Avni's POV

"And the award for the businessman of the year goes to Mr. Neil Khanna, MD of Khanna Industries."

The entire auditorium was filled with the sounds of clappings and everyone was looking at the table around which I was sitting with my husband Neil. I plastered a fake smile on my face and hugged him back as he embraced me in his arms as soon as he listened to the announcement. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy about his success but I have forgotten to express my emotions, I haven't smiled since God knows how many days but I can't display my emotional turmoil here as it will tarnish our family's image and today I don't want to hurt Neil in any way as it's a big day for him and he deserves to be happy today. He received the trophy from a reputed businessman and was asked to say a few words about his achievement.

I bowed my head down as I can feel his gaze over me, it was like he wanted some unknown yet known reaction from his wife. He wanted my true smile and happiness that can brighten up his moment. I wanted to react in a good manner but I failed miserably as I can see sadness filled within his orbs when he saw my fake smile. I am not doing it intentionally, I can never hurt him willingly cos I love him more than anything else but I am kinda helpless, I am the victim of some sadistic situations that have disturbed our lives and now we both are living a life full of grieves and frustration.

"I want to dedicate this award to my wife."

My eyes turned glassy when I heard his honest confession, this wasn't counterfeit, it was as pure as the love his heart possess for me but my brain interpreted the line as an ersatz redemption for his past mistakes. My heart knew the love and meaning this line holds but my brain termed it as a publicity stunt for showing the so-called love, he's having for his wife.

"She was with me when I needed someone to listen to me, motivate me, help me. She burnt her nights with me so that I can work peacefully, she was and is always there for me when I needed her. She is the person who deserves every bit of this award. It's incomplete without her just like Neil is incomplete without his Avni."

A teardrop rolled down from my eyes, I would have embraced him within my arms if our relationship was normal at that moment. I shifted my eyes towards the man standing a little far with the trophy in his hands and lots of tears in his eyes, tears of helplessness and guilt. A teardrop traced its path towards his cheek mirroring myself into him as if our souls are the reflections of each other just like our shattered hearts but our brains are the enemies of each other just like the homewrecker who snatched our correspondence and peace.

He came back to me and I observed a small twitch over his lips which can be converted into a wide smile if I give it to the partner he's craving for so long, 'my perfect smile' but I don't have the courage to betray it with my fake smile so it ultimately died its natural death. His eyes which were divulging some hopes before are now covered with the oceans of loneliness and vulnerability. I feel like a bitch by making him go through this mess but I am burning myself internally by hurting him which isn't intentional but these overwhelming emotions are making everything difficult for me. I aspire to be happy today at least for his success but nothing is going according to my will.

Just when I was fighting my inner battle, he pressed his lips against my forehead making me close my eyes in relief that I am still his wife, he still owns my heart but those dreadful memories are making everything difficult for me. He isn't responsible but situations have forced me to barricade myself within rocky walls so that no one can steal my peace.

I opened my eyes and found him asking for sorry not with the help of words but with his eyes which constitute several elements that depict his sufferings and battles. I can feel media clicking our candid pictures, thinking us to be a perfect couple and tomorrow social media is gonna drool over our pics with various captions such as 'couple goals' 'cuteness overloaded' etc. No one knows the reality behind these pics and gestures still everyone will praise our chemistry, indirect sadists.

Getting no reaction from me, Neil entangled our hands and walked me out of the hall, away from paparazzi and overhyped people as he knew very well that I am feeling uncomfortable there. The distance between us has increased still he understands me, loves me, and cares for me and I always serve him with cold treatment and ignorance unintentionally. I want to mend our relationship but the palisades surrounding my broken heart are acting as an opposition force to whatever I actually want and the intensity of my aspiration is not much strong, so it fails to suppress the oppression.

He opened the door of the passenger seat of his car and I realized that we were standing in the parking zone ready to escape this glittery world full of fakeness. As soon as I sat in the car, I felt more empty as now we will move to our deserted house where we both live with a common friend, 'loneliness'. I can feel him staring at me after every five minutes with the hope that I will speak something. These days we don't communicate with each other, actually not we but me. Whenever he tries to start a conversation, I ignore him. Actually, I don't want to hurt him with my words as I know my bottled-up emotions are very venomous and I don't want him to face my wrath.

"Congratulations". I finally managed to speak but it came out very formal. I cursed myself for shattering him with this formal treatment when today he deserves to be pampered by me for his achievement.

I felt a cold wind gush over his bruised heart still he managed to cover his wound with a painful smile for me and mouthed me a, "Thank you", full of affection. I wondered why am I not able to express my love in this way, maybe I have a long way to go. I guess, I need some more time to cope with the situation, after that maybe I can retrace my path towards him.

We soon reached our house and I went to my room without speaking even a single word. I know he was gazing at my retreating figure hoping that I will turn back and throw myself into his arms. Only I know how much I want to do this but one glimpse of him and I am pushed back into those dreadful memories.

I stood on the balcony and was trying to calm down my rapid heartbeats. Guilt and pain were running through my veins. Wow, Avni !! You didn't let him enjoy his big day, you spoiled everything and now he will be crying and cursing himself for everything. Why do I always mess up the situation? Why am I not able to give him a chance? He deserves it, still, I am not able to do so. Why is it happening to me? Why?

I eventually fell down on the cold ground not able to bear the burden of my agonizes and vehemence and let my emotions expose themselves in the form of tears so that I can fix myself. I cried for some time and soon got my composure back when my tears dried up and stained my cheeks with my recent emotional breakdown.

I heard the clicking sound of the doorknob and stood up facing my back towards the door. This is Neil's habit, he would never knock before coming in cos he always makes sure that I am okay and he knows very well if he will knock on the door then I will hide my real emotions and he won't be able to see my real self so he comes into my room without my permission and I am kinda okay with it. He deserves to meet the real Avni as it can help us in making this relationship work.

"Avni, today our families have planned dinner in a restaurant for celebrating my success, I tried to deny them but....."

"No need to justify yourself, Neil, I know you. I will get ready within half an hour."

I didn't let him complete it as I don't want his justifications. I know that he wants to give us some time so that he can mend me. Today, he deserves to be happy and celebrate his happiness with his family so I won't become a barrier here. I know, facing his mother is very difficult for me that's why he always keeps me away from her but I will do it for him.

I felt his footsteps proceeding towards me and soon my petite body was wrapped in his muscular arms. I gasped at this sudden closeness while he buried his face within my shoulder, inhaling my feminine scent and gathering some tranquillity for himself. I tried to push him away but he tightened his grip around me.

"Please Avni let me be with my home for some time. Please."

His voice came out as mere whispers and I felt a sharp pain in my heart. I closed my eyes and again my cheeks were welcomed with warm tears.

"Please Avni don't cry. I can't see you like this."

His voice was broken and I felt a sudden wetness on my shoulder. My tears always trigger his tears as if our broken hearts are pouring their hidden emotions at the same time in the form of tears. It's been 3 months since we are going through this rocky path and every step is increasing our pain and suffering.

"You aren't responsible for whatever happened, still I am not able to forget anything, Neil."

"I deserve to suffer Avni cos you are heartbroken but promise me, Avni, that you will come back home, you will come back to your Neil cos you know that your Neil can't live without you."

"I want to come back but my fears, and insecurities aren't allowing me, Neil."

"I am just waiting for that one chance Avni."

"Hopefully, one day I would be able to give you that one chance."

With that, he turned me towards him and entwined our bodies into a tight hug. I felt peace within his arms and a huge burden was lifted from my heart. We both stayed like that for some time before he walked out of my room leaving me in the pool of our precious memories. I got ready and we both left for dinner.

POV ends

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