꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦

Even if I have overcome the previous incident from the other chapter, I had trauma and the mindset of being perfect, flawless, and to always come up with new identities and personas for myself.

If something didn't go right, I would heavily scold myself and strive to do it better or change something so I was seen as someone who was flawless. I wanted my image, even if it was a lie, to be as perfect as possible.

As I delve deeper into my understanding of myself, I realized that my perfectionism was not just about achieving flawlessness, but also hiding my true self. I was wearing a mask of perfection to conceal my imperfections and vulnerabilities. While doing so, it made me come up with fake personas to be, faking my true identity just so people would like me more.

It's a cruel punishment to one's self, but unfortunately some people are like this. People who are cruel can shape a person to act differently online to try and stay out of conflict in the future. This can negatively impact someone's way of thinking and even their own choices. Words and actions do hold meaning even if it's being said online, you don't know how they can truly impact a person's life.

When circumstances call for it, choose kindness instead of being mean, unpleasant, or bullying others because you believe they have done something wrong. Talk things out, be mature, and always be polite to others. If someone is still being unpleasant or difficult, learn to block and report them so you can remove them from your life. Ignore their taunts and critical demeanors if they continue to pursue you. Individuals such as these are not worthy of your time, attention, or breath.

It's a hard maturity to undertake, but once achieved you'll feel a sense of control of who you allow into your life, and who needs to be removed from it. It's a sense of growing up, while also being able to better judge those around you.

As I came into this understanding, I discovered this mask was not only exhausting to maintain, but also prevented me from forming genuine and meaningful connections with others. I was so focused on presenting a perfect image that I forgot how to be authentic. Even forgot to just be myself and not live in a lie while presenting to everyone else that I'm living in a lie. (Disclaimer: I am not living in a lie at this current time, I have been working on myself to show my true self and not hide behind fake personas or identities).

The pressure to conform to societal expectations had become overwhelming. I felt like I was living in a constant state of performance, always trying to impress others even if it made me feel like I was living in a lie.

Even though my writing was more of a hobby than a serious endeavor, I only wanted to be accepted so that others would support and like me. In spite of the fact that I was lying about who I really was, I still wanted people to like and approve of me even though this failed time and time again.

But the truth was, I was struggling to keep up with the fabricated lie. I was struggling to keep up the act, to maintain the facade. I ultimately suffocated under the weight of it all.

And one day, I realized that I had a choice. A choice to decide a better fate for myself than the fate I was trying to maintain.

This choice was that I could continue to wear the mask and suffer in silence, or I could take a chance and reveal my true self and stop living in a lie which was hurting my well-being.

As I made my choice, I decided that it was time to reveal my true self. And just see what happens when I don't live in a lie with who I am.

So far, I saw amazing, positive outcomes.

But with choosing this path, it wasn't easy to maintain it. Which I knew it wouldn't be. It was much easier to be fake and fake a persona than it was to just be myself. But I started to crack open the door to vulnerability. I began to share my fears, doubts, and imperfections with trusted people who I associate myself with in real life.

And you know what? The world didn't end. It didn't crumble into a pile of rubble, there was no hailstorm that came through, no volcano that exploded, it didn't wipe out the entire population of all life.

Nothing.

Everything was fine. Life went on as normal, no natural disasters happened.

In fact, the opposite happened. People began to resonate with me on a deeper level. People seemed to understand where I was coming from and gave me their honest thoughts and opinions. Some even gave me helpful advice to help me heal from the perfectionism I was held under.

I came to the realization that my imperfections and vulnerabilities were not weaknesses, but strengths. They made me relatable, human, and authentic.

I learned to embrace my quirks, flaws, and imperfections, and in doing so, I found freedom. Freedom to be myself, to express my true self, without apology or pretension.

The mask of perfectionism was slipping away, and I could breathe again. I could live again with peace of mind knowing I overcame the darkness that resided within me for too long. Poisoning my mind into thinking, just because one incident happened, that it changed my perspective of others and made me fake my identity to hide from problematic people or to be more accepting to everyone around me online. This toxic way of thinking only made me become more hated among those that found out about my past, with past negative actions.

This poisoned my ability to succeed in what I was trying to accomplish, but what I should have been accomplishing was trying to be myself, stop worrying about what others thought of me and focus on just myself, no one else.

It's a very hard lesson to learn, even a big one to overcome, but slowly and surely I am doing my best to overcome this harsh brutal reality of myself.

But as I looked around myself, I saw that I was not the only one alone. Others were struggling to maintain their own masks, their own perfect images.

Some of those people were either struggling with the same thing, or struggling with something else in order to keep their perfectionism masks up, shielding their true identities to the world.

I think we can, together, create a world where imperfection is celebrated, where vulnerability is strength, and where authenticity is the norm.

Let's all take off our masks and be our true selves. Let's embrace our imperfections and live with courage and vulnerability.

Let's own our quirks and flaws and make them our superpowers.

Let's create a movement of imperfection, a revolution of authenticity.

Together, let's take the first step towards a more imperfect, more vulnerable and more authentic world.

In the end, I was able to show off my own feathers instead of living in someone else's shadow or fabricated lie.