Chapter 1
Fiona felt like bricks were being thrown at a high force, hitting her straight in the chest. She felt cracked in half like a saltine cracker split in half before being eaten.
She had never felt this feeling. It was foreign, new, and it was most definitely an unwelcome feeling. Her whole world seemed to just come to a stand still, as cheesy and cliche as it sounded. Her mind wasn't taking in these words that were said to her.
"Fiona?" Martie scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, looking at Fiona. He had a frown on his handsome face, as if concerned. "Did you hear what I said?"
Of course Fiona had heard what he said. She was just taking a moment to keep herself from breaking down in front of Martie. She nods, not trusting her voice. She was afraid it would fail her, like her feelings were.
"Yes," Fiona managed to say once she found her voice. "Yes, I-I heard you."
Martie scanned her like he was scanning an interesting piece of artwork at a museum. "I've been thinking about it for a few days. I didn't take this decision lightly, Fiona, really."
Fiona looked down at her plain hands that were crossed with each other and released them from each other's grip.
"Did I do something wrong?" Fiona asked quietly, silently begging her tears to stay back for a while longer. She was determined not to cry. Not now anyway.
"No," he assured quickly. He ran his hand through his messy brown hair in guilt and frustration. "I..I just..I don't think this can work since I'm going to college all the way in Florida. I know how long distance ends, Fiona, and you know it too."
Martie was right, of course. Fiona would still be in Washington attending her senior year of high school while Martie moved all the way to Florida.
"There's no point in trying to pretend it can work out," Martie went on, tone gentle and comforting. Fiona knew the comfort was for her, trying to assure her that he did not want to end things badly. That he felt what she felt. "If we were to keep on dating a few months, things would get harder."
"I know," Fiona replied in a voice that said otherwise. She tried not to wince at how broken she sounded, how lost she seemed to be.
Martie swallowed, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "This isn't easy for me either. But later in the year I'll be busy with homework and so will you, and we'll both have exams and finals.."
Once again, Martie was right. Fiona said, "It almost sounds like you don't want to break up with me."
"I don't," he sighed, looking tired and defeated. "But I spent days thinking. How could it work when we're thousands of miles away?"
"It's been done before." Fiona was foolish at attempting to change his mind. Martie very rarely changed his mind when he decides on something, so there was really no point. But Fiona still had a go at it. "There's couples who've pulled through."
"Fiona," Martie said in a tight almost forced tone, "my mind. It's made up. We can't be together anymore."
Fiona bit back a sob. Martie was everything to her. He had been her first dance her freshmen year in homecoming. He had been her first date later that same year for a Sweetheart dance. Before summer break he asked her to be his girlfriend, and then kissed her. Her first kiss. They had been together for three and a half years.
"Hey." Martie reached out, as if sensing her sad emotions. "I'm not leaving forever, you know."
Fiona didn't pull away from his touch, despite wanting to hate him. She could never hate Martie, though, she knew. She just wished she could so that she had a reason to be angry with him. A reason to be able to say goodbye easily, without the pain of knowing they'd never be together again.
"But we won't talk as much," Fiona murmured, blinking her now blurry eyes. Tears were building up in loads, making Fiona curse herself for being so sensitive.
"Maybe not," Martie admitted, his hand hesitant and gentle on hers. He lifted her hand and caressed it as though it were a fragile object to be handled with care. "But I won't stop talking to you. I'll always love you, Fiona, even if that love is different than it is now."
"Okay," Fiona managed out, her voice now failing her completely. "I promise to love you forever, too. Even if it's not the same."
Martie smiled at her, reaching out his free hand and brushing fresh tears away from her cheeks. He leaned forward and pressed his warm lips to her own.
The two stood their like that, while Martie still held her hand. This time he had it against his chest. Fiona felt his heart beat in a repeating rhythm.
Too soon, Fiona felt, Martie pulled away from her and looked at her. "I'll call. And write. I promise."
"I'll be waiting," Fiona whispered, not holding back her tears any longer.
"I love you Fiona." He hugs her one last time and kissed her head. "Goodbye."
As he descended from her porch to his car, Fiona whispered, "I love you too."
—
"Miss?" Fiona snaps out of her memories and moved her gaze up from her tea cup to the waitress standing at in front of her.
"Sorry what?" Fiona realized her voice was sad and raspy. Her eyes stung.
"I asked if you were okay," the waitress said, frowning in concern. "You were crying."
"I was?" She brought her thumb up to her cheek and gently brushed it against her skin and when she pulled it away, it was indeed wet with warm tears. "Oh.."
"I can tell you need a pair of ears," the waitress observed, leaning forward with her arms crossed on the back of the chair opposite of Fiona.
"No, it's okay," Fiona said quickly, wiping the rest of her tears, "Really. It's fine."
"I'm on break." The girl pulled out the chair and sat herself down. She was probably around eighteen or nineteen with blonde hair up in a bun. She had clear skin, and a freckled nose. She obviously didn't take no for an answer. "Go on. I'm all ears."
Fiona eyed the girl and released a shaky breath, running her hand through her slightly messy hair. She bit her lip and then found herself telling this complete stranger everything, her feelings, her hopes. The girl was a great listener, not interrupting once during Fiona's talk.
Once Fiona finished talking she caught her breath and used her sleeve to wipe at her runny nose. She was surprised to feel something trickling down her cheeks, leaving cool trails on her cheeks. A hot flash of irritation and frustration stabbed her chest when she realized she was crying again, and furiously wiped her cheeks.
The girl, who had been silent to the point that Fiona forgot she was there at all, spoke up finally, "Breaking up with someone is hard. It's never easy, I'll give you that."
"Well," Fiona said, stirring her tea with distaste for a moment, "he was my first and only boyfriend I ever had. So yeah, this is really hard for me."
"Breaking up isn't something you'll feel forever," she promised softly, a small smile quirking on the right side of her mouth. "Pretty soon you'll be wondering why you cried over it."
"Until then?" Fiona asked, staring down at the black brown liquid in her cup. She pushed it away a few seconds later, her stomach twisting.
The girl used one of her fingers to twirl a silver ring that was rested on her index finger thoughtfully. "Until then just let your emotions take control. After a while you'll realize that it's time to move on."
Fiona watched her twirl her ring. Every once in a while the ring would hit an angle, causing the sunlight to hit silver and create a flash of bright light before disappearing seconds later. "You don't think I should move on now?"
She smiled; a kind, caring smile that made Fiona felt like this person actually cared about how she felt. "Sometimes it's better to let your heart cry. Don't hold back."
"What's your name?" Fiona asked then, not wanting to talk of her breakup any longer.
"Rowan," she told Fiona, flicking a cookie crumb off her shirt. "You?"
"Fiona."
"It's nice to meet you, Fiona." She held out her hand out to Fiona, who took it and gave it a shake.
After pulling her hand away, Rowan asked, "So, Fiona, do you go to school here?"
"I'm a senior in high school, now," she replied with a slight nod of her head.
"Really? I'm a freshman at the college." Rowan cocked her head curiously and patted her hair.
"Really?" Fiona smiled a little bit at her. Rowan seemed more like a junior instead of a freshman. "That's cool."
"Yeah," Rowan agreed, chuckling, rubbing her arms a little bit. Looking closely, Fiona noticed she had little bumps sprouting along her creamy arms.
"You're cold," she noted, tilting her chin to Rowan's arms in slight amusement.
Rowan grins at her cheekily. "Lou likes to keep the shop colder than Antarctica in here." She glanced behind her.
A slender, short older woman walked up behind Rowan with her hands on her hips and her eyebrows raised. "And maybe," the grey-brown haired woman said slowly, "you should get back to work or I'll ship you off to Antarctica and see how you like the cold there."
Rowan smirked slightly, snickering under her breath and rolling her eyes at Fiona before turning to Lou and replying sweetly, "Okay, Lou."
"See ya later," Rowan told Fiona, getting up off the chair. She brushed her hands on her jeans, stretching.
"Bye." Fiona went back to her tea.
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