Chapter XII

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Nico paced back and forth in his cabin, within the span of an hour an entire army of people had knocked on his door trying to get him to talk about his feelings, or as Dean Winchester would say, "Have a chickflick moment."

Another knock sounded and Nico turned to face the door, sighing. The person outside waited a few seconds before speaking, "Nico," it was Leo Valdez, Nico rolled his eyes, Of course. "I just want to talk to you, I don't want to discuss your feelings or anything, I just want to apologize. To your face. So just please open the door." He waited and Nico folded his arms, refusing to speak. "Neeks, I just really- oh, hey!" Leo broke off as Nico threw the door open, fuming.

"Do not call me that."

Leo held up his hands in surrender, "Sorry," he said, scooting past Nico into the cabin. The Italian watched him through narrowed eyes as he gingerly sat on one of the bunks, smiling serenely.

He rolled his eyes and shut the door, folding his arms again, "What do you want?"

Leo rolled his eyes, muttering something about greetings and people being jerks. "I already told you," he said in a louder voice, "I want to apologize. I seriously feel really bad. . . I just slipped up and. . . I'm sorry." He sighed, "I don't even know what to say." He raked a hand through his curly hair, making it even messier than it already was. "It wasn't Will's fault, it was mine. Please don't take it out on him, he's heartbroken."

Nico looked at him, his eyes filled with pain, "I know." He said, his voice sounding hoarse.

Leo's brow crinkled in confusion, "Then why. . .?"

Nico sat down on the bunk across from him, looking at the wall instead of at Leo. "I just. . ." He shook his head. "Please go."

"Nico--"

"Leo, I don't want to talk about it."

"I just want to help."

"How?" Nico asked faintly, Leo came to sit next to him.

"I don't know. . . But I promise I won't tell anyone anything you tell me. . ." He cringed and stood up. "Yeah. . . I wouldn't trust me either, I'm sorry."

Nico watched as he left, he didn't want to be alone but he didn't want to call Leo back either. What would they even talk about besides him and Will if he did? The door clicked shut softly, leaving him alone with his thoughts. He curled into a ball on the bed, hugging his pillow.

The darkness crowded him, seeming to push down physically on him like a living thing. Whispers of insecurities, guilt, accusations, the voice inside his head taunted him ceaselessly, but Nico refused to give in. He turned over on his stomach, covering his head with his pillow and reliving that night in his head.

Nico bolted away from them, his head down in an attempt to hide the tears streaming down his pale cheeks. He shoved people aside and threw the door open, racing away from the building. Oh gods, they know. Everyone knows. He was going to tell them all eventually, but not like this. The fact that they'd known all this time without his consent. . . He shook his head, running faster to his cabin.

"NICO!" Will shouted, he didn't stop.

His boyfriend caught up to him, catching his arm and pulling him against his chest and wrapping his arms around his waist so he couldn't run away. Nico pulled at Will's arms, "Let me go!"

"Nico." Will said, his warm breath stirred his hair, "Please."

The Italian stopped struggling, taking deep breathes, trying to stop crying. Will loosened his grip and turned Nico to face him, wiping away his tears, his clear blue eyes spoke everything he didn't say, telling Nico that everything would be okay, that he'd make sure it was. Nico pulled away, shaking his head. "Just leave me alone."

"Nico. . . I didn't know. Please." He begged.

Nico looked down, "I don't. . ." His voice shook, "I don't want to go out with you anymore." He looked up at Will, taking another step back.

"No." Will whispered, "Neeks, why?"

A lump formed in Nico's throat. "I just. . ." He squeezed his eyes shut, "I can't, okay?"

"You can't what? You can't love me? You can't. . ." Tears brimmed in Will's eyes and he took an angry step back, "Just go, Nico." He spat.

And then he turned, storming towards the Apollo cabin, leaving Nico in the dark. People always left, because he always pushed them away.

"I love you." Nico whispered, but the wind was the only one there to witness his words, blowing through his hair and tossing it into his face, hiding the fresh tears that slid from his tightly shut eyes.

Another knock pulled him out of his thoughts, Nico pulled the sheets around him, trying to block it out. It wasn't anyone's fault but his that they were broken up and no one could help.

I could just go over there. . . He thought, imagining Will's huge grin and welcoming arms, and smiling a little himself. The smile faded, as he remembered Will again, his kind blue eyes filled with hurt and anger, 'Just go, Nico.' There was no way he wanted him back now, not when he had told Will he didn't want to see him anymore, he'd pushed him away. just like everyone else.

No one Nico ever cared about stayed for long, his mother, Bianca, even Percy, although he was over him now, it had still left a pretty big scar on his heart. It wasn't really any of their faults, Bianca and Maria had been ripped from him by the Fates, and Nico had been stupid to develop a crush on the son of Poseidon in the first place. But now he'd lost Will, and that was entirely his fault, despite what Leo thought, all he had done was make Nico realize how afraid of himself he really was. He didn't want anyone to know his sexuality because he didn't want to admit it himself. And it was stupid, so stupid, but that didn't make it any less true. 

After all of this, after telling Percy and Annabeth, after Jason being the first to find out and supporting him through it all, after Reyna and Coach Hedge supporting him as well, after the whole camp knowing and seeming to accept him anyway, and even after Will loving him and knowing that he really did love him too. . . he still didn't want to be different. All Nico had ever been was different, and he was grasping at anything that could make him seem just a little bit more normal. But Nico wasn't normal, and there was only one person he could think of that he hadn't pushed away, or that hadn't left. So he stood up, and stepped into the shadows that blanketed his entire cabin. 

As the familiar rush of Shadow Travel came over him, Will Solace's voice penetrated his thoughts, making him smile despite himself, 'No Underworld-y stuff, doctor's orders.' 

"Sorry, Will." Nico muttered, stepping out of a patch of shadow at camp Jupiter, "But I have to see my sister."

He stepped into the sunlight, blinking against the sudden brightness. It was lunch time for the Twelfth Legion, and the delicious aroma of food wafted over the camp, making Nico's stomach rumble. He hadn't eaten for days and it was finally catching up to him. 

He hurried towards the Mess Hall, where everyone in the Camp was already sat down, talking, and eating. Nico ducked as a pie carried by an invisible wind spirit whooshed over his head and hurried over to the section of the Mess Hall reserved for the Fifth Cohort. Hazel's face lit up as soon as she saw him and she tapped Frank wildly on the shoulder, pointing to him and waving. It was then that Nico finally realized he hadn't told his half-sister about his interest in the opposite gender, but it also occurred to him that the rest of Camp Jupiter didn't know either, and this was the perfect place to get away from his problems for a while. He stood, fighting a mental battle with himself. He could either tell Hazel and try and work out his problems, or he could keep hiding from them like he'd been doing so far. 

He walked towards her, Hazel running to meet him and enveloping him in a hug, and then quickly pulling away, probably remembering Nico's strong dislike of any form of physical contact. "Nico!" she exclaimed, "I was wondering when you'd come." Frank smiled at him from behind her, and Nico gave him a small nod in return. 

"Uhm. . . yeah, I got a bit caught up, I have something I need to tell you. . . in private." he added, looking apologetically up at Frank, who gave him an understanding nod and retreated back to the table. 

"What's up?" Hazel asked.

Nico shifted uncomfortably, trying to figure out how to come out to his sister. Although they'd been born around the same time, Hazel had lived in that time period a lot longer than Nico had and honestly, he didn't remember what people had thought about gays back then, and he probably hadn't even cared at all. Basically, for all Nico knew, Hazel had a higher chance of having very old-fashioned views on the LGBT community and that scared the living schist out of him.

"Nico. . . are you okay?" she asked worriedly, "You look like you've seen a ghost. No pun intended." she smiled a little at her own joke, trying to get Nico to feel better. 

"Er. . . I came here  to tell you that I uh. . . I play for the other team." he said lamely. Hazel stared at him dumbfounded, "Nico. . . I'm not really into sports, you can play for any team you want. . . why couldn't Frank hear this?"

Nico would've laughed if he didn't feel like throwing up, "No, that's not what I meant."

"Oh. . ." Hazel said, her brow furrowing in confusion.

"You know how before, when we were trying to get to know each other better after I pulled you out of Asphodel and you asked me if I had any crushes and I told you I'd had one?"

"Yeah?" Hazel was obviously wondering what this had to do with anything relating to sports.

"And you know how you asked me who she was and I said that was complicated?" Hazel nodded. "Well. . . uhm. . . that's because it wasn't a girl."

"What do you mean it wasn't a--" a look of realization swept over her face, "OOOOHHH!"

This time Nico did laugh, and Hazel stared at him in amazement. "What?" he said defensively, "I can find things funny."

Hazel grinned at him, "Of course you can, now what I want to know is who this boy you have a crush on is." she wiggled her eyebrows. 

Nico shifted again, "Well. . . I uh. . ." he struggled for the right words, "Well, I used to have a crush on. . . uhm. . . Percy." he mumbled his name, but Hazel's mouth dropped open.

"Oh my gods! Really? I mean, not that Percy is bad looking or anything but. . . he doesn't really seem like your type."

"Used." he emphasized, "And you're right, he isn't my type. . ." 

"Then what is?" Hazel asked excitedly.

Tall, blonde, great healer, nice smile, blue eyes, gentle hands, soft lips. . . Will Solace. . . he thought, "Uhm, do you know who Will Solace is?" he asked awkwardly, his insides churning. 

Her brown eyes widened, "The Apollo kid?" Nico nodded. "You like him?!"

He nodded, "We were going out," this earned a gasp from Hazel, "but we broke up. . . three days ago."

She looked shocked, "Oh, Nico! I'm so sorry, why?"

"Uhm. . . well. . ." Nico explained how they had gotten together and how Leo had found out, and then how he had let it slip around camp. Then he relayed what had happened at the party and what had happened afterwards. 

"Oh," her eyes were full of sympathy. "That's terrible. But, there's one thing I don't understand." Dread weighed heavily in Nico's stomach like a stone. "Why did you break up with him?"

I hope I didn't do a terrible job of conveying Hazel's character. . . but I probably slaughtered it, sorry. I would just like to inform you that I do not plan any of this out, so it kind of just happens and I know just about as much as you do about what's going to happen later. . . yay! :D