As work is very slow this week, I managed to write this between dead times. I hope you enjoy it! It was fun to write.

Also, thank you so much for your concern and support. Things seem to be slightly moving forward, hopefully we'll have a whole new constitution soon and we expect a dignified lifestyle for everyone.

Bel, xx

∞

      Maybe Jinyoung should stop taking all the drugs prescribed by his psychiatrist and just drink. Drink and spend time with Im Jaebeom. He feels light and giddy, happier than he's been in years and he likes feeling that way.

They walk together, Jinyoung's arm around Jaebeom's, very close to the point to make their steps a bit difficult, but it's no problem when they have to stop at some red light, because then the younger man leans his head on Jaebeom's shoulder and sighs happily. His companion doesn't say much and seems a bit tense, but he can't bring himself to pull away.

When they are waiting for the street light to change, Jinyoung focuses completely on the man next to him, so incredibly handsome yet somehow so cute. He has this urge in his guts to pinch the other man's cheeks, as if to confirm he is real. He does not realize he actually does that until Jaebeom is staring at him with wide eyes and Jinyoung's fingers still pinching his cheek.

"What... are you doing?" he asks, not moving an inch even if the light has changed.

"You're so cute, and your cheeks are pinch-able. I couldn't help it," Jinyoung shrugs, releasing the other's man attacked cheek and watching how he starts chuckling. "Sometimes you don't seem real," he continues, leaning more onto Jaebeom, so that the older man has to turn his body and receive Jinyoung in his arms. "And with the light shining from behind you look more ethereal."

"You sound very infatuated with me," Jaebeom teases, but Jinyoung doesn't miss the way the older man is running his hands soothingly up and down his back, and that is too distracting.

"Hmmm it seems so," he doesn't deny it, melting in Jaebeom's arms.

"Ah, Jinyoungie, don't be like this," the other man groans ever so softly. "I'll want to kiss you if you keep snuggling to me."

Jinyoung holds his breath, feeling his heart-rate speeding up. "Okay then," he whispers, nervous.

Unsurprisingly, Jaebeom tenses and stops moving, Jinyoung thinks the other man has even stopped breathing before the arms around his body tighten and pull him closer. He looks up, right into Jaebeom's eyes, without being able to read what he's thinking of feeling, there's too much going on in his head in that moment.

"Ah Jinyoungie," Jaebeom breathes out. "You're more drunk than I thought."

"Not enough to not know what I want," Jinyoung refutes, feeling in his body he wants this, like it's been too long even if it's never happened before.

"Enough to not regret it when you're fully sober?" Jaebeom looks in pain, like saying that is hurting him.

Jinyoung can't answer. He's sure the moment he's alone with his thoughts in his own darkness, away from Jaebeom he'll regret how much he's leaning on the older man, how much he's taking just to feel better. How he's using Jaebeom.

Of course he'll regret.

Does that mean he want this any less?

Jaebeom doesn't wait for him to make his mind, and pulls away. "I thought so. Ask me to kiss you when you're sure you want it and won't regret it."

For a second Jinyoung stays there, standing as Jaebeom walks past him to cross the street, feeling incredibly disappointed but at the same time surprised, and slightly rejected. Jinyoung had this idea that Jaebeom was super into him, even if it was all crazy fast, but when the opportunity to kiss him comes, the older man steps away.

"Let's go," Jaebeom calls out before Jinyoung's mind can come up with darker thoughts and go deeper into the older man's rejection.

Jinyoung's hand is grabbed and he's suddenly being led forward to cross the street. His eyes fix on how Jaebeom intertwines their fingers and holds his hand so casually after rejecting him.

They don't say anything else as the older man guides them to a park by the Hangang, Jinyoung is actually sulking and having all sort of thoughts, between feeling rejected to trying to convince himself Jaebeom was only being considerate and telling himself he shouldn't feel disappointed, it's all too soon.

But that is the biggest problem. Logically, he knows that it's been a couple of days since he met Im Jaebeom, but when they are together it feels like so much more, like they've known each other for months if not years. He feels comfortable and stable, and impossibly drawn to him.

Is it normal to feel like that? Does it happen to other people?

It doesn't even feel like they are rushing things! It's so upsetting to know something that doesn't align with what he feels.

"Jinyoung," the other man calls and only when that happens does Jinyoung realize they've arrived to the riverside and they have stopped walking. "Are you upset?"

He looks up and meets Jaebeom's eyes, who looks worried but also slightly upset himself. It makes him feel guilty so he looks away.

"No," he says, watching people on their bikes taking a ride, couples walking by, old citizens doing their exercises. He's watching anything but Jaebeom.

"Then why are you avoiding me? You're not meeting my eyes," Jaebeom accuses him and Jinyoung shuts his eyes. "Is it because of what happened earlier?"

Jinyoung tries to step back, releasing Jaebeom's hand but the other man holds on tighter, pulling him closer.

Why is Jinyoung such a weakling?

"Look at me," the other man says, imperative and in a serious voice.

That is exactly what Jinyoung does, feeling so nervous under Jaebeom's gaze, so intense, his heart already racing and his palm sweating. The older man should really let go of his hand, it's getting gross.

"Do you want me to kiss you?" He's being a hundred percent serious, his eyes and his voice show it clearly and Jinyoung feels his stomach tied in a thousand knots.

"I... I want you to want to kiss me," he whispers, feeling incredibly silly about it, exposed.

Jaebeom sighs deeply, closing his eyes as he leans forward and raising his hands to hold Jinyoung's face. For a heartbeat the younger man freezes and panics, not knowing what do with his own hands. But Jaebeom doesn't kiss him, he only presses their foreheads together, the tip of their noses brushing and being so close Jinyoung can't focus on anything.

"You're torturing me, Jinyoungie," Jaebeom speaks softly and Jinyoung closes his eyes, falling into some spell. His hands hold onto Jaebeom's sides, gripping the sport jacket he's wearing. "Of course I want to kiss you, so much." Jinyoung trembles, he feels the tremor going down his spine. "But I don't want to ruin things by rushing it."

Maybe it's not Jinyoung that's melting but his brain, he can't really think and whatever his mind says, it's immediately drown under everything else he's feeling. Overwhelming and confusing, but deep inside something is telling him this is right, Jaebeom is right.

He doesn't say anything, he could persuade Jaebeom it's all right, as long as he doesn't disappear afterwards and they continue moving forward it doesn't matter the pace. He could say so many things, but instead on uttering words he just moves closer, tilting his head to the right and surprising Jaebeom when he is the one actually kissing the older man.

A kiss can be described in so many ways, it can happen so differently every time. This kiss surprised Jaebeom but they stay still, unsure and nervous, just their lips touching. It's Jinyoung who parts his lips, lighting up some sparks, and when he does he can hear Jaebeom sighing before kissing him back, still holding his face but more firmly this time.

Jinyoung melts.

In that moment, in Jaebeom's arms and as they kiss softly and gently, Jinyoung feels like gravity has stopped working and the only thing holding him in place is Jaebeom. He had never felt like the world disappeared around him, but in that moment only they exist and everything is all right, everything is in the right place.

The oddest thing about kissing Jaebeom is that although it feels new and so exhilarating, there's something familiar. It almost feels as having again something he's missed for so long.

They pull apart, slowly and attentively, watching the other one's reaction and Jinyoung is almost blinded by the way Jaebeom smiles at him, still holding his face, a thumb caressing his cheek tenderly.

"We didn't say anything about me kissing you," Jinyoung shrugs, trying to be cheeky and watching Jaebeom chuckle before pecking his lips another time.

"So sneaky," the older man comments. "What am I gonna do with you?"

"Buy me food? You said you would," he reminds him and Jaebeom laughs out loud, stepping back and releasing his face but soon taking Jinyoung's hand in his.

"Okay, let's go," Jaebeom agrees, leading the way again and Jinyoung can't stop his own grin, feeling giddy with all the butterflies in his stomach.

It's only when they turn around that Jinyoung notices the way elders are watching them, and some other passerby people. Their expressions are curious and somewhat disgusted, some people point and whisper between them. It's highly uncomfortable and it makes him feel incredibly self-conscious. He is not in the closet neither is he ashamed of his sexuality, he came out long ago and dealt with it. That does not mean it doesn't hurt when people point at you and whisper, clearly rejecting who you are.

Jinyoung takes a look at Jaebeom to see him tense and a bit uncomfortable as well, clearly noticing people's attention after their display of affection. He does not where it comes from, but there's this instinct to protect Jaebeom, so he squeezes the older man's hand, calling out for his attention and when he turns to meet his eyes, Jinyoung smiles so brightly and happy, like he's never done before, bumping shoulders and speeding up to lead the way himself.

"I'm really hungry, it's gonna be expensive for you," Jinyoung talks, making sure to keep Jaebeom's attention so he won't notice how people stare at them.

"Why do I have to pay?" Jaebeom counteracts. "I did last time."

"You said you'd feed me because I'm drunk! In broad daylight! How scandalous."

"Are you? Are you sure you didn't sober up by now and you're using it as an excuse to take advantage of me?" Jaebeom smiles, only joking but so into their banter.

"Me?" Jinyoung gasps, flabbergasted, doing his best acting. "I could never do that, I'm still inebriated." On cue he trips and watches Jaebeom stereotypically rushing to hold him in place. He has to contain his laughter. "See? I can't be left alone."

"Clearly," Jaebeom chuckles, his eyes brighter and Jinyoung is satisfied.

"I want a lot of sweets, but also I'm really craving fries. Can we get a bit of everything? Or what if we get some beer and get more drunk?" Jinyoung speaks animatedly, walking backwards but Jaebeom is still holding one of his hands, helping him to not fall and crush his skull. "Is it too early?"

"I still can't believe you accepted wine from the parents," the older man laughs.

"I'm a legal adult, I can drink wine with the parents," Jinyoung defends himself. "Plus it was super expensive and good wine. I had never smelled something like that."

"I wouldn't know, you drank it all yourself." The way Jaebeom squints his eyes is so amusing.

"You were working! No time for drinking, hyung," he points out, trying to sound stern.

Jaebeom rolls his eyes and Jinyoung laughs, turning around to look in front of them and find somewhere to buy some food. His eyes scan the surroundings, but not his close proximity. After he spots a café, he looks in front of him to see three girls standing still in front of them. One of the girls looks in shock and angry, glaring at him. She's familiar, ultra-skinny, long black hair, lips that are exactly like Jinyoung's, eyes of the same shade of dark brown.

"Noona," Jinyoung whispers, out of breath, frozen.

"Jinyoung..." she scoffs, so disapproving. Jinyoung can see there's rage in her eyes, and she's holding back. "I didn't know you got a boyfriend." The way she looks at Jaebeom is so cold, he feels the need to step in between his sister and the older man. "I can't believe you, you're always just acting."

"I'm not... I—" he doesn't have the words, he doesn't even know exactly what she means.

"You're such a fake," she spits, hooking her arm with one of the other girls and starting to walk past them.

Jaebeom moves and blocks her way, looking dead serious, intimidating and even scary. Jinyoung sees his sister stepping back, nervous.

"Excuse me, I don't know who you are," Jaebeom starts, his voice so low, hands in his pockets now making his shoulders look even broader, and he is stepping forward, threateningly. Jinyoung is shocked at how different he looks. "But you won't talk to Jinyoungie like that. I won't let you."

"You have nothing to do with this!" Haeyoung shouts, furious with Jaebeom. "I'm his older sister and I know him better than you do. He's all fake, he just wants attention!"

"Attention and acceptance are not the same thing, so don't insult him or get him wrong. You might be his sister but you're terribly wrong about him."

Jinyoung is too shocked to utter words. Never in his life had someone stood for him, he just accepted what Haeyoung had to say about him time and time again, he even thought he deserved her anger and resentment for being and feeling the way he does. But here Jaebeom is, someone who barely knows him, defending him against his angry sister as if he really knew Jinyoung better.

And as Jaebeom grabs his hand to lead him away from his sister and her toxicity, Jinyoung realizes that's the point of no return: He's free falling for Im Jaebeom.