I AM ALIVE!

I'm truly sorry for taking so long, I have a million excuses but that's what they are, excuses. I think the real one is that as I work in IT and spend all of my day on front of the computer, I don't even wanna open my laptop after that.

However! Tonight while I was waiting for a deplyment I decided to finish this chapter! (thanks to a lovely girl who messaged me on Instagram about the story and made me remmeber I had it there halway).

I appreciate every single one of you who is still waiting and I'll try to update more often, at least use these moments where I have to wait a long time in front of the computer.

That being said, I leave you all with this chapter I hope you enjoy.

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             Jinyoung forgets whatever was in his mind, pushing it to whatever corner is in there and he just focuses on the moment. It's not their first kiss, not even on that day, but it feels different somehow. Maybe it's due to how tightly Jaebeom is holding him, as if he couldn't endure having him apart in the slightest. Or maybe it's how Jinyoung feels he's melting and burning at the same time, holding on to the older man to stay on his feet. Or maybe, just maybe, it's because Jaebeom is the one kissing him and it feels like he's pouring his whole soul and longing in that contact.

Jaebeom pulls back just enough to break the kiss, but immediately after he pecks Jinyoung's lips, slowly pulling back to do it again, from another angle. And again, and again. The young man feels like something is alive inside him, fluttering and making him all tingly and with a strong desire to just burst out giggling at the series of cute pecks Jaebeom is stealing.

Finally, the older man just pulls him in a hug, tight and secure, and Jinyoung just lets himself be wrapped by the other man's warmth and kindness.

"You're gonna get a cold if you go out like this, Jinyoungie," Jaebeom points out and Jinyoung only notices then he never picked up a jacket before leaving the house and it's late and cold in the middle of the night. Winter might be close to its end, but it's still biting cold.

Like taken from a cliché daytime drama, Jaebeom moves only to open up his jacket, trying to wrap Jinyoung inside as well with the excuse to keep him warm.

"You've really lost a lot of weight," the older man murmurs and Jinyoung holds his tongue instead of pointing out he wouldn't know. It's time to leave those worries behind. "Did you have dinner?"

"I don't think so..." Jinyoung answers, honestly not remembering what he was doing before Jaebeom called him. It feels so distant now standing with the older man.

"Okay, I'm taking you to eat something and keeping you warm. I don't want you to get sick. Let's go. My treat."

"Are we getting meat then?" Jinyoung asks, smirking and watching Jaebeom's reaction very closely.

The older man's smile widens and there's a relieved sigh, as if he was really glad Jinyoung was actually asking for food.

"Whatever you want," he answers, pulling back and removing his jacket just to wrap it around Jinyoung's shoulders next. "As long as it's close by."

One of the most wonderful things about South Korea is how easy it is to find an open restaurant regardless of the hour of the day. You don't have to walk much through the streets of Hapjeong to find some bar or small business with the sign open for them to enter.

They find a cozy bar that promises many good and classic things, with just a few groups and still two or three tables available. Its lights are dimmed, on the TV screens there's a variety show. Jinyoung recognizes Two Days One Night but doesn't pay much attention to it. Jaebeom guides him to a table close to the left wall, with fewer people around. There are four barrel stools, the ones you lift the seat to put your belongings inside. It's warm inside, with all the food, people and heating, but the young man doesn't want to take off Jaebeom's jacket. It just feels right to wear it.

They sit and although there are a total of 4 stools, Jaebeom decides that he needs to take the one next to Jinyoung and it doesn't go unnoticed for the younger one how their knees stay in touch and how Jaebeom can't drop the smile. And if the ache in his own cheeks is of any indication, neither can Jinyoung.

For a while they just focus on what to order, reviewing the menu and considering what's the best option, even looking around to see what other people are eating to see if that looks good. They settle for a stirred fried chicken with some vegetables and cheese, loads of cheese, served with a portion of white rice for each. The food comes in a large pan that's put in the middle of the table that obviously has its personalized stove to finish cooking the food and also keeping it warm.

"Do you want something to drink? Soju? Beer? Cola?" Jaebeom asks, realizing in that moment they only have the service water the restaurant always supplies with.

Jinyoung takes a few seconds to think about it, he hasn't had a drop of alcohol in months. To be honest, he never was much of a drinker, and he'd be too embarrassed if for that reason he gets drunk if he were to have like a beer with Jaebeom.

"Just a cola is fine," he finally replies and Jaebeom nods before pressing the bell button to call the waiter and request for a beer and a cola.

With their drinks they can start eating and that distracts them from talking for a bit. The younger man cannot think of a topic to carry on the conversation so he focuses on grabbing a piece of chicken and wrap it in melted cheese.

"So," Jaebeom begins, thankfully, because it was starting to get awkward. "What are you doing now? Any hobbies? A goal?"

"Aside from trying to not go insane and fighting the dark thoughts, you mean?" His sarcasms always comes before he can even think of what to really say.

"Yeah, those are basic functions, aren't they?" Jaebeom smiles, not even flinching at the sharp tone in Jinyoung's words. "Something that helps you to not go insane?"

Jinyoung laughs, in that way that's not actually laughter but just exhaling through his nose, not quite snorting but just loudly exhaling.

As fast as it's progressing, it seems that what they are starting is serious and Jinyoung cannot deny how attracted he is to the older man, the way he makes him feel. And if Jinyoung listens to what he really wants, he can hear loud and clear that it is Jaebeom. And for that, he must be sincere.

"I... more than something I'm doing it's something I want to do," he starts, feeling quite nervous to expose the next thoughts that are really heavy on his conscience. "I want to apologize to the people of the accident I caused." Jinyoung looks down, rounding his shoulders, unconsciously trying to become smaller. He cannot see Jaebeom's reaction, but as their knees are in touch, he can actually feel the older boy tensing.

After feeling that, Jinyoung has to look up and read Jaebeom's expression, but the other boy is not moving, he's somewhat frozen on the spot, not even moving the chopsticks in their food.

Until he finally speaks: "Why exactly do you want to apologize?"

Accepting he cannot figure out why Jaebeom reacted that way, he just answers.

"Because it was my fault," he shrugs and then picks another piece of chicken and cheese but instead of taking it to his mouth, he puts it on Jaebeom's portion of rice, which helps to make him move and eat again. "I know people were really hurt, not just me. I already found the truck driver and he lost his job because of the accident. Now he's selling teokbokki in the streets."

"Not to sound mean or anything, but don't you think it'll just bring back the pain from that experience? If you suddenly show up to apologize? It won't change anything for the truck driver, technically speaking"

He knows, Jinyoung really knows Jaebeom doesn't mean to hurt him with his words, he is being practical and logical. Nevertheless, it hurts. He feels judged and it's a bitter taste in his mouth.

"I... I thought... I don't know, don't you sometimes just need to hear an apology? Nothing will change, practically speaking, but maybe a weight will be lift."

"From their shoulders or yours?" Jaebeom asks, turning to look at him and Jinyoung cannot look away, he's trapped.

For whom? Seriously? Who gets the more benefit from the apology? The truck driver who had his lift turned upside down or Jinyoung, who feels heavy with the weight of guilt for what he caused?

"Me, primarily," Jinyoung confesses, still looking inside Jaebeom's dark eyes. And because he's paying such close attention, he doesn't miss how the older boy's mouth curves into a smile, a small one.

"That's still valid," he comments. "But bear in mind that it might cause damage and that will bring you more guilt."

Jinyoung hadn't thought about that and now that Jaebeom mentions it he feels dread and fear settling in his guts. He doesn't want to hurt the truck driver any more, he already caused so much damage.

"But," Jaebeom speaks again, looking away just to take a piece of chicken with cheese in his chopsticks and bring it in front of Jinyoung, nodding so the young boy will open his mouth. Looking everywhere to make sure no one is staring at them, and yet still blushing, Jinyoung parts his lips to receive the food Jaebeom is offering. "If that's what you want to do, I'll support you and even go with you next time. I'm assuming you tried already but couldn't actually apologize."

The younger boy blushes even more, causing Jaebeom's smile to widen in amusement.

"It's not easy," he excuses himself.

"Oh, I'm sure, that's why I'm offering myself to be your moral support. If you want it."

"I'd appreciate it," Jinyoung accepts, not just because he needs the support, but just as another excuse to spend time with Im Jaebeom.

"Great," he comments, focusing again on the food but for himself this time. "And out of curiosity, have you found the other people involved in the accident?" As he says that, Jaebeom fails at grabbing the food, it slips through his chopsticks a few times as if he was too nervous.

"No. To be honest I'm really scared to look more into the woman that was in the car. I was told she was also in a coma, and I don't know if she woke up."

"Hmmm," Jaebeom mumbles, finally getting the piece of chicken and eating it. "If she's awake, do you wanna apologize to her as well?"

"In theory yes," he replies. "But I'm not sure if I'll be brave enough when I see the consequences in her life."

Jaebeom nods, chewing his food carefully. "Step by step. You can figure that out when it's time. For now you already made the decision to apologize to the truck driver."

"Yes," is all what Jinyoung replies, focusing on the food as well.

They continue eating in silence for a few more minutes until Jaebeom brings up another completely unrelated topic: chicken. It turns out it's his favourite food, and he likes it in every possible way but fried is the best version. That leads him to ask what Jinyoung's favourite food is, but he doesn't really have one, or he's never thought about picking one. That's not a surprise considering he doesn't find joy in many things and he's lived without a passion.

"Well, it seems we will have to do a food tour or something until you decide which one is your favourite food," Jaebeom declares, his voice inflection doesn't give room for argument.

"Why?" but Jinyoung still tries.

"Because it's important."

"Why?"

Jaebeom smiles, somehow finding amusing Jinyoung's childish stubbornness.

"Because when you're having a bad day, eating your favourite food really helps. And when you're having a great day, it makes it even better," the older man explains.

"So it's always a good time to eat your favourite food?"

"Technically, yes. But I think it's best to leave it for those moments and enjoy other foods in the occasions that don't fit into those categories."

"Then why are you eating chicken tonight, uh?" Jinyoung questions, just trying to tease the other man.

"Because it's a great day for me," Jaebeom replies easily. "We went on a date, you kissed me and I'm here with you right now. Obviously I'll eat my favourite food on this day."

Jinyoung cannot help blushing again when Jaebeom mentions how he kissed him earlier that day, and at the same time he feels that knot sensation in his guts.

"Don't be so corny," Jinyoung mutters, bumping shoulders with the other man.

"Oh, if it makes you blush like this you're doomed, I'll continue being corny," he laughs and Jinyoung gasps, fake offended at Jaebeom's cruel intentions.

"You only look like a good person but you're a masochist, aren't you?"

"Why are you asking? Are you into BDSM?" Jinyoung really didn't see that coming and he gasps surprised at the turn of the conversation, which obviously makes Jaebeom laugh out loud.

"Yah!" he exclaims, his face burning with embarrassment. "I didn't mean it like that."

"It's fine of you are, no shame, Jinyoungie," Jaebeom winks, visibly trying so hard not to laugh again.

"You're impossible!" he huffs, not understanding how Jaebeom can turn around his own jokes so easily, ending up teasing him instead and making Jinyoung completely flustered.

Without thinking and just to swallow his embarrassment, Jinyoung grabs Jaebeom's glass of beer and drinks a large sip. It helps with the heat he's feeling, but it certainly won't help to stop making him say things that Jaebeom will turn against him.

However, in all honesty, Jinyoung doesn't mind at all.