in the hallway of the unsub's house half an hour later, watching Gideon stare blankly at the wall as he sat in the armchair. Russet was watching Gideon, only looking away when Hotch walked into the house.

"Curtis lawyered up," Hotch said.

"Of course he did. That's the first smart thing he's done," Gideon scoffed.

"We broke into his house, and without Billie, we don't have the exigent circumstances. We need to make this stick. We may have to let him go," Hotch said.

Delilah turned around, walking down the hallway with a frown.

They had to find Billie, and they'd searched the entire house and garage. Unless there was a basement.

Delilah headed towards the kitchen, pausing halfway down the hallway and slowly looking up.

A basement, or an attic.

Delilah looked around, seeing a radiator on the wall beside her and a small wooden unit on the wall on the other side of her. Delilah put her hands on the wall, putting one foot on the radiator and pushing herself up to stand on the unit.

She quickly unscrewed the attic door vent, grabbing onto the side of the square and tugging to test how stable it was.

The wood didn't give way under her hand and Delilah nodded, lifting her foot off the wooden unit and putting it against the doorframe. She steadied her converse as much as she could, then pushed off the radiator and pulled herself up halfway through the attic door.

She grabbed onto the wooden beam with her other arm, moving her first arm properly into the room and pushing herself the rest of the way through. She looked around the dark attic, the sound of breathing catching her attention.

She turned around, a small smile spreading on her face when she saw a little girl bound and gagged in the corner.

Billie.

"Delilah?" Hotch called.

Delilah looked down through the trapdoor, smiling at Hotch, Gideon and Russet.

"Found her," she said.

Hotch and Gideon smiled in relief, nodding their approval.

Delilah turned back around, slowly moving towards Billie.

"Hey, Billie," Delilah said. "I'm Delilah with the FBI. I'm here to take you to your mom and dad, okay? You're safe, now. We got rid of the man," Delilah said.

She reached Billie and untied her gag, Billie crying as Delilah moved to untie her wrists.

"I want my mom and dad," Billie cried.

"I know, sweetheart," Delilah said. "They're on their way for you, okay? I'm gonna get you out of here," Delilah said.

Billie nodded and Delilah held out her hand.

"Ready?" she said.

Billie nodded and took Delilah's hand, letting her lead her towards the trap door. Delilah knelt down, looking down at Hotch.

"Ready to grab her?" she said.

"Yeah," Hotch nodded.

"Okay. Billie, I'm gonna hold your hands and you're going to sit on the edge. My friend, Aaron, he's going to grab your feet and help you down," Delilah said, moving to sit opposite Billie.

"You're coming, too?" Billie whispered.

"I'll be right behind you, sweetheart," Delilah said softly.

Billie nodded. She swung her legs into the gab, Delilah holding both of her hands.

"I got her," Hotch said.

Delilah tugged Billie off the edge, holding her hands as Hotch lowered her out of the gap. Delilah let go when he had complete hold of her, swinging her legs over the gap. Hotch moved and Delilah dropped down, landing on her feet and straightening up.

Billie wriggled out of Hotch's arms, taking Delilah's offered hand and clinging to her side. Delilah wrapped her arm around Billie's shoulders, smoothing her hair out of her face as she led her towards the front door.

As they got closer, Delilah saw that several reporters were being held behind police barriers, detectives trying to hide view of the scene as much as possible. Elle, Derek, Spencer and JJ were stood outside on the grass with Billie's mom and dad. Delilah smiled, looking down at Billie.

"Billie, there are a lot of cameras, so I'm gonna cover your eyes. The flashes will hurt if you look at them. Your mom and dad are on the left side of the garden, okay? We'll go straight to them," Delilah said.

Billie nodded. Delilah covered the side of her face with her hand, leading her out of the house and towards the left side of the garden.

Billie's mom and dad let out cries, running towards Billie. Delilah let go of her when they were mostly hidden from view behind one of the police vans blocking the reporters, crossing her arms against her chest with a smile as Billie collided into a hug with her parents.

"Delilah," Gideon called.

She turned around, watching as he walked over to her.

"The attic?" he said.

"I was looking for a basement," Delilah said. "Then I saw the vent and it clicked."

Gideon stared at her for a few seconds before nodding, patting her shoulder.

"Good work today, kid," he said.

"Thank you," Delilah said.

"Good to see you back to your usual self," he said.

Delilah nodded.

"Yeah, I'm a pretty cool person," she said. Gideon chuckled.

"Alright," he said.

•

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Delilah sat on the plane beside JJ, tucked into the corner of her seat as she stared at JJ's poker cards. Derek sat on the seat opposite them, while Spencer and Hotch were in the booth on the aisle next to them, the three of them playing poker, too. Gideon sat on the sofa, while Elle made coffee.

"I got absolutely nothing," Derek said, throwing down his cards.

"Aw, nothing," JJ said, putting her cards down.

"Two pair... Of aces," Spencer said, putting his cards down.

Delilah laughed, JJ rolling her eyes fondly.

"Oh, get outta town! Why you always winning?" Derek groaned.

"Nuh-uh! 'Cause he cheats," JJ said.

"Poker? It's mathematics, it's statistics," Spencer said.

"He's from Vegas," Hotch said.

"House rules," Delilah said.

"There's that, too," Derek said.

"All right, shuffle," JJ groaned, throwing down her cards onto Spencer's table. 

"Hey, Hotch," Gideon said.

"Yeah?" Hotch said.

"Did you send flowers to that tech room girl... Garcia...and say they were from me?" Gideon asked. Delilah smirked.

"Yeah," Hotch nodded.

"Why?" Gideon said.

"Jason, people need to know that they're important, and sometimes you forget that," Hotch said.

"I already sent her a gift. An mp3 player. They last longer. Unless you drop them or the battery dies, whichever comes first," Gideon shrugged.

"So, she got two gifts," Hotch said.

"What if she thinks I'm sweet on her?" Gideon said. Delilah laughed loudly and Gideon chuckled in agreement. "Maybe not, huh?" he said.

"Maybe not," she said.

Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out, opening the message from Liv.

Liv:

how's the case? how are you?

Lilah:

she's back with her parents. i'm tired, but happy. text you when we land x

Liv:

i love you so much x

Lilah:

i love you more x

"Liv?" JJ said quietly.

Delilah nodded.

"Just checking in," she said.

"She's sweet," JJ smiled.

"Wait," Derek said, looking between the two of them. "JJ, you called her Liv. Not Olivia," he said.

"That's what Lilah calls her," JJ said.

Derek studied JJ for a few seconds before gasping.

"You've met Olivia," Derek said.

"You didn't know that?" Elle looked over at him. "Dude, I knew that."

"What? She actually met Olivia?" Derek said.

"It's not a big deal," Delilah held her hands up.

"It totally is! I've known you for a year and five months and you let JJ meet her before me?" Derek said.

"In my defense, it was accidental. Lilah and I walked out together and Liv was waiting in the lobby," JJ said.

"How many times have you met Liv since?" Derek asked.

"Uh... We pretty much walk out together every time, so," JJ looked at the table as Derek groaned.

"So unfair. She would love me," Derek said.

"Exactly why you're not meeting. You and Liv together? Recipe for chaos," Delilah said.

"She's right," JJ said. Hotch and Gideon nodded their agreement.

"So unfair," Derek groaned.

"You'll get over it," Delilah said.

"Not any time soon," Derek sighed.

Delilah rolled her eyes fondly, standing up and stepping out into the aisle.

"I need coffee," she said.

"Oh, I'll come with," JJ started, moving to stand up.

"Hey, I'll go," Derek said, getting up before JJ could. "I want to see what it'll take for me to meet Liv," Derek said, following Delilah down the aisle.

"You could buy me a kitten and I still wouldn't let you meet her," Delilah said, putting the coffee pot on and leaning against the wall.

"So unfair," Derek said.

He leaned against the wall opposite her, staring at her as she got a cup out for herself.

"Coffee?" she said.

"Please," Derek said.

"Coffee, anyone?" Delilah called.

"Me, please," Spencer and JJ called back.

Delilah grabbed the cups and added the sugar people took, turning to look at Derek as she waited for the coffee to boil.

"Why are you staring at me? Admiring my beauty?" Delilah asked.

"Trying to figure you out," Derek said.

Delilah blinked.

"Wow, okay. I thought we banned profiling each other within the team," she said.

"We did," Derek said, dropping his eyes to the floor.

"Just this once, I'll let it happen. What's up?" Delilah relented. Derek kept his eyes on the floor.

"Before, when we were in that house, looking at the tapes. You said you never really know anybody. And it sounded like you had personal experience with someone you thought you knew, but never actually knew," Derek said quietly.

Delilah nodded, turning to pour the coffee in the cups.

"I..." Delilah trailed off, chewing the inside of her cheek as she tried to figure out the least amount of information she could give Derek to ease his mind, while also keeping her secrets to herself.

She sighed and added the creamer, stirring the coffees and then turning to look at Derek again.

"I was never sexually assaulted as a kid," Delilah said quietly, looking down the aisle to make sure nobody was paying attention to them. "But I knew someone who was, and I knew who did it to him. We were just kids and I couldn't do anything to help him because I was in trouble, too. Just not in the same way. I do what I do, specialise in crimes against children, 'cause I don't want anybody to have to feel the pain he did," she said.

Derek looked at her for a few seconds, tears stinging his eyes, before he stepped forward and pulled her into a tight hug. Delilah held onto him, resting her head against his shoulder. She could feel a few of his tears soak into her t-shirt and she pat his back reassuringly.

She knew without him saying anything that he had personal experience with cases like this. She wasn't sure if he was the victim or knew a victim, or knew an abuser, or all three, but she did know that he had a similar pain to the one she still held fourteen years after it all ended.

And Delilah would never ask, would never make Derek tell her anything or try and offer unwarranted advice he didn't need or want, but she would be his shoulder to cry on if he ever needed to be around someone who got it better than the rest of the team did.

"Hey," Delilah mumbled, pulling back from the hug to squeeze his cheeks. "You've got me, alright? Whatever you need, you got it with me. You're not alone," she said.

Derek nodded, looking away as he wiped any evidence of tears off his face.

"You, too, Lilah," Derek said.

Delilah squeezed his hand, then handed him his coffee and Spencer's.

"Order up, hot stuff," she said, grabbing her coffee and JJ's.

The two of them headed down the aisle, Delilah handing JJ her coffee and sitting beside her again, while Derek gave Spencer his coffee and sat opposite Delilah and JJ.

"You okay?" JJ whispered to Delilah.

She nodded with a smile.

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah," JJ whispered back, a matching smile on her face.

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